(written late on the eve of Davids 1st birthday)
I can’t remember what I was feeling last year on the night before I had David. My family was in town, and my mom was a little under the weather, so I think I was probably focusing on her getting better.
I don’t remember being nervous or anxious about anything. And perhaps that is because I had no idea what was in store for me.
If you haven’t read this blog for long, you may not know that it took Justin and me about 14 months of trying to get pregnant with David. While those were easily the most challenging months of my life, particularly when it came to relinquishing “control” to the Lord, I can see now how valuable they were in teaching me about faithfulness, persistence in prayer, and a general shift from “what I want when I want it” to what God has for my life.
The day I learned that I was pregnant will forever be ingrained on my soul. I wrote about it here, but it can also be best described as putting on noise canceling headphones in the middle of a crowded city street. As I held up the pregnancy test, and saw the 2 pink lines, silence and focus surrounded me as I absorbed this incredible news.
The noise of e-mail, to do lists, grocery shopping, etc, had all gone away, and I stood in front of the mirror, with my hand over my heart, and mouthed the words, “I’m pregnant” through the massive smile that had spread across my face.
It was rather unbelievable, given the months of negative tests leading up to that point, but it only took about 3 minutes before I went in to total “first time pregnant” mode and began to google everything. What can I eat? What cleaning products can I use? What prenatal vitamin is best? And the list goes on.
My pregnancy was a dream. Sure, I was sick in the beginning, but I’d still say I had an easy pregnancy. I’m thankful for that. And the scheduled c-section was a smooth process as well. I loved being pregnant, and am thankful to be pregnant again!
Motherhood, while deeply challenging at times on levels I didn’t know existed, has been an incredible gift. I am truly humbled that I am able to experience being a mom, particularly after learning of so many women that, despite their desire and greatest efforts, sometimes travel quite a journey to get there.
It was so hard for me to celebrate friends or even loose acquaintances on their pregnancies when Justin and I were trying to conceive. And when I shared about our struggle, I was overwhelmed with the response from so many of you that had been there, or were praying, or had just come out of a tough time of trying. And I thought, “Well this is why I blog. To connect with women that I would not otherwise meet, and be able to understand each other on an intimate level.”
And so many of you have kept in contact, and followed up through e-mail, and I just feel so richly blessed by that. The kind comments on my “david wednesdays” posts mean so much to me. I just sit at my computer with cat hair on my pants, writing about lipstick or a sweater you need to check out, but so many of you have invested time in getting to know me through this blog, and therefore getting to know my son.
I didn’t intend on writing anything particularly emotional on the eve of David’s first birthday, but I had just finished frosting his birthday cake, and topping it with sprinkles of course, and I couldn’t help but think back to the very beginning of all of this.
And I guess I just want to say thanks. Thank you to those who have been so sweet and thoughtful with your kind comments. Thank you to you who encouraged me and offered helpful advice. And I also want to say that I haven’t forgotten about you, you who are trying to become a mom. I still pray for you and hope you get to experience your hearts desire.
On this note, I need to get to bed. I need all the energy a 7.5 month pregnant lady can muster to celebrate my boy tomorrow.
Thank you, readers, for everything.