the one that is hard to write
sunrise juice
Usually the end of the calendar year doesn’t mean that much to me. It’s more of a revolving door than the closing of one chapter and beginning of a new one.
But 2012 ending felt different than other years past. It’s been one of the hardest, darkest years as well as one of the most beautiful and exciting years. My emotions have been to all kinds of extremes, and while I continue to ride this roller coaster of feelings, I’ve arrived at stable and peaceful place.
Don’t be confused, this place of peace isn’t equal to a place of perfection, completely joy and happiness. It’s simply peace. Peace in the circumstances. Peace in my heart. Peace in knowing, really knowing, that God, and God alone, knows what the rest of my life looks like.
Justin and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year. And it hasn’t happened.
And I never thought I would be the girl struggling to get pregnant. I just assumed it would happen right away–because why would you assume otherwise unless you knew something was working against you?
It started in February, when we first began trying. The negative test didn’t wreck me in those first few months. I thought, and read–extensively, that sometimes it takes a few months. So, we continued. We moved, he graduated, we had things going on. Once things settled down, surely it will happen.
June.
July.
August.
The dark months. The months of the realization that this may not go how I planned it. The months of weeping, the days of anger and jealousy. These were ugly days. I didn’t prepare for these. I anticipated sadness and disappointment. Even worry. But I didn’t anticipate anger to show up.
I had never felt both scared and furious at the same time. I was angry. And then I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself for being angry.
Why on earth am I mad about this?
There was a day this summer, a day that the hope died once again as my ‘time of the month’ arrived, that I broke down. I couldn’t handle it anymore. My husband, who has been amazingly calm, supportive, and perfect example of what it means to trust the Lord, didn’t know what to do for me. He would listen as I vent about my frustrations, and remind me, lovingly, to trust God, but he didn’t know what do to about my anger in the situation.
Ultimately, I needed to deal with my anger with God. Not anger at God, but anger at the fact that I wasn’t pregnant yet and I didn’t like that.
So I went on a walk, tears streaming down my face. I walked through our neighborhood to a new subdivision so no one would know me. I listened to Kris Allen’s “Let It Be” on repeat for about 45 minutes. I was going to repeat that song until I was able to let.it.be. I switched to Selah ,”It is well with my soul” before I walked back in my house. I remember standing on a bridge about 60 feet from our front door, waiting until I knew that this–this anger and lack of satisfaction with God’s plan–was over. It was one of the most emotional & spiritual times with the Lord I’ve ever had.
I chose to let it go. It wasn’t erased, I still felt sorrow, but I chose to trust the Lord with it. No matter what happens.
As we entered the Fall, we continued to try but I felt different about it. I knew then that I really, really trusted God with my future. My friend Allyson had recommended that I read Oswald Chambers’ Gracious Uncertainty. So I did. And the words came to life on the page as I read it.
So all this time that I spent worrying and planning my future should have instead been filled with the hope and anticipation for the uncertainty that is meant to be in my future.
I can’t go back and change how I started my walk down this road, and I wouldn’t. I have learned so much about what it means to wait. And to really give your worries and fears over to the Lord. And to let go of control and plans in your life. I’m thankful that I learned these things.
I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if we’ll get pregnant. I don’t know if it will happen naturally, or if we will need medical assistance. I don’t know if we’ll have to bury the dream of getting pregnant. I don’t know if we’ll adopt. I don’t know if we’ll not have children at all.
But I’m not supposed to know. And that, that fact that I am not supposed to know, is what I can hang on to in this.
So I’m glad 2012 has come to a close. It was a tough year. But I’m also grateful to be moving on with peace in my heart that God knows, and it’s all going to be okay–whatever it is.
I’m nervously hopeful for 2013, because God may give us some answers. They might be tough. Or they may be wonderful.
It’s both rewarding and stimulating to finally let out the breath you’ve been holding in so long. I feel tired, but refreshed.
I’m so immensely thankful to know a gracious and loving God. To be able to read His Word, that is applicable and relative and valuable. And to be in relationships with friends and mentors that are to perfectly ordained by Him.
And I’m so very thankful for what a blessing my husband has been to me. I’ve never loved him more.
So, let me finish with saying this: if you are waiting for something. . . anxiously anticipating the next chapter of your life. . .You are prayed for. I pray for you women trying to get pregnant. I pray that you handle it better than I did!
And beyond that, know that the Lord, who loves you, is not surprised by what is happening in your life. He knows what will happen, and you have to try to rest in that.
*I do know that it can take well over a year for healthy couples to get pregnant. I’m also aware of everything that Justin and I can do in order to better our chances. My hope is that this post doesn’t read as a “cry for help/advice” but instead just a piece of my story that I wanted to share with you about something I learned. We are praying and hopeful that God provides answers for us this year as we continue trying!
comments
Bless you for sharing, Kate. We went through something similar, had one precious boy, and then secondary infertility. Now we know he will be our only. It’s a difficult road, and you are brave and gracious to open yourself up about it. Prayers for both you and Justin!
Thank you! Sorry to hear about your struggles, but am glad to hear you have a son!
Praying for you!
thank you
love this!
Thank you for sharing your story. Your candid honesty is why I find myself coming back to your blog over and over. You will be in my prayers!
thank you!
Oh sister, how I hurt with you over this pain that is all too familiar to my own heart! It is a hard thing to understand how God would let it be so easy for some, hard for others, and impossible for some of His own. I love that you have chosen to pursue Christ through this, and that you have experienced the love that covers all circumstances. God is nothing but good to us! Praying that 2013 is the year of God’s favor for you (Isaiah 61)!
Thanks Amanda!
It’s so hard to cast your cares on The Lord, but such a wonderful feeling when you do. I am so thankful God revealed His peace to you in this situation. And I’ll pray for you both! This is the best post you’ve ever done. I hope it brings others closer to God. You are an inspiration!!
yes, it is a wonderful feeling to let go. 🙂 thank you
Oh Kate, I have been in your shoes. I have felt the same feelings. Our struggle went on for five years. Those were the darkest five years of my life. God knew what he was doing though, and His timing was perfect. I’m here if you’d like to talk. I’d love to share my journey. Take care!
oh man, 5 years. Thanks for your support, it means a lot!
Thank you for sharing such an intimate struggle and how you are overcoming it with faith. Praying for you!
thank you!
I know the feeling to the “t”. My husband and I struggled to start a family for 2 years. Many feelings of frustration and anger towards God. Good thing you broke down at home and had time to come to peace with it all, mine was a day in Church when all hit home with me and it was a very confusing and heartfelt day. Just know God has a plan for you and your husband, it may not be the plan you had in mind, but his plan is PERFECT!
Isn’t it nice to remember those exact moments when the break through happens? And I agree, His plan is perfect–whatever it may be.
Sounds like you and I had a similar 2012!!! I wrote a post similar to this about my infertility diagnosis with an eerily similar title. Thank you for your words of encouragement. 🙂 At least we have peace that God has this under control even though we don’t. This journey has taught me more about faith and hope than I ever thought possible.
Sorry to hear you had a similar year :/
From an experienced momma to a hopeful one . . . BIG HUGS!! It takes a lot of guts to get that open and honest out there on the big ‘ol Internets.
No advice, just hugs. Thankfully God knows just what we need, Amen?
Thank you for the virtual hug! 🙂
Sending you light & love – thank you for sharing.
thank you
I, too, have struggled with this very same thing. Over a year to get preggo with our first, over a year later to get preggo with our second only to loose our baby at 12 weeks. Same with the third and fourth babe. My heart aches for you. But you are right. God has the ultimate plan. Right now in my living room, watching Sponge Bob and playing together are my 5 year old ‘home-grown’ son and my 21 month old son from Uganda. And we are currently in the process of bringing a sweet 7 month old home from Eastern Europe. This was not my plan. Not what I thought would be my family. But I’m thankful His plans are not mine. His are way better! {as are His for you!} Sending love, peace, and prayers from Indiana…
My heart aches for you! Glad to hear you were blessed with children after all!
thank you for sharing your heart. when I started my blog I had no intention of sharing our struggle with infertility but am glad I did as I found so many other woman dealing with the same thing. It became such a blessing. My husband and I tried for two years and spent the last year going through so many different treatments and are finally pregnant! It amazes me how much I learned and how my husband and I grew, not to say that it also was a day by day struggle – one day feeling like I can wait for God’s perfect timing and the next feeling so frustrated that my timing should be his timing. Will be praying for you to continue to surrender to God’s plan, and praying for your sweet baby when he or she comes!!
There are SO.MANY.WOMEN struggling with this, but it’s hard to talk about. Good for you for sharing your heart–it will bless so many others.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
I could’ve written this myself. We started in Feb., only I found myslef pregnant in June, and miscarried. I became pregnant again in July. I was super cautious, waited 12 weeks and 3 ultrasounds before spreading the news. A week later I miscarried again. Talk about coming to terms with God. Man have I let Him have my anger! I’ve listened to the same songs as well, read some great books. And in the end, my relationship with God is the strongest it’s ever been! I completely understand your peace. I’ve found it too. I’ll be praying for you. Wo knows, maybe we’ll end up due date buddies? Sending you big hugs!!
I can’t imagine the pain of a miscarriage. Sorry to hear that.
Praying we are due date buddies. 😉
Hi Kate. Just wanted to thank you for your post. I can’t relate personally to your struggle with not getting pregnant, but your Oswald Chambers quote spoke to a different struggle of mine so I thank you for posting it along with your story. I subscribe to your blog because of your awesome hair tutorials, but I want to let you know that it is really meaningful when you post something personal. That makes you a real person to me, not just someone with a really hip sense of style. And that is hard to come by these days. So thanks again, and keep trusting!
Thanks for your support!
Thanks so much for sharing. I lost my very first baby to miscarriage very early on and was terrified that we would never be able to have children. I know too well that feeling of hurt and anger. God has since graciously blessed us with a little girl, followed by a boy a year later, and now we’re getting ready for number 3’s arrival this summer. Keep having faith and trust that His plan, while it’s not always our plan, is a perfect one. So much love and hugs to you and Justin. Praying that God blesses you in so many ways!
Congrats on your 3! Thanks for praying. 🙂
I just want to say Thank you….I needed to hear this! I’m not in the same boat as you, but still worrying and going through the motions with my mom who has brain cancer. She’s gone through treatments and had a decent report in October and then had some issues that I thought for sure was another tumor, but Glory to God it’s not. My biggest struggle is not knowing what’s to come and because I live 1,000 miles from her that makes my anxiety even worse. When should I go to visit, should I take a leave of absence to be with her?….so many unknowns, but reading your blog has given me hope of peace. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will be praying for you and your journey. You are a blessing to many!
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. I can’t imagine how difficult that is. Thank you for praying, I will pray for you too.
Hi Nichole,
I love Kate’s blog and read it everyday – but I found your comment incredibly touching since I lived through the exact same situation with my mom about 6 years ago. She was diagnosed with Glioblastoma and was only given 6 weeks to live. She ended up staying with us for just over two years and of all my regrets, the one that sticks out is that I continued to try to have a normal life while being her care taker 24 hours a day. I SO wish I would have stopped working and spent every waking second with her. You can never get that time back, and it really is the most precious. Although it is difficult EVERYDAY, it is meaningful and you will NEVER regret the time spent. I am always here if you need a shoulder to lean on (especially since I know almost to the T what you are feeling). xoxo, Heather
Hi Nichole,
I love Kate’s blog and read it everyday – but I found your comment incredibly touching since I lived through the exact same situation with my mom about 6 years ago. She was diagnosed with Glioblastoma and was only given 6 weeks to live. She ended up staying with us for just over two years and of all my regrets, the one that sticks out is that I continued to try to have a normal life while being her care taker 24 hours a day. I SO wish I would have stopped working and spent every waking second with her. You can never get that time back, and it really is the most precious. Although it is difficult EVERYDAY, it is meaningful and you will NEVER regret the time spent. I am always here if you need a shoulder to lean on (especially since I know almost to the T what you are feeling). xoxo, Heather
Know that I will be praying for you! I’m sure it is not easy to share something like this with others, but you put it into words beautifully. Thank you for the encouragement!
thank you!
My husband and I went through the same thing. I had a miscarriage right after we started trying to get pregnant. It was the mist difficult thing I have had to deal with… losing a baby. And we tried for months and months after that. Finally five days before he deployed to Afghanistan, it was on Easter Sunday, we got pregnant! I didn’t find out till after he left, but I was tracking my ovulation and taking oculation predictor tests, so I know that is the day of conception. It was the most wonderful gift God gave me to get through that Deployment. My advice to you is to stop trying. I had come to the realization that it was going to happen when it happened and I was going to stop stressing over it. And when I did, I got my baby. So just stop trying, relax, and have fun with your husband. It will happen for you! Just keep praying and have faith. Easier said than done, but it worked for me.
Congrats on your baby!
With all due respect, I hope that anyone who wants to offer advice to someone who is facing this struggle as Kate is should understand that “just relax” and “stop trying” are not helpful phrases to hear. I know it’s hard to think that those words might be hurtful before saying them, but in all truth, it’s quite painful.
Kate, I am happy for you that you’ve been able to find peace in your faith. Thank you for sharing your story with us and for your honesty. It is a silent struggle for many and I understand how you felt each month prior to dealing with your anger. I pray that you are soon blessed with what you’ve been hoping for for so long, and that I am too.
With all due respect, I hope that anyone who wants to offer advice to someone who is facing this struggle as Kate is should understand that “just relax” and “stop trying” are not helpful phrases to hear. I know it’s hard to think that those words might be hurtful before saying them, but in all truth, it’s quite painful.
Kate, I am happy for you that you’ve been able to find peace in your faith. Thank you for sharing your story with us and for your honesty. It is a silent struggle for many and I understand how you felt each month prior to dealing with your anger. I pray that you are soon blessed with what you’ve been hoping for for so long, and that I am too.
Thank you for sharing this, Kate! It was so beautifully written. You never know the struggles that others are going through when they look like the “have it all together.” How cool is it to look back on this year and see how you’ve grown in the Lord! I’ll be praying for you in the next year as you wait on the Lord’s timing for your life. Again, thank you for sharing! You have touched me and I know you’ll touch others!
Thanks Laura!
I understand that pain and disappointment every month. It wasn’t until I finally resolved myself to let God handle it, and not take another test, that I finally found some peace. It finally worked out for us and I hope it does for you too. Know there are millions of women in your situation and we’re all praying for you.
Glad to hear it has worked for you! Thanks for your support!
Praying for you, Kate. I’m so happy for you for being honest and writing such a deep post. Wow. I know you’re going to get a gazillion comments on this post, I feel like a lot of people can relate… myself as well. 2012 was a dark year as I suffered going through 4 miscarriages. It wasn’t an easy path… and I feel for you. It was a difficult and dark road, but my husband and God kept me strong. I know you will be too, and I admire your strength!! I had to let go of “trying” and just let go. I lived my life…. and eventually got so mad I stopped thinking about it. I’m now 8 months pregnant and due next month. I know you’re not looking for advice but just know my heart goes out to you and I look forward to you making a huge announcement <3
My heart aches reading this. But I’m glad to ALSO read that you are expecting! Congrats!
Oh Kate. This post makes me want to reach through my screen and hug you. Many of my friends have dealt with infertility and it is heartbreaking. Last year, three of them finally got pregnant, within months of each other. So there is hope.
Although I’m not religious, I’m glad that you’ve found peace with the situation in a way that makes sense to you. Stay strong <3
Thank you Kelsey!
Wow… What a powerful story. And it’s not even finished yet! I’m so grateful that you’ve found that peace that truly passes all understanding. Praying for you and Justin- and remember when you’re trusting and “delighting yourself” in The Lord, He loves to give you the desires of your heart!
Thanks Ash! I appreciate your comment!
I’m with you… it’s been two years for us, and nothing so far. Thank you for pointing to Christ and His Word as the only hope. That is what we are trusting. His plan is always perfect and His will is always good!
Ugg, 2 years is a long time. Sorry to hear that. And I agree-His plan is perfect. Ours isn’t.
oh Kate, What a great post. I haven’t struggled with infertility, but I understand life not going the way you thought & waiting on the Lord. I mean, not that I handle is great either, but I understand a bit. Thanks for sharing & you are prayed for as well!
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your life with all of us.Your story touched my heart and I wil be praying that God answers your prayers and opens that new door for you and your husband!
HUGS!!
♥Sanwanya
Thank you!!
Oh Kate, you are such a dear! I am 45 now, but in my twenties I struggled with the same thing as you did. It took me 18 months to get pregnant…I wish I could have had the insight and peace of mind that you have. I could have never written it like you did, you have a wonderful way with words. I do not think anyone will feel sorry for you, they will know that it truly came from your heart. I am praying for you and your future family. 🙂 Thanks for being a blessing to all!
It took me a year to get here, but I’m thankful I’m here. Thanks for your support!
We had “secondary” infertility. Tried for a year, lots of blood work and frustration and two very painful early loses. Nothing major enough to see a specialist but it was enough of an issue to potentially make it so we couldn’t carry a baby to term. Thyroid check after check, abnormal results but not enough to warrant any medication. My ovulation was screwy, I had extremely short cycles and ovulated too late in the cycle to give a baby a good strong start. But over a year later, after the second miscarriage we conceived. Your hormones go nuts after a miscarriage and although the loss was a devastating blow it was followed by an unexpected surprise (due to us this Feb). When it felt like hopes dashed and all was falling apart, God was putting pieces back into place. I know the feeling of falling to your knees, weeping, praying to God for an answer. Not even the outcome you had been hoping for, just an answer, an end to the worry, stress, frustration… I understand your heartache and I will be praying for your perfect answer, you’re not alone on this journey. Bless you!
Secondary infertility is something I cannot imagine dealing with. How frustrating & painful! Thank you for praying.
You are such as amazing role model! I’m so thankful God has opened the door of this blog for you. You, and your sister’s blog have helped guide me to increasing my relationship with Jesus. So know that you are here for a reason!! 🙂
John 14:27
Ellen
thank you for sharing that. It means a lot.
I am so sorry you are having to go down this path I’ve been down before too. I knew the minute I saw your post what it was about. I lost faith so many times over the 3 year period we were trying and lost 2 babies, even after the Lord blessed us with a third pregnancy I did not have much faith but the Lord had plans for our third baby, plans for her to be with us here. I will be praying for you.
Thank you Cassidy. Sorry to hear about your struggles.
My cousin tried for years and came to the fact that they were meant to adopt. Years later and in her 40’s she found out that she was pregnant and now has 3 if her own! Don’t give up and trust in God’s timing. Things will happen when you least expect it!
wow! That’s amazing!
It is always powerful writing when we share our stories. The desire to be pregnant, to have a baby, is so consuming. It is the most powerful urge and desire I have ever felt, with the least amount of guarantee. There will be women who read this who feel like you are writing this just for them, that they could have written this same post. I hope your sense of peace and acceptance with life, with living life in the meantime, extends to a whole world of women who are in that same dark place. Well done!
Consuming is the perfect word for it. Thank you for commenting.
I had a very similar realization and because of it finally found my way back to my faith. Once I let go and handed it over- I was blessed. This is a great post. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks!
Since I started blogging in September, I cannot believe the beautiful hearts I’ve found. I didn’t know I was opening up so many doors of blessing to my life – reading about other people’s pain and joy, and the way they have become stronger people. God bless you and thank you for sharing your heart! I’m so sorry you are going through this!
Thank you!
God is so good and His timing is so perfect. After 7 years of battling infertility issues and failed IVF attempts, God’s perfect timing blessed our home with a beautiful, healthy,little boy through adoption. As I read your blog it took me back to those seven years of crying, praying, being told..”it will happen if you just relax!” (I wanted to respond if I haven’t relaxed 7 years, infertility is NOT my issue! 🙂
I’ve shared my testimony of how I became a Mama before and always thanked God for 12 months of “no’s” for seven years. The journey taught me so much about His love for me, as you stated with you and your husband, it brought my husband and I closer to one another as well. Looking back at how I felt so alone, I see God’s hand and love for me all over those seven years. I wouldn’t change a thing and, I think if it had been as I planned… I would have missed out being a Mama to the child God meant for me to raise. I pray for God’s perfect timing for you and your husband… what a testimony He is giving you.
Congrats on your baby boy! And hindsight is a gift, isn’t it? To look back and see where God has directed us? I’m thankful for that too.
I’m so sorry you are going through this journey too. It’s no fun, we have been trying for three and a half years, have tried 6 IUIs, have had two miscarriages and are now saving for InVitro in the fall. One book that helped me was “Hannah’s Hope”. It is written by a lady who battled infertility as well. It’s an amazing book of comfort and hope. Praying 2013 will be a great year for you, going public with such a private battle is hard but I know what a relief it was to finally tell everyone. Prayers and hugs!
Thank you for that info!
God bless y’all! XOXO
Praying for you and your hubby to continue to walk in His peace. As a 30-something single woman, I know that waiting you speak of and the peace that I continue to try to walk in – some days are easier than others – and I pray you continue to seek Him as well.
Thank you!
Kate,i want to tell u that i had the same feelings of depression, jealousy and hopelessness for about year and a half after my marriage.every single month i used to do pregnancy and every time, when it came negative i had a fit of depression.to make the matter worse,our consultant gyneacologist said that u have very very slim chance of getting pregnant normally, so he put us on ivf list and the wait for was 3 years.i prayed and prayed from God and can u imagine our gyneacologist gave us sad news and the next month i got pregnant.
i just want to say that dont lose hope and faith on God and u will be there in the end and it will be soon.
lots of love for u
maria
glad to hear it worked out for you!
Kate, thank you for sharing your heart in this post. It is the ultimate testimony of being a Christian woman and truly having faith in God’s plan for you. It’s easy to talk to God and be at peace with His plan when things are going well, but relying on Him and trusting in difficult times, that’s HUGE. Prayers to you!
Thank you!
Oh Kate, I will be sure to lift you and your husband up in my prayers. Although I have not yet struggled with infertility (my husband and I plan to begin “trying” this spring) I HAVE struggled often with “casting my cares upon Him” and fully trusting in his perfect sovereignty. I have by no means found all the answers, but I do know in my deepest heart that God, and God alone, knows all the pieces of the puzzle and truly knows the best and most perfect design for our lives – if we will only let Him lead. I am so happy that you have found peace within your soul to trust in the Lord for everything. May God bless you and your husband!
Thank you!
Now i have got 2 healthy boys and they are joy of our lives.
It is encouraging and refreshing to hear from a woman of God who not only exudes beauty on the outside, but can speak from a place of beauty on the inside. God’s timing is perfect (Eph. 2:10), and His plans for you are good (Jer. 29:11). Hold fast to your faith.
thank you!
I am hoping and praying that you two become blessed with children. Infertility sucks and it is nice to hear you found peace. Something that I need to do.
Thanks Vickie!
Thank you for sharing this, all of this. Everything certainly does happen for a reason, even if we don’t agree with, understand, or want it to happen at the time.
I have faith that whatever is in store for you, will be great!
*hugs*
Thank you!
Thank you for your beautifully written words. I am hooked! I can’t wait to see how God plays this out in your life. He wraps us in His arms and allows us to show the world, through our brokenness, what it looks like to be truly loved by Him. Thanks Kate for your transparency.
Thank you!
I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. My husband and I were very surprised to hear I was pregnant in May. In June I suffered an ectopic pregnancy. I have been trying ever since and it just isn’t happening. I feel your pain. Its hard to come to the conclusion that things may not happen the way they plan.
Sorry to hear about your pain. . .
It’s amazing how things happen! Keep a positive spirit. We battled infertility as well…trying for 7 years!! We were blessed with our first daughter through adoption 5 years ago. & then, went on to have a successful IVF treatment & have beautiful, healthy twin daughter. Keep your spirit up! 🙂 Think positive! 🙂 I know it’s SO tough to do but there is an entire community of women going through the same thing & there to support you.
Thank you! Glad to hear you were blessed with children!
So brave of you to share this story. Praying for you sweet girl 🙂
Thanks!
Thank you for your honesty. After going through a very painful divorce a few years ago, my immediate thought after reading your first few sentences, was that your marriage was falling apart. Because that was my experience. And then after getting further into your post, I thought – thank goodness. You still have that. You still have your marriage, and your love, and the person who means most to you is still standing there with his hand firmly in yours. With that alone, you are blessed.
I have this taped to my computer: “When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.”
xo
Sorry to hear about your divorce, I can’t imagine the grief you feel. And thanks for sharing that quote too!
Thanks for this quote- Melissa! I am struggling with a broken engagement and wondering why God has done this and what it means for me later. LOVE the quote!
Kate- beautifully written..God is such a wonderful counselor!
Kate, I too have been waiting for something. A help mate. I’ve had to remind myself many times that God is not mean, that He loves His children. And that whatever is happening (or not happening) to me is because Jesus loves me. Take care, friend.
You too. Thank you!
God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, right? It’s amazing how some people look at children as their inconvenience and how others would give anything to have a child.
I have a friend who was pregnant for 6 months and lost her child and grieves everyday, that was 4 years ago and they have been trying ever since then to get pregnant again. They want it so badly. I pray for them and I will pray for you. God Bless!
Thank you!
Kate! Thank you for your testimony and faith! My sweet hubby and I have tried to get pregnant for three Years this year and haven’t had any luck. I have had the same emotional roller coaster as you! A quote I hang on to dearly is ” faith in the Lord includes faith in his timing ” its by Neil A. Maxwell. We look to 2013 with a perfect brightness of faith and hope! Prayers and hugs!
Thank you! Sorry to hear about your struggles as well.
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal part of your life with us. Your honesty is refreshing. We never truly know what is going on in other’s lives. I will pray for you. Let go and let God.
xo
Thank you
Kate, I read your blog daily and have never commented until today. First, I want you to know that I look forward to your entries every morning. I have enjoyed learning about you and trying new things thanks to your blog. Your highs and lows from 2012 are all too familiar for me as my husband and I tried for almost 2 years to get pregnant. We finally did last July (with the help of our wonderful fertility doctors) only to miscarry Labor Day weekend. We’ve been trying since then unsuccessfully and just yesterday I learned of another roadblock in our infertility journey. I know we will get past it and I am hopeful and faithful for a happy 2013. As we reach 2 1/2 years of trying, I can honestly say through everything it has brought my husband and I closer than I could have imagined and I am working on my faith. Please know that you are very brave and not alone. I wish you continued peace and love in 2013 and please keep blogging!
Sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for your comment, and for reading.
We have been trying for 2 years. Went to get simple semen analysis. Very low count. Repeated it and same thing. We have a low chance of conceiving. There’s no reason for it just the way it is. I don’t know that I want to do IVF & neither does he. He thinks it can still happen. It could. But if it doesn’t then we will find other things to do. All my friends are starting to have kids so I understand. If you don’t go on facebook so much it helps to not think about it. On FB I am bombarded by baby pictures it’s just overload. It’s also different because I still want to know how THEY are doing… Not their kid. Their status is always about the kid… I’m like but how are YOU doing? I worry I won’t keep my friends if they have kids and we are a childless couple. I don’t want to lose them. But in all this I have no doubt my husband is THE ONE for me!
Sometimes there isn’t a reason. And comparison is the thief of joy. but TRUST ME. I know about the difficulties of seeing everyone else around you pregnant.
Hope it happens for you two.
Kate, you wrote: “if you are waiting for something. . . anxiously anticipating the next chapter of your life. . .You are prayed for.” I just wanted to tell you that I am also waiting for something. I am waiting to meet someone, to be in love, to get married. I am also dealing with anger; I see so many of my friends with husbands and babies. I can’t help but be envious. It seems as though I’m constantly being left out of couple’s activities. I get tired of answering questions about “why I’m still single” and I’m starting to feel like I’m losing friends because our lives are so different. I am trying so hard to give this to God…but it is still a daily struggle.
Kristin, I just happened to stumble upon your comment when I was scrolling to the bottom. I wanted to tell you about a friend of mine who has been trying to get pregnant for 7 (seven!!) years. She tried IVF and it didn’t work. They gave up and eventually let go of their dream to be parents. Well about 4 months ago they found out that she is pregnant! It happened naturally and they weren’t even trying. Of course, she was SHOCKED! So…please don’t lose faith in God. Trust him! I know that he has a plan for both of you! I will pray for you both and ask that God blesses you with happiness and contentment while you are waiting!
-Brittney
Kate, you wrote: “if you are waiting for something. . . anxiously anticipating the next chapter of your life. . .You are prayed for.” I just wanted to tell you that I am also waiting for something. I am waiting to meet someone, to be in love, to get married. I am also dealing with anger; I see so many of my friends with husbands and babies. I can’t help but be envious. It seems as though I’m constantly being left out of couple’s activities. I get tired of answering questions about “why I’m still single” and I’m starting to feel like I’m losing friends because our lives are so different. I am trying so hard to give this to God…but it is still a daily struggle.
Kristin, I just happened to stumble upon your comment when I was scrolling to the bottom. I wanted to tell you about a friend of mine who has been trying to get pregnant for 7 (seven!!) years. She tried IVF and it didn’t work. They gave up and eventually let go of their dream to be parents. Well about 4 months ago they found out that she is pregnant! It happened naturally and they weren’t even trying. Of course, she was SHOCKED! So…please don’t lose faith in God. Trust him! I know that he has a plan for both of you! I will pray for you both and ask that God blesses you with happiness and contentment while you are waiting!
-Brittney
You are an incredibly brave and honest woman to be so open about your struggles, not just with trying to get pregnant, but with “letting it be” and putting things in God’s hands. You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself as I know, coming from a woman of faith as well, that many (probably most!) of us struggle with allowing the Lord to take the wheel. This is probably even harder when we are feeling desperate and wanting and hoping for something with all of our being. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks Maggie!
Thanks Maggie!
Thank you for sharing. Stay positive and know that you have so many people praying for you!
I woke up just 20 minutes ago with totally different worries, and saw your post on FB, which led me here. Bless you for sharing and being so honest. Your story has changed the course of my day! I am letting.it.be. and more importantly trusting our Lord!! No perfection here either, but I know only He can give me peace in the midst of any storm. Thank you, Kate, for your wonderful heartfelt post!
I am a newcomer to your fantastic, lovely blog. Thank you for being so honest and candid as you pour out your heart. I’m not in this season of my life, but one of my dearest friends had been. She and her husband tried for 3 years to get pregnant. Nothing seemed to be wrong, but it was a very long season of life for her, and she had to deal with the same things. Finally, just about a year ago, she had her son. And he’s one of the biggest blessings to all of us and one of the sweetest babies I’ve ever met. And to just think, that if they had gotten pregnant any other time then that, we wouldn’t have him. It might not help, but I know God has some little person that is going to be such a blessing in your life!
Glad to hear they were able to conceive!
What a beautiful story of encouragement and how to “let it go” in a way that truly sets you free! Not an easy road to walk, I struggled to fall pregnant with my first husband for 7 years, and through some pretty challenging circumstances I have re-married and had the thought of “what if I can’t fall pregnant this time?”…we started trying from the get-go and are expecting our honeymoon baby in March this year! It’s been an incredible journey of healing and seeing just how faithful God is!
Will trust that the journey is smooth and that His face will be your focus no matter what!
x
When I saw your facebook post, I was afraid that this is what it was about. While I am so very sorry for what you are going through, sharing your story is the best thing you could have possibly done because now you know you are not alone. Infertility is the most isolating thing I have ever been through. From the time we started trying until our son was born was 5 years. That includes trying on our own, (only 6 months before I went to a specialist because we were both 3o)getting a plethora of tests, a new ob/gyn, (thankful for that because I ADORE him) 1 successful IVF, 1 miscarriage, 2 negative IVF’s, cconsultations with 6 new RE’s, a year off for mental health, (because I had indeed hit rock bottom) 2 therapists, acupuncture, yoga, massage therapy, choosing a new RE, wishing, hoping, and praying, praying, praying. And all the while everyone around me was getting pregnant with ease. It seemed that there was an trend of unwed pregnancies in those years. I lost friends, who I know believe were never really friends. On the flip side, I gained friends. And the ones are gained are ridiculously amazing. My most valuable friends, in fact. The ones I can turn to about anything without fear of being judged. The ones I can always count on, no matter what. It’s hard on your marriage. You get closer, you get torn apart. And the media portrays this all pretty harshly, so it’s hard to come forward. Hopefully now you can find a little peace from carrying this all on your own because now you have “friends” who have been there. If you need anything — questions answered, an ear to bend, whatever — do not hesitate to ask. Thinking of you, with love and prayers.
You have been through a lot. Thanks for sharing your experience.
The Lord gave me these words when I was going through a very dark period in my life a few years ago:
His Will
His Time
His Plan
Not mine
I woke up with those words in my heart and from that day on, I could raise my hands and praise the God who gives and the God who takes away. And I KNEW in my soul that He is the Great I AM.
Sweet sister, it will happen in the way that it’s meant to at the EXACT moment it’s meant to. And when that day does come, the darkness will melt away and it won’t ever be remembered. But the closeness and love that you develop during the dark time will stay with you forever and ever.
Wow! This really hit home to me this morning! What a blessing to read this and to read where you are at today. A year and a half ago, my husband took a job 2 1/2 hours from our home. We put our home on the market and planned to move where he was. However, we are still sitting here with the same home under us and no real moves made on it. I think I have reached the same place as you now, knowing that I’m not supposed to know all the ins and outs, understand it all, or know when and if things are going to change. I’m thankful for the reminders that He sends to me from even strangers like you who just encourage me to keep plugging! Thank you so much for your honesty! I’ll be praying for you!
Thank you for this, one of my biggest challenges is being patient and letting Him work his plans……especially trying to start a family! Please know that y’all are added to our prayer list!
Carly
http://www.lipglossandcrayons.com
Thank you for sharing your personal story…. Praying for encouragement as you wait on his timing.
Gods timing is perfect timing!!! I was you 7 years ago. After trying for a year and a half I finally told my doctor its time to find out what is wrong. Had my husband tested and myself. I found out I was not ovulating! No ovulation means no preggo! I was diagnosed with PCOS and Endometriosis. I had a couple of IUIs along with taking Clomid to force ovulations. The Clomid turned me into a monster. I ended up on depression medication because I had hit rock bottom. I was mad at God! How could these women be granted the ability to have babies when they are not married when I was doing EVERYTHING right!! I finally decided that I had enough. I stopped the meds and gave it to God! That exact month I got a BFP!! Today, 3 babies later I realize that Gods timing IS PERFECT! Yes, I did need the medical intervention but even after that God knew the time was not right! HE wanted me to put my trust in HIM! Once I did, HE took over AND decided to show off! Please post along your journey as you will be in our prayers!
Thoughts and prayers for you! It took us 5 months to get our sweet girl and I thought that was hard. We experienced secondary IF andi it took 18 months and medical intvention to g my beautiful boy. Those 18 months were so isolating, especially more after we met with the doctor to only hear “unexplained secondary if”. Glad there wasnt a problem, but even more frustraing trying to fix it. I hope you ar given your miracle and see those two pink lines sooner than later!
I don’t comment often, but just had to today upon reading this post. So many women I know are struggling with infertility and it’s just heartbreaking – and much more common than a lot of people believe. My husband and I, despite getting pregnant quickly after deciding to try, lost our first pregnancy in a miscarriage last summer. It was the hardest thing we have dealt with so far and I had some SERIOUS anger. I found myself questioning God and just not understanding the ‘why’ part of it. We are pregnant again now, and I am just trying to leave my trust in the Lord. It’s a daily struggle for me, as I tend to be a worrier of the worst variety. Your message from Oswald Chambers today really spoke to me – on several different levels, with many different things that we are facing in our lives right now (including the pregnancy, which I still find myself scared about sometimes after losing the first one). Thank you for your honesty and bravery is deciding to share this with us. I know it can be hard to open your heart up on topics like this, but please know that you are not alone! Sending prayers and love your way:)
Kate, kudos for sharing your experience. I had a similar situation in trying to get pregnant and experienced all of these same emotions. I know first hand the anger, feelings of defeat, of failure, and of feeling like you are in it alone. Please know that you aren’t. For us, the road to pregnancy did require some light medical interventions, but we had it easy in comparison to some couples. I’ll be thinking about you and your husband; sending good thoughts you way.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your heart today, I needed this! My story is different, but the message God has in it is the same. I am also in a season of waiting and uncertainty, and I keep telling myself that I am totally trusting in God. However, I struggle through that. I’m grabbing that book as soon as I can get my hands on it! God Bless you and your hubs for being so transparent – that’s what God has called us all to do! Your obedience to Him is an inspiration to us all! Praying for you!
Before a had one miscarriage before my first son. Then my husband and I decided to wait about two to three years to try again but it wasn’t easy the way I thought it would be. I was in the same path as yours, waiting, crying and praying every month hoping that the home pregnancy test will come out positve. I was very neglectful of what God’s plan for our family all I wanted is to have a second baby, I had 4 early miscarriages and it wasn’t pleasant feeling at all. I’ve been a believer and lover of God for so long but somehow, somewhere during this “conceiving” journey I lost track of entrusting everything to HIM. Until one of my quiet time came and God revealed to me “Be still and Know that I’m God” Psalm 46:10, from then on I found “Peace” in my heart and in my mind that no matter what “to conceive or not to conceive” God is still in control. Then that night in my dream, I know God spoke to me and told me “My Child one more, I’ll give you one more”. Searching for answer praying that I’ll understand what it means. Then a few weeks after my oldest son’s 5th Birthday I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. Now I have a 7 yr. old and 2 yr. old two healthy and active boys.
I pray that by grace you’ll find God’s peace in your heart to face every struggling moment in your life.
I give you God’s blessings tha He will grant your heart’s desire.
Kate, I have been down this same road. I understand the feelings of anger and despair and I am so happy to hear that your are finding your way through those feelings.
My husband and I spent five long years hoping and praying for a baby. When we finally gave up and accepted that it wasn’t going to happen only then did God decide the time was right for us. My son will be 14 in a couple weeks. I realize now that this was the best plan for us and HE knew it all along. I will pray that His plan for you brings your dream of starting a family to reality.
I went through the same thing with my husband for over 4 years. Treatments and 2 miscarriages. It was the hardest 4 years of my life. Eventually in God’s time, not mine, which was the hardest part of the struggle to accept I was blessed with a little girl. Infertility changes you, not just during the time trying, but even after. Thank you for sharing. And I know you have touched many readers by sharing your story. It seems as if no one ever wants to talk about infertility. I remember how important it was for me to learn about someone else struggling, so i didn’t feel so alone. Bless you on this road that you are on right now. You are not alone.
We tried for 8 long years, and even though I know what my God can do, I was to the point of giving up and accepting that it was not His plan for us and when I began to try to work through and accept that, 2 lines appeared on the stick. We have a beautiful 3 month old, but my heart still hurts for those waiting. I never ever want to forget the pain of not having her, of being where you are, for it will make me appreciate her that much more. If it is to be, your time will come, in His time. Prayers and hugs.
Thank you for encouraging my heart this morning. Praying for you and Justin.
Kate, back in the day (30 years ago!) I also tried for about a year. My cycles were whacky (every 45-60 days). We had some very preliminary tests done and then starting temping and lo and behold I finally got pregnant. I did go on to have 3 children. Now my daughter has been trying for a year as well and I know how disappointing and heartbreaking it is. She has an appointment with a fertility doctor in March and not sure the route that will be taken as yet. She is 24 and her husband is 19 years older so they really wanted this to happen sooner rather than later. My prayers are with you and my daughter as you go through this and maybe it will work for both of you at the same time and I can be doubly (is that a word?) excited!
Thinking of you! Blessings to you and your husband. I hope 2013 is a better year.
You are the picture of each of us who are waiting on God’s timing, the anger when it doesn’t go our way, the questions of why and what he wants in our lives. I too have always watched your hair videos and known in my heart you must be an amazing person because of the care show to us in your videos. God sees that amazing person as well Kate and when we finally bend like the willow tree and trust in God’s plan and WILL, not our own, we begin to see results. I am so thankful you have a man of faith to walk with you on this journey. The WILL of God will never lead you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Praying for you as well.
Being patient is a struggle I deal with daily. Whether it be spiritual, physical, emotional, I stress about what the future holds. You have been, and will continue to be, in my prayers. Your blog is something I look forward to everyday and I am so excited to see what the future holds for you and your husband!
Kate,
Thank you for sharing your story. Having gone through it myself, I know how hard it is to put yourself out there. My husband and I struggled for 2.5 years before finally getting pregnant last summer (I’m due in April). We went through surgeries, procedures, medicines, just about everything. It’s hard and it’s discouraging, so know that you’re not alone in your feelings of frustration and anger. I’m praying for you and your husband. That you find peace and that you get your baby when it’s time. Wishing you all the luck in the world!
Oh Kate, when I read your post this morning I went right back to 2011, I was in your shoes. I totally understand, TTC was one of the hardest times in my life. For years I thought it was so easy to get pregnant, yeah right! The truth is it’s a journey you don’t know about until you start it. My husband and I started TTC We kept trying and I got a BFN every month. Then in August 2011 I finally got my BFP (that’s big fat positive). We were thrilled. Then a few weeks later I had a miscarriage. It was awful. The emotions that you go through are like a roller coaster. Then every month after that TTC again was harder and harder. I was angry, why did I lose my baby and of course it seems everyone around you is pregnant Finally at the start of 2012 we were able to start testing to see what was going on. Turns out I have a low thyroid. My doctor said let’s try some medication for that and if it doesn’t work we will start fertility drugs. Two weeks later I got a BFP and now I am a mom to a beautiful little girl who is almost 4 months old. Talking about my situation through chat rooms, family and friends was awesome, I realized what I was feeling was the same as many other couples. Never give up, I pray this will be the year you get that beautiful baby
Kate, I unfortunately know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I tried for 2 1/2 years to conceive, and even saw a fertility specialist regularly who said that everything looked fine. Now, we are blessed with a healthy amazing 3-year-old. I don’t know if you have ever read this poem, but a friend of mine who went through the same thing shared it with me when I was struggling. I kept it posted on our refrigerator. God bless you and best wishes!
http://www.dtm.org/Poems/Wait.html
My heart goes out to you & y’all will be in my prayers! Hang in there
Kate, your strength is inspiring, as is your faith in your God. I admire it. 🙂 Infertility is not easy. You and Justin will come out stronger in the end and when you’ve received your complete family in whatever way HE plans to give it to you, it will all have been worth it. Promise.
be patient and let your life unfold the way it was meant to be! xo
http://allthingsprettyandlittle.blogspot.com/
Thank you Kate for your honesty and transperency. I’ll be praying for you too.
Kate, thank you for sharing your story. Although I can’t relate directly, I am definitely keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs!
A quote that brought me great peace through my struggles with infertility “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”-Joseph Campbell
I hope that 2013 brings you even more answers, hard to hear or wonderful and exciting. I’m so sorry for your struggle!
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I am on a similar journey and reading your post helps to give me peace 🙂 I will keep you and your family in my prayers. May His Grace be with you!!!!
I remember you were training for a tri this past year. I know that training puts a lot of stress on the body, perhaps that could have been the problem? And if you were already stressed about getting pregnant, then that may have not have helped matters? I’ve read too that people trying to conceive need to up their healthy fats and go easier on the exercise. 🙂 Hope this helps, sending positive vibes your way. 🙂
I am SO sorry you’re experiencing this, though I appreciate your honesty and candor. I/we are having similar experiences but I have not turned to God the way I should have, not at all. I think God knew I needed to read this post this morning…because it brought tears to my eyes and gave me some things to think about. I hope this will be your year. And mine too 🙂
I completely identify with your post as well. It took us 6 years and finally a year of fertility treatments to get pregnant with twins that sadly were born into the arms of God when I was 5 months pregnant. We went back to the fertility dr’s 3 months later and our first try got pregnant with my son who is now 4 and a half. Through all the struggle I never doubted it would happen for us, our road was not easy, I wasn’t always calm, but my son is the biggest blessing and sweetest love and I know without a shadow of a doubt our journey was to bring us him.
This was exactly what I needed to read this morning, thank you so much for posting it. We had been trying for months, finally got pregnant and last week we had a miscarriage. Somedays I wonder what would be harder – life after miscarriage, or having not been pregnant after all this time at all. Your trust in the Lord and His plan for your life is inspiring 🙂 And I am totally getting my hands on that book today. I am in the middle of reading Angie Smith’s “What Women Fear” and would totally recommend it 🙂 Praying for you both.
This has always been a huge fear of mine – I was diagnosed at 16 with Endometriosis and ever since then I’ve wondered if we will have trouble having a baby. We arn’t to a point in our lives where we are ready for children yet, but when we get there I know that this will be a daily struggle for me as we try to conceive.
I will be praying for you! I know how much I struggle with what could be for us, so I can only imagine how much harder it is for you. I wish you better luck in 2013! I’m sure God has a plan in mind for you – I hope that everything works out for you!
We struggled for 2 1/2 years. It is so hard. But, our marriage is definitely stronger because of it, and we are stronger people. It sounds like your husband is amazing and you are growing on this difficult journey. We did multiple treatments and got pregnant with IVF. Our little boy is 6 months. The entire process was so difficult, but he is here and healthy and we count our blessings every day. It will happen for you and your husband. I find that nothing ever happens when we plan it… it happens when HE plans it… and its always perfect timing. 🙂
Our marriage is stronger too. So grateful for that. Congrats on your son!
Kate, this has brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing this. I will be praying for you and Justin.
I to am so sorry you’re experiencing this! Sometimes God’s timing can be so…..frustrating. 🙂 I had quite a year also, not nearly as stressful as yours but I did learn that we are to walk along side of God, not rush ahead into the future and certainly not straggling behind, focused on the past. It’s all part of that “child-like” faith idea….when they were little my kids didn’t care where I was taking them as long as they could walk right beside me holding my hand. They trusted that I knew what I was doing, that I loved them, and wanted only the best for them. That’s all God wants from us–for us to take his hand and ask “where to, Papa?”.
I’ll be praying for y’all!!
Awww, the Lord is truly GRACIOUS, isn’t he? He holds our past, our present and our future. He has great plans for us, yet we have to trust HIM to know what they are. I know you know that JOY comes from the Lord and nothing else. Keep looking to HIM and not what’s expected. You’ll find your relationship grow and a testimony to share. Praying for Gods abundant peace for you and your husband.
Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this post. I know it wasn’t easy to open up like this! Your post about grace is such a challenge to me and I too need to let go of ‘my plans’ of wanting to get pregnant on my time table and allow God to write my life story. Thank you again for this post. Praying for you and your husband and that God will give you the grace in the days ahead!
Kate, first thank you for sharing your story. I wanted to tell you about my sister. Her and her husband tried and tried, no success so they went for fertility testing. They were told their chances for getting pregnant we low. They gave up trying. But here they are pregnant and almost through the first trimester.
God has a plan for each of us! He wouldn’t put you through the struggle if he didn’t know you could handle it and you did just that, you let the anger and frustration go!
I hope it happens for you soon XoXo
My husband and I walked this path as well. For four years. And anger was every bit a part of my journey. You better believe it. I hardly recognized myself at times. And that was OK. I have no idea what this journey holds for you. But I know my realtionship with God was strengthened after my journey with this and my husband and I have never been closer. I pray the same for you.
Kate, Kate, Kate…oh how this was once me less than a decade ago. Darkest days…that is exactly how I would describe it to this day. It took us over a year to have my daughter (via fertility meds) and then when we jumped right back into trying when she was just 6 months old, tests revealed that it was almost impossible any method would ever work and how quite frankly, having my daughter was incomprehensible to the doctors given the greatness of my infertility. My daughter napped in her crib as I sat in my office chair and heard the words, “I’m very sorry, but we believe you are not going to have any more children…at least definitely not with your own eggs”. I cried for a death that I felt within me. I do NOT know how my husband got me through it because I was irrational, irate, sad, broken, torn, helpless. He was there and supported me in every step, though at the time I felt I had ruined his life too – as we had planned to have a large family. Our doctors got aggressive with us – we had one shot literally (we had no medical coverage for IVF). The whole entire process was exhausting, painful, emotionally up and down all for the unknown. Long story short, on April 24, 2006 at exactly 10:25 a.m. the fertility office called to let me know that all of that had paid off and I was finally pregnant. A few weeks later we found out it was twins and the gratefulness I felt in my heart then has only grown one million times since. I never ever take a day for granted with my children. They don’t yet understand the way they all came into our lives, but blessings is an understatement. I encourage you to keep that strength and pray and believe. The jealousy and the hateful feelings that you experienced are something we all have felt so don’t forget we are human.It will change you as a woman, a wife, and a mom in glorious ways. I have faith in our wonderful world of medicine and I have faith in God that he will bless you too. You will find in your journey that so many of us go through this and you are not alone. I will keep you in my thoughts. xoxo
This is just such a beautiful post. I don’t have anything clever to say about pregnancies, but I love how you eventually handled things with God.
I was at a prayer meeting at my church yesterday, and I felt God taking control of this year. It was just such a relief to be able to give this year to Him – to dedicate it to Him, so that He can work through me and others this year. It brings such peace. I sense that’s the same peace He has given to you.
/Lea Binta
I’ve dealt with secondary infertility. We had no problem getting pregnant with our first child, but this one took us over a year to conceive. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. I’m so sorry you’ve had to walk this year with disappointments. I felt like I lost a baby with every negative pregnancy test.
I hope your baby comes. And I hope it doesn’t take too long. One wonderful thing is that a year marks the time when medical assistance is available to you. And that can be miraculous.
Thank you Kate for sharing your story. It is an emotional journey, trying to have kids, and everyone handles it differently. I think you will find now that you have put your story out there, how many people are in the same boat, have been struggling, and have been struggling to express it in a way others will understand. We too struggled, including miscarriages, surgery and endometriosis. At the end of the journey, when I just let go…..I happened to get pregnant on vacation. We were only able to have the one, but I thank God everyday for the chance to be her mom. However it is meant to be, it will be, and know that you can handle whatever life gives you.
That was so beautifully written. I love reading about the way one’s hard times just cement their relationship with God even more. Sending prayers your way, for both this continuation of peace and whatever other amazing things God has to reveal to you!
Thanks for sharing your story! I know it couldn’t have been easy. My husband and I have been trying for five months and I understand how frustrating it can be. Good luck in your journey this year
I am proud of you for sharing your story. After 31 months of trying ourselves, I decided to be brave and openly share our testimony on my blog. I’ve written 3 or 4 posts as of now. You’re welcome read and join together in this journey. http://www.kevinandmel.com
Kate…Thank you for being so honestly transparent. I have needed to hear (read) these words for a while. My situation is very different, but it’s so amazing that all things come back to leaving our lives in His hands. It’s hard, but we have to learn to trust His hold on us better that our hold on ourselves. I pray that He continues to reveal His self to you, and that you find that the wait was truly worth it. Thank you for sharing your life and talents with us, I look forward to your blog everyday!
Praying for you and sending lots of hugs your way. Starting a family can be so challenging. I have a lot of friends who tried for well over a year before it happened. Most had it happen once they came to terms with it being in gods hands and out of theirs. I hope the same for you!
I know sharing this is hard. I’ve lurked on your blog for about a year now and reading this really hit home. It took 18 months for my ex husband (who was an ex at the time, lol) to get pregnant with our son. It’s a confusing, frustrating time and you are definitely in my prayers.
Kate, I just have to share a few things that helped me in my journey to getting pregnant! We tried for almost two years (I was diagnosed with PCOS at a young age…and thought I would never have my own children) and recently found out that we are expecting sometime during the summer 2013! To God be the glory…even when we were struggling.
But I didn’t always feel that He should be praised. I had my moments. A fellow blogger recommended Psalm 103:1-5. It was a beautiful verse to cling to. And as of late, right before I found out we were expecting, Casting Crows “Voice of Truth” would play over and over in my head. Specifically the chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a DIFFERENT story
And the voice of truth says “Do not be afraid!”
And the voice of truth says “THIS IS FOR MY GLORY”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I WILL CHOOSE TO LISTEN AND BELIEVE THE VOICE OF TRUTH.
I wrote out the chorus and bolded the capital words, then I hung it next to my bathroom mirror. Every time I saw it, I was reminded that God was claiming my life and my story for His glory. It was so comforting to me.
I will be praying for you. I know this struggle and I know the light that comes when you are able to gain solid ground with Christ. It is a beautiful and freeing thing. May you be able to cling to His truths and continue having peace in His plan.
Thank you for sharing this! How encouraging each of our stories can be for each other. Love it. Praying for you and yours and your growing family. 🙂
Praying for you during this time of waiting. I can certainly relate to those feelings as we await the next chapter in our lives as well. Thank you for sharing this piece of your story. It helps to have a reminder that God is completely in control and we can rest in Him.
Kate, I have been reading your wonderful blog for quite awhile now.
I just wanted to tell you that i have been in your exact shoes. After struggling for 2 years to conceive, we will be welcoming our first in about 3 months. There are so many things that doctors are able to do these days. There is an immense amount of hope left for you.
I know how difficult it is to deal with all the feelings that come along with infertility. It’s hard! Day to day it is definitely a struggle. You sound so strong to be adopting a “what will be, will be” attitude and i really admire you for that. It is no easy task. I really hope, with all my being, that things will work out for you.
I think sometimes you need those break down, crying, angry moments so that you can reevaluate and then when it does happen or you are pointed in a different direction, you will appreciate more than you may have before. You’re in my thoughts.
Kate, thank you for taking the emotional risk of writing this. It reveals a deep love for and ultimate trust in God and His plan, but without being kitschy or “pat-Christian-answer-y”. If that makes any sense.
Anyway, please know that I’ll be praying for and with you on this journey.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is very brave of you to put it out there. My husband and I have also been going through the same thing for a year. It is crazy how similar our timeline has been. I have been using this time to strength my faith as it was something I had prayed for for many years to strengthen my relationship with the lord, to become immersed in his word, and he has answered that prayer. I have also used this year to work on getting fit. My mantra has been faith and fitness work on things you can control. I say that to myself many times a day. So I am in the best shape both physically and spiritually I have ever been in my life praising him for his answered prayer and perfect will. Thank you again for sharing your story you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi Kate i am sorry that you have had such a hard time over the past year and i think you are very brave to share this story with us all.
I struggled for about 10 months to get pregnant then a good friend of mine recommended i try a program called Ovusoft and a book called Taking charge of your fertility by Tony Weschler and by following the instructions to the letter i was pregnant by the next month, now i am not saying that this method will def work for you but it is worth a shot and you have nothing to lose apart form a few bucks. here is the link http://www.tcoyf.com/ i think its worth trying before you go to see a specialist. Good luck and god bless
I know you weren’t crying out for help/advice, but I must second sazza’s suggestion of the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility! I think it’s a must-read for ALL women whether your trying to get pregnant, trying to avoid getting pregnant, or you just want to understand your body. It’s a big book but don’t be scared, it’s written very well in a way that a typical layman can understand. The library usually has a copy if you don’t want to buy.
I read it when I went off the pill and wanted a more natural way of avoiding pregnancy. I was 27 years old before I actually understood the menstrual cycle and it was eye opening. And more importantly I started to understand *my* menstrual cycle. Not all women fit the textbook 28 day cycle, we’re all different and understanding *your* cycle is key. I’m all for being an infomred consumer in the products I purchase and that has flowed over into being informed about my body as well.
We still aren’t trying to get pregnant yet but I have a friend who has been struggling and I’ve been sharing that info with her. She’s currently on Clomid to help her ovulate but her doctor hasn’t mentioned anything about progesterone treatments to up her low levels after ovulation. If you ovulate it doesn’t matter a darn bit if your progesterone levels after that aren’t high enough to build and sustain the uterine lining the egg needs in order to implant and stay implanted. Ugh, sorry, didn’t mean to write a novel, you probably know all of that by now, it’s just a topic I find totally fascinating and I wish more women knew all about it. Before I read that book I didn’t even know that I didn’t know. You know? LOL!
Again, sorry for the novel, I just wanted to second sazza’s suggestion and maybe it could be a helpful resource to another reader 🙂
I’m sorry to hear of your struggles- I know how this is s it was 4 years and many tears before we were blessed finally. My pregnancy was far from easy and I was constantly feeling out of control and determined for answers to the madness that occurred during the nine months I carried my girls. All I could cling to was to know and have faith that God is in control, and He has His perfect reason for it all. Trusting and believing in His plan for me and these babies really hard. But, He didn’t develop the human mind to figure out the future, and trusting in His way is all we can do and is simply what he asks of us as believers.
*Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”
*Psalm 25: 4-5 “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”
*Philippians 4:4-6 “Rejoice in the Lord always. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to the Lord.”
Praying for you, sister
I cried when I read your post. That was me a few years ago. It took two years to get pregnant. There were times when I thought every one was rubbing their kids and pregnancies in my face. I didn’t know why it wasn’t happening. I wanted it more thank anything else in the world. Then right before we were scheduled to start fertility treatments we got pregnant. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy and he was born 10 weeks early. We spent 3 months in the NICU. He turned 3 the week before Christmas. He’s the best Christmas present I’ve ever. I know its hard and nothing anyone says can make it easier. But I’ll be praying for you. someday it’ll , maybe not the way you hoped or thought it would, but it’ll happen. Just continue praying and keep your options open. Big hugs!
Thank you for sharing. I just found out yesterday that we have suffered our second miscarriage in the past 7 months. The road we are traveling is dark and we too are relying on God to lead us through.
An emotional and inspiring post, Kate. Thank you for sharing your struggles and reinforcing the faith in God’s will and plan for my life.
In the last year, my husband and I got pregnant three times and lost all three of our little unborn souls. I, too, am glad that 2012 is over. We were devastated, angry, hurt, sad beyond comparison and everything in between. But in all of this, we found that we have so much to be thankful for – each other, our healthy five year old and hope … Hope and faith.
Thank you so much for writing this. My husband and I have been trying since May, and it hasn’t happened like I thought it would! You know, in high school, they tell you if you even look at a boy, you will get pregnant! It’s not as easy as that!!!! I’ve had some down days. But right now, as we are still trying, I am focusing on making myself healthy. I’ve started exercising, and telling myself that it will happen when God wants it to happen, not when I do. As I pray for us, I will also pray for you guys! We all need it!
We had struggles too (including 2 miscarriages) and today I have 3 beautiful children. Prayers for you. It’s all in His time.
Kate,
You are a very brave woman for sharing your struggles. And I know just how you feel. We tried for a year and it didn’t happen. So we decided to do Foster care. Fast forward 4 years; We found out we were goingto be able to adopt our 2 oldest sons. A few months later we found out we were pregnant. We weren’t even trying at that point, we didn’t think it was going to happen for us. Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. I firmly believe that he was waiting for us to get the boys first. We’ve been trying for almost 2 years again and nothing so far. What has helped me the most is a website I found. http://Www.fertilityties.com There are so many other woman on there sharing their stories. It’s comforting to have virtual friends going through the same horrible situation. I will keep you in my prayers! Try out the website for support too. It really helped me.
Lindsay
That IS so hard to write/talk about! It is difficult to accept that it is out of our control, but I am so very glad to you know that God is gracious and loving and good! My husband and I tried (have been trying) for almost 2 years. Last month, we became Foster parents for the first time. I was nervous that it would make me more angry that I couldn’t get pregnant, but above all else, it showed me that God knows and chooses what sweet babies will be a part of our family, no matter how long they stay with us. Praying for you, and hoping God provides peace and understanding in all things.
The advice you give is good for all types of struggles…. Coming from someone likewise stepping into the unknown on a different topic… Having faith one day at a time…. God has his own TimeTable and it may not be our own…. I recommend the book Your Beautiful Purpose by Susie Larson….
Kate, I will say extra prayers for you all in this. I did not have my daughter until I was 32, so I understand where you’re coming from.
Just know there are lots of people praying for you, and for the little one that will be part of your family one day.
Please take a look at this blog- I have followed this womans story and it’s beautiful! http://youwereborninourhearts.blogspot.com/
Do you have Chris Tomlin’s new CD? Burning Lights. #9 is called Sovereign and I thought of it as I read your post. I think you’ll like it.
Just prayed for you & your hubby. Blessings to you!
Thank you for sharing this, my brother is in the Marine Corps and he will be deploying soon. I am his older sister…I worry a lot about him. I really needed to sit back and “let it be”. You are a very strong woman to sit there and write this, God is amazing and sends amazing people in our lives to help us along the journey we don’t know we are going to be walking through. Bless you and your family. My prayers are with you and your family. Sing a song of Praise throughout the days!
Having struggled with infertility for 4 years (with each of my daughters :), I’m hesitant to give advice. I’ll only say that you’re in a healthy place when putting it in God’s hands. He sees you and KNOWS.
thank you for being such an open conduit of God’s grace, mercy, and love. I am so sorry that you have to go through this – it’s amazing how so many women struggle with this, but no one talks about it. You are so wonderful and strong for sharing. Kate, I will be praying for you ALL the time – I know He will bless you immensely in 2013.
Kate,
Thank you for sharing your past year and your heart with us your readers. I appreciate your vulnerability with us, I am sure it wasn’t an easy thing to do. I have added you and Justin to my prayer list. God is faithful and works all things together for good to those who love him. Believing that the peace he has given you at the beginning of this year will carry you through whatever comes along the way in 2013.
Amy
Kate, thank you so much for sharing this! I pray that God continues to give you peace.
I love your blog, and I am currently wearing one of you hairdos 🙂 When I read today’s blog, I read the first line about your struggle and started to cry. This too is my story. I have a sweet 4 year old and want more children. For some reason, #2 has been way harder than the first. We tried for a year and a half – nothing. We did it all too. I watched everyone around me announce babies on facebook, blogs, etc. and would get SO upset. I was completely surprised by this emotion as were you. The anger was crazy. So, I prayed. And prayed. And found peace. It took a while.
And what do you know? By the grace of God, I am pregnant with precious #2. So trust me, it will happen. I know it. I feel it.
Thank you for sharing. God bless.
Congrats on #2! 🙂
Kate, I am so sorry that you are going through that emotional struggle! I’m going to share my story with you, not because it’s the same but because it’s the opposite. I get pregnant, let’s just say, easily. I have 2 little boys that are 18 months apart. In November, I found out I was pregnant again. I was in total shock, not knowing if I could handle 3 little children. I was scared out of my mind. As the weeks passed, I became more used to the idea that I was going to have a 3rd baby. That is until December 27th, when I started bleeding. I was shaking, and so scared. I knew something was wrong. The next day it was immensely worse, and I went to the ER. It was there that I found out I was miscarrying my baby. I was alone, and the ER staff wasn’t very compassionate. My heart is very broken in a way that I didn’t know it could break. I mean, I never met this baby and it was only 8 weeks gestation so it shouldn’t be hard, right? Wrong. I’ve been avoiding people who knew I was pregnant, so I don’t have to say “Actually, I had a miscarriage.”, because it brings up all the feelings I’ve been hiding. Yesterday was the first time I had to do that, and I was on the verge of a breakdown right that second. I know this isn’t just like your story, but I want you to know that you are not alone when it comes to heartbreak. It’s hard, very hard, but because we believe in God and His plan, we can get through this. My best advice for you is to relax, take a breath, and try not to stress over it. I am praying for you, and hoping that God gives you a little bundle of joy. It WILL happen, and it WILL be the best gift EVER! *Sending you love from IN*
Kate, while I didn’t struggle with fertility, other reasons led to years of delay in having children when I wanted. I finally gave birth to my son in August. Looking into his eyes, knowing that I wouldn’t have him in my life had all of those other situations not taken place, gives me incredible peace knowing that there truly was a reason that I had to wait. I know that you will be a wonderful mom some day. I pray that you will be able to look into your child’s eyes and have that same peace VERY soon. **hugs!** Thanks for sharing. You are an amazing woman!
THANK YOU!!!
I myself have been struggling through for 2.5 years with no explanation. Some days are better than others. I never we would have to struggle to start a family. Every atom in my body has been tested, but I have not broken yet.
Continue to share your story because those of us who don’t need a voice. We may be on different paths but we are are all on the same journey.
Kate, this post is a wonderful witness. Thanks for sharing.
Kate,
Thank you so much for your raw honesty and vulnerability in this post today. It couldn’t have been easy to put your journey out here like this, but the Father knew these were words that I needed to read today. While my walk is different and my frustration has not been with pregnancy, I do understand hope deferred. Not understanding the where and why’s of God’s plan can be so frustrating for us sometimes, but knowing that others have faced this same thing is a gentle reminder that I’m human and it’s not my job to understand His ways. Thanks for the encouragement to lean in a little closer to His heart and trust Him today!
My dear sweet Kate. You are so special. I’m envious that you have found a place of peace. I struggled for 4 years to have a baby. I wish I would have found the words of God then. It’s not that I didn’t know him but I was so angry & bitter that I didn’t find the place of peace you have found. I went through 2 miscarriages, fertility treatments & eventually when I told my husband I wanted to stop it all & heal myself, that’s when my pregnancy became a sustainable embryo that we now call “the angry teenager”. You are a child of God & wonderfully made. Don’t forget that.
My heart resonates with you, Kate! May the promises of God sustain you as you wait on Him. Bless you.
Although I have no way of completely understanding what you have been going through, I have had friends who have experienced this situation and it just breaks my heart to know of the pain and frustration that they have been dealing with while attempting to get pregnant.
I have a feeling deep down that when my day comes to start a family, I know that it won’t be easy. I am sure I’ll face the same challenges and thoughts as what you have been dealing with. However, I can come back to your post and feel reassured that prayer and faith can do wonders – and let it happen when the time is right.
I know that your time will come, I have faith! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.
So brave of you to share your story with all of your readers! Sending you & Justin hugs and luck in 2013!
Thank you so much for allowing God to use you to inspire, touch and reach the hearts of others. What a blessing you and your blog are in this world. Will be praying for you and whatever God has in the future for your family! God bless you!
My dear sweet Kate. You are so special. I’m envious that you have found a place of peace. I struggled for 4 years to have a baby. I wish I would have found the words of God then. It’s not that I didn’t know him but I was so angry & bitter that I didn’t find the place of peace you have found. I went through 2 miscarriages, fertility treatments & eventually when I told my husband I wanted to stop it all & heal myself, that’s when my pregnancy became a sustainable embryo that we now call “the angry teenager”. You are a child of God & wonderfully made. Don’t forget that.
This post brought tears to my eyes. My prayers go out to you and your husband. I am so glad that you found your peace in the Lord and I pray that you continue to dwell there as you walk this path. Praying for answers and may God bless you guys with a bundle of joy in 2013.
You are so strong for coming out about your struggles! As I’m sure you know, you’re not alone. I’ve had very severe and agressive endometriosis for years, and the doctors tell me I may never get pregnant or be able to carry full-term. I sometimes sink into sadness and anger when I see people having unplanned or teen pregnancies. Why is it so easy for them and not for me, someone who is dying to have a baby? My husband is always quick to remind me that my life is in God’s hands, and if we are meant to be birth parents, it will happen. Otherwise, we’ll be the best adopted parents a baby has ever known. Hang in there! You’ve got my prayers coming your way!
You hang in there too Wendy! I too struggled with endometriosis and all of the complications that are part of endo. It’s a difficult journey regardless of how it ends. So thankful that we’re not alone and that God has our backs. 🙂
Kate, praying for your heart. Praying for your family. Praying you continue in peace. Love!
Kate, thanks so much for sharing. I have a couple of friends that have or are currently struggling with this, and I know first hand how raw and painful their waiting is. Just remember it’s okay to be frustrated and disappointed — just keep drawing near to God and He will be faithful to meet you where you are. Thanks again for your story, it was such an encouragement to me today. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your heart, Kate. I know that posting something so personal is not easy. Like you and so many other women, I have faced similar situations this past year. Your post was such an encouragement to me this morning. I heard a Jim Elliot quote this past week that really spoke to me – “God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.” I will be praying for you and your Hubby.
~ Alaina
Sweet Kate… I know you don’t know me, but through your AMAZING writing, I feel like I know just a small, small part of you. I’m so glad to hear that you have come to a better place. But know that whatever you are feeling (angry, scared, frustrated, etc.) – those are YOUR feelings. Whatever you feel, that is what God allows you to feel. Once you turn to him, he can help you with those feelings and turn them into something amazing, which is sounds like he has already done!
I know great things are in store for you and your husband, and I will pray for you both. I will pray for patience, peace, guidance, and something to complete your heart. Know that there are many of us – that you don’t know – that wish you and your family all the best, and are happy to support you in any way that we can.
Thank you – SO MUCH – for sharing your very personal story. It’s nice to know that we are not alone.
Blessings – Jenn
I just want to thank you so much for sharing your heart and what you’re going through! My husband and I have been trying for almost two and a half years and are actually moving forward with medical treatment right now. It’s still a scary/exciting/nerve wracking time, but we have decided to fully put our trust and hope in the Lord, and that is what has gotten us through every step of this journey.
This might sound strange, but I’m proud of you for sharing this! I remember how I felt at one year, and I had not yet made peace with our situation; I was still angry and a little bit in denial. You are stepping out in faith and God honors that. The one thing that I’ve learned through all this is that it can either be all for God’s glory, or not. We’ve chosen to give God glory with our infertility by first of all, trusting Him with it and letting him guide us. God has also used our situation to give me opportunities to speak to and minister to other women who are either in the same situation or something like it. After all, how many of us want something that we can’t seem to attain whether it be a baby, a husband, the perfect job, a house, etc.? Satan would love for us to feel alone in our struggle but the truth is that infertility is just another chance for us to surrender our lives and desires to God, and like your beautiful quote said, wait for Him to surprise us. I’ll be praying for you and your husband and please know that you’re not alone!
I had a friend who tried for years. She had almost given up. Today she has four, the youngest of which is in high school (and was a surprise). Ironic, no? I pray God grants you the desire of your heart, and that you can continue to trust him with the “how.”
I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog over the past few weeks (I’m late to the game, I know), and I know how difficult it can be to get your deepest, and sometimes darkest, secrets out on paper – let alone on the internet for the world to see. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! When I’m struggling with my faith and understanding the things that happen (or don’t happen) in my life, I cling to this:
“Faith in God includes faith in His timing”
I hope your 2013 is filled with blessings and happiness and answered prayers!
Kate, thank you so much for posting this. Infertility is the absolute worst. We are on year 5 of trying for our 2nd. I can’t tell you how many tears I’ve cried due to infertility. It kills me that I can’t give my son a sibling. But, I continue to have hope and pray everyday. I hope you don’t have to go through too much before you get your miracle. St Gerard is the patron saint for mothers. God bless you.
Kate,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wonderful husband. he is such a blessing to have during a time like this. My husband and I have been married for almost 1.5 years, so we have not yet started trying. We may soon, so your words are encouragement for my future and the journey we plan to take. Thank you so much for sharing. Love, hugs, support, prayers, thoughts and good wishes are sent to you from Roanoke, VA!
Thank you for sharing Kate. I am sitting at my desk reading and tearing up…that was beautiful. We had our son very easily and then when I became pregnant again a couple of years later (with twins!)we lost the first baby at 8 weeks and the second at 14…right after we announced the pregnancy. A few months passed and I miscarried again at 6 weeks. I used to ask God “why me?” and then it hit me like a ton of bricks: why NOT me? He has a plan… I didn’t know what His plan for me was, but I decided to just trust in Him and see what he had in store for us. I went on to have two more healthy pregnancies that resulted in beautiful baby girls. When I look at those little lovebugs I know that He knew that these babies were meant for me – and that I look forward to my angel babies showing me all around heaven someday. You are in my prayers. Take care!
Thank you for sharing your personal struggles. As a fan of your blog and a follower of your fashion I admire you. I will pray for your continued patience and that answers are given so that you and your husband may grow your family- however God has planned. Stay strong!
Kate – Thank you for sharing this part of your journey, I know it isn’t easy to talk about. From reading your blog every single day I feel like I know you and want to give you a huge hug! I am praying for you and your husband.
This is such a hard thing, and the pain and sorrow of seeing that negative test month after month is such a uniquely female experience that you put so well in to words. We struggled with infertility and miscarriages for years before conceiving our daughter and knowing that the problem lied entirely in my hormonal imbalances made it all too ready to blame my self.
I can say that the month I made peace that maybe I would never be a mother, that maybe there was a different path my life was supposed to take, was the month I pregnant with my precious daughter 🙂
I would also highly recommend looking in to a vitamin/ herb called vitex. It does wonders for hormone/ovulation regulation.
Sending love and baby wishes your way!
you are strong and amazing, I love reading your blog post.God has a plan for that is the best ever!
You are a brave and courageous woman. Thank you for sharing. I hope that one day I can follow in your footsteps and share my struggle with infertility. You and Justin are in my thoughts and prayers.
What a beautifully written post. I can only imagine what you have been going through. You are an amazing person to have found the strength you needed in God and to place your trust in him. I will pray for you and your husband. The adventure to motherhood and motherhood itself is an emotional rollercoater. Cry at times, be angry and find peace. Remember it may not always be easy to find peace and to trust God’s plan and that’s okay. Continue to remember that God has a plan for you. I am sure as amazing as you are the plan is amazing also.
Just wanted to say sorry 2012 didn’t go as planned, and hoping for 2013 to be better for you! My husband and I tried for quite some time to get pregnant, it took two years but we were blessed with a beautiful little girl and two years later two handsome boys!
Gosh, it’s so true. We grow up dreaming what our life will look like when we grow up – complete with our husband and however many kids we think we want. No one ever talks about the fact that it might not happen just as we’d planned. No one ever talks about the struggles and trials and tribulations of getting pregnant, being a mother, and even being a wife. You’re wise beyond your years to have realized that God has a plan for you and it’s up to you to discover that path. I will pray for you that you’re able to find the path and for your subsequent journey. Kudos to you for sharing your story so that others may benefit from your experiences.
A beautiful post, Kate. Beautiful! I don’t even know you but I think you are a doll! Blessing and best wishes to you 🙂
Kate,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Infertility seems to be a stigma in our culture that isn’t talked about very much and I commend you for sharing your story. My husband and I also have struggled with infertility for years. I am actually pregnant now and due in August 2013, but it took a long time to get here and we still have hurdles to get over. It took us 2.5 years and medical intervention to get pregnant. Don’t feel ashamed or defeated because you have to turn to medicine. It’s there for a reason; to help those of us who struggle to have children. My husband and I tried for 2.5 years without a single positive test! We went to a fertility Dr and got a battery of tests done and we were unexplained infertility which is even more frustrating! So, we turned to IUIs (Intrauterine Insemination). The first one didn’t work. The 2nd one worked but sadly it ended in a miscarriage. The 3rd one worked and I am almost 11 weeks pregnant now! We are having an invasive CVS genetic test done on our baby next week because my husband carries a chromosomal translocation, so we’re not out of the water yet until we get the results back on our little miracle. Sorry to ramble on but please don’t give up. I’ve been where you are at and it is hard, but you will pull through. God has a plan. I highley recommend you see a fertility Dr so you can start getting some answers so you can get closer to your dream of having a baby! My hearts goes out to you and your husband and wish you the best of luck because you deserve it. Please keep your chin up and know that you will get your little miracle when you least expect it. ((HUGS))
OHHHHHH KATE! this is beautiful. the longest word in the Bible…in the dictionary for that matter is wait.
“I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD!” Let those words in Jeremiah sink in. Although you don’t know, it’s pure comfort, sheer joy and blessed excitement to rest in the promise that HE knows! I just wish we could sit down with delicious coffee and I could tell you all I know about waiting in the Lord–ha!
Congratulations on your breakthrough. Don’t give up and ENJOY the journey!
xoxo
Thank you for sharing your heart. I know what it’s like to be in your shoes. I wanted a baby so bad and for 10 months nothing happened. I was jealous of all my friends who were getting pregnant, but my mom told me to stop worrying and thinking about it so much. So I did. I put it in God’s hands and I stopped trying to have control. We went on vacation to Maui and I came back with a souvinier 😉 that was 7 years ago, and I have an almost 6 year old daughter. In 2009 I had surgery on my cervix and they told me I would have a difficult time getting pregnant. And that I would have to wait up to a year to start trying. I wrote a blog about how I felt, about God’s perfect timing. Little did I know I was pregnant for the 2nd time when I wrote that blog. I had complications with my pregnancy, went on bed rest at 20 weeks. But I had another beautiful daughter who is now 2. I am thankful my body can bear life. Begin to thank God for your wanted child, he knows your hearts desire Kate 😉
You described how 2012 was for me perfectly. My mom was diagnosed, treated, and now in remission for Hodgkins Lymphoma and we struggled with being unable to conceive as well. I am very familiar with the anger with God, yourself, and the world and it is a dark place to be in. I chose to have an HSG done (a radiology procedure to make sure my ovaries and tubes were clear). After the test, I also chose to give up my anger and frustrations and accept that what’s going to happen will happen. Doing something different really helped me as did letting go of the anger.
Whatever the future holds for you and your husband, you are lucky to have each other and to be on the same page. Good luck and I’m sending prayers your way!
Wow! Thank for sharing this. You are a inspiration you give hope, and faith a chance, when most women would just lay down and cur-come to the thought of not getting pregnant. I’m also am a true believer that the Lord will take care of you, and that he will never take you to, what he can’t take you through. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Kate,
I loved this post! I have felt the same way so many times in the past few years. My husband and I have a little girl. We have been trying since she was two to get pregnant- she will be five in July. I was too was angry. God spoke so clearly to me one day during my prayer time. Wasn’t what He had already given me sufficient? Yikes! Friend, I am praying for you! Thank you for putting my thoughts to words! Love you!
What a gift that you were willing to share this part of your story with this community. I am reminded yet again that behind the helpful videos, scrumptious recipes, beautiful pictures, and stylish outfits, there is pain. And raw emotion. And struggle. And transformation. Sometimes the complexity and difficulties of life can get lost in the blogging world, but your courage to be human and to lean on the strength of the Lord is a deeper inspiration than any other lesson you’ve taught us. May the peace of Christ continue to guard and guide you.
Wow, I think you and I had identical years. I was so glad to see 2012 go because it was a hard and dark year for us too. December marked 1.5 years of trying to get pregnant for us (in our mid-20’s, healthy adults), but like you, I recently had a “breakthrough” and finally put it all in God’s hands. I can finally smile and be happy for a sister-in-law that got pregnant after 3 months of “kinda trying, but not really”. 🙂 Thank you for being braver than I am by putting yourself out there and sharing with all of us. Please keep us updated on your journey!
My husband and i have been together for 16 years. We have a son who is , got pregnant 3 months after we got married. Easy, so why would i think it wouldn’t be the same the next time? I wanted my kids 4 years apart……this was “the plan”. We tried and tried, nothing. I finally went to a fertility specialist, he did a lap on me, results were fine. I started taking some infertility meds that would hopefully help, nothing. He did another lap and this time i was full of endometriosis. My tubes were 100 percent blocked. That was it, no chance now….well some how i ended up getting pregnant. We were over joyed! Then we lost the baby. A very dark time, for a very long time. Then i just decided to be thankful for my son and just enjoy! Years later we thought about fostering to adopt. We got or baby girl when she was a day old! We finally ended up getting her adopted 3 days after sheturned 2 🙂 i believe now that everything happens for a reason. God knew that someday this beautiful little girl would need us…..as much as we needed her. Thinking of you 🙂
You have no idea how perfect the timing is for this post! My husband and I are walking the same path as you and Justin. We too started trying last February. We tried for several months, but it became too stressful so we stopped for a few months and then have now picked back up again.In the back of my head I have always had a fear of not being able to conceive naturally or having a problem. It never fails that when I’m having the hardest day with the stress of trying to get pregnant the song “While I’m Waiting” comes on and I can’t help but break down. I have the hardest time giving it all to Him and just wait. I know he has a plan, waiting is just the hard part. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers for I know what you are going thru. Thank you for being so open and honest with what’s going on. God has great plans for you and I’m sure being an awesome mother is in that plan!
My heart breaks when a woman is trying to get pregnant and just can’t. My prayers go out to you and your husband, my sis in law and her husband were going through the same thing..they have been married about 6 yrs now and after trying, trying, trying..boom! She is expecting and due in June. You’re in a good place, understanding that God is good and gracious regardless of circumstances. I’m encouraged by that and I’m sure many others will be as well. Thank you for sharing your story. Psalm 46 1-3 🙂
Thank you for your post. Although I’m not struggling with infertility, my year has been similar to yours. I’m having some hormore imbalance problems. I’ve been very uncomfortable and in pain for over a year. The only thing keeping me from depression is God. I’ve grown so much over the past year. My faith has grown. My husband and I are closer than ever. I’m still not feeling 100%, but I can look back on the past year and be glad that God has gotten me through it. These are the songs that I listen to everyday: Everything (Colton Dixon version), How He Loves (David Crowder Band) and Only a Man (Jonny Lang). I’ll be praying for you and your husband that God blesses you with a baby soon. He knows your heart and your desires.
I can’t imagine how difficult that was to write… and post! Thank you for sharing. Stay strong! Praying for you and Justin and all the women out there trying to get pregnant!
My heart breaks when a woman is trying to get pregnant and just can’t. My prayers go out to you and your husband, my sis in law and her husband were going through the same thing..they have been married about 6 yrs now and after trying, trying, trying..boom! She is expecting and due in June. You’re in a good place, understanding that God is good and gracious regardless of circumstances. I’m encouraged by that and I’m sure many others will be as well. Thank you for sharing your story. Psalm 46 1-3 🙂
Thank you for your candid honesty and sharing what you are learning. I needed to hear this so much! My husband and I will start our “journey to a family” this year after being married for 2 1/2 years. I’ve had baby fever for a long time now but waiting until the right time has been both hard and worth it. God is so good! I hope you don’t mind me sharing the picture you posted. That particular part of the devotion hit right at my heart as well. May the Lord bless you and your husband in this journey and reward you for your devotion to him. God bless, Katie, and thank you for all your posts. You truly have many gifts and share them in such a loving way. It’s so obvious to me the Christ shines through you in all that you do. ❤
This was a beautiful post, thank you so much for sharing with us and reminding us who our Rock is. “When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the Rock that is higher than me.”
Thank you for this post. I only wish I had read it while I was going through what you are dealing with now. My husband and I tried for 2 years before we finally got pregnant. We have a precious baby boy now, but I remember being angry and jealous of others having babies. I would really get upset to read stories of people not wanting their babies, having abortions, etc. Meanwhile, every time my sister and her husband decided they were ready to have a baby, it happened immediately. Everyone is different, and it is definitely hard to understand. I think God knew when I would be ready to be a mom and now I wouldn’t change it. I pray for you and all the other women going through this. Thank you for being so open on a subject that is usually kept under wraps. May God bless you and your husband 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this. I think this post applies to anyone who is struggling through something right now. Whether it’s trying to get pregnant, a new job, financial hardship, illness….this applies. Trusting God should be the easiest thing ever, but for me personally it has been a serious struggle. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in that struggle (I’m not married/trying to get pregnant, but this year has had some devastating losses and challenges for me). Thank you for being open and honest and real.
This is so true Ashley. {{HUGS}} to you during your time of loss and challenges. 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your journey and being open with your feelings. I know it’s a difficult process and journey and all the mixed emotions that come along with it. Be encouraged that you are not alone in all of those difficult thoughts and emotions.
Infertility is VERY painful. In the midst of 2 very difficult years with life happenings and losses, my husband and I now know that with medical certainty that we will not have children biologically. Knowing that certainty has not made the pain any less difficult. However what helps to keep my hope is knowing that God really wants and has plans for us for a fulfilling, and happy life, even if we do not yet know what that will look like. I’m thankful that on those hard days I have that to cling to.
I will be praying that even on your best and worse days to come that you will continue to feel comforted while walking through your thoughts and feelings on this journey.
Thank you again for being beautifully transparent.
Shannon 🙂
Kate, I came to your blog via a link from a friend. I am always encouraged by reading a believer’s “waiting” testimony. God had my husband and I wait 9 years and 3 months for our first child (not that I counted or anything…) and He taught me so much about Himself and about MY wretched heart during that time. I had friends and children of friends (who came along and grew up while we were trying!) praying for me. One sweet friend pointed me to Hab 3:17-19. So many people know v 18-19 “Yet, I will trust in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation and He has made my feet like hinds feet and makes me walk on my high places” what they aren’t as familiar with is how v17 goes…”Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vine, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls,…” everything in v17 is *barren* — *empty*…just. like. I. was. and then v18 comes crashing in with that great first word: YET I will exult in the LORD (my emphasis on “yet”). YET…despite ALL that is true in V17, I will CHOOSE TO TRUST in the Lord. I will CHOOSE to exult in the Lord. “Yet…” it’s a choice! Radically changed my thinking about the entire infertility situation. It was the first of many things that God used to reveal sins I was harboring in my heart!
Man, was that ever convicting. And encouraging. God is so kind to give us truth from His Word when we need it and how we need it! Praying that you will learn the lessons God is wanting to teach you through this trial.
Kate – thank you so much for your post today. I know that wasn’t an easy thing to open up about, but it touched me today! I think we all deal with things that are hurtful and hard, and it is so hard to walk away and know that God knows what’s going to happen and he will take care of us. It’s so hard to not know the next thing – I’ve been praying about this myself a lot lately, and your post helped me think more on the power of prayer and how important it is to have faith. Thank you! God Bless!
Kate, you are simply wonderful. As I read your post tears were streaming down my face. My heart ached for you and your struggle. I’m in awe of your bravery, it takes a strong person to put it all out there. So many women share your struggle and it helps so much to have other people to relate to. I pray that you have continued peace and that you may one day be blessed with a perfect gift from God. God’s Blessings be with you!
I so understand your heart. The desire to have children is fierce. I have a complicated and really non existent relationship with God after my journey, but I am glad you have something to hope in.
We struggled with infertility for 10 years. After praying and trying natural things for the first 7, we started the medical route. Since 2010, I have had four surgeries. I have spent over $50,000 in medical bills. I have had three miscarriages. And in the last two years I have delivered 2 stillborn babies (one at 16 weeks/4 months, a girl named Eve and one at 24/6 months weeks, a boy named Caleb). It turns out getting pregnant wasn’t my only problem. Life can be cruel. This year, I welcomed a sweet baby boy named Seth, whose name in Hebrew means “chosen” and “appointed”. He is in his crib right now squealing and squeaking. He wasn’t born alive, but was resuscitated at delivery and is now thriving. I also dealt with a heart condition called “Broken Heart Syndrome”, an illness that recreates a heart attack over and over and is brought on by trama, throughout my pregnancy and after it.
I so wish our journey was different. Easier.
I hope yours is too.
from, an Infertile Sister
Kim, thank you for sharing this. My husband and I have been trying for years, with medical help, and not even one pregnancy to show for it. I also have an almost non existent relationship with God. I started out so faithful, and then God/life just kept knocking me down (and kicking me when I got there). At this point, I consider myself more of a deist – I still believe in God, I just don’t think he’s involved in our little lives. It is the only way I can make sense of all this. A good and loving Father would NOT let his beloved children go through what we go through here on earth. He would not give multiple babies to women who abuse and kill them, and withhold babies from women who would do nothing but love them.
Kate, Thank you for sharing your personal story with the world. You are a brave woman for sharing your story, and I hope that it helps other women as they struggle with their own frustrations and confusions to know that they are not alone. Your recent posts about living a healthier lifestyle shows that you are committed to taking care of yourself, not only spiritually, but also physically. I believe those two things together will help you overcome anything. Good luck to you and your husband. Best wishes.
Kate, thank you for sharing this incredibly personal, difficult part of your life with us. My husband and I tried for a couple of years and after no success we gave up thinking that when the time was right it would just happen. We wanted to try again a couple of years ago and I had severe complications that landed me in the hospital having to have an emergency D&C and two blood transfusions. I had prayed for a child of our own for so long that it was hard to change my prayers to asking that His will be done. I know it’s cliche, but I have to tell myself that there is a reason for everything, however I know the anger and heartache you felt. I hurt that I can’t give my parents a grandchild. I work with addicts and I currently have a client who is pregnant with her third child, her older two aren’t in her custody, I get angry. Why her and not me? Then I remind myself this is God’s plan for us, whether it’s just for now or forever, I’m trying so hard to trust it, and in the meantime, I’m being the best Auntie I can be! I’m praying for you and Justin. I pray God answers your prayers and blesses you with children.
I just read your post with tears streaming down my face. You have a lot of courage in sharing your story – I went through infertility as well for 2 years and had to come to overcome my sense of shame that I couldn’t just do what a woman was just “supposed” to be able to do. When I finally reached out it became overwhelmingly obvious that this issue is HUGELY common and there was no need to feel ashamed. There is hope – with medical help, our first son was born on our 3rd wedding anniversary; our second arriving 2 years later. Praying for you, Kate!!
Though my struggles are not in the same vein as yours, I am encouraged by your sharing. Thank you for that!
I am praying for you too! I love what you said on how He knows. Yes, our Father knows. And He can’t wait to share His plans for us because He’s even more excited about them than we our. I, too, have gone through a lot this year – lots to be happy and excited about but also a year of transition. The wait is hard. And learning to wait is harder. I’m praying for you my sister, and am so thankful and blessed that you shared your heart with us. Thank you! May God bless you even more abundantly!
of all things I needed to read this morning, this is what I needed. I have been struggling with wanting so badly to know my path in life… reading this reminded me that I just need to let.it.go. Thank you.
Precious story. Thank you for being so real. I battled anger with God when my Mom died at an early age, it’s an awful place to be. It took me two years to get to that point where I could give it up and allow peace & acceptance back into my life. As difficult as that time was, I learned so.much.from.it. Grace has a new meaning to me. Faith has a new meaning to me. I tolerate the unknown and times where there are just no answers so much more for having gone through it. Here’s to a sweeter story when you close out 2013!
First I’m so sorry you are going through and second I thank you for having the courage to write about it. My husband and I have been in the same situation since August 2011. It’s such a hard, dark time and like you I can’t believe how wonderful and supportive my husband has been. I’ve also struggled with letting go and letting God’s plan take the lead, I am a planner to a fault I’ve learned 🙂 But I agree with you when you said you will not miss 2012. We had a few minor procedures done and decided that we won’t move on to IUI or IVF and that whatever God’s plan is for us, we will gladly follow. We’re now starting to look into adoption and I’m still working on coming to terms with the fact that we may always just be a family of two. But if that is the case, we are still a ‘family’ no less. I’ll be praying for you and Justin and all the other couples out there. It’s hard too at this age where it feels like there is another friend every day getting pregnant. But I know, as for us, God has big things in store for you and great blessings! Each day will get better. Thanks for being so open.
Kate,
I also struggled w/infertility. It’s not an easy thing to deal with and it was hard for me to listen to all the advice people had for us. I was lucky enough to have two amazing pregnancies and now am Mom to three boys…with lots of help from an incredible infertility specialist.
I wish you the very best. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing your struggle with this. I know it has helped many other women out there going through the same thing right now.
Colleen
Kate,
I also struggled w/infertility. It’s not an easy thing to deal with and it was hard for me to listen to all the advice people had for us. I was lucky enough to have two amazing pregnancies and now am Mom to three boys…with lots of help from an incredible infertility specialist.
I wish you the very best. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing your struggle with this. I know it has helped many other women out there going through the same thing right now.
Colleen
Thank you Kate for writing this! I know you may not be able to read or even respond to my message but either way I wanted to say thank you. Even though I am not going through exactly what you are going through I am extremely grateful for your transparency of youremotions and how you overcame them. It is a testiment to me in the current season I am in my life and gives me hope that I can also overcome my emotions. But most importantly knowing that you put your trust in God and what example that is! Again thank you for being honest and awesome 🙂
Thank you for sharing! We had a five year season of hurting, losing pregnancy after pregnancy… but it was during that season I learned the true meaning of JOY. I learned it wasn’t about me, but about glorifying God through the hurt, and holding out hope because His plans are far more important than my own. It was also during that season when I realized just how common this type of situation is… I don’t say that to downplay anything, even the slightest bit. I say it because it’s something that women tend to keep secret until someone else is brave enough to speak out. It’s only then that people feel the courage to say “Hey, that happened to me too!” You reach such a broad audience, and are so loved by your readers. So thanks for sharing your story so that someone else may feel the courage to share theirs.
This is absolutely, exactly what I needed to hear (read) this morning. As a single 30-something, the idea that I am not yet married has never really bothered me…until this year. Apparently there is such a thing as the baby “itch” and it kicked in for me in a big way recently as well. So not being married, not being a mom…yeah, emotions ran high this year. But it is so sweet to have fresh reminders all around me through friends, family, church and even blogs, that God is near, He is all knowing and He is good and my job is simply to walk in His presence and let Him love me. Thanks for your transparency this morning…its just what this Texas girl needed.
Thank you for being so courageous in sharing your story with all of us. God is using you in more ways than you know, Kate. While in prayer sometime last summer it was put on my heart to pray for you concerning pregnancy. I felt a little strange about it because you don’t know me and I had no clue if my prayers were needed at all. I guess it just goes to show that God was at work at all times, in strange ways that we may never even realize. I will continue to pray for all of these women who have poured their hearts out. Lots of love!
Kate,
What a truly revealing post. I have to say that you are speaking to my soul as your words were read.
My mom was told she would never have children after 13 years of marriage and was scheduled to have a hysterectomy. After she felt what she described as her intuition- she canceled the appointment and one month later ended up pregnant with me (34 years ago). Because of my moms struggles- I have been keenly aware that becoming pregnant can be a lot more difficult then anticipated and I’ve always had in the back of my mind that I should never expect it to be easy for myself because of my moms difficulties.
My husband and I have just seriously started to “try” this past month and I feel my relationship with the Lord is deeply connected in this because I have to know that HE knows what is right for us. I won’t lie, I am aware that there might be times when I have anger and frustration that we aren’t pregnant. I am also aware of the complete miracle that it is to actually become pregnant. Either way, I have chosen that I need to except his path for me and our family. (Which, it’s hard to release all of that control for someone like me). Maybe becoming a mother won’t involve pregnancy for me, or maybe it will.
I feel as if we have had similar questions and inner dialog- even though I’m just “starting” and you have been “actively trying” and I want you to know that you are not alone. You have the Lord- which you are well aware of AND you have people like me having similar emotions and feelings. I pray every day that HE with bless me with the opportunity to become a mother. I pray for EVERYONE, you included, for ALL the women who are trying to become mothers.
Thank you for opening up and sharing, I truly appreciate your transparency.
xoxo
Charlie
Beautifully, beautifully said. I love that last line you wrote. Blessed assurance from our Lord is the greatest gift! (even though we always look for answers!)
I hope and pray you and your husband find and are at peace with whatever answer God has for your life.
Kate, That is very brave of you to share your struggle with us. Please keep the faith and stay positive. I know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I tried for a little over 2 years to get pregnant. There was no medical reason that it wasn’t happening, it just wasn’t happening. In February 2010, we got the most amazing news that we had waiting so long for, and our beautiful Teague was born on October 26 of that year. Just so you know that there are so many of us that have gone through what you are going through. I’ll be thinking of you and praying for “positive” news for you and your husband very soon.
Kate, thank you for your honest view into this very difficult experience. I know there are many women that may read your blog that look up to you in many areas – style, fashion, design, encouragement etc… While I’m sure you don’t know the reasons for the difficulty you and Justin may have during this season of your life I am CONFIDENT that your honesty and openness about this struggle will be used to his glory and will bless and encourage others who are going through this same experience. While I don’t know you personally, please know that there are women around the country that are lifting you up in prayer (myself included). May God bless your devotion to him during this difficult time!
Long time reader, never commented. Your words moved me to comment, though! I am praying diligently for you right not. Your post left me bobbing my head in feverish agreement and sobbing quietly at my desk. I am struggling with secondary fertility currently. My husband and I have been trying for 8 months now. We have a daughter, so I feel guilty and gluttonous for being upset at wanting more. But a hole remains in my heart for another child, nonetheless. You wrote my pain and struggles perfectly and beautifully. I added you to my list of daily prayers. Thank you for the reminder that I’m not alone and that we have to strive to accept God’s will and timing. Sometimes a very tall order to fill, but our calling!
Your honesty is something to be admired. I will be praying for you and Justin as you continue to try to conceive. It’s a hard road, I’m certain, I dealt with miscarriage on my first pregnancy and I remember those same feelings…but His timing is ALWAYS perfect! It’s very big of you to sit back and realize that. Love that quote from Oswald Chambers.
Kate–I don’t know if you read all of these comments, but I want you to know that you have personally touched my life. For the better. So much for the better. I was content in my frumpy ways, I didn’t pay close attention to looking at myself, because I wasn’t happy with myself. After starting to take a closer look, I realize I am happier and more self-confident, and SO MUCH of that has to do with your advice and tips on this emotional outpouring that you call The Small Things Blog. I no longer feel frumpy on the inside, and it is shining through on the outside. Part of this, like I said, is due entirely to you! I got my first few compliments in what seemed like years because of a few hairstyles I tried from your tutorials. I wear makeup more confidently now, because I have actually learned a little bit about it.
You’ve also made a life time follower out of me–my husband and I have been trying for over 6 years to become pregnant. I know that may sound crazy of a 27 year old to say, but I was orphaned at a young age and have been over-eager to start my own family. I can recognize with the anger, the jealousy, the complete sorrow. Even tonight I have ANOTHER baby shower I’m going to. My husband doesn’t understand why I put myself through the “torture”. I’m not sure sometimes, either. I wish I had your astounding faith. You seem more at peace. I was, however, raised by an atheist father, and have had trouble with the faith part my whole life.
I want you to know I’m cheering for you, sending good, positive thoughts your way. You are constantly an inspiration to me.
Please know that.
And thank you. Thank you so SO much!
Kate,
I am so terribly sorry for your struggle. My husband and I wanted to add to our family 3 years ago, and suffered from secondary infertility and as of yet, still have not had that baby! It is so frustrating and the anger and jealousy and sorrow are part of that struggle. I know a lot of women can relate and we are all thinking about you ♥♥
It’s comforting to know that others have felt what my husband and I have felt. You put this into words beautifully. Thank you for being brave enough to share. Fortunately, our prayers were finally answered. In July we’ll get to hold our beautiful gift from God.
Thank you for writing such a wonderful blog every single day.
Praise God for your heart that wanted to change! Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us!
Kate, you need the book Taking Charge Of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It is amazing and full of valuable information that my Dr. didn’t tell me. It has worked for me and two friends I have shared it with.
Best of luck, it will work out!!!
Kate, I like many others, who have commented, found inspiration in your words. My story may be different then yours, but ultimately the outcome was the same. I often found myself in prayer as I drove to and from work. Most times pleading with my Heavenly Father for understanding, asking why, and most importantly asking for peace and comfort. I have on many occasions instantly felt at peace, with a knowledge that everything will work out okay. This experience has been a gentle reminder that my life is in the Lords hands. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Thank you again for your words.
Kate,
It is extremely difficult to put that trust in God and just “let it be”. And it’s not a one time process…it’s over an over, sometimes multiple times a day. I was married for 8 years (and together 5 before that). My marriage ended with his infidelity. We both agreed that problems had been awhile coming, but I wasn’t prepared for that. I had been beating my head against a wall trying everything I could to fix it. He had already checked out. I was in my late 20s; I wanted children and to take that next step in my life. That didn’t happen. A few months after the divorce I found out he had gotten his mistress pregnant…before we were even divorced. They now have a boy. I cannot tell you how many angst filled times i’ve had asking “why me?”…how many tears i’ve shed…how many hours i’ve spent talking to a friend asking the same questions over and over. I just didn’t get (and still struggle sometimes with) why. Why did he get to do all those awful things (and there were more i’m not sharing) and then get rewarded with life–why was I alone and having to start over at 30–would I ever even have a family now.
It’s taken a long long long time and lots of praying for me to get where I am; I’m happy and in a serious relationship with an A-mazing man who I couldn’t even dream existed. I still want children, and I still pray that I’ll be blessed with them. I still have days where I struggle. Hearing pregnancy announcements pop up all around sucks sometimes!!
With all that said, I’ve been shown over and over that God has a plan. It may not be obvious to us while he’s getting us there…sometimes it feels like torture…but things happen for a reason. Keep putting your trust in him. The outcome may not be what you think you want…it may be even better. God Bless.
I am not a religious person but I do believe things happen for a reason, and that they happen when they are meant to happen. My mom had a difficult time getting pregnant, went through treatments and thought it wouldn’t happen. After 5 years they adopted a baby boy and 2 years later, a girl. Then 2 years later when they thought their family was complete my mom found out she was pregnant with me. At 33 I know what a miracle that was (or as my dad jokingly called – his drunken little accident). Things don’t always (or rarely) go as we planned but that is ok. It’s how we learn, to adapt, to accept change and appreciate everything.
“They say the journey of life is like a trek up a mountain. We spend most of our time putting one foot in front of the other. We get lost, we fall, we circle back and sometimes every step is a struggle, until the moment comes when we find our footing, when we are able to stop, take a breath and look up and see how far we’ve come and understand how beautiful that is. Then suddenly there are sparkles all around us like a jewel, and the world cracks open in all its loveliness and we’re filled with deep and abiding gratitude for all that we have and all that we are.”
Kate,
I am also one of your readers who feels as if I could have written this post. My husband and I have been trying for over a year. I have had the complete joy of seeing that darn stick turn positive three times since February. Unfortunately for me, that joy has been closely followed by extreme sadness at the loss of those babies. I have had two surgeries since June, the first to remove an ectopic pregnancy and the second to remove the fallopian tube completely. At times my heart has felt so heavy with grief, that I can’t leave the house. This new year has given me hope. I am finally putting my attention on God and leaving it all to Him. I want to thank you for sharing your story. I have been where you stand. It is a dark place filled with things I never could have imagined. Thank you for giving me this reminder today. I am heading into yet another month of uncertainty, but I know that God is letting my story unfold, the way He wants it to. I am sure that there is light at the end of this long horrible road. I will continue to pray for all of the women stuggling today. WE WILL GET OUR HAPPY ENDING.
Hi Kate,
Long time follower, first time commenter. We too, are going through some infertility issues. January marks 25 months of only one blue line. I went through all of the same emotions you described and finally found peace with it a couple months ago. I think it is all totally normal! I think that the idea of becoming a mother someday is a concept that effects a lot of the flow of a woman’s life. When you first get a period your body is ready. When you start dating, we are “practicing” chosing a father for our unborn children. When you chose a career its in the back of your mind. When you fall in love, its always a part of the conversation. Etc…. So for me, when my husband and I decided it was time, I felt like I was a failure that it didn’t happen like I’d imagined. And brave faces and congrats aside, it really sucks when a friend or cousin makes the big announcement. So anyway, just know that you’re not alone! Good luck to you on what every your journey may be, and at the very least…you have super cute hair. Love your tutorials 😉
Kate, thank you for sharing your story. You are so brave to open up like this to complete strangers, but we are all praying for you and for God to bless you with a little one soon! I don’t know you personally but I from what I read on your blog everyday you would be the best Mom!! Praying for you and your sweet husband!
Thank you for sharing this!!! My husband and I have been trying for 6 months now and each month we struggle to understand Gods plan. Praying for you and hoping its your time, very soon!!!
Kate, my husband and I have a similar story to yours on a road to get pregnant. It took us almost two years. After the first year I was very angry and my sweet hubby told me to open up to our family and friends and let them know we were trying so they could pray. I did not what to. I wanted to “surprise” everyone that I was pregnant. I wanted to be the one in control of when and where we would tell everyone and I wanted to be the “proud” mama to be! I did pray, took my hubby’s advice, called the doctor and took some other steps to come down from my place of pride. Your willingness to let your blog friends know about your struggle is a very big step in this journey of your life. Wow. I am so proud of you. I will be praying! I do have three little ones now. What a blessing. When God let us get pregnant, they all came close together. Whew. His timing was perfect. My heart breaks for you and also has hope and joy! God is in control. I LOVE reading your blog, it is a bright spot in my day!!! Thank you!
Kate,
This past year was very difficult for me too medically, with an illness that is chronic and can be life threatening. Needless to say I was tested physically and spiritually. I too, turn to and get a lot from music. My new favorite song is “Blessings” by Laura Story. The words and metaphors are so true. I think you would like it and it would relate to all of us.
Love your blog and your heart! Praying for you.
Nana T
I’ve been following your blog for almost a year now and want to thank you for teaching me so many things — not just how to make myself presentable but about relationships and God. It’s amazing to see how many people you’ve impacted through your blog!
Like all these posts have pointed out that this is a problem for so many. My husband and I didn’t think we’d be able to have children – an issue on his end (irreparable) – so i had come to terms with adoption or lots of cats. We were surprised with a miracle boy that shocked both us and his doctors! Now we’ve been trying for a while and are realizing that God blessed us with one beautiful boy (that we weren’t planning on) and that may be all we will have. Our life is not our own but His! He guides every step we take, even if we think we know better, He steers down a road that will teach us that He is the ultimate!
I’ll be praying for you and your husband through this gut wrenching journey! And when the time does come for Baby, imagine how amazingly good looking it will be!!! xoxo, Lauren Smith
Oh, Kate! This was such a beautiful post; I wish I could give you a hug. I have seen so many times when people let go, it happens. My friends were married for 10 years and finally gave up – a few years later, surprise! Now they have 2 gorgeous sons. What is meant to happen, will. Hugs from another Kate. 🙂
Kate,
I got pregnant right away the first time. I lost the baby right after we told everyone at around 8-9 weeks. We tried again lost the 2nd baby. Finally on the third try my doctor decided to put me on hormones for the first trimester. It worked!! Two years after my amazing son was born we decided to try again. I couldn’t get pregnant. We never had trouble before but no one could explain why we couldn’t this time. We tried for almost 2 years on our own. Finally, I went to a new Ob/Gyn and he suggested a fertility doctor. We did some more hormone therapy and began the IUI process. In the office procedure. Pregnant the first time! It couldn’t be explained. I have two beautiful boys now with all the struggles and ups and downs they are totally worth it. I would check into seeing a doctor or specialist. It doesn’t do anything to wait. Unfortunately, for us women time is not on our side. I never knew how many people struggled with the same issues as me. I wish you the best and I know it will happen for you.
Wow your post stirred up memories for me. I have 2 daughters both adopted at birth in open arrangements. My husband and i tried for 15 years. Proceedures drugs surgeries tears. Bottom line: our girls (24 and 20) are our children, which was our goal…to have children. They arent biological but thats ok. Its the way it is. Do i still wish i had been able to “have my own?” Sure, but ….i wish you patience and happiness along your journey. I would be more than happy to share my knowledge and experience with you if youd like.
also, remember that how you feel is always right for you. Theres no right or wrong. Even though we don’t know you, you feel like a sister to all of us. We are here to listen and support…..Hugs..
Dear Kate, I send you hugs and encouragement to not give up! I too have struggled with infertility, except in little different way. I can get pregnant, it’s holding the pregnancy that my body struggles with. I’ve had three miscarriages, two only months apart, but I have two beautiful miracle babies to help brighten my day. Each loss was a devastating blow, but the first one has left the biggest scar. It was my first pregnancy, I was having an ultrasound for the first time. I saw my baby and was so excited and madly in love! Then the technician told me there was no heartbeat. I can still remember every detail and I still cry. Anyway. I was prescribed progesterone while pregnant with my second child (5th pregnancy) in hopes of it helping, pretty much as soon as the test was positive, and thankfully she was born healthy and perfect. After she was born we decided we were done and my husband got snipped. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make, but with everything that happened, it was our only option. Looking back over the years, it became apparent that I had had many miscarriages but I didn’t know that was what was happening. After realizing this, I was told my chances of recurring miscarriages is pretty much expected. Add that onto the fact that after each loss, I became severely depressed, and well it’s not safe or healthy, for me to get pregnant again. Even though I’ve come to accept what has happened, this is still very painful. But I have three beautiful angels watching over me, who will never ever be forgotten and who will forever be loved, that I will see one day. As well as the two amazing beings here with me, that I can’t thank God enough for. And, we may add on to our family by adoption someday, who knows?
Just remember that you aren’t alone. Miscarriages and infertility isn’t as uncommon as we think, it’s just not talked about. We are everywhere and we all understand.
You have many options out there, so this isn’t an end to you building your family. Have faith! Don’t give up!
What a lovely and heartbreaking post.
I’m praying for you and your husband, not just that God will bless you with a child, but also that He’ll give you an even deeper understanding of His love for you and His plan for your family.
This post is so touching. Thank you for sharing. As perfect as people’s lives appear to be…they aren’t always what you think. I appreciate the perspective.
Hi Kate! Thanks so much for sharing your heart! It took my husband and me 5 months to get pregnant and it felt like an eternity. I struggled with the same things you did at the end before I finally did get pregnant. But I wanted to share with you my friend’s blog…she was infertile for 7 years…and now has 2 sweet girls and another on the way!! She has an amazing story, lots of references, encouragement, honesty, among other things on this blog! If you check out the labels section, I think that might help you maneuver around her page easier!
Psalm 113
God bless!
Hi Kate,
Wow. You really put your heart out there for us to see. Vulnerability and all. Tears fill my eyes reading this…in a good way. The Lord is bringing you to the place He wants you to be, in all his faithfulness. Whatever God’s plans are for you and Justin, they will be his best for you. Nothing less! <3 You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love ya!
I have been praying that God would place someone in my path who needs my prayers for this particular struggle. It seems funny that I daily read your blog for fashion and beauty advice, as well as for your devotions and grace. I know now that God placed you in my path because you need this particular prayer (and because I need fashion advice). I struggled with secondary infertility for 10 years. My husband and I have a beautiful daughter who will be 12 tomorrow. She is a gift that could only have been created by the King. I am a labor nurse and my husband is a physician. We also tried everything from IVF, to IUI, to a failed adoption, to every homeopathic idea we could think of. Many days, many months, the pain brought me to my knees. I questioned God, got angry with God, begged God, and finally accepted His plan for me. But I never felt the need to hide my struggle. I actually have always had the desire to share my journey. Although the chances of a pregnancy for me now – I turn 41 next month – are highly unlikely – I will now pray for your journey with the hope that someday you get to experience the joy of being a mother. The only advice I have for you is that it is ok to feel however you want to feel. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel about this journey. It is your journey that God has chosen for you and your husband. I found that I could not attend baby showers. Too painful. I accept that and now send a gift and my love. Cry when you want. Laugh when you want. Pray continuously and buy a new purse every now and then (that really helps!). I know that this journey will be one that ends in whatever it is God has planned for you. Grace and peace my friend. God is with you because He has been asked to walk with you. Susan
Kate – I don’t comment here much but, I really felt compelled to today. I can’t imagine how difficult this year has been for you. However, your realization of the Lord being there & being in total control is what I can relate to. After my fiance being laid off this past Monday & my daily Bible verse for that day being “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” Proverbs 23:1 I knew that was no coincidence – that was God talking for sure! He was letting me know that He is there with us & will take care of us. I know that these are his plans for us & our life & He will provide for us. So, if nothing else, cling to the Lord because He will provide as He sees fit. My heart & prayers go out for you & your husband!
XOXO,
Shayna
Thank you for being so honest with us. I’m not in the same position as you in my life, but there are other things. Things that feel out of control and cause similar emotions and feelings. Thanks for sharing this. It helps, maybe more people than you expected.
Prayers for you on your journey through 2013. It will be exciting to see what God has in store for you.
~FringeGirl
Kate, my heart goes out to you and I will be praying for you and your husband. Waiting is tough. Especially waiting when God knows the answers and we don’t. My husband and I tried for 10 years to have biological children. If that had happened, we would not have our handsome 8 yr old son and beautiful 5 yr old daughter from South Korea. Adoption was always on my mind and if you choose it, it is such a blessing!! (Adoption has also opened up a whole new community of friends to me literally all over the world.) So I was a little late to the mommy thing (our son arrived when I was 33), but they both definitely keep me young! : ) Best wishes and blessings to you!!
Hi Kate,
Someone once told me that God answers prayers in one of three ways:
1. “Yes”
2. “Not Yet”
3. “I have something better in mind”
I felt the same way you do now when I was single and longing to be with the man God intended for me. They were dark years, but now that I’m on the other side of them I know that the time I spent on my own makes me appreciate and value the wonderful man I married even more. We’re in the midst of trying as well and we’re having trouble. Every time I pray for our situation, I will include you in that prayer. God bless you both. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Kate,
Like many other women have shared my husband and I tried for 2 years before getting pregnant. The last year was extremely difficult as I could almost not bear taking another pregnancy test and it coming out negative. The most difficult part was attending kids birthday parties of close friends and seeing everyone there with a family or pregnant. I felt like I was “outside the circle”. It felt terrible. My turning point was when I stopped praying for a baby and started prayer for Gods Will to be done in my life. We began to look into fertility treatment and I was pregnant the very next month. Our little love bug arrived in June this year and every time I look at him I appreciate the journey and test of faith that my husband and I went on. Thank you for sharing. Reading some of the responses on here it seems to have helped a lot of women to talk about their struggles with fertility.
Kate- my thoughts go out to you and your husband at this time. I had an aunt and uncle who tried for a couple of years to get pregnant, then adopted. A year after they had adopted their first son, she got pregnant! Now, they have two boys!! God bless you, be patient and know that God has a plan…a greater plan than any of us may ever know.
Kate I’m so sorry to hear of your struggle this past year. In 2011 I had a miscarriage and it was the hardest thingto understand. Keep trusting in the One who knows all. Easier said than done, but it is the only way to learn. My husband and I now have a beautiful 7 month girl who we cherish dearly. Sending many prayers your way Kate!
Kate,
After a year similar to what you described, I gave birth to the most beautiful daughter! Just a month ago (my baby is now 26) I watched that beautuful girl marry her best friend, her soulmate, the man God made for her, while my other two children served as Best Man and Maid of Honor. I’ve so enjoyed your videos and getting to know you through your blog. I admire your sweet spirit. Keep praying and He will continue to hold you and your dreams. Coni xoxo
Kate,
Your open and honest writing style nearly brought me to tears. I’m touched by your willingness to share the ups and downs of your life in such a public manner. It’s a joy to follow your journey. Hoping 2013 will bring you happiness and health.
Kate –
I will pray with you and Justin that God’s plan is fulfilled. You are such an inspiration and I appreciate your honesty and candidness during this time. Good luck to you both!!!
My husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant. We then turned to infertility treatement after a miscarriage. All I needed was progesterone. It was too low to hold a pregnancy. Literally the minute after I stopped “trying” to get pregnant and stopped thinking about it all the time, it happened!I am now 19 weeks pregnant 🙂 Trust in God and trust in the fact that he is waiting for the perfect moment. I know exactly why it took us this long to get pregnant and I am so thankful that it happened when it did. I pray that you and your husband find faith through these hard times and finally get that little miracle. It could be the most simple fix ever, just do what you think is neccesary as far as medical assistance goes. I only did 1 month of infertility treatment and conceived naturally. I wish you all the luck in the world
Thank you for sharing your story. I can completely relate. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for over 2 years now. These last two years have been tough ones. We seeked medical help and it at least helped us realize what we are up against. After many blood tests, surgeries, appts., etc., we’ve decided IVF is the route that’s best for us. Many thoughts and prayers to you and your husband. Know that you are not alone.
Kate, I normally do not comment on posts, however I feel compelled to. Let me start by saying how very sorry I am for your heartache. And please know how much of an inspiration you are to many. While I do not struggle to get pregnant I do struggle to hold onto the pregnancy. 2010 was my “dark” year. In May my mother (age 54) died after a lengthy battle w/ cancer. I went for my first ultrasound (10 wks) and had miscarried, I had surgery the next week. My sisters apt was broken into and her car stolen. Did I mention this was all in the same MONTH?! I have never been mad (I’m using that term lightly) with God but I was beyond mad at him for taking so many people from me. I finally turned EVERYTHING over to God and was soon pregnant again. I believe God gives us the resources to help ourselves. For me, it was simply to take my temp daily and have a doctor who stayed “on top of things.” We now know I have to take medicine into my 2nd trimester in order for the pregnancy not to terminate. I know that when the day comes, you & your husband will be wonderful parents. Just as I know my mom’s in heaven taking care of my lil peanut. God Bless!
dear kate , i wish you all the best . my thoughts are with you – julia
What an amazingly transparent post. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. Although we all face different struggles, I think deep down we all struggle with the uncertainty of God’s plan. And that link from Oswald Chambers is exactly what I needed today. Can’t thank you enough for redminding me of His amazing plans for us even when we are bling to them. On a lighter note, I used your tutorial and wore my hair in the loop updo this past weekend and got TONS of compliments and even passed your blog name on to a friend 🙂 Many prayers being sent your way!
I don’t quite know what to say except thank you for writing this post- it speaks to my heart. You are in my prayers!
3
Kate, I was so moved by your post this morning! I know like many of your other readers that I struggled to get pregnant for 4 years before losing a pregnancy to a miscarriage. Believe it or not I found your blog when I spent many dark days grieving. I loved reading and trying new things to make the outside feel better than the inside did. After another 6 months of trying we were scheduled for a fertility surgery when I found I was pregnant at the pre-admission blood work! During those years of trying and loss my favorite verse was Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” My sweet baby girl was born 8 weeks ago and I can tell you that I don’t take her forgranted even for a minute. And I can certainly tell you that God’s timing IS perfect. I don’t know if you’ll read all this, but it is okay to question and shake your fist at God. There is no deeper sadness then wanting to be a mama and not knowing what is to be. Thank you for writing this post where your voice can be a comfort to so many other women. I am praying for you and I still keep my Isaiah 26:3 verse taped on my desk where when I read it, I’ll pray that His peace fills you. Thanks for the encouragement to continue to remember to trust Him!
My husband and I have been trying for 20 months. I know exactly what you’ve been going through. My faith in God and His plan for us has been about the only thing keeping me sane throughout it all. I finally got up the courage to make an appointment with an OB/GYN to get some answers. My appointment is this afternoon. Hopefully we will have some answers in the next couple months. And I pray that God grants you peace. Thank you for posting this. Blessings on your day.
I am not in your situation, but this post touched me so much this morning. I’m a huge fan of Mandisa and her last album focused on being real – real before God and real before others, letting others see our scars and fears and bad days and, yes, anger. You’ve done that so beautifully here, and God is using that to touch others who needed to hear this today, myself included. For a girl whose biggest, baddest, ugliest fear is the unknown, for a girl who has spent her life trying to know everything so to never be surprised or caught off guard, uncertainty is absolutely the most difficult spiritual struggle I have. Wish I could say I’ve conquered it or found a way to be okay with uncertainty but I cannot. Work in progress. Maybe one day.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, though I did not have issue with fertility per say, I did have trouble getting pregnant with my second child and then had miscarriage and for a long time I wondered why, did I do something wrong?…but god does have a plan and I realized it just was not the right time for that in my life. I went on to have 2 beautiful children after that. I am very blessed to have my 3 children and because I went through that it made me realize that even more. Whatever god brings down you path it is the right thing for you and your husband. I know it is hard sometimes but try to stay positive! It is really will help. ~Lisa
I am not in your situation, but this post touched me so much this morning. I’m a huge fan of Mandisa and her last album focused on being real – real before God and real before others, letting others see our scars and fears and bad days and, yes, anger. You’ve done that so beautifully here, and God is using that to touch others who needed to hear this today, myself included. For a girl whose biggest, baddest, ugliest fear is the unknown, for a girl who has spent her life trying to know everything so to never be surprised or caught off guard, uncertainty is absolutely the most difficult spiritual struggle I have. Wish I could say I’ve conquered it or found a way to be okay with uncertainty but I cannot. Work in progress. Maybe one day.
Thank you, Kate. This is beautiful and heartbreaking and uplifting and exactly what I needed to see this morning. I know it takes a lot of courage to share something like this. Seeing your faith and trust in the Lord’s timing helps my own faith to grow. Prayers for you and your husband!
I applaud you for telling your story. Bringing in to light is the first step in healing. You should not keep it to yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I too went through a long struggle trying to get pregnant. I am not sure what your issue may be, or even if it’s just timing is the issue, but I had PCOS. It took us two years and a miscarriage to get our sweet little boy. I could not listen to one more ” just relax, it will happen…..” When you have a medical issue that prevents you from getting pregnant, relaxing will not change that.
Anyway, know that you are NOT alone in your sruggle. This too shall pass. Easier said than done, I know.
One thing that really helped me get through it and face each dissapointing month after month was Michael Bubles song, I just havent met you yet. The words are perfect. You just haven’t met your little one yet. Much love to you and Justin.
Kate –
I admire you for being so vulnerable and sharing so much with us. I know first hand the anger, sorrow, disappointment and array of other feelings you are dealing with. My husband and I struggled for 3 years to get pregnant. The last year was my darkest, however, I grew so much in my faith from that year. We finally started seeing a Reproductive Endo in January 2010 after 3 years of negative after negative. First we tried drug therapy (clomid) which I responded well to but still wasn’t ovulating. Then we moved on to clomid + ovulation trigger shots to ovulate + IUI. After round 1 of that, still nothing. I remember falling to the floor weeping, but praying for strength and calmness, when they called me with the negative results of my blood test. Then, after round two… positive. I was pregnant. God had given me a miracle. My sweet Hailey Jo will be 2 tomorrow, I am here to tell you she was completely worth the wait. She is perfect. No matter what happens, wether it happens for you next month, or a while down the road I promise you the time only makes your heart grow fonder and you will forget about all of the heartache and passed time when you look into your sweet baby’s little face… it WILL happen for you, somehow, someway… God will deliver. I will pray for you and Justin daily, for strength, for calmness, for happiness, for a sweet little baby to hold. If you ever have any questions feel free to contact me. I wish the best for you and I am so happy you have found a peace in this and that you have given it all up to God! Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
One of my best friends in the entire world has a two-month-old miracle, after 4-1/2 years of trying. Keep your faith. And another miracle just happened. One of our other best friends, from the same block and elementary school in fact, had her daughter last Thursday, and due to delivery complications, had no heartbeat for 17 minutes; but due to an amazing medical treatment, and our zillion prayers, she does not have brain damage from the lack of oxygen. She is a miracle. That momma and daddy also struggled getting pregnant. Of the five of us best friends from forever, we all have had at least one miscarriage too. I only say these things to tell you that there are many of us out there who have struggled, and we all believed that we were meant to be parents and had faith that it would happen for us. We prayed a whole lot. As of last Thursday, we are all moms now. It brings tears to my eyes.
Not being able to get pregnant has been my greatest fear (yes, even more than snakes — and I am terrified of snakes) for well over ten years. Somewhere in that decade, and the more I experienced the complex ways of life and relationships, somewhere in my heart I prepared myself for circumstances like this. We have yet to try getting pregnant, so I have no idea what my circumstances will be. But if that time ever comes, I will be referring back to the comforting nature of this post. Thank you for taking the time to carefully craft your words and share a very personal piece of your life with your readers. I know that the comments will provide you with even more hope and peace. Be well, Kate.
Kate,
Thank you so much for sharing your hard journey with us. I know first hand how difficult it can be to share your most inner feelings and vulnerability with others. I suffered a miscarriage at approximately 7 weeks in march 2011 after “trying” for 5 monthes and since then we have not been able to conceive. It’s been a hard journey and a rollercoster of emotions. Your story and words of hope and faith helped me really put things into perpective. We really must trust God and know that He does have a plan for all of us! Thank you again for sharing your story, it means alot to not feel alone as I do not have anyone in my close circle that can relate. I will keep you in my prayers xoxo May this be our year!
So beautifully written! My husband and I struggled through getting pregnant, too. Finally I had to say “This isn’t a set back, this is our life. And this is the way it was planned.” I don’t know why…but finally saying that to myself actually lifted so much pressure and pain from my heart. I wish you and your husband the best of luck. If you wish to read about our journey through what eventually became our infertility, please feel free to visit my blog. Best of luck for a peaceful 2013!
Kate- your story is touching… not just about the complications and disappointment in not getting pregnant, but that the walk with the Lord has been harder than usual. I’m feeling the way you describe to us… now.. in life. About other situations, but the same feelings. I appreciate you sharing your story because you gave me strength to get through this day. Every day is a struggle for me lately, and today I feel like fighting because of messages like yours.
Prayers are with you and your hubs, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this. I know that today, I am not alone.
Thank you for sharing! That must have been hard to write for you. I am not a religious person but I always find your posts like this inspiring. All the best to you!
Dear Kate,
Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability in this post. 2012 was a difficult year for our family too, and at times connecting with God felt so hard. A book that really helped me when I just couldn’t even muster the words to pray was “Prayers of Hope for the Broken Hearted” by Jill Kelly. So many prayers in that book put into words the hurt I was feeling but couldn’t express, and they end with truths from God’s Word. I will pray that God’s peace continues to envelop you as you wait to see what His plans are for you.
Sincerely,
Jessica
Great post. I can relate for a different reason in my life right now. I constantly struggle to remind myself that God is in control and all of my impatience and unrest is there for a reason. I’m starting to see some of that now and it’s so refreshing!
Prayers for you and your husband, Kate. It’s so awesome to see that your faith in God is only growing. Although it’s so hard to see sometimes, He has a PERFECT plan for our lives! What an AWESOME God we serve! Thank you for sharing.
Kate, thanks so much for sharing your deepest feelings here. I pray that many people will be blessed by your faith in the Lord through this difficult time! Have you ever read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility? I haven’t read it yet, but a lot of the reviews say that people who had struggled with IF got pregnant after reading it.
Sweet, sweet Kate- first of all I have to say that I’ve been reading your archives for a few months now and I feel like we are BFFs. Strange but true. I love your style, example, and kindness. Thank you for your vulnerability and COURAGE in writing this post! Your willingness to be used by the Lord is so admirable and your outlook on this whole situation is such a witness. You are using this platform that God has given you in such a great way and as your peer I want to applaud you! Second, I know you aren’t looking for advice but I’ll just say that I went through the same thing not too long ago- and now I look at my 3 young kids and am overwhelmed with the assurance that the wait was worth it. I know you know this, but I do know that God has amazing things in store for you and your family and surely you will look back and truly know the same thing that I have come to realize. It’s amazing that you have already had the maturity to come to the conclusions that you have, because I definitely did NOT come to those conclusions as I was going through it. You are so encouraging and beautiful and I will be praying for you in this time of waiting! This little community is so blessed by you!
I had a similar experience but mine had a twist! My husband (Justin) and I were married in 2008. We had talked about wanting several children before we were married and I had assumed that we would wait a year or so before trying. Well, that year came around and he was not ready. Another year came and went then another. I was angry. Angry with God for putting me in a marriage with a man that didn’t want kids (that’s what I was assuming since he kept stalling) angry at myself for feeling this way (because that’s not how a Christian would act) and angry because I was holding it all inside. I didn’t understand why my husband (a Christian) was acting this way. I prayed for peace. I prayed for a child. I prayed for healing (myself and my marriage). January 2012- I got pregnant…and instead of the happiness that comes with telling your husband, I was scared. After the first doctor’s appointment and ultrasound he was ecstatic. I gave birth on October 2, 2012 and he has been the most loving father and husband a woman could ask for. It was all in God’s timing. I now understand that I WILL NOT understand a lot of God’s providence for my life and that is how it is supposed to be. My favorite Bible verse is 1 Samuel 1:27. I am glad you found peace. I know how hard the struggle can be.
I am praying for you, your story is one of hope as well as a beautiful showing of how strong your relationship is with God. **HUG**
Kate, although I have not yet struggled with infertility (my husband and I are waiting several more years before we try for kids), I irrationally worry that someday I will. I pray for you and your husband to continue to grow closer to each other & to the Lord during this difficult time. I truly enjoy your blog- I feel like we’re quite similar: My sister is my best friend and both my sister and I are both cat lovers with a best friend named Carrie 🙂 Blessings to you in the New Year!
Thank you for sharing such a raw, personal story in your life. It brought tears to my eyes…and peace to my heart to hear how you trust the Lord. You have quite a ministry on your blog. I love love love your blog. i don’t subscribe to any others. I am temporarily far from home and you give me a daily reading “from the Carolinas”. So thankful for your posts. I will be praying for you and your husband and this journey. Thank you for sharing.
katie evans
Kate – I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Please know that I am praying for you and your husband. I saw the words below today and thought I’d share with you.
God has perfect timing; never early, never late. It takes a little patience and a whole lot of faith… but it’s worth the wait.
7 years ago I went through this. Sad, mad, depressed. It didn’t help that all of my close friends were getting pregnant at the same time so I was throwing baby showers constantly. It was a struggle. Happy for them, sad for me, mad that the unwed 14 yr old got pregnant by accident. Thank you for your honesty. I wonder if you knew when you wrote this post how many people you’d touch? While it makes me so sad other people are going through this too, it’s also nice to know others share my feelings. I just want you to know that I pray every day for everyone struggling to have a baby.
Wow it really is amazing that you decided to share this with your blog followers. I’m sure everyone will be praying that god leads you down the correct path to start your family! Thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you for sharing! I really needed this this morning. I am struggling with my own battle, and to be honest it has been about 4yrs now. It seems so silly compared to what you are going through!! I have been praying for a new home, we have outgrown ours and I wish and pray my husband would make the jump and sale it. Somedays I an grateful for what we have and then other days I am bitter that my prayer hasn’t been answered. I started a new ladies Bible study last night, and between that last night and my devotion this morning and now you I am in tears of how angry I have been and jealous of others!!! It is all in HIS time, not ours. And if it wasn’t and I know I would not be as grateful for all HIS blessings! Praying for you and your husband during this journey!! Thank you for sharing!!!
Kate, thank you for this story. I love your blog and I appreciate your honesty, I am sure it wasn’t an easy post to write. I know you aren’t looking for advice, but I thought I would recommend a book that helped me a ton, its called Taking Charge of your Fertility by: Toni Weschler. Good luck in the days to come and know that God is with you through the journey. 🙂
(((Hugs))) sweet Kate. I will be praying for you. I’m so sorry you are going through this but I am so happy that you are finding peace in God’s will for you life. You are an amazing woman of God and I am truly blessed by you. 🙂
If you haven’t read A Blog About Love (www.ablogaboutlove.com), I highly recommend it, she has struggled with infertility for YEARS and talks about seeing things in a different perspective. One of my must reads, for many reasons!
I pray that God will bless you and keep you this year. God answers prayers and He hears your cry. Stay strong and keep the faith. I’ll be praying for you and Justin.
Allison
http://allisonbc.blogspot.com/
Kate,
My husband and I are just in the beginning stages of talking about when we would like to start our family. I’ve already had concerns of whether it will be an easy road or a tough one (I’m a worrier). A very good friend, who had infertility issues for years and now has a beautiful set of twins, sent me this verse earlier this week and it’s now my favorite. Hopefully it can be a comfort to you guys!
“For I know the plan I have for you, declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Prayers for you and your husband, Kate!
Kate –
I am so glad to see there are already so many responses to this post. That said, I hope you get 300 more comments.
I went through the same situation for almost 20 months, and although I now can say I have a little miracle, I will never forget how isolating and miserable that struggle is, month after month, day after day. In some ways I still feel it…
I know how easy it is to feel like you’re the only one going through this, especially when it seems everyone you can possibly know is having babies. But you are NOT alone! I hope that sharing it with the world, as brave (SO BRAVE ) and so well written and hard as it was, has helped you see that. Please know that I – and as you can see, many others! – have experienced what you are going through and are happy to share their support and be a shoulder to cry on.
I know I will I pray every day that you will have your dreams come true, in whatever form God may surprise you with. http://www.casadelhansen.com/2012/05/we-will-not-forget.html
God bless – you’r ein my prayers!!
Kate,
I know this was hard for you to write as I am going through the same thing. It is amazing to see how many people are actually going through it once you open up about it. It is extremely heartbreaking but you have a good outlook on it. We have started treating ours medically and I have never felt more optimistic! Keep your chin up and know that there are many people standing with you on this.
I think it’s awesome you’ve shared this. My husband and I have been trying for 2 1/2 years and I can definately say, reaching that point of peace and accepting that fate is beyond my control was so freeing. I’m happier everyday than I’ve been in years and that is amazing. Best wishes on your journey, wherever it takes you
2012 brought uncertainty to my world as well, with the very sudden Homegoing of my dad in August. To say it rocked my world is an understatement. I thought I had 10-20 years before I would bury a parent. But God knew all along. And He also knew what He would teach me thru it all. And boy did He ever. I began the Beth Moore James study in the fall and the Divine timing of this study in my life couldn’t have been more perfect. I cried so many times in awe at what God was cleraly showing me on the pages of the study book and the Good Book. Just as He showed you trust on the bridge. The way He works never ceases to astound me!
“I’m so immensely thankful to know a gracious and loving God. To be able to read His Word, that is applicable and relative and valuable.” – LOVE this statement.
James 4:13-15
Kate-
Thank you for sharing a very personal and intimate part of your life. I am sorry you’re going through this and I am sure you have heard similar stories from your fans but you are not alone in the struggle to conceive. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby with no luck. The struggle is difficult in itself but my job makes it that much more sensitive for me. I am an ultrasound tech in an obstetrics office. I see all sorts or women with all different stories and walks of life; cute couples newly pregnant excited and nervous or those adding a new addition to their growing family. I see the young 15 year olds who are scared, naïve and shouldn’t even be in that situation to begin with. I also see the women like you and I who are healthy, married, successful and trying to conceive. Month after month they come in for follicle checks or to evaluate their hormone level holding on to hope that they will receive good news. I see the pain, the frustration and the hurt. One woman in particular had been trying for over a year. She came into the office so many times, defeated and upset. She came in again about 6 months ago and that visit was different. She was pregnant. Emotion and relief ran over her and I even found myself tearing up too. My point of this story is, the struggle is hard and sometimes it takes a lot longer than we have planned for but it will happen. I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis as I am dealing with the same struggle. My time will come. Your time will come, too.
Thank you again for sharing and I wish you the best of luck.
-Megan Price
Thank you for sharing this, because like you a lot of us don’t realize it won’t happen easily until it doesn’t. Sharing it makes us all feel less alone, my husband and I had a bumpy road to having our son (now 18 months) and after a health scare for me we learned he’ll be our one and only. What I hope you can take from that story is that it will happen, in God’s perfect time. I offer no advice, just understanding because I’ve stood where you are and it’s hard but it won’t last forever. I’ll be praying for God’s perfect time in blessing you with the baby you hearts desire so much.
I know how hard it is to give everything up to God and trust him with your fate. Certain terrible things have happened in my family life that have made me question why God would allow those things to happen. But I have found that those moments when I throw up my hands and say, “It’s in God’s hands now; what else can I do?” are the times when things seem to work out for the best. Good luck in the future. I’ll be thinking of you.
When I saw that you had almost 400 comments on this post already, I hesitated to comment because I am sure that you have read more than you even want to. I remember the day that I first blogged about our infertility and the relief that I felt but also the raw emotion coming to the surface that would cry with every new comment. It had been such a lonely journey, and to have people beside us was incredibly touching to my heart. My husband and I tried for a year and then sought medical advice for another after that. Without pretty invasive procedures that we did not feel comfortable with, we realized that pregnancy was not likely. Having always been open to adoption (we thought it would be in addition to bio kids) we began that path, and will be traveling within the next few months to get our son. Wow, what a journey. You are right–it has been difficult, but the spiritual growth we have experienced and the deeper understanding of our sovereign God has been priceless. Believing in God’s sovereignty can be messy for us; knowing that God is able to change a situation but, for whatever unknown reason to us, does not, can be a pretty rough truth to deal with. But I see beauty in this journey. And the doors God has opened to minister to others in the same situations has been mind-blowing. If you want, you can follow our adoption along on our blog. And even catch a glimpse into my spiritual walk through infertility here: http://stephenandjenny.blogspot.com/2012/03/snapshot-of-my-spiritual-journey.html
Kate, thank you so much for sharing your heart. It’s such a blessing to be able to read this post, not having ever met you, and still be able to pray for you. Weird how the internet blesses us, isn’t it? I’ll pray that God continues to heal your heart. I know personally that working through unforeseen anger and jealousy can bleed into all aspects of your life and quickly spiral out of control, and I also know much it can affect relationships, especially with husbands. How TRULY blessed you are to have such a supportive spouse! Thank you, again, for sharing. I love reading you and your sister’s blogs every day because it’s so refreshing to see faith, true faith, spoken of freely. Know that you are blessing others, Kate!
I LOVE that you shared this! I am so sorry for what you are going through and will pray for you. Keep being a bright light for Jesus, you will reach many!
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this but your outlook is so raw, honest, and beautiful, as you are beautiful inside and out. Such bravery it took to pour your heart out here and I am praying that you are one day blessed with a baby and I pray that so many good things come into your life. xoxo
I applaud you for your courage to share this! I think more women (and men) need to speak up about life challenges so that when others have similar experiences, they know that they aren’t alone.
Kate,
Thank you for sharing this post; I know how hard it must have been for you to share your story. The past couple of months have been tough for me. My fiance and I have been together for 4 years, but have never lived in the same city. As our distance has ranged anywhere from only a 3-6 hour drive, the distance always takes a toll on our relationship a couple times each year. The past couple years have been a roller-coaster ride of emotions… graduations, job searching, moving, etc… and our family & friends constant reminders of, “It will get better soon… someday you will live closer together and it will all work out the way it is meant to.” This week, after receiving some negative news about my fiance’s potential job offer in the city I live in, I couldn’t help but get so angry and upset about our situation. I kept trying to answer questions that I knew I couldn’t answer — “When will we be together? We will surely live in the same city before our wedding in May… or will we? Will this job fall through for him?” Your post was exactly what I needed to remind me that I am not in charge of what happens in my life — and that is the way it should be. God know what is best for me and for my fiance. He brought us to where we are now and He will bring us through it.
Also, my fiance and I have obviously discussed our feelings about starting a family when we get married. My 2 older siblings and I were all adopted South Korea — all from different families. We were each 3 months old when we were adopted. My entire life, I have always had a strong desire to have my own biological children. Although my fiance and I are far from the point of being “ready” to have children, I often find myself worrying about my ability to have children of my own. I tell myself, “Why are you worrying about that now? One thing at a time.” But… I am a worrier. But yet again, your post was such a great reminder for me that I am not supposed to know my future. What God holds for my family is far greater than I can try and predict. If I am unable to have my own children, it is God’s way of telling me I should adopt, just as my parents adopted me. And let me tell you, my parents adopting me was God’s greatest gift for me. I could not imagine my life any differently. I think back to my favorite picture of my extended family… my siblings and me with our blonde-hared, blue-eyed Norwegian cousins. We are quite the bunch and I am so blessed to be a part of it.
Again, thank you for the post! Here is to a wonderful 2013! 🙂
Kate-
Thank you for sharing a very personal and intimate part of your life. I am sorry you’re going through this. I am sure you have heard similar stories from your fans but you are not alone in the struggle to conceive. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby with no luck. The struggle is difficult in itself but my job makes it that much more sensitive for me. I am an ultrasound tech in an obstetrics office. I see all sorts or women with all different stories and walks of life; cute couples newly pregnant excited and nervous or those adding a new addition to their growing family. I see the young 15 year olds who are scared, naïve and shouldn’t even be in that situation to begin with. I also see the women like you and I who are healthy, married, successful and trying to conceive. Month after month they come in for follicle checks or to evaluate their hormone level holding on to hope that they will receive good news. I see the pain, the frustration and the hurt. One woman in particular had been trying for over a year. She came into the office so many times, defeated and upset. She came in again about 6 months ago and that visit was different. She was pregnant. Emotion and relief ran over her and I even found myself tearing up too. My point of this story is, the struggle is hard and sometimes it takes a lot longer than we have planned for but it will happen. I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis as I am dealing with the same struggle. My time will come. Your time will come, too.
Thank you again for sharing and I wish you and your husband the best of luck.
-Megan Price
Please now you are NOT alone!!! The depression that comes with “infertility” is the darkest I have ever experience and like you thought I would never have to deal with because why would a healthy couple be dealt these cards! The emotions that go with infertlity are something I had never had to face. Our journey was almost 3 years in which I was in a deep hole that I never thought I would get out of and never thought I would become a mom. After seeking the much needed support from my amazing husabdn, family members, finding women who have been where I was, an amazing therapist and an RE, my husband and I are excited to be expecting TWINS this May. When I was in the deep hole, I came across this poem. It is a long one but I hope you are able to find comfort in it like I did! God bless you and your husband in your journey!!
A Letter to Family & Friends
– by Jody Earle
I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even I don’t understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand.
You may describe me this way: obsessed,moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren’t very admirable traits; no wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me this way: confused, rushed and impatient,afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, andunsettled.
My infertility makes me feel confused. I always assumed I was fertile. I’ve spent years avoiding pregnancy and now it seems ironic that I can’t conceive. I hope this will be a brief difficulty with a simple solution such as poor timing. I feel confused about whether I want to be pregnant or whether I want to be a parent. Surely if I try harder, try longer, try better and smarter, I will have a baby.
CONTINUE POEM_
My infertility makes me feel rushed and impatient. I learned of my infertility only after I’d been trying to become pregnant for some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind schedule. I waited to become a parent and now I must wait again. I wait for medical appointments, wait for tests, wait for treatments, wait for other treatments, wait for my period not to come, wait for my partner not to be out of town and wait for pregnancy. At best, I have only twelve opportunities each year. How old will I be when I finish having my family?
My infertility makes me feel afraid. Infertility is full of unknowns, and I’m frightened because I need some definite answers. How long will this last? What if I’m never a parent? What humiliation must I endure? What pain must I suffer? Why do drugs I take to help me, make me feel worse? Why can’t my body do the things that my mind wants it to do? Why do I hurt so much? I’m afraid of my feelings, afraid of my undependable body and afraid of my future.
My infertility makes me feel isolated and alone. Reminders of babies are everywhere. I must be the only one enduring this invisible curse. I stay away from others, because everything makes me hurt. No one knows how horrible is my pain. Even though I’m usually a clear thinker, I find myself being lured by superstitions and promises. I think I’m losing perspective. I feel so alone and I wonder if I’ll survive this.
My infertility makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Frequently I forget that infertility is a medical problem and should be treated as one. Infertility destroys my self esteem and I feel like a failure. Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a baby? Am I not a good sexual partner? Will my partner want to remain with me? Is this the end of my family lineage? Will my family be ashamed of me? It is easy to lose self-confidence and to feel ashamed.
POEM_
My infertility makes me feel angry. Everything makes me angry, and I know much of my anger is misdirected. I’m angry at my body because it has betrayed me even though I’ve always taken care of it. I’m angry at my partner because we can’t seem to feel the same about infertility at the same time. I want and need an advocate to help me. I’m angry at my family because they’ve always sheltered and protected me from terrible pain. My younger sibling is pregnant; my mother wants a family reunion to show off her grandchildren and my grandparents want to pass down family heirlooms. I’m angry at my medical caregivers, because it seems that they control my future. They humiliate me, inflict pain on me, pry into my privacy, patronize me, and sometimes forget who I am. How can I impress on them how important parenting is to me? I’m angry at my expenses; infertility treatment is extremely expensive. My financial resources may determine my family size. My insurance company isn’t cooperative, and I must make so many sacrifices to pay the medical bills. I can’t miss any more work, or I’ll lose my job. I can’t go to a specialist, because it means more travel time, more missed work, and greater expenses. Finally, I’m angry at everyone else. Everyone has opinions about my inability to become a parent. Everyone has easy solutions. Everyone seems to know too little and say too much.
My infertility makes me feel sad and hopeless. Infertility feels like I’ve lost my future, and no one knows of my sadness. I feel hopeless; infertility robs me of my energy. I’ve never cried so much nor so easily. I’m sad that my infertility places my marriage under so much strain. I’m sad that my infertility requires me to be so self-centered. I’m sad that I’ve ignored many friendships because this struggle hurts so much and demands so much energy. Friends with children prefer the company of other families with children. I’m surrounded by babies, pregnant women, playgrounds, baby showers, birth stories, kids’ movies, birthday parties and much more. I feel so sad and hopeless.
My infertility makes me feel unsettled. My life is on hold. Making decisions about my immediate and my long-term future seems impossible. I can’t decide about education, career, purchasing a home, pursuing a hobby, getting a pet, vacations, business trips and houseguests. The more I struggle with my infertility, the less control I have. This struggle has no timetable; the treatments have no guarantees. The only sure things are that I need to be near my partner at fertile times and near my doctor at treatment times. Should I pursue adoption? Should I take expensive drugs? Should I pursue more specialized and costly medical intervention? It feels unsettling to have no clear, easy answers or guarantees.
Occasionally I feel my panic subside. I’m learning some helpful ways to cope; I’m now convinced I’m not crazy, and I believe I’ll survive. I’m learning to listen to my body and to be assertive, not aggressive, about my needs. I’m realizing that good medical care and good emotional care are not necessarily found in the same place. I’m trying to be more than an infertile person gaining enthusiasm, joyfulness, and zest for life.
You can help me. I know you care about me and I know my infertility affects our relationship. My sadness causes you sadness; what hurts me, hurts you, too. I believe we can help each other through this sadness. Individually we both seem quite powerless, but together we can be stronger. Maybe some of these hints will help us to better understand infertility.
I need you to be a listener. Talking about my struggle helps me to make decisions. Let me know you are available for me. It’s difficult for me to expose my private thoughts if you are rushed or have a deadline for the end of our conversation. Please don’t tell me of all the worse things that have happened to others or how easily someone else’s infertility was solved. Every case is individual. Please don’t just give advice; instead, guide me with your questions. Assure me that you respect my confidences, and then be certain that you deserve my trust. While listening try to maintain an open mind.
I need you to be supportive. Understand that my decisions aren’t made casually,I’ve agonized over them. Remind me that you respect these decisions even if you disagree with them, because you know they are made carefully. Don’t ask me, “Are you sure?” Repeatedly remind me that you love me no matter what. I need to hear it so badly. Let me know you understand that this is very hard work. Help me realize that I may need additional support from professional caregivers and appropriate organizations. Perhaps you can suggest resources. You might also need support for yourself, and I fear I’m unable to provide it for you; please don’t expect me to do so. Help me to keep sight of my goal.
I need you to be comfortable with me, and then I also will feel more comfortable. Talking about infertility sometimes feels awkward. Are you worried you might say the wrong thing? Share those feelings with me. Ask me if I want to talk. Sometimes I will want to, and sometimes I won’t, but it will remind me that you care.
Kate, I am so very touched by your story. Thank you for sharing and I’ll be praying for you guys.
Lauren
I need you to be sensitive. Although I may joke about infertility to help myself cope, it doesn’t seem as funny when others joke about it. Please don’t tease me with remarks like, “You don’t seem to know how to do it.” Don’t trivialize my struggle by saying, “I’d be glad to give you one of my kids.” It’s no comfort to hear empty reassurances like, “You’ll be a parent by this time next year.” Don’t minimize my feelings with, “You shouldn’t be so unhappy.” For now, don’t push me into uncomfortable situations like baby showers or family reunions. I already feel sad and guilty; please don’t also make me feel guilty for disappointing you.
I need you to be honest with me. Let me know that you may need time to adjust to some of my decisions. I also needed adjustment time. If there are things you don’t understand, say so. Please be gentle when you guide me to be realistic about things I can’t change such as my age, some medical conditions, financial resources, and employment obligations. Don’t hide information about others’ pregnancies from me. Although such news makes me feel very sad, it feels worse when you leave me out.
I need you to be informed. Your advice and suggestions are only frustrating to me me if they aren’t based on fact. Be well informed so you can educate others when they make remarks based on myths. Don’t let anyone tell you that my infertility will be cured if I relax and adopt. Don’t tell me this is God’s will. Don’t ask me to justify my need to parent. Don’t criticize my course of action or my choice of physician even though I may do that myself. Reassure yourself that I am also searching for plenty of information which helps me make more knowledgeable decisions about my options.
I need you to be patient. Remember that working through infertility is a process. It takes time. There are no guarantees, no package deals, no complete kits, no one right answer, and no “quickie” choices. My needs change; my choices change. Yesterday I demanded privacy, but today I need you for strength. You have many feelings about infertility, and I do too. Please allow me to have anger, joy, sadness, and hope. Don’t minimize or evaluate my feelings. Just allow me to have them, and give me time.
I need you to be strengthening by boosting my self esteem. My sense of worthlessness hampers my ability to take charge. My personal privacy has repeatedly been invaded. I’ve been subjected to postcoital exams, semen collection in waiting room bathrooms, and tests in rooms next to labor rooms. Enjoyable experiences with you such as a lunch date, a shopping trip, or a visit to a museum help me feel normal.
Encourage me to maintain my sense of humor; guide me to find joys. Celebrate with me my successes, even ones as small as making it through a medical appointment without crying (which is hard). Remind me that I am more than an infertile person. Help me by sharing your strength.
Eventually I will be beyond the struggle of infertility. I know my infertility will never completely go away because it will change my life. I won’t be able to return to the person I was before infertility, but I also will no longer be controlled by this struggle. I will leave the struggle behind me, and from that I will have improved my skills for empathy, patience, resilience, forgiveness, decision-making and self-assessment. I feel grateful that you are trying to ease my journey through this infertility struggle by giving me your understanding.
I’m a newlywed, and I’m actually in the opposite boat of you: I’m trying hard NOT to get pregnant, since I’m only 21 and have only been married for four months.
It’s tough, letting that area of your life go completely to God. Whether you’re trying to get pregnant or trying hard NOT to get pregnant. I was talking about it with a friend the other day, and she reminded me that whether I got pregnant now or when the time came to try it didn’t happen as soon as I wanted, she told me that God wants the RIGHT child to come forth from my husband and I. You know what I mean? Everytime you and your husband come together, an opportunity to create a specific human being arises… a human being with specific traits and specific goals and desires. So though I may be telling God “I don’t want a kid right now!”, God may need the child my husband and I would produce right now to accomplish His will in the earth. And maybe for you, God needs the little human you & your husband will create next month, or in three months. Does that make sense? I hope none of this offends you! It’s just given me peace that when the time comes that I do get pregnant, expectedly or unexpectedly, I will rest in the fact that it was the child God purposed for me to have. <3
Aw kate, so sorry to hear about your pain 🙁 What a wonderful outlook you have on it now though, so strong! blogger hearts <3
A very moving piece of writing. You are on an incredible journey and I will be adding you to my prayers.
I follow your blog and this post took me back to 2009, 2010 and some of 2011. I understand the anger and sadness that you feel. I think only someone who has been there can truly know what it feels like. I wish you the best of luck and hope that it happens for you! It sounds like you are in a better place about it now. Whatever happens just know that you will be happy. It didn’t happen for my husband and me but I can honestly say that we are happier now than I ever thought possible.
thank you for sharing your heart!
Hi Kate! Thank you so much for sharing this very personal aspect of your life as I know your situation is something many women can relate to one way or another. I’m currently reading Jesus Calling and just yesterday the passage seemed to speak so strongly to your journey:
“I AM WITH YOU AND FOR YOU. When you decide on a course of action that is in line with my will, nothing in Heaven or on earth can stop you. You may encounter many obstacles as you move toward your goal, but don’t be discouraged-never give up. With my help, you can overcome any obstacle. Do not expect an easy path as you journey hand in hand with me. But do remember that I, your very-present Helper, am omnipotent.
Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come. One of the main ways I assert my sovereignty is in the timing of events. If you want to stay close to Me and do things My way. ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment. Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, let Me set the pace. Slow down, and enjoy the journey in My Presence.”
Wishing you nothing but blessings and peace as you continue on this journey.
Thank you for being open and honest about your struggles. I felt the same way and remember also feeling anger and jealously over friends who tried for one month and were pregnant immediately. I feel it’s an unsung story of many women because it is something only women can experience. Best wishes to you and many prayers for this coming year!
Denise
Kate,
We spent over a year trying to get pregnant. We knew our road would be difficult as I have PCOS. Along the way we also found out that my tubes were almost completely blocked and that I had low progesterone. Our only path was IVF and we know of two amazing little boys. We plan to have one more and then donate our remaining embryos to a research facility studying Frontal Lobe Dementia, early onset ahlzheimers as it runs in my husbands family and he has a 50% chance of getting it. If he has it our unused embryos may end up giving their siblings a chance for a full life.
Kate, you have such a way with words. Though I don’t know what you are going through personally, I have been affected by infertility. After my parents had me, they were never able to get pregnant again. It was the most difficult time we went through as a family but it made us stronger. Though I wish I had brothers and sisters, my family is at peace with it. I read your blog daily and you are such an inspiration to all! I am glad you have found peace with it. What is meant to be, will be! Keep your head up, you are an amazing woman!!
Kate,
What beauty you have shown in this post. It is beautiful to see someone come so such a deep place of communion, even in the midst of heartache and YET unanswered prayers. I pray this will be a year that God gives you and your husband the desire of your hearts. On a personal note, I struggled with unexplained infertility for 11/2 years. We did eventually seek medical help…and….had amazing, perfect, wonderful triplets in 2007. The biggest surprise…18 months later we had another baby:) A complete miracle for God as we obviously didn’t plan on 4 kids in 18 months, especially after the struggle to conceive. Oh how good God is in his timing. With hope and love, Megan
Kate, Thank you for sharing. I just took a moment to pray for you. Praise the Lord that you have reached a place of peace. 🙂
I know exactly what you are going through! It took us 18 months to get pregnant. I went through the whole mad with God faze because of it. I couldn’t understand why 16 year olds who didn’t want to get pregnant got pregnant on an “oops” night. I couldn’t understand why my sisters who just think about getting pregnant and then they are could get prego and not me. I just didn’t understand why God was doing this to me.
God is always trying to teach me patience….in EVERY aspect of my life. This wasn’t an easy time to learn it. I fought with my husband a lot. In fact I even thought that maybe I wasn’t supposed to marry him because we weren’t getting pregnant.
Now we have a healthy bouncing baby boy. Little did I know the reason why I needed to wait. Little did I know how awesome my baby was going to be. God knows us better than we do. Just stay positive and you will be amazed what you will be blessed with.
**Just a little unsolicited advice…I got a hysterosalpingogram. They go in with dye to see if your fallopian tubes are open. This test also opens your tubes a little bit more than normal. My nurse said “We should do a study to see how many women get pregnant in the next 2 months after this test because everyone I know does.” Sure enough, I got pregnant two months later. Just a thought! GOOD LUCK!
kate,
i read your blog everyday and i have grown leaps and bounds with my hairstyles because of you. i must say you hid your emotions very well during those dark times. i know exactly what it is like to be in your shoes. it took my husband and i 3 years to conceive. i remember the breakdowns 5 min after a pregnancy test and 5 min before people were to arrive at our house for dinner…thank goodness for good friends who understand. we ended up needing medical assistance for our first son (now 12) but guess who came 22 months later (no trying)…son #2. you will get thru this and you will be blessed with children. don’t miss out on the here and now.
I’m sorry to hear of your struggles. I got my IUD 2011, and am still waiting for a big fat positive. I got pregnant this past march, and found out I had miscarried the Friday before Mother’s Day, and had a d and c the day before my birthday. 2012 has definately been filled with struggles. I do have two boys already, but feel as though we have another one waiting to come, last Christmas my youngest, 2 1/2 at the time asked for a baby sister. They are adamant that there is a sister waiting to come to our family. It breaks my heart that I can’t grant them the wish of their hearts ( and me and my husbands). If I had not m/c I would have a beautiful baby to welcome in the new year, as well as a husband out of work. I have found peace with Gods timeline, I can see now how having a baby right now would be a struggle as well. Good luck in 2013! May The Lord bless you when the time is right.
Stupid phone wouldn’t let me edit. I meant to say I got my IUD out in October of 2011.
I, too, have been in your shoes. My husband and I have been married almost 8 years, and have no children. We tried for just over 2 years with no luck. We came out on the other side of it a new couple because of God’s promise, His healing, and His peace. My marriage has never been stronger and I thank God for it. As hard as it was (and still sometimes is), I’ve come to a new place where I’m completely content with it just being my husband and I. I have plenty of “nieces” and “nephews” to love on, and for me, that is enough. It’s different for everyone, of course, and I don’t know where God is going to take you, but your words and perspective are such an encouragement. Thank you for sharing you heart with us.
Oh Kate,
This post brought me to tears. Tears of happiness that you have found peace, and tears of remembering a time in my life when I had to find peace and put my trust in the Lord. My story is a little different, as I was able to get pregnant right away, but our beautiful girl was diagnosed with a birth defect and wouldn’t survive. I have a hard time putting into a small comment my story, but if you would like, I wrote about it on my blog. This link is the first post. http://brettandmarisha.blogspot.com/2011/02/our-little-angel.html Thank you for sharing this post, you are a strong woman, and you and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers. 🙂 hugs
Marisha
Oh, Kate. I am so, so sorry. As one who has been in your shoes, I know the ups and downs that go along with this struggle. I know how hard it is to share and how hard it is to wait. Thankful for a God that knows what the plan is even when we don’t.
And of course everyone’s journey is different – the diagnosis, the treatments pursued, the outcomes… For us, after almost 8 years of marriage (almost 7 years of trying/medical intervention), we were blessed to adopt the most perfect little girl in the world.
I know adoption isn’t for everyone. It’s no easier than subjecting your body to constant poking, prodding, tests and medications. And it comes with its own set of issues. But I am so glad this is what God had in mind for my future. It was nothing like I could have imagined. It sure isn’t easy, but it is better than anything I could have planned.
Keep on worshiping while you’re waiting, sister. God will make your path clear in time, even if it’s not a comfortable amount of time, and I have no doubt you will be a fabulous mother when the time comes.
Blessings.
Hard to write doesn’t begin to describe it. Thank you for your courage and strength. This post reminded me of where I’ve been and what I’ve overcome. I’ve been there – I’ve cried those tears – I’ve screamed at nothing and everything and with no explanation. I’ve been defeated and picked myself back up. And then I handed it all over – for my New Years resolution (a few years ago) I quit reading and I quit trying (not trying, but obsessing). Life is so much better now. I found peace and happiness in life. I thank God every day for the incredible blessings he’s given me – it brings me to grateful tears regularly. Your faith is profound. Keep hope alive but don’t forget to live right now. If nothing else I learned how much time I wasted waiting for something else – forgetting to enjoy the present. Thank you for refreshing my memory of the dark times so I can better appreciate my brighter days. God bless and I pray you live happily every day.
Hard to write doesn’t begin to describe it. Thank you for your courage and strength. This post reminded me of where I’ve been and what I’ve overcome. I’ve been there – I’ve cried those tears – I’ve screamed at nothing and everything and with no explanation. I’ve been defeated and picked myself back up. And then I handed it all over – for my New Years resolution (a few years ago) I quit reading and I quit trying (not trying, but obsessing). Life is so much better now. I found peace and happiness in life. I thank God every day for the incredible blessings he’s given me – it brings me to grateful tears regularly. Your faith is profound. Keep hope alive but don’t forget to live right now. If nothing else I learned how much time I wasted waiting for something else – forgetting to enjoy the present. Thank you for refreshing my memory of the dark times so I can better appreciate my brighter days. God bless and I pray you live happily every day.
Hard to write doesn’t begin to describe it. Thank you for your courage and strength. This post reminded me of where I’ve been and what I’ve overcome. I’ve been there – I’ve cried those tears – I’ve screamed at nothing and everything and with no explanation. I’ve been defeated and picked myself back up. And then I handed it all over – for my New Years resolution (a few years ago) I quit reading and I quit trying (not trying, but obsessing). Life is so much better now. I found peace and happiness in life. I thank God every day for the incredible blessings he’s given me – it brings me to grateful tears regularly. Your faith is profound. Keep hope alive but don’t forget to live right now. If nothing else I learned how much time I wasted waiting for something else – forgetting to enjoy the present. Thank you for refreshing my memory of the dark times so I can better appreciate my brighter days. God bless and I pray you live happily every day.
Thank you, Kate. I needed to read this, as my husband and I are going through something similar. It’s not about our timeline, it’s about God’s timeline.
First, thank you for sharing. Very vulnerable, and not always easy, but a good way for your readers to get to know you. I got pregnant with my first son the FIRST time we tried. But between my daughter and our number 3 right now, it took 2 YEARS. You sound like you have a wonderfully healthy grasp on this, and we all handle things so differently. And every tear shed allowed you one step closer to God and the place you are at right now. How strong! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. I’ve personally struggled with infertility issues for many years and it is incredibly hard to deal with.
We tried for 7 1/2 years with many unanswered questions before God sent our daughter (finally after a few months assistance from a wonderful OB/gyn specializing in infertility in the Pinehurst, NC area). There were complications – but the Lord was with us every step of the way. In the months after her birth, I saw how God’s timing brought Grace to us at just the right time.
When we decided to try for another child, I thought it would be much easier this time around. Surely God wouldn’t allow us to face this heartache all over again. I already had my testimony nailed down. My perspective was wrong.
This time, a year of trying with help, medication, expensive medical procedures – all failed. I was consumed with this. After much prayer, we had to “go on a break”.
I share all this with you to reaffirm what it sounds like you already know – God is in control and he has a plan.
My family may be in it’s final number or it may be that God will open another window for adoption or even natural pregnancy. I will not know until God chooses to reveal His plan, and that has to be okay with me.
I still have to pray for God’s peace about this – sometimes it hits me very hard, such as when a friend tells me their own good news.
I applaud you for your courage in sharing your story.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I happened upon your blog about 6 months ago. I of course found it because of your awesome hair tutorials. I usually don’t continue to follow blogs once I’ve found the information I’m looking for. But yours was different. I felt a feeling that I should continue to follow yours. And even though this is the first time you’ve talked about this, and there’s been no particular evidence to suggest that you’ve been going through this struggle, for some reason I just had a feeling. And so I’ve kept reading, and have thoroughly ENJOYED reading and checking out the awesome things you share! But today, you’ve revealed the true reason why I needed to follow your blog. I recognized it in you long before you wrote this post…because I could see in your eyes a reflection of my own. I have ridden this very same roller coaster for a long time…and I am still on it. There are moments when it’s smooth sailing and peaceful, or that I even enjoy and LAUGH over the bumps…and other times that are very dark and scary. Unfortunately, I’ve just recently been through some of the extra dark stuff and am searching for the peaceful ground again. I just got brave enough to share it on my blog too, if you care to take a read: spencerandamy.blogspot.com
I’m so thankful that you shared this with us! It’s easier to walk down this difficult path when you know there are others out there that have a similar journey too.
Thank you for sharing this very personal journey. I was told a couple months ago that my husband and I should start thinking more seriously about getting pregnant if we wanted children. I just broke down telling him what my OB said. No one ever tells you that you might struggle with getting pregnant some day. I am so thankful for my wonderful and supportive husband!
Kate- I’m a dedicated reader, and have never posted. But I just wanted to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so raw, so honest and so willing to share your story.
I’ve struggled with pregnancy for the past 2.5 years as well… and have come to realize that I needed all the support I could get while struggling. The grief, the anxiety and the pain were so much greater than I could have ever imagined. The ignorance, the judgments and the misunderstandings of society happened to just increase the pain.
I felt so relieved to be able to share my story (starting first on my blog… ;)). Not only to reach out to those who could and really wanted to support me in whatever way they could, but also to normalize the difficulties, struggles and heartbreak that lay within pregnancy.
It can be so hard. Know that you are not alone, ever.. and thank you for reaching out to the world to save someone else’s day. So many people will read this and feel comforted because they were feeling so alone.
I pray that you will soon and one day be blessed with a beautiful belly, and then a beautiful baby. There is no reason for this heartbreak, but I hope you can find peace and strength to continue to try for your dreams to come true. Be gentle with yourself though. Let the pain have a small place, and try not to fight against it… it only makes the anger worse, I found.
To you. And your strength. <3
This is such a beautiful post. Thank you for the reminder to trust in Him in ALL things. I love it when I log on to read some blogs and unexpectedly find truth and light. What a great boost to my day. Thank you!
Oh Kate…I know EXACTLY how you feel. Oh I could write a book of all my thoughts, similar struggles, absolute meltdowns, quotes and comments from friends and fellow believers. We tried for a year and a half before starting tests in early 2012. By the summer we started the IVF journey. We are still working toward and praying for success, and I agree with so many comments above. My husband and I were just discussing the other day how we feel closer than ever to each other and to God. Thank you for sharing your story – you truly have blessed my day as well as many others. Thank you for your prayers too. Sending you hugs and many prayers from Colorado!
I understand this totally. We tried for 18 months, and my heart broke every single month. I assumed it would be easy too, and everyone else got pregnant so easily… I got sad every time I opened facebook, as someone else was was announcing their pregnancy.
Then we went to a specialist, and they couldn’t find a single thing wrong, which was so bittersweet, because of course I was happy we were ok, but I just couldn’t understand WHY it wasn’t happening.
Against everything the specialist said (I still don’t understand why he was so against it) I did ovulation testing, and found out that I didn’t ovulate until almost the end of my cycle – which is very rare… first month trying on this new schedule and we were preggo – I’m now just over 8 months pregnant!!! It’s so crazy! I don’t know if this story will help you at all, but I know that everyone was telling me be patient, and it will happen, and it ended up being a medical thing, and bad timing – even after ALL those months.
Wish you luck and baby dust! 🙂
Wow this totally hits home. Ive have wanted to have another a baby for awhile now, we have a four year old daughter, but my spouse has not wanted another child. For so long I thought we would never have another baby then a couple months ago, He said that he would like to have another. I was so excited and over joyed. We are not necessarily “trying” but we are not preventing it. He is still wanting to take everything slow and if it happens it happens. Me on the other hand is getting so upset and frustrated that it is not happeneing now and he is not wanting to really put forth the effort to try. Last night I went to bed so angry and upset. I sat there thinking about how I want that baby so bad and how much a baby is a blessing to a family. Your post has truely hit home for me even though our situations are different. Like you said just trust in the lord and he will lead you on the path that he knows is right for you. I pray for you that you and your husband get pregnant this year and that you find peace and happiness in the process getting there. God Bless.
I love your outlook on this. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing! This has to have been the hardest post to write, to feel so vulnerable and scared. Thank you for opening your heart to us. We are all rooting for you 🙂
One of my best friends has been going through the exact same struggle through 2012. She was in so much emotional pain, that even getting on Facebook was too hard, because all of our other friends were talking about and posting pictures of their pregnancies. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and hardship, but you are right where God wants you. And, you’re not alone. Thank you for sharing with us, and we are all praying for you!
I just wanted to share a book that has some awesome scriptures in it to meditate on and speak over your body. I know you weren’t looking for advice or answers, but I just felt like I should share this. If it isn’t something you are interested in, maybe it will help someone else. Its called Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize. Here is a link http://www.amazon.com/Supernatural-Childbirth-Jackie-Mize/dp/0892747560
Kate, what a thoughtful post which undoubtedly was difficult to write. Your story is so similar to my own son and daughter in law’s story. They tried to conceive for about two years before seeking medical advice. It was determined that their chances to have a baby on their own were slim. They considered IVF, adoption, and simply waiting & continuing to try. Finally after much prayer, they decided upon embryo adoption. They went through a Christian adoption agency “Snowflakes Embryo Adoption” and were matched with a family who had embryos left from IVF that they did not want to destroy. To make a long journey short, two embryos were transferred into my daughter in law and now I’m the Grammie to two of the most precious, most loved babies ever! This may or may not be a road you end up taking, but I wanted to let you know about it, as one of your many options. Praying for you and your hubby. Big hugs to you!!
Sorry to hear about your experience! I’ll be praying for you guys as well! 🙂 God is certainly an on time God and goes against all odds so keep your faith! 🙂
I wish I could give you a hug. As a wife, as a woman, this is such a tough thing to go through. I had secondary, unexplained infertility. My husband and I tried for 2 years and 11 months then decided to give up. I literally gave up, stopped all of the stressing, worrying, anger and focused on our little family. 3 weeks later I was pregnant with twins.
I applaud you for your journey with God, your faith can take you places some people cannot imagine.
You are in my prayers lovely!
Thanks for sharing your story…
I was in your position from May of 2008 until November 2012. We tried on our own, saw a fertility specialist, had 2 failed IUI’s, was told that I may not have very many eggs left but am otherwise healthy (ie: unexplained infertility), took a break from seeing the RE in 2011, completely gave up 100% on ever having a child at the beginning of 2012 and had a BIG surprise in November 2012.
After all this time I realized that back then when we were trying so hard and thought it was the right time, it just wasn’t. Apparently God had other plans for me, and until Nov 2012 I thought maybe those plans involved NOT ever becoming a mom. Right now I’m 14 weeks pregnant. I know it’s so frustrating and I will never forget the pain and loneliness during those years of infertility. I still want to punch people in the face when they say it happened because I finally relaxed. That is one of the most ridiculous things anyone can say to someone who is struggling with infertility or who finally becomes pregnant after years of trying. I truly believe that November 2012 was the perfect time that God had planned for me to become pregnant, even though I desperately wanted it to happen on MY timeline!
Praying for you & your husband right now and I hope your dreams come true, in whatever way God has planned for you!
Kate,
You are so brave and I am such an admirer of your outlook on the situation. I want children so badly with my husband but we’re just not in the right place to begin a family and I really struggle with not having patience. This post may just be exactly what I needed to read. We had some bad news today and I immediately began to think about how “our plan” will now be pushed back even further. But I know in the back of my mind that I need to let. it. go. because God is in control. He knows what is best for us. I’m working on grasping this so I can have some peace. Thank you for sharing your story. You are loved and I’m sending prayers your way.
I can see that you have received several comments on this authentic post. Thank you for being so genuine with your readers, sharing this part of your life. I’m sure others have said it way better than I, but we too have been trying for a little over a 2 years to conceive and after an initial miscarriage we still do not have a baby. It is so hard to stay hopeful and trust in the Lord’s plan, especially when blog land seems to be filled with women announcing new pregnancies everyday (it seems). Psalm 18:1 has been the verse that has carried me day to day for these 2 years, and as I keep you in my prayers, my prayer for you is Numbers 6:24-26. Thank you for sharing your journey and faith!
Kate. Ok. So I’m trying to NOT cry embarrassingly at work, where I read you every day. I’m so thankful for your grace and honesty. My husband and I have fought so hard to get the ball rolling on this thing, too. We’ve been trying to start trying for a year, meaning that at every turn, we’ve run into something that forces us to wait. I’m right now facing two endocrine disorders that keep surprising us and pushing us back. I have had my share of ugly days filled with anger, jealousy, depression, and self-loathing. Last night, while I was praying about the outcome of today’s blood work, it hit me: God already knows the outcome of my labs, my decisions, my life. What can I worry about? God has a plan for me and His will is perfect. I will keep you and Justin in my prayers.
Thank you for being so open and honest with your feelings. I wish I could just reach through the computer and give you a big hug. My husband and I experienced the same thing over a 9 year period, but the difference was we had one little boy already. I became ok with God only wanting us to have one and then out of the blue I ended up pregnant. It’s so true we just have to place our trust in a higher power since we don’t have all the answers down here. I learned so many things through that 9 year period of time and I’m sure I still don’t know all the answers. Thank you for this wonderful blog, I’ve learned so many things from you 🙂
Kate,
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal and difficult struggle. I too struggle with infertility. We deal with male and female factor infertility. It is one of the most soul crushing things to go through. And also one of the hardest things to understand as a Christian.
2012 was difficult for us as well as we did our last treatments and they were unsuccessful. We have now moved on to the path of adoption and know it’s where God wants us. But getting to that knowledge and peace is HARD.
As I was thinking about how much 2012 sucked, I found this Billy Graham devotional about starting fresh in 2013. I hope it blesses you the way it has blessed me. http://billygraham.org/articlepage.asp?articleid=502
Thank you most of all for putting a very real and personal face to the struggle with infertility. May God richly bless you as you continue in your journey to build your family. <3
Thank you for sharing your journey, it comforts me to know I am not alone in this journey and I am grateful for your honesty. I wish you peace, joy and continued contentment
Kate, thank you for sharing so open and honestly. I have no doubt that your discovery will be a comfort to many. Sending hopeful prayers to you and your husband!
Kate,
Thank you so much for posting this. I always look at your blog, but something told me to specifically look today. Your words in the last part of your post struck me and I had tears in my eyes. I am not experiencing the same issues that you are, but am going through an unexplained illness going on two years now. I know that everything happens in God’s time, but there are times where we always question it. Your post brought me back home, and thank you for that. Your raw honesty is what I think a lot of us needed today for some reason. Sometimes we always look at other people’s lives and thing “Things are just so perfect for them”, but in actuality, they are struggling with something that we don’t even begin to know or understand. Prayers to you and your husband for strength!
prayers for you today. my husband and i struggled to get pregnant for over a year, until I found out I had PCOS. We used fertility drugs to get pregnant w/ our daughter. and now the second time around God blessed us naturally with our son. You’re right no matter how God has your family designed it’s in HIS plan. This can be such a tough road to walk down, and know that all your feelings are so normal and understandable. Just keep believing and being faithful as you are. God is in it, he’s faithful to us when we’re faithful to him. Blessings for you today kate!
Such a powerful post. Keeping you in my thoughts.
God bless you, sweet girl! Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability. You are an inspiration. Believing with you!
Although I have children of my own, this made me cry. I love women who can share their struggles as well as their triumphs. It shows you are strong and trust in the Lord with everything you have.
Giving EVERYTHING to him is something we all struggle with daily.
Praying for you sister.
Vera
Oh Kate, I am so very sorry to hear this. My heart just aches for you and everyone else that struggles with this. I can relate to trusting in His timing–I’m still single and waiting on the Lord to send me a husband 🙂 I long to be a mother one day as well–all in His timing! It can be very frustrating at times, but like you–I just want His will.
I will pray for you, sweet girl. Praying the Lord holds you tight and gives you guidance and direction during this time.
Hugs to you and remember that what you are or will feel is right for you. No right or wrong…For us, after trying for 10 years to get pg, many procedures, drugs, surgeries, we decided to adopt. Thru open adoption, we now have 2 daughters, 24 and 20 years old. Have kept in touch with both birth families. Weird at first but ended up being wonderful relationships and extended families. Our want and need was to raise children, have a family. Do I wish I couldve had bio kids? Sure. But, it wasn’t meant to be (so cliche). But our “goal” was to have children. Definately met that goal!! And I am thankful every day for what was put on our “plate”. If you ever need advice, info or personal experience about adopting, Id love to “talk”. Also, Im a really good listener! And for me talking to everyone about what we were going thru helped. (they probably got pretty tired of it but…)So keep on talking, we are listening. We don’t know you but you feel like a sister to us, and we are here to listen and support you. More hugs….
Hi, Kate! I enjoy your blog! 🙂 Many of your words and feelings resonate with me. I have a beautiful almost-2-year-old son, Ezra, but I had a miscarriage a year before having him and I had another this past November. I’ve been angry, confused, frustrated, hurt, scared, sad, hopeful, joyful, excited, nervous and many more emotions over the last 3+ years of my struggles. Like you, I’ve learned so much about myself and about God and come to rest in a peace that truly passes all understanding. I could write a book here, but I’ll just say that you are not alone in your feelings and experiences and I will be praying for you and Justin. May God bless you in 2013! Lindsay
Thank you so much for exposing your heart in this post. It truly touched me. My husband and I have been trying so hard to get pregnant for about four years now. It has taken that long for me to accept that I can love God just the same with or without a child. The peace that came with giving over the struggle is amazing. We are exploring adoption via foster care and not giving up the dream of having our own child naturally, but yet we know that God is enough any way it goes. Thank you again for sharing. I’ll add you to my prayers!
Kate, thank you for sharing – it has been such an encouragement! My husband & I had to make the heart wrenching decision to not have children 2 years ago. I have a heart condition which means pregnancy would put my life, and that of the baby, at great risk. It was the simplest and most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make. At the time I went through the same anger and jealousy you describe. But recently I have know a great peace from God – I know it is not by any strength of my own – but I just know this is right for me. A part of God’s great plan for myself & my husband. Even though it is really tough at times to see others with their children and know what I will be missing out on. Sometimes the sadness creeps up on me when I least expect it and overwhelms me. But I know God loves me and is closest to me in these times of need. He has given me a great many other things to praise Him for…my joy and contentment must be in Him, not in my circumstances.
So, amongst the amazing stories of women who have struggled and then been blessed with what they desire, let me assure you, there can be as much joy and blessing when God says ‘No, that is not my plan for you’ because He has something greater in mind.
I will be praying for you and the wonderfully uncertain future 🙂
Oh my heart! Let me just preface this and say I have been ‘there.’ By God’s grace I’m 23 weeks pregnant now, but I’ve been to this very place and it’s hard to get back from. Even when you think you’re on the other side of hurting, it’s always something. Your heart is in the right place and I think in time you’ll be so glad you didn’t let this wreck the person you are. I did in some ways and like I said, it’s hard to come back from even after God answers our cries. Praying for you!
Kate I’ve been there. It took me 4 years exactly to get pregnant. It’s probably the hardest thing Ive ever been through. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Kate,
I’ve visited your blog in the past for wonderful hair advice 😉 … but I never imagined I’d read about infertility here. Like some previous commenters, my husband and I have experienced secondary infertility. A lot of people think, “Well, at least you have one child…” I’ll admit, I would have thought the same thing myself. But, it’s an awfully painful journey; whenever our plans don’t go the way we imagined, it hurts. Terribly. We started trying for a second baby almost 3 years ago. Our journey has also been complicated by my husband’s battle with brain cancer. Despite my faith in the Lord’s perfect timing, my 2012 was a lot like yours. I just want to share a quick little “nugget” of hope with you that dropped in my lap just this week. My husband and I finally broke down and had an initial consultation at a fertility center. After we met with the specialist, he introduced us to his nurse. As the nurse and I shook hands, we said to each other, “How do I know you?” Would you believe: She was the delivery nurse who held my hand as my son was born nearly 5 years ago! I will not pretend to know the end of my journey, but our serendipitous meeting felt almost like God was reaching down and saying, “I’m going to hold your hand through this, too.”
He’s holding yours even now.
I pray that you’d continue to feel His peace – it truly passes understanding.
Blessings,
Trish
P.S. A few blogs I’ve written on the subject if you have time to read. You’re not alone. xo
http://cherrysocks.wordpress.com/2012/12/21/diagnosis-the-i-word/
http://cherrysocks.wordpress.com/2012/10/15/what-not-to-say-vs-what-to-say/
http://cherrysocks.wordpress.com/2012/09/17/desire/
http://cherrysocks.wordpress.com/2012/06/20/when-it-doesnt-come-easy/
What an amazingly uplifting, honestly transparent, and incredible thing for you to share. I wish you all the peace and answers you seek and more Kate. <3
Thank you for sharing your heart and your faith. I needed to read this not because I am struggling w/ infertility (although I have been there and know how difficult if is) but because I am filled w/ so many questions that seem to go unanswered. My husband’s current job has him traveling at least 3 weeks a month. This leaves me at home raising 3 children by myself. I am not sure when this valley will pass but I know my Lord loves me and that he works ALL things together for good to those who love the Lord. Praying for you Kate!
Very well spoken! I will pray for you! Me and my husband got saved in September and Im still green behind the ears. Thank you so much for your words.
Carrie
This brought me to tears! Thank you for the reminder to trust in God. My husband and i are not tryung to get pregnant but we know couples that have gone through hardships trying. As a women i can only imagine the sadness i would have and am so thankful women like you share your stories. It helps as women of faith to have a others who are open to show we all go through trials…and we all have times when we let our emotions cover Gods hand. Thank you.
Dear Kate – I can so relate. My husband and I gave up trying after 5 years, admiting that it just wasn’t in God’s plan. Many years later, after my mother passed away when I was 43, we came to realize that we did not want to go through life without a child. So at the ripe old age of 45 we adopted a newborn, who is now 7 and the light of our lives. Although we felt abandoned by God back in the dark days we tried desparately to hold on to our belief in him, but it was a fine line to walk. Silly us, we were not walking alone, but couldn’t see that in our anguish. Just know that God is with you – – he will show you his plan in his own time. I love the saying, “Make God laugh by telling him your plans”. Hold fast – and make the most of this time that it’s just the two of you!!
This letter really helped me to explain to others what the journey of infertility can do to you, and how to help. Wasn’t the funnest journey in my life, but God lead me thru it.
http://believingthroughthejourney.blogspot.com/p/letter-to-friends-family.html
Kate, Thank you for sharing your story. I have been following your blog since earlier this year, you are such an inspiration to me. We’ve never met, but you were the one who gave ME the strength to start my own blog about infertility! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost two years now, so I can relate to all the emotions you have felt. It can be a very lonely road some days. I will pray for you and your husband, I am hopeful that 2013 will be a fresh start and wonderful year for all ladies TTC.
Girl, I know how you feel. We’ve been trying for 18 months and every month I get so bummed when my period arrives. I’ll definitely be praying for you guys as we walk this journey!
Thank you for writing this. I know exactly how you feel/felt. When trying to get pregnant with my 1st (after a miscarriage), it seemed to take forever. Every month I was disappointed that it didn’t happen. It seemed like everyone around me was having a baby or getting pregnant. It did happen eventally, I just had to learn to wait (which is not easy for me). I think this was God’s lesson for me. . . Wait and you will recieve.
I am sure you will have children when the time is right. Hang in there, and thank you for your blog!
Thank you for writing this, and for being so honest. I’m so sorry you and your husband are dealing with this anxious feeling but I’m happy you’ve found peace in the struggle and remain hopeful and positive regardless of the outcome, or next direction for your goal.
I’m not yet ready for children, but I know my time is limited. I think reading stuff like this is important for all of us as women, to know we aren’t alone, and that it doesn’t always happen right way.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know all will be right, when the time is right.
Thank you so much for sharing Kate. This was beautiful to read. It is so refreshing to hear stories of God’s faithfulness in our lives during hard times!
Thank you for your honesty. You are such a special person to thousands of women who feel like they know you! I am currently struggling to deal with the loneliness of being single. I’m in my thirties and have never been in a serious relationship. I’ve tried and tried to trust Him in this but the sorrow is overwhelming.
Praying for a continued sense of peace for you no matter what path God has in mind for your life.
Micah 7:7
“But as for me, I watch in HOPE for the Lord, I WAIT for God my Savior; MY GOD WILL HEAR ME.”
what a blessed peace it is to know that our God hears our cry.
Habakkuk 1:5
“Look among the Nations. Observe! Be astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in YOUR days-you would not believe if you were told.”
Kate,
Thanks for this post. It was an answer to my own prayers. We are struggling to know whether my husband should re-enlist with the Air Force and face multiple deployments that will take him away from our little family, or if we should separate from the Air Force and be civilian again and face possible employment fears in this economy. Lots of uncertainty and annoyance that we don’t know yet. But thanks for your reminder. Heavenly Father has a plan for us all.
Life is about the journey, right? xoxo
Oh, Kate. This made me cry! I will be praying for you!
Hi Kate.
I know exactly how you feel. For Christmas 2011, my present to my husband was to start trying for a baby. Every month would go by, and that stick was always negative. I would feel like such a failure every time it was negative. Time went by, and friends of mine began getting pregnant. (eventually 9 of us in one hospital department were pregnant at the same time). I would be so happy for them, but I would go home and cry. I got so stressed out about it, that I am sure it didn’t help my cause. I finally stopped thinking about it, and just “went with it”. I am a super laid back person, so I didn’t let the negative tests overcome me anymore. I also tried a new type of lubricant called PreSeed, and after using that for a month, I finally got pregnant a year later. I know that you are probably tired of seeing comments that have a happy ending, but I believe that you will get your happy ending sooon enough. Try not to stress about it, and maybe try that lube… It worked for me, and I was not supposed to get pregnant due to scar tissue that has built up in my uterus.
I hope 2013 turns out to be the best year for you, and that you get your happy ending.
I’m sure you know by now that you are not alone in your fight. I was introduced to the blogosphere over 4 years ago by way of infertility. I have now expanded my blog reading, but there is a whole infertility community! Thankfully I was diagnosed with my infertility pre-marriage due to some symptoms with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and never went through the year of trying naturally. However, I did go through 8 months of treatment to conceive my oldest, now 3. And additional treatment for my second.
I have a handful of friends who have since gone through infertility treatment; some have kids yet, others don’t, but I can tell you a few things: You may not see it now, but you will end up cherishing your journey. The experiences you have, the people you meet, and ultimately overcoming your battle with infertility-however that may be, will change you. It changed me for the better, it has made me a better parent then I ever could have imagined. And that is of course, not to say that only people who experience infertility are good/better parents, it just means that you have a special appreciation that only those who go through a similar experience can appreciate. And that experience will reach into every day, every situation, of your life. Not a day goes by that I don’t stop and think about my journey, my doctor, and the children I do have-I thank G-d every day for the journey I went on, because it made me who I am.
I hope you come up with a plan, and find peace in that plan. I, of course, recommend skipping an OB/GYN and heading straight to a reproductive endocrinologist, but do what you feel is best.
This can be a beautiful journey…
please visit me at myroseamongthorns.blogspot.com
Just like I mentioned above, the rose is the beauty within the infertility journey, the thorns are the obvious hardships- the scary, the painful…but one rose, among many thorns is beautiful! I hope you’ll stop by, and I sincerely hope you’ll share your journey with us.
I’ve walked on that same path and know the rollercoaster ride you’ve described very well… that journey and others has shaped who I am and has caused me to be more sensitive to others, and to VERY MUCH appreciate every moment that I have with my now 12 and 10 year old kids! (Praise God!) We suffered secondary infertility as well, which was also hard because I was convinced if I had two I should be able to have more (sounds greedy when I type it that way, but I really just felt I still have more love to give!) But I know and trust that God still has a plan for me that just might include loving someone elses children, or maybe some day my grandchildren. At this stage of my life, your blog struck me in a whole different way. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 12 years, and today I’m starting a new journey and actively looking for a job. It’s scary, and uncertain… but your words reminded me that what I do not know, GOD DOES! Thank you so much for sharing! I’ll be praying for you!
I am 27 and myy husband and i have been going through the same struggle. We started trying in feb with no luck. We r starting the journey to figure out why and it looks like i have pcos :(. We meet with the doc at the end of the month to discuss options. Im discouraged but hopeful. I will send good thoughts your way!
Kate,
Though my husband and I are not yet trying to start a family, it has been on my mind more this past year as 2 of my sisters have been/are pregnant and the worries when we do start and the jealousy I have faced and struggled with this year. The assurance that God is in control of all of our paths and how we respond to Him in those times that are difficult is when we draw closer to Him. And He uses those things to create a better relationship with us. Its easy to be in God when life is easy but its those times of struggle that we are truly in His presence and read to be used for His Glory.
Your post is a great testimony to your faith in God and how you are resting in that faith.
Thank you for sharing and being transparent,
Cathryn
Kate: I’m moved to tears. You deserve the same happiness and joy that you bring to all of us through your blog. I’m totally rooting for you and will keep you and your husband in my prayers. I hope it brightens your day to know that in humid south Louisiana, there is a girl having an awesome hair day because of you, and just for that, she wishes you nothing but the best.
Thank you so much for your courage Kate. Remembering that not ours, but His will be done is something that I struggle with daily, but your words have reminded and refreshed that in me.
I am praying for you friend.
Kate,
Thanks for your honesty. I will be praying for you and your husband. It’s a hard thing to wait with open heart and arms for a baby. My husband and I have been through years of infertility treatments to have our two little blessings. We have two girls that are truly gifts from God. Each and every baby is a miracle, but when you’ve waited and trusted God for His timing it made finally holding my baby girl a truly humbling experience. I’m praying many blessings for you and your husband.
This is such a beautiful reminder that the Lord is in charge and does have a plan for our lives, even though it may not yet be apparent! I’ve struggled with many of the same emotions that you have but for a different reason. Thank you for sharing this message, I needed to hear this today. I pray that God will bless you!!
Kate, it is so ironic that you posted this on your blog today! I just so happened to read it while I was sitting at the doctor’s office this morning waiting to get test results back to determine whether or not I have PCOS. It turns out I do, and I will be starting Clomid next month in hopes that it will help us conceive. My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant since July with no luck. I know exactly what you are going through right now. Thank-you so much for sharing your story. I wish I was brave enough to share my story on my own blog! I have a feeling that 2013 will be a good year for both of us! Sending baby dust your way!
I have been there, too, and after about 10 years did conceive a daughter (when I had completely let go and wasn’t expecting it…and it wasn’t even the best time for it). I always believed God had a plan, but it took YEARS for the feelings you’ve described here to melt away. You’re doing the right thing in trusting God. Not sure what you’ve done or plan to do for treatment, but I can share my experience and what I learned with you if you’d like. Thanks for the great post!
Kate,
You and your blog are my favorite and I want you to know how many lives you touch daily! Thank you, and best wishes on your sweet future, what is meant to be will be!
Kate- I read your blog every day and as weird as it sounds, I feel like I know you…and this post brought me to tears. You are so brave in your ability to share this story with others but it is such a beautiful testament to what it means to have faith and tristin God’s plan. I too have been struggling to get pregnant for about a year and to be honest, wasn’t in a good place with my faith when we started. I have never been super challenged when trying to get something I want, so why would this have been different. WRONG….I have two friends who are both due in May and both got pregnant on the first try- I can’t help but be jealous. But this process has helped me renew my faith and I have started going to church again. My mantra, like yours, is to Let go and let God. I have learned his plan is special and designed just for me, and I am thankful for that. I will be praying for you and your future family. Bless you!
There are a couple blogs I check daily and yours is one of them – I sync with your style and humor but now I feel connected in your struggle. While mine is secondary infertility – all fertility struggles are so hard. But miracles happen, babies happen. Some just take longer to get here. Not sure if you’ve seen this blog, but I love this post and thought I’d pass it along: http://www.natthefatrat.com/2012/04/on-letting-it-happen.html
I feel your pain and sorrow. My husband and I have been trying since December 2011. We’ve finally decided that maybe it isn’t our time, or maybe we aren’t ever supposed to have children of our own. We’re now looking into other options. It’s hard when you can’t get pregnant but it feels like everyone around you is.
I think it is very admirable that you are willing to share something so personal on the blog, and I’m sure there are readers that this post will inspire and help, knowing that someone else is going through the same thing. I don’t know personally what you are going through, but I have family members that are experiencing something similar. Breakdowns are normal. We have a wonderful God!
thehartungs.blogspot.ca
I haven’t been following your blog for very long, but I wanted to let you know I will pray for you! I can’t even imagine what you are going through, but God knows exactly what you’re going through and he will always be there.
If you haven’t read it yet, I would recommend ‘Taking Charge of Your Fertility’. It was a life changing book for me. I had no idea there was so much going on with my body! And I was amazed at how in tune with my body I felt after learning to read the signs my own body was giving me regarding different stages of my cycles.
Kate – I always enjoy your posts and blogs, but today hit a particularly deep area for a lot of us. My struggle was not with infertility but with miscarriage. After having 1 son a month before I turned 29, I knew I wanted more children – 3 years apart in age. I had it all planned out (I’m a planner!). When Andrew was 2½ my husband and I began trying again; I ended up pregnant twice but both ended in miscarriage. With the 1st miscarriage people are sympathetic. With the 2nd, they don’t know what to say. My husband wanted to quit trying (he was worried about me). A well-meaning elderly lady at church said “Well I guess God only intended for you to have 1 child.” I replied “No, I believe God will bless us with more!” After seeing a specialist at Duke (GO BLUE DEVILS!) I had surgery on my uterus. The doctor told me that it was near impossible that I was able to go to full term with my 1st baby, as the condition of my uterus was congenital! If I had not gone through this, I would have not realized my 1st son was a real miracle!!! Needless to say, my 2nd baby boy is now 10 years old (my oldest is 15) and my 2 boys are sweet, funny, God-serving, Christian young men! Except they like UNC!;) And to think if I had not gone through that experience, I would have not known the extent of God’s love, mercy, and perfect timing! My theme for 2013 is TRUST! My life verse since I was 20 is Psalm 27:14 “Wait on the Lord; be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord.” You’re in my prayers, Kate!
Praise the Lord for your sweet sweet testimony. How encouraging. I feel even more blessed as I found a blog that I like and it’s also a testiment to the love of our Father! *hugs*
You are so brave to share this but God is being glorified by it. I know exactly what you’re feeling. My husband and I started trying to get pregnant over 6 years ago. It can be such a lonely, heartbreaking journey. God has grown our faith SO incredibly much through these years, though. Looking back, I wouldn’t want it any other way. We have a beautiful daughter through the blessing of an open adoption. God is so good! Keep trusting His plans!
Kate,
Thank you for sharing your heart.
I’ve been meditating on this verse all week and sharing it with others. I would LOVE to share it with you…Ps. 37:4 Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. . I encourage you to be open for what God has planned even though you don’t know the when or the how but rest in the fact that it is a GOOD plan! Be determined to never give up on the rough days. Surround yourself with verses of hope and encouragement. Take this time to delight (pleasure, enjoy, desire) in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart! (((HUGS)))
I don’t comment often, but have to thank you for bearing your soul like this – it takes so much courage and strength. I have had a similar year, and some months are better than others. Prayers to the strength of God in our lives, and the light that you bring to the world in sharing your story, so that we can all lift each other up when we have doubts and fears.
What a wonderful post. You are a brave and lovely, lovely person. Thank you for sharing your faith and wisdom. Your words touched me and bring me hope in a difficult time in my life. God bless you !
Hey Kate, I’ve never commented on anyone’s blog before so I am not sure how many of these you actually read, but I just wanted to say how grateful I am to you for opening up your soul to the world and for being bold in your belief of God. I feel strongly that the more women talk freely about these “taboo” subjects the greater the healing and the stronger the community we can build around us. I pray for you and your blog daily. I’m sure no words can be said that haven’t already been said, but God is the author of life and every child is conceived was done so by God breathing life. He gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.
maggiefink.wordpress.com
Kate, I have read your blog everyday for over a year now. So, in some way I feel like I really know you! One thing that I really like about you is that you are so real and honest. I know this was not an easy post for you to wrire. But you put yourself out there and in a way that may be so encouraging to others whether dealing with the same issue or something totally different. God is preparing you for something great! Through all the struggles and heartbreak you and your husband will be such amazing strong people in the end because of how you are reaching out to and growing in God. My best advice to you is to go ahead and start praising Him and thanking Him for your little blessing! I will keep you in my prayers and just hang in there because He has great things planned for you. You have given encouragementto so many through your post and for that you will be blessed! Sending hugs and prayers your way! <3
So great that you are sharing. I don’t know you, but I love following your blog, and I’ll be praying for you. I just found out yesterday that my hubby and I are having a baby boy —- after 7 years of “unexplained infertility”. He truely is our miracle baby. Don’t lose hope, never stop praying, and believe that with God, all things truely are possible. I’ve started blogging a bit about our journey. If you feel like stopping by sometime for some encouragement from a girl who’s “been there”, feel free! http://filled2bemptied.blogspot.com/
Kate: You’re getting hundreds of comments on this already, but I’ll go ahead and add my two cents. Thank you for your vulnerability. Your words are so accurate. After years of being angry with God for not providing me with a husband, I finally came to the same place you did…almost two years ago now. I’m happy to say that last month I married the man of my dreams who was every bit worth the wait and whose arrival on the scene was timed perfectly. I am in awe at how freeing it is to trust Him, how wonderful it is to enjoy life even without that thing I longed for so dearly, and to see first hand that “not now” does not mean “never.”
He is good! Here’s to all the wonderful surprises he’s got in store for 2013!
Kate, thank you for sharing your story. I know it will help other readers that may be going through similar struggles. I will keep you and yours in my prayers, you will make an amazing mom one day I am sure. I was worried when my husband and I started to try for a baby last year that it would not come easy. I had watched my best friend go through fertility issues and after a couple of years and lots of prayer and IVF they have two 5 month twins, thanks to faith in God and knowing He has a plan. I am pregnant, and due in April. So scared yet so excited. I pray you will get one of life’s most precious miracles.
As someone who has been trying to conceive for the last five months, your post brought tears to my eyes. I admire your bravery and your honesty in posting this, and I know so many have been touched just as much as I was. Although I haven’t reached the dreaded 1 year mark, I’ve been down the rabbit hole of “What’s wrong with me?” As you know, there is only darkness in the bottom of that hole and I have definitely felt it. As I continue on my journey, I’ll now be able to keep your journey in mind…to remind myself that I *can* be certain of God even when everything else is uncertain. You will be in my prayers as I pray for my own future little one. Thank you so much for sharing.
I had just finished having a two hour long conversation with one of my good friends when I opened your email. And it really showed me how God speaks to us in ways that we might never expect. She and I were talking about our difficult times during 2012: My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 15 months and she is going through a divorce after 15 years with her husband. My husband and I just saw a reproductive endocrinologist on Tuesday and she just officially filed. I am dying to know if my husband and I will ever have a baby and she’s wondering if she’ll ever find love again. At one point, she says, “I wish God could just give me a list of all the things that are going to happen and that way I can prepare for all these tribulations.” Then she stops for a minute and says, “No, he can’t and he won’t tell us. What you and I are going through is all part of His plan. What the outcome will be, we do not know. But we must continue to trust in the Lord.” I felt wonderful after that conversation, but I was truly joyful after reading your email. I immediately copied her on it and suggested we read it in our Bible study tomorrow evening. Your message can be applied to anyone who is going through hardships in their life. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so thankful that God put your blog in my path. I will pray that God continues to bless you and Justin this year! Thank you again!
You are not alone, pretty girl! My husband and I have been trying for almost 2 years — ‘unexplained infertility’ after lots of testing. It’s been a tough ride but in the past few months, I’ve prayed for peace and while it’s not easy, I’m learning to accept that I’m not in control. Keeping you in my prayers and hoping for a blessed 2013 for you!
Hi Kate!
I know exactly how you feel! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since June. I keep trying to tell myself that it will happen when the time is right but it’s hard. Every month is a struggle. I even trick myself into thinking I have symptoms. I’ve even gained weight! I am praying I won’t be disappointed this month (i should know next week) and I will say an extra little prayer for you 🙂
Kate,
I have had the same problem, after I had a miscarriage I couldn’t get pregnant for over a year! I too, had the same feelings of hopelessness, anger, sadness, and jealousy. A year and half later it finally happened! I have hope that it will happen for you too; it just takes time; easier said I know. Thank you for sharing something so personal and I pray that you are blessed!
Thank you for sharing your story. You are so right that He has plans for us that we know nothing about. I struggled with secondary infertility and I feel what you’re going through. Although I believe it was so hard some days to have faith. Once I finally surrendered my will and handed it all over to God I, like you, found peace. We ended up going through infertility treatments and today I’m blessed with an amazing little boy! Although I wanted my children close together, my kids are almost 5 years apart. As I look back, God’s timing was just perfect because I couldn’t imagine parenting two little kids at one time. Trust in Him and all will be well.
This brought tears to my eyes. I actually felt a jolt when I read your statement about trying to conceive. We have also begun trying. We’ve only been at it a couple months, but I’m already surprised at what a roller coaster it is. My husband and I are both Type A high achievers. We’re used to putting our nose to the grindstone, working hard, and getting results. But this is so much more out of our control. A commenter here mentioned how “consuming” it is and that is the perfect word. I did not anticipate thinking about pregnancy several dozen times a day; sometimes it feels like it does consume me.
I found amazing comfort in the advent season. To think we anticipate Christ’s birth with joyful anticipation because we KNOW he has already come. We don’t wait with any fear, which isn’t always true of other hoped-for events in our lives. I made it my mission to apply that advent attitude to my current state, reminding myself that God does fulfill his promises. Our celebration of Christmas reminds us of that.
Easier said than done, I know. Again, thank you so much for sharing.
I walked in your shoes 30 years ago and I vividly remember all the same feelings that you so eloquently expressed. Our son turned 28 in November – just blessed & grateful to have one child.
Praying for you and your husband as God unfolds his plan for you.
Kate, so blessed by your transparency and how the Lord is sustaining you through this. Have you ever read “Calm My Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow? It’s a GREAT read that I continually return to. Thank you so much for sharing. You will be in our prayers!!!
Kate,
I read your post today and it brought tears to my eyes. A year ago I was struggling to be excited about the way God chose to bless me. Even now that my gift is here every now and again I still wish I would have been blessed the way I wanted. I know God did what was best for me and his plan but at the same time I long for what I wanted. Thank you for your post, it was very comforting to know that I am not alone with my struggle. May God bless you and your husband.
Thank you for sharing your heart. It a reminder that no matter how cute (and you are so cute!) and “with it” and great others may seem, EVERYONE has struggles. You are brave and wonderful. I will pray for your next step, whatever that may be.
Praying for you today! Sending you love and hugs even though we don’t know one another.
kathy (olsonsforchrist@msn.com)
Kate,
Praying for you and your husband. Hope that 2013 is YOUR year! My husband and I went through the same thing. We tried for two years got pregnant twice both ended as miscarriages. We now have the happy, healthy, two year old boy that we prayed for. No medical help or anything just god’s timing! Don’t loose hope and keeping trying.
Thank you so much for telling us your story and I will be praying for you. Over the past few months I have strayed away from God as teenage life and exams took over. Last night I prayed for help with getting back to Him and your story has really encouraged me so with all my heat I thank you!!! – Jess, UK
There are no words to say, or hugs so deep that can give complete comfort to where you and your husband are at right now. Thankfully that is not the solution anyways! I’m so thankful that you have His hope-that He not only knows your inner workings to the finest of details, but He CARES! Thank you for being so brave to share the journey that you are both on. I will be praying as I share a similar story and know a smidge of the emotions and thoughts that can battle your goal of focusing on Him and trusting in all that His hand has to give.
Kate, this is my story, too — this January also marks our 12th month of TTC. It has been so incredibly hard, and I’m scheduled to go to my doctor next week to begin testing to see if anything is wrong or can be helped. When those around you seem to be able to conceive so easily, it can make you feel so alone and sad. I thank you for making your story public to remind people like me that we’re not alone at all. Sending you a big, big hug through the Interwebs. I hope 2013 is a better year for both of us. xo
So sorry to hear this. Struggling with infertility myself for over 7 years, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. After 4 years of trying, multiple medical procedures, including two ivf’s, and thousands of dollars, we got pregnant with our daughter, our pride and joy. Then after getting pregnant again with IVF we had a miscarriage at 12 weeks that left us devastated, angry, and utterly alone. After 2 more IVF’s we are pregnant again. Just like you I never thought I’d be THAT person, the one who couldn’t get pregnant. When you decide you want a baby, you WANT a baby NOW. I feel for you and pray for you. My relationship with God has developed so much over the past years dealing with infertility. It has humbled me and strengthened me in so many ways. I have written a little bit about our journey at mommyvignettes.blogspot.com, but not nearly as much as in my personal journal. My best advice for you (other than to keep praying and keep your faith strong), is to start a personal journal for yourself to pour your heart out into. My journal has been one of my strongest friends through all this.
Kate – I don’t generally post on blogs. I don’t know why – I just don’t. My husband and I struggled with infertility treatments for three years including two miscarriages before I gave birth to my sweet son. We had an advantage because my husband was a cancer survivor we knew we would have to have treatments. My son is so worth all of the struggles. He is 12 and in middle school – he is a mess! All boy. But sweet. When we went back to the RE to get pregnant a second time the doctor told me “there is no way you should have gotten pregnant.” But I did and my boy is a miracle. I think you are in Raleigh. We lived in Asheville at the time – Raleigh has some great RE doctors. My suggestion is to not spend too much time with a OBGYN but to see a Reproductive Endrocronoligst. It could be something very simple. I think most health insurance cover a lot of treatments these days. So worth it! I will keep you in my prayers.
Kate-as many have already said it, and many will continue to say it-THANK YOU. It is such a breath of fresh air to “release” the dark clouds that follow us around, especially when you can share your journey on your blog that we all look forward to reading each day! I really appreciate how honest you are. There are so many blogs out there that I have read, and then my left eyebrow raises, and I think to myself – “Is this woman for real? Is everything always perfect in her life? Where’s the reality here?!” Everyone has a personal battle, it’s nice to be able to talk about it, as difficult as it can be. You have a wonderful support system, which is one of the most important things you can ask for. I know none of us can change your situation-but we are all praying for you.
XOXO ~ Your Small Things Blog Cheerleader 🙂
Thank you for sharing. I am not trying to get pregnant, but I am constantly anxious about What’s Going to Happen Next. And your reminder that it’s out of my hands was extremely timely. Thanks again.
Kate,
My husband and I were in the same boat. Everyone around us was getting pregnant but US. It was hard – I spent countless hours crying, wondering if it would ever happen, wondering if I could even stay with my husband if we couldn’t have kids. We finally decided to see our respective doctors and guess what? My husband has ZERO sperm. Long story short – they put him on clomid for 60 days (it jump starts testosterone) and low & behold, we went from 0 to 94 million little guys in 2 short months. I urge you both to get tested and don’t discount modern medicine. Make sure he sees a urologist & reproductive endocrinologist and you should see the Repro Endo too to make sure all the hormones are in balance. I’m happy to say I’m now 11 weeks pregnant. Above all, keep you head up and try not to go down the self pity rabbit hole too often. One way or another, you WILL be a mother – whether the child is biologically yours or not. I wish you success & the most happiness. Best of luck!
Wow, I have tears in my eyes. I thank you for this post, for your honesty. My year was with a different struggle, waiting for a husband. I turned 30 right before 2012 began, and it just seemed to bring on a whole new level of lonliness. I have tried to control things, to make things happen, to will God to make things go my way, and it hasn’t happened. I finally came to the realization that God has a plan. I have to step back and let go of the situation.
“To be certain of God means that we are uncertain” That’s a powerful statement. That brings more tears.
In 2013 I will trust, I will not manipulate, I will not pray for my desires, but that God uses my life in the way He desires.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your post.
Prayers for you as you toward a stronger trust in our all-knowing God
Kate,
Thanks for sharing with us and being real with us. I am a hairdresser as well and look up to you for fresh ideas and inspiration.
Keep leaning on Him!
Thank you for your words. We have some major uncertainty happening in our home as well. It isn’t about getting pregnant, but it’s scary nonetheless. I love the quote. Praying for y’all!
Thank you so much for sharing! It is so beautiful to see how God has used this blog for you to minister to so many people. I pray that God has people in your life ministering to you right now.
I know your pain. Both of my sons took a year to conceive. This past April we found out we were expecting our 3rd child, only to have a miscarriage in May at 9 weeks. It had taken us a year to conceive also. It was my second miscarriage, the first happening a couple months before my first son was conceived.
But this miscarriage was very different, much more traumatic. The summer is a complete blur. I went through depression, I’m talking all I could do was lay in bed and stare at the wall depression. I slowly got past that, but not the sadness and anger. I became something I never thought I would – I couldn’t handle seeing pregnant women. I blocked my pregnant friends on facebook, because I couldn’t handle reading about their pregnancies. I was happy for them, but it was too much for me to bear. We started trying again in August. I pleaded with God to be pregnant before my Christmas Eve due date. When early December rolled around, I was a mess. I couldn’t imagine going past my original due date without being pregnant.
My cycles are all over the place, and because of that we almost missed my fertile window in November. I knew the chances of us conceiving that month weren’t good. I had given up hope, and then got a positive pregnancy test, a few days before my original due date.
I’m now just over 7 weeks, and had an ultrasound today because I started spotting a week ago. When it started I was convinced I was heading for another miscarriage. I was once again begging and pleading with God to please not let me lose this one. The ultrasound went really well, nice heartbeat and baby looks healthy. I have a long way to go, but I’m choosing to be positive.
I pray that you are blessed with a healthy pregnancy and baby soon.
Kate, thanks so much for sharing your struggles. I know there is nothing I can say to make it any easier for you but the one thing I can do is PRAY! I will be praying for you and Justin.
I haven’t read all the posts, so not sure if it’s been said, but just the fact that you are accepting God’s plan in such a difficult time is much better than most of us who have dealt with infertility.
I know it’s not easy, but this is something that made it manageable for me. WHEN you have a baby (however it happens for you, either pregnancy/adoption) know that God meant for THIS specific child to be yours. After 33 months of TTC, I can’t imagine another baby than the one I have now (who is almost a year old). KWIM?
You have an amazing online support system here!
His plans are not our plans and His ways are not our ways. That’s not always easy to swallow, but I cannot think of any situation in my life where God has let me down. He has always come through for me in ways that are greater than I could have ever imagined. Your post was a reminder to me that when I feel like I am losing it, God is always in control. Thanks for sharing. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you so much for sharing this even though it was difficult. It was inspiring to hear how much you’ve been able to trust God through this and it touched me to hear that. It’s something I struggle with daily–not knowing, trusting it will be okay, and letting go.
Thank you.
Thank you for your encouraging words! I love how God knows exactly what we need to hear! 🙂 In April it will be two years since my husband and I have been trying, and as many times I have said Lord it will happen in your timing, and I’m trusting in you, my heart still aches. This post is every word that I’ve been trying to say for the past month… I’ve seen that anger building in me, and I don’t like it because it makes me feel like I’m blaming God and that is the very last thing I ever want to do! Thank The Lord for forgiveness! I am so thankful for a husband that stands beside me and is encouraging even when I soak his shirt in tears. And am thankful that he said even if we can’t have kids of our own, we will adopt!
Thank you for the encouraging words, and I pray God’s many blessing on you and your husband!
Precious Kate and what a wonderful testimony for so many young women!!
Blessings,
Cyndi
I’ve been a nurse for 12 years and spent a few years at an Infertility practice. Has anyone in your family ever been diagnosed with Polycystic ovaries? It could be something so simple to remedy. Go to an Infertility specialist and just get a few simple tests done. It doesn’t need to be a big production and often times it is not.
Good Luck on your journey.
My heart breaks for you – I was in a similar situation. My best friend could get pregnant at the drop of a hat, and when I wasn’t pregnant after month 1, month 2 or month 3 of trying, I was devastated.. What was wrong with me? I went and bought every book about infertility and after month 5 and month 6, it became very mechanical… Which is very sad because its supposed to be a wonderful thing. The pressure we as ‘mothers-to-be’ put on ourselves to get pregnant in the first place is phenomenal. And we all compare our ‘paths to pregnancy’ with others, which we shouldn’t as we’re all different. Eight months after trying, we were luckily enough to get a positive pregnancy test, and today I have the most wonderful 5yo little boy who rules my world. My husband was extremely supportive of our journey too. Fingers crossed for you – 2013 will hopefully be your year for motherhood. xx
The moment you come to peace with the lord is beautiful and amazing. Thank you for sharing, it gave me goosebumps.
Hang in there. Whatever happens, and whatever you have to go through in order to have a child – the struggle makes it sweeter.
I am totally touched by this post, and have added Oswald Chamber’s words to my Glo bible journal.
My prayers for you have been sent to Heaven…
So sorry to hear of your struggle. Thank you for sharing your story and your honesty with how you’ve been dealing with it. I will be praying for you!! Hubby and I are experiencing the same thing right now – it’s been over a year and it’s been SO tough at times, but we know that God is in control and we’re doing our best to trust His plan…whatever that might be. Hang in there, sister!
You said what has been in my heart! My prayers are with you and thank you for writing what you did.
ps.. I have heard Raw Maca Powder helps fertility. 🙂
I am supposed to tell you…”she will have a child one day”…
I don’t know ‘what’ that means or looks like for you…but I’m trying to be obedient and deliver the message.
Did you ever meet my friend Kristy from Cru? No of course you didn’t. Irregardless. I first met Kristy in 2004 and she was desperately trying to get pregnant. It. Just. Didn’t. Happen.
Then it happened…and she miscarried.
8.5 years later, her and her husband are the busy parents of 4 little girls. That is A LOT of hairspray.
My friends Matt and Patrice were overjoyed when they were pregnant with their son Jonah after suffering the devastating loss of their first child shortly after birth. Then when Jonah was born they found out he had a very rare genetic disease called EB…his poor skin is so delicate that it falls off just with simple contact. Patrice is one of the most amazing mothers I know. Jonah requires special round-the-clock care with multiple bandage and dressing changes a day. Looking into his precious eyes admidst a face of red sores and wounds, I don’t know how Matt and Patrice are so amazing, humble, and trusting of the Lord. Because of the genetics, I can’t tell you how ridiculous other humans can be. Seeing Patrice out with Jonah while grocery shopping, staring, thinking she isn’t a good mom…when in fact she is probably one of the best moms I’ve ever met.
Matt and Patrice decided not to have any more biological children due to the gene they both carry. I was overjoyed when I received their Christmas card this season and saw a picture of little grown up Jonah with his red boo boos all over his face, holding is adopted baby brother!
Kate, I know you know that God has special plans for you. Did you know I’ve been praying for you and Justin for some time now? No, of course you didn’t. But I am. And I believe in His blessings and plans for you…whatever, whenever they may be. Remember His timing is perfect for us. For you, for Justin, for your family. And know that I am continuing to pray for you and that I love you!
Dorothy
PS: I still really want that blue crumpled shirt on the ground for my room. Do you think I could pull it off?
2012 was a trying year for me and my hubby too. We also began trying to get pregnant… and got pregnant, but lost the baby at 11 weeks. My body is still struggling to return to “normal” and my heart still aches over our lost. Yet, I learned to appreciate the journey. Sending you the best of luck in 2013, whatever result that may be for you!! Thank you for sharring your story!
Lindsay
Here is my story if you are interested:
http://hautewivesclub.blogspot.com/2012/11/to-hell-and-back.html
Oh Kate,
My heart hurts for you. You are such a blessing in my life and it just makes me ache that you have to go through this trial. It’s okay to be angry with God because it’s NOT fair. Life isn’t fair and that’s the beauty, and the ugly of it. God can take your anger, he can take your resentment that things happen on his time and not yours because he created you. You are one of the most inspiring people I’ve ever “met”. I feel like I know you and sometimes I forget you’re not my real-life friend. You are the mom who taught me how to do my hair because mine was never home, the big sister I didn’t have to teach me how to put lipstick on, The cat-sweater wearing person I wish I was more like. You taught me how to take care of me when I had given up. You’re not a beauty-guru, you’re a life guru. All this post proves is that you’re human, you hurt just like the rest of us, things don’t always go your way, and maybe your hair doesn’t always look perfect. ;] My daughter’s middle name is Kate, after you. You brought me out of a dark place, and I can’t repay you for that. You inspire me to be better, this is your talent. You have such a light that shines around you and your faith is so amazing. You are beautiful on the inside, and that’s what matters. God will provide for you when it is your time. You may not be a mother the way you want to, but you’ve already given so much. I pray for you. I pray that you will get your baby, that you remain at peace, and even though it’s hard, you let go, and let God. All my best, @vskram
Kate, I’ve been an avid reader of your blog for a year or so now, and this one really struck home with me. My husband and I are in the same position. We are trying to get pregnant and so far nothing has happened yet. We only about halfway tried to get pregnant last year, but for some reason in my head it feels like “we’re not getting pregnant.” Even when your only halfway trying, you are still trying, and a woman counts on that. We are really going to give it our best efforts this year. Wanting to have a child, and seeing everyone around you pregnant, it’s the hardest thing ever, and husbands just don’t get it. My parents were married for 10 years before they had their only child, me. My cousin and her husband were married 13 years before they had their only child, and the same with a girlfriend of mine. My sister in law has a 10 year gap between her kids because she just couldn’t get pregnant. “You can’t till you can,” my husband says. I hope you know you’re not alone, there are lots of us out here swimming around in this baby-making ocean. We rejoice when others get pregnant and have their kids, but we all go home and cry into a warm bubble bath when it’s all said and done. I held my new nephew for the first time a few weeks ago and rejoiced with his parents at his birth, then I went home and cried myself to sleep because I wanted it to be me and my husband so badly. I appreciate your honesty in this post. God CAN do anything Kate. He can. While Mom was pregnant with me, she cross stitched a piece to go on my nursery wall that says “Prayer Changes Things.” PRAYER DOES CHANGE THINGS!!! 2013 is the year for you and me, Miss Kate, to become Mommies!! Best wishes, and I’ll be saying your name in prayer. ((HUGS)) from KY!
Thank you for sharing. My husband suffered a brain abscess on Thanksgiving night and we are still in the hospital battling. We had hoped to return to our home town this week for him to start therapy at an skilled nursing facility, but instead we are still an hour from home battling medical issues. We miss our family, including his 21 year old son, and my 15 year old son.
Your post resonated so deeply with me. I keep telling myself it is one day at a time, but it is so hard. I pray for your continued peace and that I can soon find that peace as well. I look forward to reading the piece you reference.
Thank you again for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story, I am sure that many women will be helped by knowing that they are not alone in their struggles. It always helps to see that we are not alone and that others are feeling the same emotions as we are and that is OK. God works in mysterious ways and we never know what he has planned for us, but I will pray for you, that 2013 will be your year!
Kate, I am SO sorry you’re struggling with this. It has to be one of the most difficult things to go through. I have a few friends who have struggled/are struggling with infertility and they have questioned their faith multiple times. Your post and positive outlook are so inspiring! Keeping you in my prayers and hoping that God chooses to send you the little bundle of joy that you deserve! <3
After having struggled to get pregnant for over a year myself, I know how hard it is to write something like this. Thank you for sharing. I mean that sincerely, because as a woman who went the same thing you are, I was angry too, and I know there are MANY other women who are feeling the same. It’s so infuriating sometimes- I, like you, consider myself a healthy woman and expected to get pregnant quickly. I know that this post helped many other women cope with this stressful experience.
However, it is so reassuring to hear that you’ve found a positive outlook on all this. I think that’s so key to getting through this. I also found that the experience strengthened my relationship with my husband. We were being tested- and it wasn’t easy.
I know you didn’t write this to ask for advice, but I feel so compelled to recommend a book and strategy to you. My husband and I actually began treatment with clomid briefly, but it didn’t feel right. We weren’t ready to give up on my body’s capabilities yet. Our doctor recommended we read “Taking Charge of your Fertility” (http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Fertility-Anniversary-Edition/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1357858141&sr=8-1&keywords=taking+charge+of+your+fertility) . I am not exaggerating- this book changed our lives. It is very similiar to NFP, if you’re familiar with that, and it is proven to work. My husband and I were able to conceive on our second cycle (which was 52 days, which helps explain why we were having so much trouble getting pregnant before) and are now 3 months pregnant.
You WILL get pregnant, and it WILL happen for you.
I actually want to copy a passage that was in my Jesus Calling book last night. “…Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen beofre their times have come. One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events. If you want to stay close to Me and do things My way, ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment. Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, let Me set the pace. Slow down, and enjoy the journey in My presence.”
Sorry for writing so much on here. I was so touched by your openness. Good luck to you and know that you aren’t alone!
This is beautiful. I will start praying for you and your husband. What I mean by beautiful is the trust and understanding you are grasping to throughout this. It’s not easy, but we are human. You are doing a beautiful job. I will continue to pray.
Walked that road for 5 years, experienced same feelings…after much infertility work begat son, now 32, but lost a 2nd pregnancy. Have been able to minister to many others in the same situation throughout the years. Praying for you today.
Thank you for sharing – it’s never easy to share your struggles, especially when it’s something so close to your heart.
My sister and I are both adopted. My parents tried for years to get pregnant but it just never happened for them. I love my family so much and can’t imagine what my life would be like without them. My parents had a few rough years, but we all found each other in the end and that’s what matters. Your story will have a happy ending – even if it’s not the one you excepted :).
My husband and I tried for 3 years without intervention from a doctor, but going to a specialist and having all my questions and fears addressed was the best thing I ever did. It helped me understand my own body and what was going on. I have cysts every cycle, and endometriosis as well as blocked tubes that needed to be cleared. I am so happy that God lead me on this journey though. I have two beautiful boys. I recently had a hystorectomy, so I am so happy to be free from pain now. I am free to enjoy my boys. We would love to adopt a girl when God shows us his timing again. We just pray and see what he shows us is next.
You will also have a beautful story to share and a deep understanding and bond of motherhood we all share. It will happen, God is faithful.
Kate ~ you are definitely in my prayers. Thank you so much for sharing your struggles with all of us. You reminded me to be thankful for what we do have & to see God’s provision in everything. I know the struggle of desiring something so badly and not understanding why it is not happening on my time schedule. I have come to learn that God uses every struggle and every good thing to draw us closer to him.
Thank you so much for the encouragement & knowing that no one is alone in their struggles.
There are too many comments for me to read, so I apologize if this is a repeat. When you get some time, check out Stirrup Queens. It is the BEST resource for trying to get pregnant, and for navigating the very scary road of infertility. My husband and I have been trying for eleven years now, with three losses and four IVFs under our belt. I sincerely hope your journey is smoother than ours (most are), but I guarantee you can find similar stories on Mel’s site. She’s kind of the mothership, you know? Wishing you luck and a happy ending.
I really enjoyed your post today. I have been an avid follower ever since I found your site many months ago. Your posting today really hit home for me. My husband and I have also been trying to get pregnant, now for over 18 months, and it is a very frustrating process. I have been there with the frustration, desperation, exasperation, and tears. You think it’s your fault or you are doing something wrong. I know for me personally I have had a lot of anger at situations of celebrities and others in unstable relationships getting pregnant without even trying and here my husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, we waited to finish college to get married, and I’ve finished my Master’s and am now in a great job. Your post today hit me hard because I got my “monthly visitor” yet again today and it was just another reminder for me. Your post made me look at this journey from a different point of view. While I know I will not always have as much perspective as I possess now while writing I do know that the future is bright, there is hope, and I am not alone. Thank you Kate, and God Bless!
Kate, thank you for sharing. You know you now have an army of women praying for you. Not only will I be praying for God to bring children into your family, but I will also be praying for you to continue to experience God’s presence with you in this season. My waiting has been different than yours. But like you, more than get *through* the waiting place, I want to get *Jesus* in the waiting place.
http://www.cindyfinley.com/2012/03/are-you-in-waiting-place.html
Kate,
Thank you so much for writing this. This was so refreshing to see someone being so honest, even if it is difficult to let others see that you are vulnerable and your life isn’t perfect. I was saddened to read it, honestly, because not being able to have children is one of my greatest fears. If, when the time comes for us to start trying, it doesn’t work, I will surely look back to your words for comfort, to know that I’m not alone, and how to handle those feelings. I was also sad that you had to write that last part with the asterisk. I understand why you did, but it’s frustrating to me that anyone would read your post and then comment with basic advice that you clearly have researched yourself. If anyone does that, ignore it. I’m sure they don’t mean anything by it, but still…as grown-ups, people should know by now when to give advice and when to not do so. I wish you all the luck in the world. I know that no matter how it happens, once it happens, you will be the most wonderful mother. I could tell when I met you at Lattes and Blogging that you are a truly genuine person (not just someone who is good at appearing so on the internet). You are in my prayers, and I’m so happy you have Justin to support you 🙂
Much Love,
Lynn
Hi there – so sorry to hear about your struggles, but I love reading about your faith and optimism, and the support and love between you and your husband.
Also, you should write more stuff like that entry because you are a really good writer, and it was wonderful to read something deeper from you (while I realize that isn’t teh point of this particular blog). If you have another personal blog or if you start a TTC blog or something, I would love to read it.
Best of luck,
Jessica
I am so sorry you are struggling with infertility, it completely sucks. I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis & premature ovarian aging when I was 27. We also have male factor IF and were told by our first reproductive endocrinologist that I should consider donor eggs or adoption. I literally went thru the process of grieving my fertility, the idea of a biological child, the idea of being pregnant & giving birth, it was brutal. I’m 2.5 years out and several doctors & several rounds of ivf/icsi later and am a blessed mama to a spit fire of a little boy ; ) It was hard as heck physically, emotionally, financally etc…but in the end none of it matters b/c I am just so darn lucky to have him. Have hope, and know that strangers will be praying with and for you.
Kate, I’ve read your blog from the very beginning. Your post today especially touched me. I struggled with infertility for 2 years. Know that you are not alone, even though it may feel that way at times. Although we are of different faiths, I admire your faith and trust in God. The Lord’s timing and faith are the biggest lessons I learned. I now have a 3 year old and 7 month old. You can’t imagine the joy when you first see them. Totally with all the pain.. I wish you the best and hope your
Kate,
Thank you so much for being so honest in this post. I feel like you were inside my head describing the feelings you are going through. My husband and I have been trying for over a year as well. We are frustrated, sad, hurt, and angry it hasnt happened yet. Like you I have done a lot of thinking and am doing my best to have the attitude when and however it happens it will. However a little piece of my heart breaks everytime I hear someone I know is pregnant and I have been hearing it a lot lately. But as sad as it makes me I am still happy for them. I know a child will happen for us one way or another in the future and it will for you too! Thanks for always being honest in your posts. I always enjoy reading your blog. It is my favorite
Thank you for your post today. Sharing your struggles helps others in similar places and lets us know we are not alone. We serve a mighty and loving God, who will never leave us.
http://lessonslearnedfromwifeofwounded.blogspot.com
thank you for sharing your heart so that we can all be praying for you.
i’ve walked in your shoes….the anger, the sadness, the tears, the “why me?”….
and it took me a long time to fully surrender it all back to Him.
our ways are not His….but we are His, and that’s all that matters.
love and prayers to you, sweet girl!
praying for you sweet girl! God is good and He knows what his plans are for you!
I completely understand your “dark” year. We had about four years of infertility and finally decided that we had tried everything in our means without using all of life’s savings that we would be able to spoil our Godchildren and nephews. It has been a journey definitely. My breaking point was listening to Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus, take the wheel”. At that point, I knew that I would not be pumping up my body with hormones nor would I be taking my temp day after day. It has been a rough road even 4 years after making that decision. I will pray for you and your husband to give it to God and take one day at a time.
I completely understand your “dark” year. We had about four years of infertility and finally decided that we had tried everything in our means without using all of life’s savings that we would be able to spoil our Godchildren and nephews. It has been a journey definitely. My breaking point was listening to Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus, take the wheel”. At that point, I knew that I would not be pumping up my body with hormones nor would I be taking my temp day after day. It has been a rough road even 4 years after making that decision. I will pray for you and your husband to give it to God and take one day at a time.
Just want to send 1000 hugs your way! You’re an inspiration to many so keep your head high
Thank you for sharing! My husband and I struggled for several years to get pregnant. The doctors could not explain why we weren’t getting pregnant. Nothing was wrong. Even after fertility drugs, NOTHING. After a year of “not trying” and giving it to God, we became pregnant with our Abby who is now 9 years old. I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that she came in God’s perfect timing!!!!!
You have echoed in this post almost my exact same struggle and journey this year as my husband and I also tried to start our family. I can’t thank you enough for sharing this and for putting these confusing emotions into words.
Wow. You put everything that I have been thinking the past few months into the perfect words. I recently got pregnant after only 3 months of trying. I then ended up miscarrying on November 17th. I have had my story drafted for the past few weeks waiting to share it on my own blog, you have given me the courage to do so. Thank you for reminding me to live in the present, to pray for whatever God has in store for me. I wish you luck in your journey on TTC. Krissy@Dainty Chef
Kate,
Have you looked at different medical options?
Dear Kate,
Thank you so much for this post…I am sorry for the struggles that you are having, but know that God is using you through it. I needed to hear this today and you have helped to change my perspective.
My uncertainty is not related to pregnancy but still with God’s plan for my family. I’m a planner and I want to know the when, the what, and the how and any other details of what is coming. I need to let it go and enjoy the moment we are in and trust that He has it all under control…
Thank you and I will keep you in my prayers.
Darcy
You have echoed in this post almost my exact same struggle and journey this year as my husband and I also tried to start our family. I can’t thank you enough for sharing this and for putting these confusing emotions into words.
Kate, I have struggled with the same thing. I am praying for you constantly.
I share your feelings of frustration and anger. I seethed with jealous anger watching each one of my friends easily conceive children over and over. It is not an easy place to be. I have good days and bad days like everyone else, but one thing that has helped me get through the tough moments is telling myself that God has a plan for my family, and I just need to keep walking. *Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” This was posted by a previous commenter and it resonantes with me. May God bless you and keep you always. I pray that you find peace and healing during this time. Thank you for praying for me, too.
Sending you love, prayers, positive thoughts and well wishes. I can’t change your circumstances but I can and do have such deep hope and faith that your future is bright and that one day, in some form, you will be blessed as a mother. His plan is good, for He is good, and you were made and planned and He has a purpose and path designed specifically for you. You showed such courage today in posting this and I admire you for it. I support you and look forward to hearing from you throughout the week via your social media. With much sincerity, all the best, Jodene
Wow, i’m so sorry you are going through this. I’ve been down a similar path and i know the frustration you are feeling. I chose to seek medical help and now have my beautiful twin girls whom i thank God for every single day! They’re my miracle babies! I will keep you in my prayers… perhaps God will have a special surprise for you this year! THIS may be your year! xoxo
My heart feels your pain. 5 years and 3 miscarriages caused many tears, but we now have a spectacular spunky 4 year old little lady! Prayer works! It will happen! Love you darling girl!
I understand your situation more than I care to admit. After 3 years of trying, seeing specialists, and being told there was a high probability that we would never have biological children, my husband and I began filling out adoption paperwork. Once I had given up hope and stopped trying so hard…we got pregnant. Then it was Doctor’s appointments too numerous to count and then…our son. It can and will happen! Now I’m a month away from having our second…and he was a surprise!
Good luck, and remember, enjoy your time with your husband, have fun, and try not to focus on it too much. What is meant to happen, will happen.
I do not normally comment on blogs but I felt called to do so this evening. My husband and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary (2 days ago) and 11 months of trying to get pregnant. Like yours, my husband has been my rock and has helped me remained focused on understanding this is God’s will and plan, not ours. Thank you for your honesty. The timing of this post must have had God’s hand on it because I was struggling with anger and frustration today and it is exactly what I needed to read. It is a comfort to know that I’m not the only one out there who is going through this. I will keep you in my prayers.
Oh, sister. I have been in your shoes. I wish that I had had the maturity to hand it over to God as early as you did. Instead, I fought it because I wanted it MY way for two years. Two years, four miscarriages, countless reckonings, and too many bargains before I finally got it. It wasn’t about me. It was about Him. When it happened, she was perfect. Perfectly healthy. Perfectly timed. Perfectly heaven in a little pink blanket. Perfectly God. Hang in there. I am praying for you and I know we’ll be seeing your good news announcement at just the right time. In the meantime, take care of yourself!
Kate, you are so brave and such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and helping others in the process. We will pray for you and your husband. xoxo
Thank you for writing this! These are the words that I needed to hear.
Proverbs 19:21 reminds us “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” We don’t always understand God’s timing because our timing is in the natural. A year in the natural does not reflect God’s perfect timing. Stay faithful 🙂
Hi Kate,
Thank you so much for your post. As many others have shared their stories, I wanted to let you know that I too can relate. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 4.5 years. It has been a journey filled with much heartache and hardship but also filled with so much joy and peace and transformation in Christ. We are not the same people we are when we started this journey and it sounds like you and Justin aren’t either. Praise God! I encourage you to keep hoping even when it is hard and continuing to trust God for his plans for your life because they are always good.
Thank you for sharing your quote from Oswald Chambers — Loved it and really spoke to my heart.
I wanted to let you know of a few resources that have really helped me/us on my journey as they kept me focused on Christ. Perhaps they may be an encouragement to you too.
1.) Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake
2.) Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard
3.) Stepping Stones Newsletter http://step.bethany.org/A55798/bethanyWWW.nsf/c79edbd86c517a1d852569c800702556/83bd0a4b45eb547685256d6300679515?OpenDocument
Stepping stones has been great and they often have articles geared toward men and how it impact’s them/the difficulty of knowing what to say to their wives etc..
Thank you for your vulnerability and know that I will be praying for you and your family!
What a beautiful post. I read your blog everyday and just love the honesty and faith you share with so many. I will be praying for you and Justin, as His plan unfolds in you life. And I for one can’ t wait to see how a pregnant Kate will dress and what you do with a nnursery and to hear your lack- of- sleep- induced rants about middle of the night feedings. I know I’ m not alone!!
SO I had a few minutes to kill at the gym waiting for a spin class and I decided to read your blog I had seen on FB this morning. Tears started streaming down my face as I read. I could have written this myself. I think the one thing that I did not expect was to feel so lonely. Thank you so so so much for sharing your story.
Kate,
Thank you so much for sharing that today. I’ve been following your blog for a while now. That was exactly what I needed to hear today… But for another reason. I found out yesterday that within the next few months my position will be eliminated. Gracious uncertainty is exactly what I need right now. I need to let go and be excited about the uncertainty of what lies ahead… Because He is in control, not me. What a relief! Thanks so much for a great reminder of His unfailing love!
Thank you for such a beautiful reminder that God is in charge and we are on His timetable. He knows you and has a plan for you…and your children. Maybe we’ll look back at our lives someday and say, “OH, so that’s why.” I do hope you have good news soon!
Kate,
Thank you so much for sharing that today. I’ve been following your blog for a while now. That was exactly what I needed to hear today… But for another reason. I found out yesterday that within the next few months my position will be eliminated. Gracious uncertainty is exactly what I need right now. I need to let go and be excited about the uncertainty of what lies ahead… Because He is in control, not me. What a relief! Thanks so much for a great reminder of His unfailing love!
Such an excellent job sharing this pain and this vulnerable time of your life. What a great witness to the tension we often feel as we strain to see what’s over the horizon while trying to rest patiently in our Father’s arms. So many Christians need to be reminded that God is not confused, or perplexed or in doubt. He knows. And He is purposeful in the path He has us on.
Such an excellent job sharing this pain and this vulnerable time of your life. What a great witness to the tension we often feel as we strain to see what’s over the horizon while trying to rest patiently in our Father’s arms. So many Christians need to be reminded that God is not confused, or perplexed or in doubt. He knows. And He is purposeful in the path He has us on.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I too have been going through the exact same struggle in 2012. It’s devastating to not be able to get pregnant when you want to. It’s even more hurtful to see others be able to do it so easily around you. And it seems like literally everyone around you is getting pregnant. It’s hard to be patient and be positive. I too have become angry. Angry that maybe I did something wrong, I’m not doing something right or I’m being punished. I applaud you for saying everything I too feel. Somehow I find solice in that fact that someone out there is going through or at least knows my pain, fear, anger and disappointment. Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to what 2013 may or may not bring.
Thanks for sharing! 2012 held similar feelings for me. My husband and I began trying in 2011. We had all the tests run in 2012 and we are perfectly normal. There is no reason we shouldn’t be able to conceive. We’re trying medication, but still no baby. Sometimes I feel like all these doctors are great, but they aren’t miracle workers. God works miracles. Having a baby is a miracle. We know how it works and how to help make it happen. But if it isn’t in God’s plan for us at this moment it isn’t in His plan. You know? Anyway, thanks for sharing. I needed to read this (and Gracious Uncertainty) today.
Thank you for sharing your story, Kate. I know exactly what you’re going through and what the mixture of emotions you are feeling is like. My husband and I went through infertility in our 20’s, it was very hard. Waiting is so hard. I’ll be saying a prayer for you each time I read your posts in my feed. May God continue to fill you with His hope. Your story will be beautiful, no matter what the next chapter will be.
This is an awesome post. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 7 years. There will be many phases of emotion as you go through this together. Love your husband and know he will not always know what to say or do, but so long as he holds you, that will be all you need. I hope you get pregnant in 2013 or find out that whatever the issues are, they can be fixed. My heart goes out to you. Love the post.
Took the words right out of my mouth! My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years and have not been able to have children. God has been working on me the last few months, but right around Christmas I had the same feelings of peace and trust in God’s perfect timing and plan. Sometimes I feel so alone in the struggle because the women in my life do not have difficulty getting pregnant. It was encouraging to hear your story. BTW, I love your blog! I have learned so much about my hair.
Kate, oh Kate. I have been a reader of yours for awhile now and I have often wondered why you didn’t have children yet and the reasoning breaks my heart. It takes a lot of courage and strength to be vulnerable and honest and I am certain that you have helped many people by being so candid. I wish you success, peace and love in the coming journey – whatever path you are on it is the one chosen by Him. Someday, when that day happens that you become a mom, you will be an amazing mother and appreciate the gift that a child is. Much love and many blessings.
I wish I had your thoughts when I struggled with infertility! I was a miserable and dark person. After miscarrying once and visiting a specialist, we were rated as “very poor” and told we had a 1% chance of conceiving on our own. The nurse said, schedule an appointment for insemination in two weeks. Then three days later, when I went in for a blood test, I was asked if we had done our “homework” – intercourse, and I said no, why? You told me we had a 1% chance. The nurse said, but it’s a 1% chance. That day, my five year old boy and girl twins were conceived! (Thankfully twins run in my family). God bless you and your husband – sending so many hugs to the two of you now!
Kate,
I have gone through the pains of infertility. It took my husband and I 3 1/2 years to conceive our twin boys. I had to go through many different procedures and testing. It was very rough, emotionally and physically. And I had many moments where I was angry with God. But then I finally had clarity and realized that babies come when they are suppose to. If my story had happened any differently then I know in my heart that I wouldn’t have both of my beautiful boys here on this earth with me. Fast forward 5 years and I now have 3 amazing boys…4 1/2yr old preschoolers and an 8mo old…who by the way was a total accident. Which I never thought in a million years would happen to me. I was fully prepared to have to go through infertility treatments to conceive every time, but the Lord has a way of putting trials/blessings in our path to mold us to be better, more beautiful people. I truly hope and pray that whatever the Lord has in store for you and your husband that you will be able to hold on to the strength that you have found, and know, like I do, that babies DO come when they are suppose to. I hope you will feel full with comfort. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it takes great courage to talk about trials close to the heart and soul.
All you ladies above are amazing – what beautiful words of encoragement you have shared!
All you ladies above are amazing. What beautiful words of encouragement you have shared!
I just started following your blog and felt the need to comment. First of all I am so sorry you are going through this, I was in this same position last year and then very surprisingly became pregnant on our 12th month of trying when I thought I would be seeking medical help soon. As somebody else mentioned, I would highly recommend reading Taking Charge of your Fertility and to chart your cycles if you haven’t been already. Also, remember that there is only a 20% chance of a healthy couple conceiving each month and that is when timing is right and everything. Believe me, I know how frustrating it can be, but don’t give up hope! After becoming pregnant, a lot of things happened that made me realize that this was the right timing that God had planned for me.
I am a long time lurker on your blog. I prayed for my baby Logan for years, every night and then little prayers throughout the day. True, it can sometimes take healthy couples more than a year to get pregnant. But, sometimes you need a little help. It never hurts to get your CD3 blood work done by your gyno. Turns out we needed a lot of help to get pregnant and I am so happy I took the steps to get there. Best Wishes!
Kate,
I don’t know if you read all these comments, but “It is well with my soul” was our theme song through 3 years of infertility. “The joy of the Lord is our strength” is another quote I would say over and over. My husband and I now have the joy of a 14 month old daughter and are trying with Doctors help to create a sibling.
I know you are not looking for advice, but if you do walk down the fertility doctor road, do NOT let anyone tell you and your husband what to do, follow what the Lord puts on your heart as a couple. Whatever you have grace for. No one can advise you, we all make different decisions depending on the situations we find ourselves in,
The way He provided for us was unexpected and his timing is perfect. I believe one of the reasons we walked the path we did is so we can now encourage others walking a similar one.
I am sure you have many many wise women around you, but if you ever want to email on this topic, I think my address will pop up with this comment,
So much love to you,
Miriam (and English gal transplanted in NH)
I have walked this very path, sweet lady. It took us about 3 years but I found an awesome doc in Atlanta. I pray God will set people in your path as He did for me. I never ever thought I’d be the girl who wasn’t a mom. It seems everyone around me was getting pregnant so easily. I have a daughter now that I truly love and cherish. I think even more so because I know how hard we worked getting her here! Looking back, God had a plan for me as he does for you, Kate.
Kate,
I am just shocked and saddened to read this blog post. I have been a follower of yours for quite some time now. I read your blog daily and I totally admire you! I love all of your simple tips and trick from make up, to hair, to style, to organizing, etc… Your make-up and hair and outfits always so perfectly beautiful, but never in an over the top kind of way. You always look so put together in a down-to-earth, girl-next-door, beautiful kind of way ~ The way I wish I felt when I walked out the door each day. Mostly I feel like a tired mom, dragging her butt out the door wearing whatever I can find! I thank you for your honesty that the “grass isn’t always greener on the other side.” While I look at you and think your life seems just about perfect. Not because you pretend to be, but because you seem so at peace and so “put together.” What we don’t see is the tears and the emptiness in your heart you and your husband are feeling on a daily basis. You would trade the hair and make-up and the outfits and accessories for a drooly, slobbery bundle of love in a heartbeat I am sure! {Not that you can’t have both} You can certainly still be a trendy, cute mom! 😉 I won’t pretend to know what the future will hold for your family, but I will promise to pray for you and Justin for peace in whatever road God brings you to. Thank you for sharing this journey with us! Hugs!!
This one hit home. God knows the details. Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration!!
I’m sorry you have this struggle. As a mother (after 8 1/2 yrs of infertility through adoption), I can relate to the emptiness that living in a fertile world sometimes brings. You are not alone in your struggle, and sometimes the best thing is to announce if so you can get the support and understanding instead of the “you’re so lucky you don’t have kids” comments. Good luck to you!
You don’t know me, but as a sister in Christ, I wish I could just hug you. I always read your blog but this post gave me a new found respect for you. I love your honesty and rawness, but at the same time you have hope and are an encouragement. I know when I was ttc I struggled greatly. I was a pastors wife, I already had one child and she would pray and pray for a sibling, which tortured my heart every month that I ended up not being pregnant. I was bitter. I was angry. I didn’t understand why God wouldn’t grant this desire to make my family grow. But to make a long story short, in those 2 years of ttc and failing I grew greatly in my walk with God. I chose to let go. I chose to stop throwing a fit and to accept what was before me. My heart was at peace. When I least expected it I ended up being pregnant. I can look back on that journey and say that I am honestly thankful for going through it. Because other things came into my life and I didn’t struggle as much to let things go and trust God. His timing is perfect. He knows our future, therefore He knows whats best for us. Hugs. I’ll be praying for you.
Oh, I so relate to all your feelings about anger and jealousy and sadness! They are perfectly normal. I know I didn’t want to be THAT girl who was jealous of people, but it happens.
After 2 years of trying for a baby, I had a miscarriage. That was truly devastating. But I hung to the hope that at least I COULD get pregnant. And figured I would soon. But it was another year before we had a positive test. Then every doctor’s appointment was torture. Telling me there was a possibility something might be wrong with the baby. My pregnancy was awful and stressful.
Then my beautiful boy arrived, only to be diagnosed with a heart defect at 2 weeks old. He is healthy now, after 2 open heart surgeries and a handful of hospital stays, but it was the scariest time of my life. I have tried to stay positive, but we all have those days.
I would never ask “WHY ME?”, but I have wondered “WHY HIM?” He didn’t deserve this rough start to life.
The only comfort I have found is that God knew we weren’t ready the first 3 years of trying. We wouldn’t have been financially ready or mature enough to handle what happened. It happened when it was supposed to.
I’m not saying that makes it easier, or that your situation will be anything similar to ours. I guess I just want you to know people do relate to what you’re going through. And maybe NOW just isn’t the right time, like you said. You just don’t know. But I’m glad you have found peace and I wish you all the blessings you deserve.
Best! – Jaana
http://www.thismomsgonnasnap.com
I so wish I could give you a big hug right now. I know how hard it is to deal with this and even harder to talk about it. My husband and I struggled with the same issues after suffering a miscarriage that caused my hormones to go berserk and leave me infertile for two years. It was truly the hardest thing we’ve ever had to deal with but it really taught me to lean on God and trust Him – so much easier to say when life is easy but when things are difficult it makes you realize how pivotal trust and faith are in our relationship with God. However, that’s not to say that I didn’t spend many nights ugly crying and praying for a baby. Thankfully, I found out I was pregnant with my little miracle baby…on the second anniversary of my miscarriage (pretty sure God likes to be ironic sometimes). She’s a happy bouncy 12 month old and I can’t cherish her enough.
You’re so strong to be able to open up and talk about an issue that most people can’t – even though many of us deal with it at some point in our lives. I hope and pray and KNOW that God will give you the desire of your heart.
Kate,
I was blessed by your share today….you took me back 30 years to when I was wanting to have a baby and be a mom. Being a believer it was still hard to deal with for three years of tests, surgeries and infertility drugs. Things have come so far since then. But the thing is….when I finally put it all in God’s hand he gave me peace….(when that happened I was pregnant and didn’t even know it at the time)…..but what a blessing she has been in my life for 27 years…my daughter Lauren Tien….is a gift from God and I am so thankful for the most precious of all gifts….Thank you for sharing. It’s a journey and you are following the path to your glory and it is there for you. Trust that you are not alone and know that God has not forsaken you. I follow your blog and pins on Pinterest…it’s good to know we can all grow and learn together on this “meandrous”…
My heart goes out to you & y’all will be in my prayers! Hang in there http://stylopoint.com/
Kate,
I’m so sorry to hear about this difficult time for you and your husband. You are a great example of faith and strength, and I know God is mindful of you at this time. I know we don’t share the same faith, but I hope this talk can help give you some comfort and reassurance, as it has for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeWVwHLsTwA
You are doing a wonderful job conveying happiness through your writing, and I hope you feel the support of those around you at this time.
Kate… Thank you for sharing. I know it’s not easy to share such an emotional struggle. I can see you hit home for many people as you did me. I was brought to tears as I read today’s post. I felt like I was reading a page out of my own journal. I struggled for years to get pregnant. It was such a frustrating roller coaster. It was so hard to see everyone around me have babies at what seemed like the snap of a finger yet I had disappointing news month after month. After many unsuccessful fertility treatments we ended up adopting our son. There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t pray for a baby and we had so many people praying for us. I remember having a rough day (one of many) and a friend suggested I read Jeremiah 29:11 “For I have plans for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” As hard as it was to go through at the time I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because that roller coaster led us to our son. We thank God every day for our precious little boy who’s now 2 1/2. Know that you are not alone in your struggle. Gods timing isn’t always the same time frame we have. Regardless, know that there are many people praying for you. I pray that you have good news in the months to come.
Thank you for being brave enough to write and share about God. You inspire me to be braver 🙂
Thank you for sharing such a difficult and personal struggle with getting pregnant and your faith struggle. I think both are hard to share. Like many who have expressed a wide range of experiences and emotions here, we can empathize with you on so many levels. I appreciate the time you took to compile your thoughts and lay them out for us ALL to see. You are showing how strong you are and difficult it is to be that woman who “let’s go and let’s God”. It’s a struggle to which we all can relate. He’s “got your back” and you know He has a plan. It’s the waiting on that plan that’s the hardest. It will happen on His time. Praying for you and your strength and peace, stay strong Miss Steel Magnolia!
Bless your heart. My heart filled with such emotion as I read this. Familiar emotion. I walked this same path 6 years ago. My husband and I tried for over a year to get pregnant and then started testing for problems. After my regular ob/gyn finished her tests and found no problems, I was sent to a specialist. He immediately diagnosed me with endometriosis and did surgery a couple months later. After 6 months of still no pregnancy after the surgery, we turned to treatments. Since he could find no other serious problems with either of us, he suggested an IUI since it was less evasive. After a couple months of prep for that with hormone injections and ultrasounds I was ready and we had the procedure and about 3 weeks later I went back for blood work and then got the call that I was indeed pregnant. It was almost 2 years in the waiting and I had just about lost all hope. It was such a dark journey and at times I was convinced the Lord wasn’t hearing me. I had not really found the place that you are in now. What a blessing for you to have found. As a side note, we ended up being prego with TWINS! I was desperately searching for just 1 baby and God gave us 2! They were born 2 months premature and struggled for almost a month in the hospital but the Lord blessed and they came home and were perfectly healthy! They have been the ultimate joy of our lives. And when they turned 3 we were ready to try again and got pregnant on our own after just 2 months. May the Lord bless you to keep such a wonderful spirit about your circumstances and may He also bless you to become pregnant in the days, weeks, or months ahead. **I LOVE reading your blog. You have taught me so much about hair styles and I have turned a lot of my friends and family onto reading your blog as well** I will be praying for you and your husband 🙂
Kate, I too know all too well the feelings you have had for the past year. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for 2 years, tests, and a surgery, then finally it happened…in God’s time, not ours. I knew that when God was ready for us to have a baby we would but that is so hard to grasp when you want something so badly it hurts!! Our human nature is to fix things, plan, and just take take of it, but when it comes to making something as perfect as a baby, it takes God’s planning and Him “taking care of it.” I understand your anger too. I swear during the time we were trying to get pregnant everybody was, even the girl in the McDonald’s drive-thru. It took me, like you, to hit a low to be able to have the strength to keep on trying and truly with my heart, and not just with my mind, trust and know that God knows the plans for my life. I’ll be praying for you Kate and your husband.
My goodness you are blessed with lots of encouragement! 🙂
I’ve always loved reading your blog. Your tutorials are great! And I love how fashionable you are with still being very modest. 🙂
But for the last couple of months, whenever I would think about your blog, or read it… The Lord would always lay on my heart to pray for you concerning fertility. Being that I have never met you, I didn’t know what your situation was… whether you were trying for a baby or struggling with an openess to having one. So I prayed for God’s will. 🙂 It’s always interesting to see how and with who God will work. 😉
Please know that like so many others, I will continue to pray you through this hard time. “For we know that everything works for good, for those who love God, whoa re called accorsing to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
He has a plan. He knows exactly when he wants another child to enter into the world. And as a mother of 2 chldren under the age of 2…. enjoy this time alone with your hubby. Embrace your relationship and make it even stronger. 🙂 That in itself is a huge blessing! God bless!
Thank you for sharing your heart today. I was told I would never be able to have children due to some medical issues but just thought my God is bigger than any doctor so I began paying. It took 2 years of trying and then it just happened. God gave me my precious son Hunter. He was premature but such a wonderful answer to prayer. I remember those long hard days aching for a child and wanting to be pregnant so bad. See I come from a very large family. I have 6 sisters and 7 brothers so it was chaos at my house growing up and I never thought I would struggle with having kids. My sisters had no problems at all getting pregnant and I struggled with the same things you talked about today. My prayers are with you during this time and just know Gods ways aren’t always our ways but He has a plan for you and Justin and I hope it is just as wonderful as ours has been for us. Thank you for this post and for the raw emotion behind it. I have been there and it’s not easy to talk about. I’ve been following your blog for about 6 months now and you have changed my life!!! My husband can’t get over the change and tells me daily how beautiful I am. I think I have tried all your different hairstyles now and have incorporated a lot of your fashion styles as well. I never used to do much with myself but have started doing my makeup and hair every day. I feel so much more confident and pretty and it’s thanks to your blog and easy to follow tutorials. Keep up the great work and ill be back tomorrow. Blessings from MN. Rose
I completely understand what you are going through. It took my husband and I a while to get pregnant with our oldest. I was angry and confused as to why it wasn’t happening for us. Then, the month I got pregnant I had the opportunity to change jobs to something that was much better for me and now our family. It wasn’t until then, that I realized had I got pregnant when “I” thought I was ready that job change might not have been possible. It was hard to see at the time, but looking back its clear that God’s timing is perfect and he knows what he is doing.
You and your husband will be in my prayers.
Kate, I have followed your blog for some time now, but I don’t really comment. Having experienced the pain you write about I had to leave you a note…there are no right words no explanation to make this easier, I just wanted to send hugs and prayers your way. XOXO
Kate – I cried when I read this. Thank you for sharing your personal story with us. You may not realize how similar your story is to those who read your blog. My husband and I have been trying for 20 months with no luck. I understand the hurt and anger you feel each month when your cycle comes. During the last year, my husband and I have had a really tough time in our marriage. Thing happened that I never could have imagined. It only made me realize that I am not in control of my life, nor should I be. God knows all things. He knows the big picture and can carry me through to the other side. I know now what it is to have complete and utter faith in him. To completely surrender to him. People ask all the time if I am upset and frustrated by our infertility. Of course I am, yet I know I am not in control. In due time, I will fulfill my purpose. And if that is to be a mother, wonderful! My husband and I recently started fertility treatments. As we go through this process, I will think of you and keep your in my prayers.
i share your same emotions, still. it’s been about 3 years for us and nothing has happened. i wish i was as strong as you to learn to accept that it will/might happen, but i want it so badly that i’m extremely frustrated. thanks for sharing this story. hopefully it will happen for you guys this year (:
Thank you for sharing! This is beautifully written. My husband and I haven’t started trying yet, but this is a fear I struggle with even now. It’s comforting to read your story. Also, this is random, but we used to be in the same core group together at Wheaton Bible Church. I found out about your blog from a coworker and had that “I know her!” moment. I always remember you being gorgeous and fashionable even in high school, so it wasn’t surprising to me at all that you’re doing hair and being fashionable in adult life 🙂 Glad you’re doing so well with your blog! Blessings to you in 2013. I will be praying for you and Justin. (Amanda Reese)
Praying for you, Kate!
Thank you for sharing your journey and how God is carrying you through it. It touched my heart. Praying for you. Hugs!
Oh, Kate. I got tears in my eyes when I got to the part where you said you prayed for others to get pregnant. That was put so beautifully. I will pray for you and Justin. Thank you for a poignant post.
I have found so much comfort in this post, thank you for the time you put into your blog everyday for people you don’t even know.
My husband is the worship pastor at our church. The life of ministry has, at times, been much harder than I ever anticipated. There are so many uncertain times. I plan to bookmark this blog entry for times when I feel discouraged.
I will pray for you and Justin and your journey. I pray that God will bless you with a child one day, but most of all, I will pray that when you get down, you will look back and continue to find comfort in your own words. There will come times when you will feel discouraged and angry again. I pray that you will look back and remember how you felt when you wrote this entry and take the comfort our amazing God offers in His loving arms. The comfort He continues to give even though we are completely unworthy.
I have to share that I feel as if I was in your exact shoes 3 years ago. Please know that your trust and faith in God is most important (although tough as hell). I too felt your anguish as we neared the 1yr mark of no results. But we put it aside by saying that at the 1.5 yr mark we would start going to doctors to figure it out and wouldn’t you know it – the removal of expectation and stressed had us pregnant by the following month. God knows what He is doing – give it to the Lord. All in due time – if there is anything motherhood has taught me is the relinquish my “planning” ways.
Kate,
What a beautifully written and transparent post! Thank you for sharing your story. It really is true that we overcome by the word of our testimony!
Like so many here, I struggled with getting pregnant. After a long journey through medical treatments and adoption, my husband and I now are blessed to be raising a precious little girl. In the midst of my dark times, I felt so alone. Like no one around me was in the same boat. Like there was no one to talk to who would understand or help me process. My husband (God bless him) was so concerned about me and would listen, but the walk for husbands seems to be so different than it is for wives.
In the midst of those dark times, although I didn’t want to, I began to talk about my struggles. I was amazed at just how many people around me WERE in the same place. I think one of the biggest lies we are told is that we are alone. So often we are tempted to wait to share our stories until the happy ending. Thank you for not waiting.
Your story is important.
*HUGS* and prayers. I’ve been in your shoes.. It’s hard and I do agree the anger is very unexpected.. But God’s timing is amazing. The wait? not so much lol
Kate, this was so hard to read. 2012 was my darkest yet for the same reason. In August of 2011 my husband and I decided to try to get pregnant. We succeeded on our first try. I started spotting a few weeks later and had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. I was truly devastated and turned to God wholeheartedly. By December of 2011, we were ready to try again with my Dr.’s ok. I though we would get pregnant as easily as the first time (especially since we are so young — I’m about to be 26, and my husband is 28), but for reasons only God knows, we have not. One year later and it has not happened yet. I have been through ups, and severe downs. I developed anxiety and panic attacks, which I now have under control. It took almost 7 months to get my anxiety under control as I wanted to do it without medication, and only with help from God. I know God is teaching me (and my husband) many lessons… to be more patient, to have full trust and faith in Him, to go to Him first with any problems, and more. I finally went to a reproductive endocrinologist and will start on meds (I’m guessing clomid) in a week or so if I’m not pregnant this cycle. I pray with everything I have that it will happen soon.
It’s so hard to deal with thinking I’m a failure, especially when everyone seems to be getting pregnant (and easily) around me. My friend said that we would be pregnant at the same time and it would be so much fun… she just had her baby the day after Christmas.
Thank you for this beautifully deep and heart wrenching post, as sometimes “infertility” can feel so lonely. If you need someone to talk to about it, or share in your journey, you can email me. P.S. don’t go on website “boards” as they can really get you down.
Hi Kate – Thanks so much for this post. After reading it I thought….I am not alone. You are right this journey can make you feel so alone. I myself spent 2012 trying to get pregnant and things did not go so well. I did get pregnant in July only to have a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Apart of me died then and I am hoping to get that part of me and my personnality back. I myself was so mad at God, couldn’t understand how…I try to do all the right things ( good person, waited until I got married to try and have a baby, not on drugs, work for what I have, etc) and he won’t let me stay pregnant this one time. Then to go out and see other people be pregnant or hear people get pregnant while the whole time I am screaming inside “THIS IS NOT FAIR”. It is that anger thing you talked about. I hate being like that. Again I thank you for sharing and helping me see that we are not alone even if we feel like it and that I have to trust God has some kind of plan for each of us. I wish you all the best on your journey for a family no matter how you get it, naturally or adoption. You will make a great mother. I got my earrings yesterday in the mail. I love them.
Kate,
I hope all your questions will be answered, all your sorrows washed away. May all your dreams become reality.
Questioning God is one of the things I do a lot. I do not question when good things happen but rather when bad ones plaque this world. I question why he allowed a sicko to take 26 innocent lives, 20 of them children. And I question why he allowed the rape in India that just took place a few weeks ago. And I question … question all the bad especially done on children and helpless women. Am I going to burn in hell because I question so much his work? Maybe. Maybe not. I was told he loves all his children, including the rapist, the criminal, the abuser. I’m none of those. I like to believe that I open whatever door is closed before me, I decide which road I take. I can’t blame anyone else for my decisions. God didn’t take those for me. Nor is he walking that very road for me BUT with me. IF he has time (after tending to other 7+billion people) that is.
Kate,
Wow 600+ comments already…I hope my feedback doesn’t get lost in the shuffle, but I just wanted to say that I look forward to your daily posts, and today I was blown away. I teared up when I read your story. I know that was very difficult to share with us. I also really appreciate how you witness in your posts – that’s so rare to find these days, and it makes me feel like we could be friends if you lived in the WI area.
It’s comforting to know that other women out there are struggling like we are. Our story is slightly different, but the end result is the same: we still have no baby and time is ticking away as I’m nearly 37 1/2 already. We did get pregnant fairly soon after trying, but we got the news at our ultrasound that the baby had no heartbeat and was undersized. We waited 2 weeks later and the baby was tinier yet, and still no heartbeat – in other words, the baby had died weeks prior, at around 6 weeks old. This is devastating to a mom-to-be who thought she was 12 weeks and has had all the pregnancy symptoms (morning sickness, constantly feeling the need to eat, etc) when in reality I had already lost the baby (my body just hadn’t gotten rid of it yet). This was back in September. We just got okayed to start trying around Christmas — took at least 2 months longer than normal to “get okayed” to try again because my body took so long to recuperate. We have also had to face the harsh reality that the timing is not ours — no matter how much we want it to be. Only God knows when/if we’ll be ready to moms. We have to put his trust in him.
Please continue to share your stories with us!
Kate,
Wow 600+ comments already…I hope my feedback doesn’t get lost in the shuffle, but I just wanted to say that I look forward to your daily posts, and today I was blown away. I teared up when I read your story. I know that was very difficult to share with us. I also really appreciate how you witness in your posts – that’s so rare to find these days, and it makes me feel like we could be friends if you lived in the WI area.
It’s comforting to know that other women out there are struggling like we are. Our story is slightly different, but the end result is the same: we still have no baby and time is ticking away as I’m nearly 37 1/2 already. We did get pregnant fairly soon after trying, but we got the news at our ultrasound that the baby had no heartbeat and was undersized. We waited 2 weeks later and the baby was tinier yet, and still no heartbeat – in other words, the baby had died weeks prior, at around 6 weeks old. This is devastating to a mom-to-be who thought she was 12 weeks and has had all the pregnancy symptoms (morning sickness, constantly feeling the need to eat, etc) when in reality I had already lost the baby (my body just hadn’t gotten rid of it yet). This was back in September. We just got okayed to start trying around Christmas — took at least 2 months longer than normal to “get okayed” to try again because my body took so long to recuperate. We have also had to face the harsh reality that the timing is not ours — no matter how much we want it to be. Only God knows when/if we’ll be ready to moms. We have to put his trust in him.
Please continue to share your stories with us!
Thank you for sharing your story NOW while it is STILL hard. As someone who has been through some very painful waiting classrooms for the last five or so years, it always used to bug me when someone who already had their “happy ending” would say “look at me I waited and now everything is perfect”. It’s more encouraging to hear from others who are still waiting even if it is a different situation. Thank you for helping us feel like we are not alone because we are in the middle of a struggle. Hindsight is always 20/20 and of course everything makes sense after it’s over but it is hard NOW when we don’t know HOW it will end. So grateful that God is faithful to hold us during these difficult times!! Hugs and prayers to you, Kate.
As I travel on a similar journey, I thank you for being brave enough to share your story. It was the breath of fresh air and enlightenment I needed to help start 2013 on a more positive note than 2012 ended. Thank you again!
This is the first time I’ve commented, but I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time. This is a wonderful post and shows just how strong and wise you are. I know that reading this will give strength to so many people reading this – no matter what their struggles are. I’m so proud of you…this could not have been easy to write. I wish all the best to you and your husband and I will be keeping you in my thoughts.
Kate, Thank you for sharing this story, YOUR story.
I have had a post like this typed and I continue to take it down and look at it continually. I have been unsure of whether to post it, is it too personal? is it me just being impatient?
After reading this today, I am inspired to finish mine. So thank you.
After 9 months of trying, about 4 weeks ago, I finally woke up at peace, I no longer cried.
I don’t know what finally made me walk a straight path again, after months of weaping, anger and self disappointment, I felt better. I felt like there was a plan.
May God bless you and Justin with a happy, healthy pregnancy and birth in 2013!! <3
Kate,
You really are a strong woman to share your story. Infertility and struggles with conceiving can be straining on a relationship. Good for your husband for being a support system for you. I pray for you and your journey. Remain strong and don’t give up. Don’t write off anything thinking it will not help. You never know! Good Luck Kate to both you and your husband.
I know first hand how this feels & I will be praying for you! I will not give you any advice, because we have google and a woman trying to get pregnant knows how to use her google! But if you ever do find yourself going down the road of dr’s appts, etc, please let me know if you have any questions! Other than that, you will be in my thoughts & prayers and I will be excited to finally hear your good news! When we were ttc I really loved the song “While I wait” (Can’t remember who it’s by) but it is a perfect and hopeful song in this very frustrating time!
Kate, as I’m reading through the comments I’m reminded again and again of how powerful our God is. We too struggled with infertility for many years and it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when there’s something you want so badly and seems to come so easily for others. It’s hard for us to give up that control although we know that ultimately he’s in control anyway and knows what we need. It’s amazing to me to look back on our struggle now and see the hand of God and his timing. Things that I couldn’t have foreseen happening and couldn’t have taken place if my life would have been on my time and terms. I also think I’m a better mother and more concious of my blessings because of my struggle. I’ll be praying for you and if you need a recommendation for a rockstar clinic – just send me an e-mail!
I am sorry to hear about your struggles. It’s going to happen, perhaps God doesn’t have it in your plans as of right now; he knew how busy you are. Don’t give up!
Kate,
Thank you so much for sharing your honest feelings and thoughts. Although I cannot completely relate to your situation, as I am not attempting to get pregnant at this time, I do greatly appreciate this because deep down I have a fear that I, too, will have struggles when the time comes to try for my husband and I. If that truly does come to be for us, you are an inspiration as to how we should truly trust in God and allow him to guide us through our lives according to his plan.
One thing I can relate to you in is struggling to find peace with God in a situation you cannot control. My dad passed away this last September, and I still struggle every day to come to peace with that reality. While I am so happy to know that he is in a wonderful place in Heaven with Jesus, I have a hard time trying to just “Let It Be” and know that I don’t need to know the “whys” to this situation. I truly do trust that God has a plan and this tragedy happens to be a part of it.
A song that I frequently listen to that helps me to strive towards fully trusting God with my pain is “Steady My Heart” by Kari Jobe. In it she sings “Even when it hurts. Even when it’s hard. Even when it all just falls apart. I will run to You cuz I know that You are, Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars”
Thank you for constantly sharing your talent, wisdom, and heart with us all. I will continue to pray for you.
-Kendra
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0ip40j82ws
Wait, My Child
Desperately, hopelessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait!’
“Wait?, you say, wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have you not hear?
By faith I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.”
“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.”
“And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, as we shall receive.
And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting…for what?”
He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want…but, you wouldn’t know Me.”
“You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faith;
You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.”
You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save…,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.”
The flow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.”
“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’
Your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!”
“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me
And though oft may My answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to wait.”
Kate, I know this journey all to well. I can’t relate exactly because we all go through it differently. It took us 18 months to conceive and now we’ve been trying for #2 for 14 months. I remember each time of being late..crying to my husband…trying to be happy for the good news announced by others…but, when God gives you your gift you will realize even more the greater yes that God had in store for you. The wait isn’t easy; but its worth it. I praise The Lord daily for my gift and ask God for His grace for me and my friends struggling with infertility-I will add you to the list.
http://Www.whereiskendra.blogspot.com
Thinking of you. It took me a little longer than I expected to get pregnant and I remember the anger all too well. Thankfully a positive pregnancy test came and I cherish all the moments with my daughter– good and bad because I remember the journey it took to get her here.
Hoping and praying for some good news for you and your husband.
Kate,
I have been a follower of your blog for some time now and have loved reading. That being said, I have an entirely new appreciation for you and your blog after your having shared this. Thank you for having such an open heart. My 2012 was quite similar to yours; our infertility journey began in the summer of 2011 and began to include reproductive endocrinologists and infertility treatments that fall of 2011, and continued throughout 2012. We became pregnant once, only to lose that precious little one early on. Your pain is so close to home for me; I completely understand how confusing and complicated the emotions you deal with on an infertility journey are. All the anger and frustration is so unexpected and SO difficult to “control”. Which is when we have to truly let go of it and learn to trust that God has perfect timing. That’s what we’ve learned now — and after a long struggle, are almost 20 weeks along with a healthy baby girl who is due in early June. God’s timing truly could not have been more perfect — which surprises me that I can actually say that, because I was angry and frustrated with Him for not giving me a baby on MY timeline. But, hindsight is 20/20… Anyway, stay strong and keep your faith. Trust, just like you are. His plan will work out for you just as it should — even if it’s super hard to be patient. I’m more than willing to talk with you more about your journey and to share my own if you ever need someone.
Thanks for sharing such a personal journey.
Kate,
I understand and can empathize with you and your husbands infertility struggles. My husband and I tried for 13 years before being blessed with our daughter. The support I received from my friends and family was helpful, but at times it was more difficult for my husband because there were no chat rooms or support groups for men going through infertility. Books, magazine articles, support groups are focused on helping the women cope. What helped us get through the emotional roller coaster was prayer and trusting in God’s plan. I will keep both of you in my prayers.
Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing. I pray that you will continue to have peace and your prayers answered in the way you wish! These were words that I needed to hear today!
I understand your feelings and pain. I am now a mother of 5 and a grandmother of 8, but those dark days came back to me so strongly as I read your post. Each month I cried and if I was a little late, I would get so excited and then cry even harder. Your faith was wonderful to read and that is what it is all about, not necessarily not feeling pain and hurt but knowing who to turn to when you feel it. God bless you with your righteous desires! He will!!
Thank you for this post. I’ve been following your blog for a while and this post surprised me but also was a comfort and source of encouragement to me.
My husband and I decided 4 years ago to not do anything to prevent our getting pregnant. It was in the second year of trying that I went through a deep and dark period of my life. I found it easier to be angry over my circumstances than to praise God in all things, especially after every doctor’s visit we had they responded with “you’re both perfectly healthy.”
I spent much of my time angry and resentful and saw it grow worse as each month passed. It was during this journey that I finally came to the realization that all my anger and negative actions I was having was sin and unhealthy.
I lost a year of life and celebrating in my friends’ and families’ joys because of my bitterness. But it was in that dark valley that I finally found His peace and contentment.
It’s been 2 years since that dark time and at the end of this year we started seeing a different doctor. Things are looking up. We are not pregnant yet, but that is okay.
I have more of a peace and contentment now about this than I ever have. I pray everyday that God would give my husband and I guidance in this area of our lives and what direction He wants us to go (adoption, fostering, or just keep trying). I rejoice in my friends’ little joys (over 6 of them are pregnant now and due this year) and I also pray for the little boys and girls being born, or have been born, to this world that will grow-up to someday be future friends, companions, coworkers, and/or spouses to my someday children. I pray for them and their parents; that these children will be brought up in a loving home and have key people in their life that can share with them about God’s love and forgiveness.
I will add you to my prayers as well. Infertility isn’t easy and even in contentment and thankfulness tears are still spilled. I pray for you and your husband, that God will give you the wisdom and direction to know what the next step should be. I pray too that you will continue to seek His grace and comfort during this time and that you will feel his peace and love and continue to be encouraged. Thank you for sharing this post. I know it’s not an easy topic to discuss but you have just opened up the gates for others in similar situations to find strength, encouragement and a witness through your honesty and testimony. Thank you.
~b
I’m so sorry to hear about this struggle, as it’s one I’m very familiar with. We tried for 1 1/2 years to get pregnant before getting help from an infertility doctor. (One dose of Clomid was all the estrogen my body needed to definitely drop an egg that month, and we were pregnant with our little boy.)
I remember feeling the resentment you describe… When we weren’t conceiving, I had a breakdown in my car after being invited to “yet another” baby shower (because that’s the life stage we’re in), and I ended up not going that day.
When we started trying again for a second child, I followed the “Taking Control of your Fertility” ideas exactly, and I knew for sure when I’d ovulated or not. My diet also affected ovulation, and I realized that too much sugar-intake was messing with my hormones. I got pregnant within 3 cycles of trying to conceive. (Sadly, we then experienced a miscarriage, which was gut-wrenching, but at least we knew the “getting pregnant” part was possible.)
All that to say, hang in there. Get to know your body even better. Continue thanking God for His blessing of your husband, and I pray pray that you continue to feel that PEACE you have been seeking. Thank you for sharing this with everyone – I feel it isn’t spoken about enough, and it’s so hard to go through alone.
Hello Kate, Thank you for sharing. I will pray for peace for you and your husband. God blessed my husband and I with 2 wonderful boys (who are teenagers now!), but it took almost 6 years of naturally trying before the first one and then the other came before our oldest was 2! I know it is difficult to wait for His plan, but trust me, it will be truly worth it! I wouldn’t trade the last 16 yrs for anything. We can’t wait to see what God has in store for them as they grow up!
Blessings to you both,
Paula
Dear Kate,
My husband and I understand your pain. We worked with a specialist for 3 years and tried all of those crazy things people do to have children and nothing worked.- stay with me Kate- this story gets better! Some people think that its sounds like “fun” when you tell them your “trying” to have a child, there’s nothing sexy about it. I still think its normal to look at my husband and wonder what our own biological children would look like- we’re soooo different appearance wise. But for us it stopped being about wanting to have a baby and became more about wanting to be parents. So we were lucky enough to be referred to an adoption attorney who really liked us and helped us find Sam. She’s the center of our world. She’s a surprise every day. You and I are connected via facebook, feel free to wander over to my page. And if you want to talk, just send me a message via Facebook.
Belinda Darr
You are so lovable and sweet! We all go through dark times, as you’ve pointed out – God only knows why, but light always shines in the end. Yesterday, on spiritual retreat, priest told – Mary didn’t understand things that were happening. She just kept them in her heart. So, let we all keep things in our hearts, mindfully, prayerfully and with trust. Thank you for your story – it is such an encouragement and affirmation of faith! God bless you with children in His time and with every other blessings!
Željka, Croatia
Kate,
Your mom shared with me yesterday via email to read your blog. I want you to know I will be praying.
Blessings, Sherri Jacob
Kate, thank you for sharing your heart and struggle openly. Holding back tears as I write this. My husband and I have been trying for almost 2.5 years with no success. I had my break down about 10 months in when I was 7 weeks late with 4 negative pregnancy tests and then ‘it’ came. I was devistated, confused, disappointed, angry, impatient…done. I sat down with my husband, blubbering & hardly able to speak, and said I needed a break. I realized I was trying to accomplish this and wasn’t allowing God to work in His own timing. That was my moment of surrender & immediate supernatural peace. We decided to head to a fertility doctor in May 2012 (1yr 10mns into the journey) not knowing what answers may possibly be ahead. Working for a small company and my husband the pastor of a small church, we don’t have any insurance which was going to make this a potentially very expensive road. We communicated this upfront and understood with our financial limitations this road could be very long. We’ve found that nothing’s wrong with my husband and nothing is blatantly wrong with me. Next month, Lord willing, I will be going on Clomid to see how that might improve our chances of conceiving. We patiently wait on the Lord to see what His plan for us is. (Hoping & praying it’s a little one soon!)
I am praying for you, Kate, as a sister sharing the same heartache. May God grant you the desires of your heart and provide His peace that surpasses our understanding as you walk this journey. I look forward to hearing how God’s plan unfolds for you. May you seek him through it all and whatever the result, give Him all glory for His perfect plan.
Your sister in Christ,
Katie
I follow your blog for fashion tips and stumbled upon this post. You are not alone. My husband and I went through 8 heartbreaking and failed cycles of IVF and are now in the process of adopting our one year old foster daughter that we have had since she was three days old. God is good and life is perfect. Take care.
Your blog was posted on a TTC group I belong to. I have walked this path…I understand. It took us 7 years to have our first baby. Those 7 years were excruciating. And now being on the other side, I am sad that I didn’t let go of the anger like you have. I think now about how I judged people, I was mean at times to people by not supporting them in their joy. I wish I would have. I also wish I would have trusted Heavenly Father more. Relied on Him more. Hold on to those feelings that you had. Relive that memory frequently so that when it is your turn, you can have no regrets about how you lived your life before your child. I wish so much that I could go back and change choices I made. I guess it is all part of the learning process. And it has made me realize that we should always love and support those around us, even when its hard. Prayers and hugs!
Oh, girl…I hear you. While I can’t relate to not getting pregnant…I have had the same feelings of frustration and *needing* to let go. It’s exhausting and overwhelming to try and have that immense control over life that the world tells us we *must* have. And I can relate to the pivotal moment of tears and anger that lead me to peace and understanding. Oddly enough, my moment of realization came when I was listening to the movie, Finding Nemo. That scene where Dory and Marlin are in the whale and Dory tells Marlin they need to move to the back of throat (I know, it seems un-relatable), then the whale flips his tongue back and they are hanging onto the whale’s tongue and the whale tells Dory that it’s time to let go. So she does, and Marlin grabs her fin and she say’s “He say’s it’s time to let go! Everything’s going to be all right!”. And Marlin replies “How do you know?! How do you know something bad isn’t going to happen?!”. And Dory replies, “I don’t!!”. And in that moment, Marlin realizes; he realizes that he *has* to let go. There is no other choice. He may not know what the future holds, but there is just no other option.
For some reason, this was such a pivotal example to me. I just have to let go, and be ok. And there is so much liberation in that. You have many wonderful things in store for you, hang in there. 🙂
thank you so much for writing this.
Thank you for your beautiful, honest post! That Oswald Chambers quote is a good one! We waited 3 1/2 years for our miracle baby, and near the end of that wait, the question suddenly came to me: “Which would be the greater miracle – the baby I long for, or joy and contentment RIGHT NOW, in the midst of this difficulty?” And I realized that joy would be the greater miracle, and yet God was capable of that, too!
I wish you much peace and joy as you wait and trust!
Thank you for bringing glory to God through your honest and transparent story… you’re an incredible example and have a lot of eyes on you. It’s encouraging to read your story in that you’re struggling well, you trust and love your husband and you’re ultimately trusting God. ~ kimmy
Kate, I don’t know if after this many comments you still have time to read them (!), but thank you for sharing. We had to try for two years to have our first child, after waiting five years to start trying … we would have started trying earlier if we had known how long it was going to take! 🙂 So, almost eight years after we got married, we had our first. And now we have four! Just a word of encouragement to you … I know it can be so hard to wait, and even though it’s all in His timing, sometimes His timing seems like it STINKS! But I know that had we had children on our own timing, we wouldn’t have the four we have today, so I feel confident that He was right all along. (Who knew?!) Ha! God bless you both!
Thank you for sharing this. We too have been trying for the past year, and are scheduled for an IVF consultation in March. Crossing my fingers for both of us – xoxo
Aww. Praying for you. <3 There is a dear couple in our church who couldn’t get pregnant and so theu adopted several children through the years, but guess what? This last year God gave them a son biologically. You never know what God has planned! *hugs*
I recently finished reading Naturally Knocked Up. You can find it on Amazon, it’s a great read. I find it so frustrating how much infertility there is and have seen too many struggle. This book has a TON of ways to improve your fertility, which will also improve your overall health. We live in a very toxic, unhealthy world and there are actions we can take to overcome. Don’t get discouraged! Good luck!
Thank you for this post, it has helped this week to see other woman along the same path. My husband and I have been struggling for a year and half too. We recently started trying again after a 6 month hiatus and got another negative test result this week. I am so happy for all my friends who are having babies, but it really does hurt my heart too.
Peace to all of us and wish you all the best.
Kate,
Please forgive me if what I am about to say has already been said. I tried to read most of the above comments but I may have missed it being mentioned. My husband and I are currently trying not to conceive (newlyweds of 7 months) We are using natural family planning as outlined in the book “Taking charge of your fertility” by Toni Weschler. You have probably already read this book and may know all about natural family planning, but just in case you haven’t, it would be a great book to check out, as these methods can be used to also help conceive. She mentions that many couples come to her methods after a year of trying with no results and are able to conceive. Praying for you and greatly encouraged by this blog post and the way you are trusting in the Lord no matter what.
I’ll be praying for you! And I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but don’t stress about it. With us, it happened the month we said we were done trying. And buy ovulation tests. They can be a huge help. Good luck with this journey!
Kate,
I am sobbing as I read this because it describes what my husband and I are going through right now in our lives. To say that the process has been painful doesn’t really seem adequate in conveying the sadness I have felt. Thank you so much for this post! It was so encouraging to be reminded that our Father is in control, and, even though it is so difficult at times, we need to lean on His understanding. I will pray for you and your husband as you face the same struggles as my husband and I do. God bless you and your family!
My husband and I struggled for 2 years to get pregnant with our first child, our daughter. It was heart-wrenching. I wish I had learned to approach it with the understanding that you have! There were so many days filled with anguish, grief, and yes, even anger. Days when my prayers were filled with angry, hurt words, when I railed at my Father because I didn’t understand.
I finally reached the point when I accepted it. During my prayers one day, as I poured my heart out to my Father, I felt peaceful, and had the distinct impression that I was being told, “Soon.” We found out about a week and a half later that I had conceived.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this struggle that so many of us face, and yet so few seem to talk about. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
You’re honest and open here. You’re real. Thank you for sharing even though it was difficult to write. You’re an inspiration.
Kate, I hope you read my post. I haven’t tried for children. I am still looking for Mr. Right. But I have had lady issues and highly recommend giving Acupuncture a try. Dr. Megan Dishman of Bloom Integrative is fantastic. There is a clinic called Carolina Conceptions in Raleigh and I highly recommend Dr. Couchman. If you have used birth control, that can throw off your fertility until your body resumes normal patterns. It’s all about His timing! :]
Hi Kate, God does have a plan….he always does. After a very long struggle to get pregnant and two miscarriages….we finally have a beautiful and healthy little girl and baby boy. The wait was painful but God will never waste your pain. I’ll be praying for you…hang in there.
As I write this, there are 600+ comments, so I’m thinking mine may get lost in the mix. But I wanted to say that I read this entry this morning and cried while I read it. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 10 months and it’s killing me. In the time we’ve been trying, more than 20 friends have gotten pregnant (I guess we’re just all at that age/stage of life) including two of my “TTC buddies” who told me on the same day. I just feel so … forgotten. Like God has given everyone else a baby but me. It’s so incredibly difficult. It’s so hard to trust that there is a plan out there, especially when I consider myself to be a Type A planner. Letting go of control is a challenge. Through the whole thing I’ve felt so lonely, but somehow reading this today made me feel like I’m a little less alone. Thank you for sharing. You’ve made a huge impact. Best of luck as you continue the journey.
This is one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read. Your strength and attitude is inspiring. It will happen for you. Sending you my love. God is good, and I, too find myself needing myself to let go of things. To let God act in my life just how he wants to. He is so gracious and protective. Each day is so precious, and one day you’ll hold a precious life in your hands. I’m so excited for you. Thanks for always be so REAL! Happy 2013 – sounds like it’s going to be a bright year no matter what!
I’ve been in your shoes twice…I have two children and it took us a combined total of 4 years to get pregnant with them (2.5 years with the first, 1.5 years with the second). It’s so difficult, but trusting in God is a good way to try to relieve yourself of the stress of it all. We’re currently passed the year mark in trying for our third and I know if God wants our family to have another member, He’ll bless us with one. I so appreciate your honesty on the topic. So many women go through the same struggles and feel so alone in the process. Much love to you. 🙂
I am praying for you.
Kate,
To reiterate the comments above, thank you for sharing this! I was told at 19 that I might never have children, and that the only way I will be through medical intervention. I was CRUSHED when I received the news. I’ve always wanted children. That was 7 years ago. I’ve definitely had my ups and downs about it. Sometimes I still get very angry, or ask “why me?” (especially because my condition causes me to have other issues physically, like weight issues, which is so frustrating!) But overall, God has given a peace about it, and it’s opened mine and my husband’s eyes to other options. We haven’t started trying yet, but through all of this, we have been burdened to adopt, even if are able to get pregnant. We have decided to not do medical intervention if I can’t get pregnant naturally. I think it’s a great option if you want to go that route, but I have felt that God doesn’t want that route for me. All of my friends have been getting pregnant lately, and though I have pangs of jealousy, I have to remember that God is in control, and that He has a better plan for me. I hope you will continue to share your journey on this, as so many women can relate and it’s comforting to know there are others dealing with this. It can feel very lonely. I’m so glad that your husband has been so supportive too. My husband and I were just dating when I was given the news. He could’ve decided he wanted to find someone else that could give him children one day, but he didn’t. He’s stuck by me and has always been a huge comfort about it. He is the one who actually suggested we think about adopting. Anyway, I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and thanks again for sharing this.
I do not know if this will help, but I recommend you check out Beth Kiley’s personal path to pregnancy. She has an e-book.
Such a great post…My heart breaks for your hurt. However as my Mom (who waited 5 years to have me after she had gotten pregnant with my older brother with no complications) says “God knows when He wants your child to be born so that he/she can do great things in His kingdom, not when they are 2 or 3 but when they are 16 going on a missions trip, or serving in the soup kitchen or helping out in the womens shelter” His plan is far greater and once you have that child and watch him/her walk out their days your mind will be reminded as to why there was a need to wait. Be patient, God hears you and loves you!
Kate,
Thank you for being brave enough to post this…. I have not been. I have been struggling with infertility and recurrent miscarriage for 3 years… For no reason. Everything on my tests look great. Same with hubby. We lost our first baby after trying for 8 months and then after trying for a year and a half after that ( and almost giving up) we got pregnant again only to lose it at 11 weeks. I have a strong relationship with God but this has been the biggest test of my faith. It is so hard not to be angry, jealous, anxious…. Anyone that tells you “just relax” has never truly been through infertility. It is impossible to stop thinking about it when there is nothing more that you want in the world. We are doing fertility treatments now with no success yet but I do feel there have been so many lessons I have learned through this process that I never would have learned without it. Like true empathy and a sense of connection with women enduring similar situations. I have learned to let go of my sense of control and my need to be perfect. My relationship with God is growing in a very new and raw way. Which is good but still contains a lot of anger. Know that I so appreciate you sharing this so that I can be mindful of you and pray for you. Also, so that I might tell you that you are not alone and that if you need to connect with someone who understands (because husbands don’t always get it) you have a friend… Hugs to you and peace for your heart.
Abby keisling23@yahoo.com
God is seldom early, He is never late, He is always on time.
Praying for you and Justin! Like many of the others, my husband and I struggled with unexplained infertility for nearly 6 years before becoming pregnant with our miracle baby (I’m now 17 weeks). It’s a journey that I would not wish upon anyone and I certainly hope that for you 2013 is the year you become pregnant. Do not give up hope. You are in my thoughts!
Hi Kate,
I just want you to know that you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. I enjoy reading your blog and wish you all the very best.
C
Blessed are you, when what comes naturally to others, comes supernaturally to you. I struggled with infertility for 7 long years. Now I am a happy mommy to a precious son and daughter through adoption, and I wouldn’t trade the miracle. Praying for you!
Blessed are you, when what comes naturally to others comes supernaturally to you.
Kate,
Thank you for sharing your story. I too am having the same struggle right now. We’ve been trying to get pregnant since last January, so we also just hit the year mark. Some days I feel like I am at peace, but other days I feel so consumed and frustrated. My husband encourages me to remember that whatever is meant to happen will happen, and as much as I know that, it’s heartbreaking every single month. Lately I feel like I keep meeting/seeing/talking to other women who are having the same struggle though. It’s as if the universe wants me to know that I’m not alone. I am so glad that you found the strength to write about this because I think more women need to share their stories with each other. Thank you.
I’ve been there. To those places of deep pain, then peace…several times and back through years of infertility. I understand what you mean about not going back to change the times this year that were a struggle for you. Through our struggle with it, I’ve come to learn so much more about God and His love for me than I could have by not having to walk through the darkness that infertility can sometimes bring. I learned that God sometimes leads us through silence for awhile – making us thirst for Him more than ever before. I’ve learned that God can lead us to do some things that we would have never been open to before, and that through that He shows His power and soverignty through our lives. The baby that I carry now will always be a reminder to me of God’s faithfulness when He felt anything but faithful. He was always there, and will always be. I love the song by Meredith Andrews, “Not for a Moment”. It’s my theme song for the past year and the times where I doubted His goodness and His love. He is constant. He is ALWAYS faithful. Please know that I’ll be praying for you. That you can soon have a babe inside that will always remind you and be a testament to His faithfulness. : )
Thanks so much for sharing, I truly needed this tonight. My struggle is different but what you said is what I needed to hear. Thank you for being willing to be used as a vessel of God. I pray 2013 is a truly blessed year for you 🙂
thank you so much for sharing this. my husband and i are in the same boat and i’m taking it a lot harder than he is at this point. i’m full-time stepmama to his daughter, and sometimes that just exacerbates the ache for me. i’m hoping that i can find the peace in the process that you have, and wish you and your husband all the best in your journey to parenthood.
Thank you for sharing this. Your honestly and bravery has helped other women, I’m sure. I will say a small prayer for you tonight. As always, I love your blog. 🙂
-Lacey White
Iowa
Kate, no reason to hope others handle it better than you did. You did NOT handle it badly. It’s a grieving process and Anger is one of those steps. You aren’t grieving not having children; but instead grieving the notion that anyone gets pregnant as soon as they start trying. You have to go through the steps of grief…and you did that well. Now you are calmer and resolved to doing what needs to happen next. There may or may not be more challenges ahead and some of them might fail and have to be grieved for also. Just take each step one at a time and feel the process and let it be what it’s going to be…anger and all.
Infertility can be a very scary and sometimes lonely road to travel. I can relate all too well. I have PCOS and have been trying to get pregnant on and off for the last couple years. If I can give you one piece of advice it is to go see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I wasted a good part of the last couple years just seeing my GYN, and although he was great, he just isn’t a specialist when it comes to infertility. An RE can get to the root of the problem and from there can offer you many different options. I know you will be blessed with a baby just as I know that I will too. Good luck to you Kate, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And thank you for sharing your struggle.
Hi Kate
I am a labor and delivery nurse, so I see a lot of people who have tried a long time to get pregnant. In fact 3 of my coworkers were having a difficult time as well. In the last year, 3 of my close friends had their “tubes flushed” as a final resort, and ALL 3 of them got pregnant. Not sure if you’ve tried it already, but possibly worth a try. Hope I’m not overstepping; just a thought.
I wish you the best!
Thanks for sharing and I will include you and your husband in my prayers. I went through the exact same thing 4 years ago – got pregnant initially right away but then had a miscarriage and went for another year without getting pregnant again. Funny thing was, once I let go and stopped stressing/worrying, we got pregnant and have an amazing 3 year old. I’m now pregnant with our 2nd child (after another miscarriage and year of trying). I know exactly what you’re going through and how hard it is. Keep with your faith and it will all be OK, no matter what happens!
I know what you are going through. It took me almost a year and a half to get pregnant with my first child. I was so frustrated thinking something was wrong with me or my (now ex) husband. It wasn’t until I let it go and relaxed that it finally happened. I just had to realize that God wasn’t ready for me to have one at the moment when I wanted a baby.
Once you fully give it all to God, you will get pregnant when its his plan for you. I didn’t have my second one until almost 7 years later.
I will keep you in my daily prayers. I have been so blessed with your blog. Keep up the amazing work.
God Bless,
Tandi V.
God bless you Kate. Beautiful words and you voiced what so many of us women have felt. I wrote a post a few weeks ago on my blog that I wrote for the exact same reason you did. http://farmerswifelife.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-puddles.html
Your faith is fierce. Your future is God’s past. I will be praying for you!
Hi, I was just looking at face cleaners and stumbled on your page. I know your pain. We did not start trying till about 8 years into our marriage thinking we had all the time in the world. First year Doctor said just try and then come back if nothing happens. Nothing did. Both tested and had some issues but nothing major. I would trust God ….But, every month when I got my period, the pain would return and I questioned Him. And every time someone at church asked me about it- the pain would return. Finally I had to give it up to God and accept whatever He wanted for us. I started back to school and within several months we got a call from some friends who knew a girl that was pregnant and “were we interested?” Well, my daughter is 26 now and this was God’s plan for us. The BEST plan. So just be open.
I have followed your blog for a while now and have always enjoyed your beauty tips. But the real blessing are the posts like these. You are very inspiring, even as you admit your weaknesses. I appreciate your sincerity and that you share your faith like you do. Our God is an Awesome God and He will give you the desires or your heart. After two miscarriages I cried my eyes out during a worship service while we sang “He Who Created a Good Work in You” by Steve Green. I was 6 weeks pregnant and terrified of losing this baby too. He’s now almost 6 years old. I will be praying for strength and continued peace!
Dear Kate, I just stumbled upon your blog and as I scrolled and skimmed through the front page… I saw the word … “anger”. And I keep on reading this post. I just want to say, keep being hopeful for what He has in store for you … I think our humanly expectations tend to lead us to that dreadful word … “anger”. I experience that a lot in recent years … being angry when life gives lemons rather than what I expect and what I work towards getting …
Anyways. Thanks for your honesty and openness. Appreciate it (and loving your blog) 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story. I am praying for you! 🙂 You are such a brave woman to come forward with such a personal story.
God bless you for writing this. I am in the same situation. It’s been one year exactly for us, too. I’m dealing with the anger you described, and what feels like is continuous salt in the wound. I deeply appreciate the words from Chambers and wish you all the best.
I had my own infertility battle to fight, IVF and then adoption. I’m praying for you and want you to know that the heartache changes and gets better. Keep having faith.
This sum’s up so well how I feel. We are over a year now….I thought I would have a baby in my arms by now or at least one growing in my belly. God has been faithful to us and we have been getting answers….most negative, but not beyond the hopeful miracle of life one day….whether naturally, with infertility treatments, or as adoptive parents. I pray that you will get your miracle as well.
I loved this post. A couple years ago, we were trying to sell our home, and it just wasn’t selling. In a quiet moment I told God, “we tried to do it ourselves and we can’t. You need to do it for us” and BOOM! The house sold right away. Last spring, I was laying in bed awake in the middle of the night, thinking how both kids would be in school in the fall and I would have extra time as a stay at home mom. I told God “here I am, do with me as you wish.” With me thinking he would bring me a part time job or volunteer work. Nopers, a month later, we found out we were pregnant. I am not telling you this to be insensitive to your struggles to conceive, but just to show you that when you hand it over to God, awesome things happen.
Also, I read simplysmithwick.com which is cute southern gal who blogs about her infertility, running and fashion. Just a week or so before Christmas, they were Blessed with a newborn son through adoption.
Hang in there, handing “IT” over to God is the best thing you can do.
Praying you get your answers as God continues to bless in 2013. I’ve learned waiting is the hardest, but for a different thing. His ways are not our ways. I just try to live by Psalms 37:4!
I had tears in my eyes as I read your post above. I was amazed at the parallels between your 2012 and mine. My “unknown” was in regards to my career and it was at times overwhelming. I experienced so many of the same emotions, anger, sorrow, fear and I was so ashamed of myself for that. I just couldn’t imagine what God was trying to show me and why it had to be so darn painful. I experienced the most growth ever in my walk with Christ and have reached a point where I, too, am content for God’s will to be done and to give it to Him. Still hard some days, but I know who holds my future and wouldn’t change that for anything this world has to offer. It’s funny, I ran across this blog when I was trying to figure out how everyone gets that “messy bun” look. I was so impressed with you testimony and your willingness to give God the glory first and foremost. You are using the gifts He has given you to help people enhance their lives. Thank you for sharing all of them with your readers. I wish you continued success and will be praying for you.
What a beautiful post. Thanks for being so honest. God has the perfect baby for you and your husband, whether you end up carrying that baby in your belly or in your heart. My husband and I struggled for a while too, and it was such a confusing and heartbreaking time. I wrote a little note on my desk and read it everyday, and it helped me get through the heartbreak and disappointment, I hope it helps you too! I often find myself thinking that my time frame is the perfect and right time, but I need to trust in God’s timing and plan!
“God has perfect timing; never early, never late. It takes a lot of patience and a strong faith, but it’s always worth the wait!”
Prayers of strength and healing to you and your husband!
Your story speaks to me like the song, “It is Well.” Although it is a classic old hymn, the words profoundly speak to my soul. My husband and I have not been able to have children for quite a long time. What a joy to be able to dwell in the gracious love of God. Your words spoke to me, when you were talking about the walk you took. I remember several moments of longing for peace, and it took my husband’s gracious reminders of God’s blessings in our life to bring me to a healing place. Take comfort in His wings. You have a cheerleader in the wings, no matter what. 🙂
Kate,
Thank you for sharing your journey. As a mommy of a 2 yr old miracle and another miracle pregnancy on the way {10 weeks…wahoo!} I have been there on the infertility journey three times. I found it hard to find solid Christian literature, support and guidance of course other than the Bible. I was looking for someone with belief in God to share from a biblical standpoint how to handle all of the emotions and feelings that come along with this journey. I found one book… “Hannah’s Hope” by Jennifer Saake. She parallels Hannah’s struggle to conceive with her own and it opened my eyes to a new light.
Also this past weekend my pastor talked about finding your “own Elizabeth”. Just as Elizabeth was pregnant before Mary and Mary found encouragement and strength in her, he encouraged us to connect with an “Elizabeth”. Reach out to someone who you know shares the same faith and has walked this journey to encourage you and pray for you. It’s truly amazing to have someone to text or call in the ups and downs.
Get ready girl… this will be the roller coaster of a lifetime! Good news is…it always has a happy ending. I encourage you to continue to trust in Him and know that it WILL happen but just not as you planned.
Blessings and prayers!
Jenny H
Here’s the link incase anyone else would like a copy of Hannah’s Hope:
http://www.amazon.com/Hannahs-Hope-Infertility-Miscarriage-Adoption/dp/1576836541
Kate – I am a newer reader, and I saw your post. THANK YOU for this post. I am feeling the same way. I am 2 months from my 30th birthday, and I just have wanted to be pregnant by then. In God’s timing…that is what I am waiting for. And it is SO HARD> Praying for you.
Your faith and openness about it is much appreciated! I too am waiting on something, not a bun for my oven but definitely something that is close to my heart and I’ve not dealt with the waiting/my un-perfect timing so well. I hope that God will bless you guys soon!
Thank you. I just found your blog and I am in the same place that you are. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year. I don’t have any answers. Some days have been very difficult. I really needed to read this, today.
There are 703 previous comments on this post and to be honest, I’m not surprised. It’s funny- I just stumbled onto your blog this afternoon…after just yesterday having yet another negative pregnancy test. (We’ve been trying since May.) I’m beginning to feel the way you did walking through your neighborhood- I can relate to every word. My mantra is “all in God’s timing”, “all in God’s timing”, “all in God’s timing”…over and over. Praying for you and your husband. I know exactly how you feel.
-Amanda
http://thegoodolboyandme.blog.com/
Kate,
I would just like to say how much I enjoy your blog. I usually catch up every week or two, so I just read your post on your struggle to get pregnant. While I know that hundreds of people have commented and expressed their sympathy, I know that it always helps to hear another note of encouragement. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for almost two years before we were blessed with our son, Owen. During those two years, I had three miscarriages, the last of which was late term. After that third miscarriage, I was angry. Angry at God, angry at people who were easily able to get pregnant, angry at myself for not being able to carry those babies. Like you, I finally realized I needed to hand it over to Him. There was nothing I could do that I wasn’t already doing. Two months after the third miscarriage, I became pregnant with Owen. And let me tell you, as I’m sure anyone who struggles with fertility issues will tell you, once you have that baby in your arms, you are that much more appreciative of God’s will. Three and a half years and a little girl later, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Not too long ago I was hoping and trusting too. God is faithful. He will sustain you. He will comfort you. He is able. He is sovereign. I love the end of this popular hopeful scripture: http://www.detailgalblog.com/2012/04/and-if-you-dont-hope-then-what.html
You are so very talented! I love your site.
I was directed to your post by a friend and as I sit here typing this, with tears streaming down my face, I feel a peace I have been craving. Like you, my husband and I have been trying, unsuccessfully, to get pregnant this past year. It seems every time I turn around someone else is sharing their joyous news, every day for the past week in fact. I have tried not to be bitter and jealous but those feelings slowly creep in again and again and then I find myself feeling guilty for feeling the way I do. It’s been such an emotional roller coaster, riddled with self doubt and disappointment. It’s a comfort to know that I am not alone in this journey…that someone else understands and is feeling the same way I do. I thank you for your beautiful words. They have brought me comfort at an especially difficult time. God Bless.
Kate…I have been following your blog for almost a year now. You are so sweet, and thank you for sharing your heart and feelings on this subject. Something near and dear to my heart. My husband and I struggled for 8+ years with infertility. The first year was the hardest. It gets better as you look more to God, and not at the circumstances around you. We do have a happy ending…it was all God and his timing. After 8 years, we adopted a precious boy. Right after he turned 2 (so this is 10 years of trying at this point), I got pregnant! Now the proud mom of 2 boys who are both blessings and miracles of God. Trust in Him and his timing…
Thank you for sharing. As you can see, a lot of us have been there. And, I finally was successful after 3 years of fertility treatment at the time when I truly had given it up and did the last cycle as a “joke”. A joke because there was no way it would work this time so I wasn’t anxious or worried. Imagine my utter shock when it did. I think you are probably even younger than I was when I started so you have that on your side.
Prayers and blessings and there is some truth to trying not to worry because on my last cycle, when I was just going through the motions, and was overly anxious, it worked. And, a year later, when I was so tired I said ok, whatever to my husband, that was the time I got pregnant. No help, no nothing. Again, I hated those people who told me to just relax but now that I look at it, there had to have been some truth.
Best of luck to you both and thanks for sharing.
Acupunture…my daughter has her second baby after fertility treatments failed. The Dr. said, give me four months…2 months later…pregnant! Do you have PCOS? Read up on it and the best of luck to you and your sweet husband!!!
Kate,
I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. My husband and I tried for 12 long years to get pregnant. We finally got to a point where we could afford to go a bit further with our endeavors and after two fresh IVF cycles and three frozen ones (got pregnant on my second fresh cycle) we finally got the news we had been waiting forever for. We now have a four (will be five next month) year old little boy. We are heading back next month to try for baby #2. I read your blog post and my heart broke for you. I know all too well those emotions you are going through. Just know you are not alone. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get a miracle soon.
Hi Kate,
I hope you are well. I found your great blog via Pinterest. This may seem like an obvious question or not and I don’t mean any offense, but have you tried ovulation strips? When my husband and I decided to start a family, we were so excited and scared at the same time, but months went by and that negative sign kept appearing and I was getting really frustrated so I thought to myself, “I really need to know when I’m ovulating.” I went on ebay (inexpensive and you get more) and purchased a box of ovulation strips because that’s all you really need, the strips. Every morning, I would dip a strip into my urine and wait to see if two lines would appear. One day, the strip showed two lines and according to the instructions, I would be ovulating in the next two days. With that knowledge, I was able to get pregnant and see that positive sign the following month. I did this for both my pregnancies. Please give it a try if you haven’t and I wish you good luck. Sincerely, Angelica
This made me cry and get so upset… I turn 30 2 months from today and I am so worried. I lost my partner just over two years ago (to deception, not death, although it feels like it), and I have not been able to trust anyone since. Not even close. I wanted a big family, and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to, and I am not emotionally ready to be involved with someone- not even close. But I am terrified of aging because I am afraid I am losing my chance of having a family here. I am so scared of that. I know there are “other options,” but, like you said, it’s not what we expected or planned on, and sometimes, it still does not work out.
It’s very scary and very upsetting. I wish I could get to the place where I could just turn it over to him and “know” it would be fine.
Hugs to you and yours.
Kate,
I am so blessed by you and this blog post. Thank you so much for your honesty. As a women who also struggles with control, this hit home for me and encouraged me to trust the Lord even more with my life. <3
Directed to your blog by a FB post from Maya Brenner (I am a stylist with S&D)…saw this and knew immediately we were sisters. Not a great sisterhood to be in, but sisters just the same. I know your anger and pain Kate and am so glad for the peace you have found. I have no happy IVF story to share, but am mom to a glorious almost 3 year old girl via adoption (which is its own long and painful journey!). Good for you for telling your truth, it helps us all more than you know. Praying for continued peace for you, for knowledge of God’s will for you and the power to see it through…
This is a great post! Love it. 🙂 I am all too familiar with the feelings of trying to get pregnant (April will make 2 years), but right now i am at peace. God is good. One day, we’ll be mamas! 🙂
I recently read a book that was SO GOOD…it’s called Baby Hunger by Beth Forbus. I only mention it b/c i was skeptical of it, but a friend who dealt with infertility finally got pregnant & passed it down to me, so to speak. It was such a comfort to me. It’s a deeper look at the women in the Bible who dealt with infertility & I loved it. Just wanted to share. 🙂
This post really spoke to me! I have had an extremely bittersweet 2012 and completely understand the anger and confusion. I am also nervously optimistic for 2013. You are definitely not alone going through hard times and trying to find peace and understanding is sincerely admirable as it is much easier said than done. You inspire me and this post helped me through a hard day today! Thank you for sharing!
Kate,
After waiting six loooong months, my husband and I fianlly got pregnant. We were at my husbands sisters telling his family our wonderful news when all of a sudden I felt pain. We lost the baby 🙁 Thankfully I was only six weeks along but it was the most devasting thing that has ever happened to us. In a couple months we hope to try again and we pray there will be no complications.
Thanks again for sharing your story. It will happen when the time is right.
God’s timing is usually not our timing. Keep trusting in Him and children or no children you will be blessed beyond a doubt.
Kate,
Just reading this has brought back a flood of emotion. My husband and I went through infertility as well. I remember starting off just like you, not worrying too much in those first few months. But with every passing month the desire to be pregnant grew and grew. I too became frustrated, angry, and jealous. We finally ended up seeing a fertility doctor who told us it was going to be very difficult for us to get pregnant. By a true miracle, we were pregnant with our first round of IUI (which the doctor said would never work for us, but thought he might as well try). I’m now sitting next to my beautiful 2 1/2 year old son that has been the greatest gift God has ever given me. Please remember that God knows the desires of your heart and I truly believe that those desires would not be there if it weren’t meant to be in some way. You will be a mom someday! I will pray for you.
Blessings and peace to you!
Hi Kate,
I just came across this blog post… Thank you so much for sharing!! What you wrote really touched me! I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have been trying for a year and a half and it’s been such an emotional rollercoaster for us. I go from hopeful, to disappointed, to angry, to back to hopeful again. We have been praying for answers and feel very uncertain about what our future holds. The quote you posted from Oswald Chambers really stuck out to me and is something my husband and I both need to remember. Thanks so much for the encouragement!
What a great post! I can relate…we had a text book pregnancy and delivery with our son 3 years ago, but March will mark 2 years of trying to have another baby. I did get pregnant the end of July and miscarried in the middle of August. Now still trying and looking for answers. God truly is the only way to get through a time like this (and a supportive and loving husband makes it much easier!).
Thanks for such a great post! Praying for you and your husband through this difficult journey!
http://www.kevinandmel.com/search/label/Infertility
Not posting this as some sort of advice column (I hate when people do that!), but this is a friend of mine who is going through a similar experience — frustrated and working through things WITH GOD
Praying
Kate,
I must have missed this post but just saw your link from today’s post. And I know I’m not going to be able to say anything else to you that everyone hasn’t already said or infact even say anything at all to make you feel better about this. I know this because I remember just getting even more mad and upset with people that would try to tell me it was going to be ok when I was going through this. My husband and I tried for 3 1/2 years before we finally had our twins through IVF. It was definitely the darkest time in my life and it’s still not over because the pain and frustration is still there.
I guess I just wanted to say that you are not alone and that it’s ok to get mad and upset about it. It’s normal to have those feelings and you are justified to do so.
Just try to stay as strong and positive as possible because it really does help.
Tara
I’m reading your post a little late, but I’m thankful you wrote such an honest post. I’m not familiar with fertility struggles but can definitely relate to the emotional struggle. That aching pain of ‘what is next, and why isn’t it happening?’ in terms of my career. I’ve been at a stalemate for a few years in a career I’m not certain I want (after many years of schooling). I know this doesn’t compare to fertility struggles, but it has been emotionally difficult. What your post showed me is perhaps I’m not supposed to know what is next. I need to trust in God that his plan is playing out exactly as it’s supposed to and just surrender. I feel something great is on the horizon for me but sometimes it’s difficult to trust in that, especially when you see other people’s careers working out for them (hello anger). Thanks for the encouragement through your own struggle, I needed to hear this today. May God bless you through your journey (and I know He will!).
Thank you for your candor. It is true that there is peace even in the hard times, and that doesn’t mean perfection. I too struggled with infertility and kept my struggle so close. After being married for 8 years the inevitable questions about a family would arise. Only my family and God new my struggle. I wrestled with God so many times and threw a proverbial fist at God. I am so glad that God can handle our disappointments and anger. Thank you for adding the side note you don’t want advice or help. So many people said so many well meaning things to us, in the end it did nothing for me. I kept thinking that I must be going through this for a reason and it was for God to show me, not other people. We did receive medical assistance after 4 years of “trying on our own” to conceive our son. Had God answered my my picture of how I thought our family should grow, we would not have our two adopted children. God is good all the time, all the time God is good.
Kate, thank you for sharing your heart and difficult circumstances. I have come to love your blog over the past several months, and have noticed many similarities between us. Infertility now being another. I’ve been where you are, and after 3 years of infertility finally and wholly gave my situation over to the Lord (I just couldn’t let go before that, but eventually I did). Shortly after that, we became pregnant naturally.
I don’t know what the outcome of your situation will be, but as you said, God does. And what an amazing thing that we have the knowledge and hope that the Creator has our life in His hands, and feels the pain we feel in our hearts over these agonizing situations.
I’m currently struggling with infertility for the second time. But I’m in a better place this time around, and know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that God knows what He is doing.
All the best to you and your husband. Keep trusting!
While I didn’t suffer from infertility, I did have 3 miscarriages. Two before my first son. And one of those was a partial molar pregnancy – which left my health an issue. And oh I know that anger so well. I was so mad at myself and my body. It was truly some of my hardest years. But I do think I am a better Mom for it now. I know that my THREE kids are a blessing – and I know I am lucky to have them. I have my story of the struggle to start our family on my blog. http://michellebostinelos.com/blog/my-story/
I know its not the exact same experience. But I think a lot of similar types of feelings.
take care!
Don’t know how I missed this blog entry! We are in the exact same boat to the month you started trying. I will be keeping y’all in my prayers. This will happen for us one dy or another!!!
God works in mysterious ways. Your post has touched many women. Thank you for your honesty. I feel that God is speaking to many of us through your experience and this dialogue. The bottom line is that he is always behind the scenes.
God works in mysterious ways. Your post has touched many women. Thank you for your honesty. I feel that God is speaking to many of us through your experience and this dialogue. The bottom line is that he is always behind the scenes.
My husband and I struggled with infertility for four years, so I feel your pain. We suffered through two devastating miscarriages and a lot of infertility treatments. I remember the many break downs I had as I struggled to really trust God’s plan for our family and especially for me. We got to the point that the doctor actually said they had done everything they could except for invitro, which is so expensive they might as well have told us there was no hope. But, in my heart I felt like there was something simple wrong. We finally went to a doctor who said ovulation didn’t look like our problem, but maybe we should try Clomid just in case. The third month on Clomid, we got preganant and the pregnancy stuck. We have a beautiful, healthy, smart little boy who is everything I dreamed of. Miracle of miracles, we got pregnant again a little over a year later with pretty much no trying. Our sweet little girl is perfect. It was in God’s timing. It was hard to see His hand at the time, but I know He was there. Trust your heart. Trust your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They are mighty to save and can deliver you from any trial. A wise church leader advised me not to spend my time waiting but to spend it preparing so I would be the best mother I could be when I finally got to be one. I wish I had listened to that counsel more. He told me that people who have to wait for children (like Abraham and Sarah, Zacharius and Elizabeth, and Hannah), often get blessed with amazing children. I pray that is true for you as I know it was for me. God will bless you. Have faith in Him and know you are loved and prayed for in the meantime.
I know exactly how you feel because I am there too. It it encouraging to know that you are praying for others out there going through this and I am now praying for you too.
Thank you for sharing – it is helpful to have the advice of breathless expectation at what He will do in the future.
Love you as a sister-in-Christ!
I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. I pray that you will receive the blessing of a positive pregnancy test very soon! 🙂
Kate,
Thank you so much for this post. I came to your site today for some hair inspiration and somehow found my way onto this post. I am not a religious woman (although I do believe in God). But reading about your journey and emotions was so powerful. It is not pregnancy I am currently struggling with (although as you wisely pointed out, none of us know what is in our future), but rather a difficult medical recovery after multiple surgeries. After reading your post, I took a few hours to sit with the emotions I experienced and take in the wisdom in your words. Uncertainty is part of life, but if we have any hope of maintaining sanity we need to work on ways to attain that inner peace, to be at peace with the struggle. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to write about something so raw and personal. My deepest thanks for your courage in being able to do and inspire many of us who are privileged to read it. Sending lots of positive energy your way.
Kat
I’m in the same boat, and about a year ago came to peace with it as well. It’s hard, especially when I have 15 pregnant friends, and all we want is one. It’s hard when people start asking us if we want to adopt (seriously??), and I want to smack them. It’s hard every time you get PMS and wonder if you’re finally pregnant, or in my case when I got a stomach virus and couldn’t figure out if it was a virus, or morning sickness. It’s hard, but then…then I count my blessings and see how wonderful my life and marriage are. I spend time with my husband in our big, quiet, beautiful house, and get to spend a day reading blogs instead of changing diapers, and practicing guitar instead of listening to crying and I feel peace.
Your blog is beautiful, you’re beautiful, and I’m glad that pinterest sent me this way to learn about hair, and you.
Kate, Thank you so much for this post. I know EXACTLY how you feel about the waiting, expectation and then the disappointment. My husband and I were blessed with a beautiful baby girl three and a half years ago with little to no trouble. So when we decided it was time for a second there was never a thought of something going wrong. After over a year and two miscarriages we still haven’t had any luck. 2012 was one of the darkest and most challenging years of my life. I am so thankful for my little girl, and our trying for a second and the subsequent disappointments in no way takes away from the beauty of her existence. I love this post because it is another reminder to trust God and trust His will even when (especially when) it does not coincide with ours. Thank you for this!
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Kate, we share the same.
The feelings you describe… it was so recognizable for me. I was looking at your blog with your hairtutorials. I don’t know how, but I saw your post. It was like meant to be for me because I loose courage, but the hope I will never give up is here. Certainly after I read your post.
We are now in a 3 years battle and still nothing happened. We are by a fertgyn for more than 2 years now. Normally this month is our last try by this specialist. Thereafter we will have to go to another fertillitycenter for IVF. I hope someday we will be both a mother with all the others that have tot go trough the same as we. Greetings from Belgium.
Kate,
I found your blog by pinterest when I saw your hairtutorials. I liked it so much that I had chosen to follow your blog. I don’t know how, but I suddenly came on this post. When I start reading it, something strange happened to me. It was the first time in 3 years that I could find myself in your words.
We are also struggling for more than 3 years now. Sometimes it can be very hard. I sometimes loose courage, but I will never give up the hope. It’s not an easy thing to be open about. So I appreciate your post a lot. It helped me to find myself again after a very hard time. Hopefully we become one day a parent like all the others in the same situation like you and me. In my “world” it’s very difficult to be open about it. There are very few people who understand. We don’t need compassion. So it was a revelation to read your post. Thanks and greeting from Belgium! X
It’s strange how things can just fall into your lap. I found your blog the other day while browsing on Pinterest. I’m home sick with flu today and decided to have a better look… Then I found this post. I’m drawn to the word INFERTILE these days! My husband and I are ‘reproductively challenged’ (thank you Charlotte in SATC!). It sounds much better doesn’t it?! He is currently prodding me twice a day with IVF drugs. We tried for two years. I too was glad to see the back of 2012. I was interested to read your take on what God makes of this. I’m having a hard time dealing with how unnatural it all is. Over the two years I kept telling myself it will happen when God decides. I put all my energy into that, it kept me going every month. Then, when we discovered the reason it wasn’t happening, a male infertility issue that can’t be fixed, I wobbled. God will decide when the time is right. No. Now it must be IVF drugs and God will decide when the time is right. God still plays a huge part, after I researched IVF I discovered there’s still no guarantee with drugs alone…. It can be hard. I’m having to trust in science and my spiritual beliefs. Sometimes I wobble. I think we all do. Good luck on your journey. It’s hard but I’m trying to use it as an opportunity to learn something new about myself. Thanks for your post… and for it falling into my lap!
Thank you for sharing your story. My husband & I miscarried just last week (after 11 years of marriage). We are heartbroken, but we are trusting God. My doctor is hopeful & we go back next week to begin making a plan. Thank you for encouraging those of us dealing with this.
Kate,
Thanks for much for sharing your story. My husband and I are going through a similar situation, we have been trying to get pregnant for nine months now. Last night I learned that a close friend is expecting her 2nd child in September. As happy as I am for her my heart turned cold with jealousy, I spent an hour asking God why she was getting everything she prayed for and I was still aching for a child. I’ve thought my whole life that I would be a mother and I know I’d be a wonderful one. I’m now struggling with accepting that this might not be in God’s plans for my life. I know they’re are a million options and roads to take and I’m just trying to find the path that God has laid for me. I pray for you and your journey for a child, I pray for all of us.
Amanda
I was reading your post on blogging and when you mentioned this post, I had to find it. My husband and I struggled for 1.5 years before finally agreeing to get tested to see if there was a problem. I ended up taking medication, but the medicine worked. I say that to say I relate to where you are coming from and I pray for God’s Perfect timing for you and your husband. I didn’t tell anyone of our struggles until after I was pregnant. I can’t imagine how hard this post was to write.
Very helpful read! Blessings to you! That God may grant you the desires of your heart.
Much love!
I’m new to your blog, and just stumbled across this post. I’m not overly religious, but I do know that there is a reason for everything and everyone. This means that people are born when they’re supposed to be born so that the set-up for their life, their accomplishments, their influence, their purpose, runs according to plan. It simply wasn’t time for your baby yet. I had my first child at 23. While I wasn’t actively trying for number two, I wasn’t doing anything to prevent number two. Number two came when I was 36 (last year). Yes, 13 years! Having a baby was at 36 was the last thing I expected, but it came at the right time. You see, my mother passed away one month before I gave birth. My sister, who was also not trying to get pregnant, gave birth to my nephew 13 days after I had my daughter. I truly believe that these babies were blessings to our family to help us with the loss of our mother.
I’ve not read all of your posts from this year so I don’t know if you’re expecting yet or not. If it hasn’t happened yet, please take comfort in knowing that it will happen when it’s supposed to happen.
Kate,
I recently found your blog and I am so glad the Lord led me to find you!
What a beautiful post. I am waiting for something as well. I will be praying for you as you and your husband wait. Let’s go into 2013 with hope. 😉
xoxo,
Melissa
Kate, my husband and I have been trying for two years now and it is such a struggle to trust and hold on to the fact that God is a promise maker AND a promise keeper, but that is the only thing that keeps me from losing my mind. Yesterday was mother’s day. Watching all of the mother’s at church beam with the overwhelming joy of being a mom, and all of the moms-to-be and the excitement of what to come, I was met with that all too familiar pang of jealousy. I almost didn’t even go to church because I knew it would be a sermon focused on motherhood, something that I had convinced myself may never happen for me. I put on a smile and tell everyone that I am ok with that and honestly if we are never blessed with a child I will know that despite how hard it is that God is still good and wants great things for my life. Jesus took the opportunity to speak to me right where I was yesterday during the sermon and I just wanted to share some things with you in hope that He will speak to you as well. Warning- I know this is a super long post and I usually NEVER comment on blogs but for some reason I felt like you or someone else needed to hear this…
The story starts in 2 Kings 4:8. Elisha was a prophet in Israel (and prophets were very popular politically and spiritually—they represented the promises of God in Israel.
1. God knows our hearts- This story is about a Shunamite woman who had a heart that was inclined toward the things of God and her struggle (like ours) to not doubt that God is a promise maker and a promise keeper. It is important to remember throughout the story that Elisha should represent Jesus. Starting out in the story, the woman recognized this fact and literally made room in her home for God to work (v.9-10). This is such a “Christian” idea… but I had to ask myself in the midst of my fears of not ever experiencing motherhood, had I made room for God to work or had my fears and reasoning of what was to be consumed my heart?
2. God cares- Elisha was thrilled that she had made room for him, so he asked her if he could do anything to show his gratitude and she said no that she didn’t need anything… Isn’t this just like us women? I know it is so easy for me to think my problem (infertility) is not as big as some people’s needs and that I will be ok without… because there are tons of people who need their prayers answered so much more than I do… Elisha knew better… and again he represents Jesus. The fact is that God cares not just about us, but about what we care about. Don’t be scared to pray big prayers because God cares. Sometimes we get in circumstances that seem impossible… we call them impossible circumstances, God calls them miracles. Once Elisha heard that she had a desire to be a mother, he made her a promise that she would be a mother within a year. She then chose to take God at his word. We have to pursue the promises that God made in His word… We can’t just pray, we have to pursue… After she heard Elisha, she didn’t go pray (not that it’s a bad thing) but she went to work… Now this doesn’t just have to be physically, but something changed in her. All of the doubt that previously consumed her vanished just by hearing the promise spoken by Elisha. We have that same promise based in the Word… We must take that promise and go to work just as she did, and no longer accept that God will not fulfill His promise to us.
… cont’d…
3. God is able- By verses 18-20 we see that at the brightest point in the day, her promise from God died in her lap. The thing is she did not give up here… Her actions in this moment are so important. She carried the boy (which Bible scholars believe was around 10 years old at this time) up to the roof to Elisha’s room. She took her promise straight to lay him in Elisha’s bed. Remember that Elisha represents Jesus… This mother did not give up on God’s promise even when it died. She laid him in God’s bed, left the room, and shut the door behind her. Sometimes we have to get to a point where we trust God with our fears more than we trust ourselves, to the point where we lay it at His feet and close the door behind us knowing He can handle it much better than we can. We have to trust God with the promise, more than we trust ourselves.
She didn’t just stop there though… she left to go find Elisha, clung to his feet, and refused to let go until he (himself… not his staff, or a servant) came to heal her son. She was a persistent woman who refused to give up on her promise maker. Too many times we are willing to pray for God to do His part and not perspire to do our part.
I took so much from this story, and I know it could speak to women in all sorts of situations; however, for me it was a reminder to not give up on the promises of God. It’s so easy for me after two years of infertility to become ok with not receiving the promise of a child… but God desires for us to cling to his feet as the woman did in the story and refuse to give up on the promise that He has made for us.
To be honest, I will be perfectly ok if I never have a child of my own… but God is not ok with that. He wants us to continue praying and perspiring knowing that He will come through for us. In the bible, God ALWAYS keeps His promises. Even if he does not grant us a child, it is not because my God is not able… so I will continue believing that He is and refusing to believe anything short of that. In His perfect timing, He will answer my prayers in such a way that will fulfill His promise as well as my heart’s desire.
I hope this speaks encouragement to you, as it did me.
You might like this: http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/26/ten-words-that-describe-infertility/
I’ve learned enough to know that most people say stupid things when people share about the struggles on their journey to creating a family. I’m sorry that your journey has had such struggles.
Such beautiful words. Love your honesty.
I’m a little late in reading this, but I’m a fairly new follower of yours and clicked on the link in your 18 weeks blog post. I just wanted to let you know that even 7 months after you wrote this, it’s still speaking to someone. 🙂 It’s been 11 months that my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant and nothing but a string of late periods to get my hopes up then let them crash. This was encouraging. Thank you for speaking truth, being so open, and for sharing your story!
Linda
Thank you for sharing your story. My husband and I are “late-bloomers.” We have finally reached a point where we are trying to get pregnant. The first month was unsuccessful and or course because I am 34 I am so nervous that I’ve waited too long. This week marks our second official “go” and I’m finding I’m already anxious about whether it will work.I know it can take months…if not years…but like you, I never imagined I’d have any issues with getting pregnant (and of course, it’s really too soon to tell if I will or won’t have issues). Your post comes to me at a great time. I need to go into this knowing that God is at work in my life and to hand over the reigns. Thank you and congratulations on your pregnancy.
I want to share this TESTIMONY on how i became happy in Life today, We got married since the year 2000,and we were unable to make out baby on our own,we prayed and fasted several times but, all to no avail,one time i was searching through the internet the year 2009, and fortunately i came accross a Testimony of Woman from Cairo, Egypt. the Testimonies stated HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK IN 5DAYS. I read through it thoroughly,and i picked out the Email contact and mobile Number of the Spellcaster called voodo spellcasre in West African, who helped her in getting the said Husband Back in 5days…i emailed the Address, and they replied to me in just 30 minutes. i explained my problems of INFERTILITY in our Home, They just asked for the details of my Husband and I, which i sent to them immediately, in just 2hrs, i received an Email stated, we will help you if you comply by the wish of the the gods. and they explained to me what is needed to be done, which i did immediately..they promised to get back to in just 6days, afters 5days, they emailed and they gave to me instructions i need to work with, as soon as i complete it, i emailed them to say i was done with the instructions.
Just afters 2months i noticed, i was on with pregnancy, i told my Man as soon he arrived home, and he was sceptical of it all, He order me to visit the Doctor to see what was wrong, which i did, and in the result was Positive, i gave birth to my baby the year 2010. im very happy to share this Testimonies, to those who has been going through hell, in making out Babies…the email of the Voodoo Home, that did it for me is right here below: voodoospellcast@yahoo.com, they are from West African..
FROM LELIA SANDHU
I want to share this TESTIMONY on how i became happy in Life today, We got married since the year 2000,and we were unable to make out baby on our own,we prayed and fasted several times but, all to no avail,one time i was searching through the internet the year 2009, and fortunately i came accross a Testimony of Woman from Cairo, Egypt. the Testimonies stated HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK IN 5DAYS. I read through it thoroughly,and i picked out the Email contact and mobile Number of the Spellcaster called voodo spellcasre in West African, who helped her in getting the said Husband Back in 5days…i emailed the Address, and they replied to me in just 30 minutes. i explained my problems of INFERTILITY in our Home, They just asked for the details of my Husband and I, which i sent to them immediately, in just 2hrs, i received an Email stated, we will help you if you comply by the wish of the the gods. and they explained to me what is needed to be done, which i did immediately..they promised to get back to in just 6days, afters 5days, they emailed and they gave to me instructions i need to work with, as soon as i complete it, i emailed them to say i was done with the instructions.
Just afters 2months i noticed, i was on with pregnancy, i told my Man as soon he arrived home, and he was sceptical of it all, He order me to visit the Doctor to see what was wrong, which i did, and in the result was Positive, i gave birth to my baby the year 2010. im very happy to share this Testimonies, to those who has been going through hell, in making out Babies…the email of the Voodoo Home, that did it for me is right here below: voodoospellcast@yahoo.com, they are from West African..
FROM LELIA SANDHU
Hi Kate. I’m so glad i came across this. I see now that you’re almost due. Congratulations. I myself have been trying for FOUR years. I also have lost all hope. I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve asked why, I’ve been the jealous one. I know the Lord has the perfect timing for my blessing. But I’m human and doubt blinds me at times..
Kate,
I am currently struggling with infertility? (I hate even saying that) it’s only been about 5 months but is it hard… your story has really touched me and I want to let you know that you give me hope. I have been married since July of this year and my husband and I want to start a family right away. Why is it when you start trying it’s so hard sometimes? I pray every day our family will start and I relate back to you and others I’ve talked to who are struggling right now at how hard this journey can be. I pray for you and your family and wish you the very best. Thank you for sharing your story – it truly has given me hope in hard times. <3
Reading this today, after seeing today’s post of the nursery made me smile. I’m in waiting, not for a baby, but for the next chapter, and I’m so thankful today for your transparency here. This encouraged me today, almost a year later and that HAS to be God.
I am so happy that 2013 brought what you needed <3 I have enjoyed seeing your wishes come true 🙂
I am so happy that 2013 brought you what you needed <3 I have enjoyed seeing your wishes come true, and David is sure adorable <3
Hello everybody, My name is Nelson Pamela, Am from USA, Me and my husband have been trying to have baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 1year and 8months before someone told us to contact this great spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him with his email: supersolutionhome@gmail.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that i will either conceive in May 2013 or June 2013, but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to do possible to make us get a baby even if is just one. And I’m glad we came to Dr. Ken, Because he predictions put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. If you are in this kind of problem i will advice you to contact him with this email: supersolutionhome@gmail.com or through His web address http://supersolutionhome.webs.com/ . “The ability to have a baby is one of the most amazing gifts ever given to humans. The act of carrying a baby and being pregnant is one of the most beautiful experiences to ever have. Thanks.
Dear friends it is almost two months now since i order a pregnancy spell cast on me from this email zogospellcasters@gmail.com i saw in a website on how he help a couple to get pregnant and i contacted him which i started seeing changes on my body since the first week of last month and it two months and i am carrying my own baby in my womb i am so happy that i finally get pregnant after all i have been through. contact him for any problems you are having, he will surely provide you a solution, All thanks be to him
My name is Lena and I’m 34 years old proud mother. I’m writing this because I knew that it can help you… After 2 years trying to get pregnant and thinking that i was infertile I decided to search through internet for a solution, nowadays you can find almost everything here. After a long search i finally found something that got my attention: extremesolutiontemple@hotmail.com decided to give it a try and followed the guidelines. And you can’t believe how happy i was, after 2 months of doing it, hearing my doctor say that I am Pregnant!I know how frustrating it is trying to conceive and can’t achieve it. Take a look at this and I’m sure that It will change your life for the best: extremesolutiontemple@hotmail.com I am be happy to having shared my history 🙂
when i first got married every body in my husband life love me but after five years they turn against me because i was unable to bear children and one faithful day i discover a testimony through the internet and now i am happy because the email address i found the man who owns it help me for good and now am eight months pregnant and i know i am going going to give birth because he told me that antelope give birth without losing a child,until i met oduwa legba who help me out and this is his details; +2348165061583 God did so that He will be glorified.
I am 37 years old, just found out i am pregnant. I have three wonderful boys, with one man we were together 13 years but split when my youngest was 7 months old. I am now living with a man and been together for three years. The thing is i am scared about it having another child, and being the only parent to care for it. I love the man i am with, but he works long hours and is gone for weeks at a time. What am i to do to raise this child alone, one day i was browsing on the internet i saw chief oduduwa L, oduwalegba@outlook.com or +2348165061583, testimony saying that he help people who can’t get pregnant, and people that don’t have any child that are looking for, i quickly took his email and contact him for help after doing what he ask me to do things change and that day i got my self back again and i was having enough power and every thing went through. So i contact my friend that live in NYC she has be married for 12 years but no child, to my best surprise my friend that was childless for the past 12 years was pregnant oh my God with oduduwa all thing are possible
I’ve a WordPress blog with Arras theme. This site strangely shows different on different computers. On some computers, I see all 3 columsn, on other PC, I see only 1. On other PCs, some wiered things. Please somebody help me..
I came across this post while looking for encouragement. My hubby and I have been trying for about a year as well and I have had complication after complication but through it all I have focused on God, it hasn’t been easy. I have had my good and really bad days where all i want to do is just cry and wallow a bit. I’m grateful that I have a loving and supportive husband. And I really just need to be patient and know that everything happens in God’s time, not mine and i guess being human that is the hardest part. I know that no matter what happens God has a plan for my life.
I still am not pregnant but I am holding onto God’s promises.
I really admire you all and I’m so thankful i stumbled up this blog.
it is almost five months now since i order a pregnancy spell cast on me on Facebook (Oduduwa Ajakaye) i saw in a website on how he help a couple to get pregnant and i contacted him which i started seeing changes on my body since the first week of last 4 months and i am 18 weeks gone and i am carrying my own baby in my womb i am so happy that i finally got pregnant after all i have been through. contact him for any problems you are having, he will surely provide you a solution, All thanks be to him
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Hello, I’m pregnant and considering adoption for my baby. Comment for a reply
thanks katy for your honest post!
after three long years i am finally now getting pregnant. It was a tough time but me and my hubby made it.
thanks again for sharing!
sandy.
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Thank you for posting such honest words Kate. You’ve inspired me to write my own blog to discuss my own struggles to conceive. If you want to read it the post is here: http://projectgemmauk.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/a-little-honesty.html
Thank you, and congratulations on baby number 2. There is hope for us all x
Thank you. I mean truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!! My husband and I have been TTC for 2 years, and the past year has been by far the worst. I am in my early twenties and just had laparoscopic surgery removing Endometriosis (stage 1) and several polyps…I was told this would help, we should continue to try, but some days I ask God wether or not he wants me to even be a mother, and often I feel it’s not in his plans. But as I read your post, tears streaming down my face, I couldn’t help but feel all those emotions..I have especially been angry with God and you words will forever stick with me. Only he knows what the future will hold. Thank you for this beautiful post. Praying for you.
I noticed in your blog post from today that you said it took you 14 months to conceive your son. We are in month 13 of trying to conceive our second (our first was a happy surprise!!!) and I am exhausted. I had to have one of my ovaries removed last September due to a large cyst. This month I was pretty upset that I did not get pregnant, but then… as you described… I felt like a weight was lifted off of me during one of my quiet times this week. I kept hearing the word “believe”. Then I had a moment with God that, like what you experienced, put me at ease. Reading this post was perfect timing for me today. Thank you for sharing your heart!
This post helped me so much. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. I have read this particular post before and actually had it bookmarked on my phone. I came across it tonight while looking through my bookmarks for something totally different. God must have known I needed to hear this. I also stumbled across the one you wrote about Naaman. God really spoke to me through both these posts. While I am not currently struggling with infertility, I am all too familiar with unanswered prayer. I believe God always answers prayer (although sometimes the answer is no or wait), and I believe that He is always working “behind the scenes” in our lives even when we don’t see it. However, I also know from personal experience that when you don’t see an answer to your prayers for a long time it is easy to doubt. Through this post and the one about Naaman, God reminded me that I should be able to say “it is well with my soul”, not because he has answered a specific prayer in my life (or even despite the fact that he hasn’t yet), but only because of His love. That is the one and only reason to say “it is well with my soul.” Like you pointed out about Naaman, the original request didn’t even matter after he had been forgiven. Maybe I need to remember that this prayer is not the most important thing. God’s love for me is. And maybe I need to focus more on that and less on this particular prayer. Hope this makes sense and can help someone else the way this post helped me. Thanks for sharing, Kate. And to all the women reading this who are struggling with knowing God’s will and wondering how he will answer, I pray that you will receive your answer as He intends, but more importantly will know His love in a powerful way.
Great advice for anyone who is trying to conceive. Don’t stress out but be sure you are doing everything you can to increase the chances of getting pregnant naturally!
I stumbled upon your blog today. My husband and I have been trying to concieve for almost 2 years. Another dissapointment today and I needed some encouragement or support of some sort so I took to the internet. Your words have blessed me today. I know in my heart of hearts that God hears our prayers and already has things worked out but as you stated being OK with the unknown has been a struggle at times. I appreciate that you have shared this with everyone and I feel that I was meant to find it today. Your little man is so precious and I’m beyond thrilled for you and your family. Be blessed and Thank you for the support and encouragement!
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Hey Kate! Just wanted to thank you for putting everything I am feeling into these beautiful words. I have one precious daughter and trying for a second which has proved much more difficult than anticipated this time around. I, too, had somewhat of a revelation last month that I am trying to control something that is not up to me! I also felt a weight lifted when I placed all of my worries to the Lord. I know he knows the desires of my heart and I am moving forward with much more peace than I started this journey with. Not to say it’s still not a struggle at times though! I hope you know how many women you have touched and continue to touch through this post years later. Congrats on baby #2 and blessings to you and your family
Kate, this post has been so extremely inspiring to me! My hubby and I have been trying for almost a year with no luck. I started googling fertility issues and researching the internet and somehow came across this post. As I was reading I was so deeply touched by your article. As I was crying reading it, I realized that it is up to God and he knows best the plan he has for one’s life. I made the decision right then to trust God with this and am hopeful of the future! Then, after finding out that this article was written a few years ago I decided to check some more recent posts and am thrilled you have two children! God works in mysterious, amazing ways and I’m so happy for you! Your blog has become an inspiration to me and I love checking for new posts. I continue to pray for all women who struggle with fertility and know that somewhere out there I am being prayed for on this issue too!
My husband and I have been struggling for 2 years to get pregnant. I’ve followed your blog for about 3 years now and this post has stuck with me through the past 2 years. Some months are so emotionaly draining waiting to see if this will be the month our dreams come true. I loved what you said about how you had came to a peace of knowing that you aren’t supposed to know when this will happen. You became ok with the uncertainty. Maybe I’m at that place right now, where you were before that point of peace. Maybe I need to take that long walk with God today myself. I love your transparency and honesty. God bless.
The day before, I couldn’t bear anymore with the emotions that I’ve been holding inside me. November marks a year that we have tried, and nothing happen.
Everyone around me is getting pregnant, even those who said they have just started trying. My best friends, everyone else that I know of. Half of your heart is happy for them, yet more than half a heart felt so disappointed with yourself. The jealousy, the grief, the stress,the disappointment, anger….It is just too much to handle. The questions of “what if it is never meant to be”, “Have I been forgotten?”… Tears fell uncontrollably. Never once have I cried so badly.
I left for work this morning, feeling better than holding all in. The sky was so blue and the sun was shining radiantly like no other days. “Maybe it is a sign,” I talked to myself. Perhaps there will be a day which will be like no other. This very night, I chanced upon your article. These words are tear jerking, and those emotions are too familiar. I’m glad that I found this article to hold on to that little thin line. Thank you for sharing your struggle, and it is an encouragement to me. I’m so glad that there is a success story behind the struggle.
May you and your family be forever bless with overwhelming happiness and joy. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I’ve been following your blog for the hair styles for a while, and I stumbled upon this blog post. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years with no results. I’m at that ‘dark place’ you mentioned, so it was encouraging to read your post. God truly has the best plans for us, even though we can’t always see them. Your post came just 7 months before my TTC journey began – so know that it still encourages women all these years later.
I’m not sure you will see this since it has been nearly four years since it was posted but I’ve been google ‘trying to conceive’ for hours and your blog post popped up! I’ve been following you for about two years but didn’t go back this far. Thank you for this post. I’ve begun feeling like everyone around me gets pregnant instantly and easily. I know I don’t know you but it was nice to know I’m not alone and that there are other people out there who have gone through this. My husband and I are on our TTC journey. He is patient and is of the mind that it will happen when it happens. I’m impatient and feel like I’m failing each month when my period shows up. Thank you for your honesty and truth. It came at a much needed time.
I had no idea that you went through this, Kate. (Most likely because I wasn’t even married yet when you posted this back in 2013.) But it did my heart good this morning. It’s been over 2.5 years of trying and losing our first two children to miscarriage. I’m not going to lie, seeing pregnancy announcements right now is really hard, but it is so much easier to handle when the momma acknowledges what a blessing her healthy baby is and even acknowledges women still in the wait. Your gracious spirit is always so encouraging to me. This is my new favorite post you’ve ever written. Congratulations on #3!
I’m so very sorry for your losses and hope you get your “take home” baby very soon!
I have been going trough this, this past year. Fortunately I had a friend tell me it took her and her husband a year and a half to conceive, and there was nothing wrong with them (health wise). But I still struggle with seeing everybody get pregnant. Because when you are not, it seems like everybody is announcing it. I am so happy for you and your new baby, david and Luke will be awesome big brothers and I cannot wait to follow you on social media with a brand new tiny baby!!! And I have hope that next year (2018) will be my year to prepare for a baby, but if it’s not I am resting in the arms of yhe father and I am ok with that.
Thank you!! A hundred times thank you! We are going on month 4 of trying and I too, never thought I would have to wait this long. Your words came at such a time that I desperately needed to hear them. My sister who is 5 years older than me was able to conceive three times without waiting. So I figured I would be the same. Nope. God has other plans. It’s funny that It is Well was a song you chose bc that’s also the song God laid on my heart. Who knew three words could bring tears and peace. Again. I say thank you for your openness to share. <3
I found this with your recent pregnancy announcement. Thanks for your transparency on a topic that is far to often hushed. I walked through a similar journey and am expecting my first baby now. I will never forget the work the Lord did during my season of waiting.
I just came across the link to this post in your post about your third pregnancy. Congratulations!
I have been praying to meet my husband to many years, and God is keeping me waiting. I totally understand what you wrote about feeling angry… and then feeling embarrassed about being angry. I feel like I shouldn’t care about this as much as I do. I should be content. But I want SO badly to get married and have a family. Sometimes it seems like that desire just consumes me. I am going to listen to the songs you mentioned in this post and read the Oswald Chambers piece. I know that God has a plan, but sometimes it’s really hard to accept.
Thanks for your honesty. To see where you are now years after writing this post is very encouraging.
God bless you and your family and your precious new little one. Praying for a healthy pregnancy and delivery.
oh kate, thank you for sharing this 5 years ago. my husband and i are in the “dark months” right now and reading this made me cry. i could have written this almost word for word. it’s been a rough year for us and it’s so encouraging to read your story and see you preparing to welcome your third little one! thank you.
For several years my husband and i tried to get pregnant. he and i went to the doctors to get checked out. I have eaten right and excercized most of my life and just found it heart breaking when the doctor discovered that i had cysts on my uterus. I had the cysts removed but that did not start our wishes right away. a friend of mine told me about something she did. Once I tried her steps and with prayer my husband and I had success. I hope everyone has the opportunity to have their dreams come true of being parents, because it is a wonderful experience and a love like no other holding your bundle of joy!
Praying for you! I recently had a friend pray for almost 1000 days, and they are now pregnant with no doctor help. I have recently come across this video that has seem to be helpful, feel free to view or not : https://bit.ly/2IwyrIS
Hi, I’m. 39 years old, I was trying to get pregnant for over a year I bought fertilemd pills recently I started to take them as they said,, I took them for 2 weeks and I took a home pregnancy test today and It was positive I’m pregnant thank you so much
I know you shared this quite a long time ago, but a friend of mine just sent me this blog post. I love the way your worded everything, I felt the same way. We have been trying for two years, and I would say the first year of that I spent angry at God for not following the plan I had for my life, insane jealousy of anyone who got pregnant and a sense of hopelessness. It all changed when I decided to choose Joy, to enjoy this portion of life that God has given me and trust His plan. Is good, He know the desires of my heart and I trust Him!
It’s has been so helpful to read other people’s stories, that’s how I had the courage to share my own! Thank you for your story, I have followed you for a long time, I see your beautiful family and it gives me great hope for the future! God bless!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. This will really help the most who are trying to conceive. I think everyone should read this. And thank you once again for coming out and speaking about it.
I needed to read this today. Thank you ♥️
I’m reading this with tears in my eyes for a few reasons.. We had a similar struggle with pregnancies, but in reverse. Fairly easy with the first, and over a year of trying for our second. We are so blessed, but also knew, even before the birth, we needed to stop trying after the second. They are now 15 and 18!.
Also, the message here applies to so much more than pregnancy and more about peace in God’s plan and timing. Boy, did I need to hear this right at this very moment. I can relate to so much of the emotion here, and it is the perfect reminder at the perfect time. So thank you.
I’m so glad to hear this resonated with you but I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. You’re not alone!
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