A child’s birthday: Do you open gifts during or after the party?

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A fun announcement!

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We are throwing David a small birthday party this weekend with our friends and family and I don’t know what to do about gifts.

For background sake, I kindly included on the invite that we are already jam packed with toys and with Christmas around the corner the last thing we need are MORE TOYS! Of course, this suggestion will change as David gets older as we will make great efforts to keep his birthday and Christmas separate.

But for now, we don’t need more toys. I know some family members are buying David some things which I’m completely fine with, and my main point in writing “please feel no obligation to bring a gift as we already have plenty of toys” on the invite was to take the pressure off of anyone that is coming to the party that they may feel in buying him something. We invited them to spend time with them, not to get a gift! I did say that David loves books, so I’m sure a few friends may go that route!

Anyway, are you catching my drift? I sort of think special occasion gift giving gets old after awhile, and random thoughtful gifts throughout the year can be much more meaningful!

So, for the few gifts he will have to open this weekend, I’m curious to hear what you do. Do you open them during the party or do you wait until after the guests leave? I’ve been to children’s birthday parties where both has happened, and I think reasoning could be make for both directions.

I’m leaning towards saving gift opening for after the party since many people are simply coming to spend quality time with us and David, and I’d hate for them to regret their decision to not buy something (despite being told so). On the other hand, however, I know many gift-givers look forward to seeing the child’s reaction to a certain gift, and I wouldn’t want to rob that person of that moment.

So tell me in the comments, or tweet me. I’m very curious to see what the majority of you do.

 

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Christine says · 12.08.15

Probably too late for this year, but I have heard of friends asking for donations to children’s shelters/charities in lieu of gifts. So diapers, formula, toys, etc. and then they will make the donation after the party.

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RBM says · 12.08.15

We do after and have our kiddo “write” a thank you note (we print a cute generic thank you note and would have him color on it, now he is big enough to write his own name on it). That way no one feels awkward during open time and everyone knows their present was opened and appreciated.

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Robin says · 12.08.15

For family parties we open gifts. We feel like for the first few years opening family gifts at home gives our kids practice on being gracious and all the manners that go with opening gifts.

For friends or a when several little ones are around, we open them at home, usually in stages. There’s a couple of reasons for that 1) we found it to be confusing for kids to understand that someone is opening the gift they brought and they don’t get to take it back home. 2) The attention span of little ones isn’t really long enough to stay engaged and chaos ensues! LOL

Either way though, it will work out and the kiddos/family will have fun celebrating with Davis and your family! Enjoy every minute!!

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Julie says · 12.08.15

So true! I love your take on this!

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Brittany Teotonio says · 12.08.15

This comment was HUGELY helpful! My son’s first birthday party is January 9th and I was talking about this exact topic with my husband just this week. We don’t want to offend our guests, but don’t want to overwhelm a 1 year old who has no idea what’s going on.
Thank you for sharing.

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Christine Gifford says · 12.08.15

This is a great idea. I think opening them in an intimate setting such as family is nice – teaching them manners. For larger gatherings, it’s just too overwhelming.

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Michelle L says · 01.02.16

Agreed. We started doing this ‘accidentally’ my girl was 3 – her first real ‘friend’ party. We planned on opening presents after the cake, but ran out of time, and I’m so glad we left it until after. As well as the reasons mentioned, I’ll add the awkwardness if there are multiple of the same or very similar gifts, the awkwardness in kids who aren’t yet very good at graciousness – I’ve already got one of these, I don’t like princesses etc – the ability to keep track of who gave what present, and the prevention of jealousy/comparison/new toys being broken. I also give thankyou notes afterward so the person knows the gift was opened and appreciated.

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Abby says · 12.08.15

I’m curious to hear what people say too…I can see reasoning for both sides.
And I hear ya on the toy thing! It’s so nice for people to get our kids a gift but, my goodness where can one store it all?!
Already feel bad about my youngest’s 2nd bday in February b/c we’ll have to say “no to toys” as well, not only b/c it was just Christmas but b/c he has an older brother.
I wonder if anyone else has suggestions about non-toy gifts.

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Emily says · 12.08.15

Non-toy gifts that we have received: membership to the zoo and swim lessons. I think it’s nice to get something other than all toys, and these are both things that the grandparents enjoy giving. I would also love a membership to a children’s museum, but the closest one to us is 45 min away and just doesn’t make sense.

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Emily says · 12.08.15

I have a few more ideas for you lol
My son is about 6 months older than your child, but he’s getting an art easel for Christmas which I think is awesome because it will grow with him and will (hopefully) be used for many years. We are also getting him a few family board games- a matching game and candy land.

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Christa says · 12.08.15

The trend in our area is to bring a donation to one of our children’s hospitals, pet shelter or local food bank.

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Sarah Klein says · 02.24.20

My kids are a bit older and the overwhelming toy situation just gets worse when you’re inviting the entire class. And, when your child is invited to 2-3 parties each week its so time consuming and frustrating to buy the right toy for kids you hardly know well. Then, we got an online invitation for a kids party from http://www.thisisgifted.com which asked for a cash contribution from guests instead that would be split between buying one great gift the child really wants and the rest towards a charity they selected. As a guest, I really appreciated saving time by giving a gift when I RSVP’d. Since then I’ve only used GIFTED for my own kids parties and it seems 4 out of 5 invitations my kids receive are using GIFTED too.

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Megan says · 12.08.15

For my son’s 2nd birthday that we had this past Saturday (his birthday is today!) we ended up opening the gifts while people were there. I forgot to post on the invite that we don’t need gifts, so he got them. He really had a fun time opening them and i think the gift givers enjoyed seeing his reaction. He also did a great job giving each person a hug and a “ankyou” after he opened each gift. Good luck and enjoy the day!

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Kaitlin says · 12.08.15

We always open during. With that being said I only do it because I’m aware that it’s what is expected of my by most of the guests, especially my mother in law and grandmother. I’d actual rather wait but I think it would make my MIL and grandma very upset. I don’t feel strongly either way so I just do it to make them happy! I’ve been to both kinds of parties and as a gift giver, I have no preference. I think either is fine!! (Ive also attended a party without a gift when others brought gifts and it didnt bother me at all).

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Julie says · 12.08.15

I made a similar request for my girls this year with Christmas/birthday gifts. We have so much “stuff”. We just enjoy time with our family and friends…and of course whatever food the holiday may bring! Lol

If you specifically requested in the invite to just come, no gift needed…then I would definitely open gifts after the party and then send personal thank you notes to everyone who attended and either thank them specifically for the gift they brought or for those who came sans gift, thank them for coming to celebrate the occasion!! You never get to appreciate the gift any ways when you are tearing through them during the party because you gotta open them and get back to hosting and/or enjoying the company!

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Lesley from NE says · 12.09.15

I definitely agree with this comment! If you have stated “no gifts”, then I would do after. That way, those who honor your wishes don’t feel bad for doing so. =)

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Katie says · 12.08.15

I’m a fan of waiting until kids are big enough to really open their own gifts (maybe elementary age??) to do so at the party. Before then, I really love the focus just being on quality time and celebrating together with food and fellowship (ugh, that sounds so cheesy. But you catch my drift :D) Can’t wait to hear how David’s party turns out!

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EmilyW says · 12.09.15

I agree! I went to a first birthday party recently, and the birthday boy fell asleep – so we watched Mom & Dad open each present. It was so awkward! Until the kid can really open presents himself (or unless it’s a very small gathering) I vote no presents during the party.

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Christen says · 12.08.15

I had this same internal discussion for my baby shower just because i felt so awkward having everyone watch me open gifts. I asked my mom, and she said that people who bring gifts should get to see you open it and be thanked in person. So I agree for birthday parties too!

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Dana says · 12.08.15

For my 9 year old’s most recent birthday, we requested in lieu of gifts to being a non-perishable food item to give to our local food pantry. The kids loved seeing the giant pile of food they were able to donate!

We have always opened gifts during the party. I agree with the other comment regarding teaching our kids to be courteous and gracious.

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Megan says · 12.08.15

The only thing better than choosing a gift for someone is seeing them open it. I am always disappointed when parents wait until later. I also think that it is a good opportunity to teach kids to be gracious gift receivers and thank the giver in person.

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Lyndsey says · 12.08.15

I hadn’t thought of it this way. Though I HATE opening gifts in front of people and I like the idea of enjoying quality time with guests during the party, I do think I’d hate to leave a party and not know the recipient’s reaction to the gift. It’s fun to watch people, especially kids, open gifts you know they’ll love. However, if an invitation specifically said no gifts are needed, I would understand them waiting until after the party if I chose to bring one anyways.

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angela says · 06.23.16

It depends on the party. Is it mostly kids being invited and not the grown ups? If it just mostly kids, I don’t think they really need to watch them open presnts…unless they ask them to open it. Like the other poster, if it is family and close friends, I will open presents in front of them. If it is just kids from school, maybe not unless they are older.

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Jaclyn EC says · 12.08.15

I have heard stories from families that I nanny for that kids often make rude comments about gifts when opening them with guests. Innocent things like “I already have this!” I know David isn’t that old yet, but it’s a good thing to keep in mind for the future

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Erin says · 12.08.15

Mom of two, soon to be three boys here and I totally get the too many toys thing! Since you wrote on the invitation that gifts are not expected I would wait until after to avoid making it awkward for those that respected your wishes. While people would certainly get a smile seeing David open their gift, you can always include a photo of him using the gift in the thank you note. Something we’ve started to feel comfortable with asking of very close family is, purchasing something like swimming lessons they can see him at or t-ball at the local park district. Our oldest is 5 now and is starting to get that he gets to do some pretty cool things. Best of luck!

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Chrissy says · 12.08.15

Everyone’s reasons make sense but to be honest I think guests prefer for the child to open the presents so they can see the child react to it. I know I have been really disappointed and so has my daughter that she didn’t get to see her little friend open the gift. The kiddos at the party also love to see the presents as well.

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Brianna says · 12.09.15

I agree. Kids love to be generous and give their friends presents.

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Lesley says · 12.08.15

As a person with no kids yet but tons of friends with kids…if we’re included in the child’s party and take a gift I love to see them open the gifts. I know it can be hectic etc but it is fun seeing his/her reaction. I also see that opening gifts after the party might make it easier on the parents and other kids at the party. I think it just depends on who all is invited. As others have mentioned, thank you notes are really important. My mom taught us to write notes after our birthdays and Christmas. It’s just a nice thing to do to let someone know you appreciate them thinking of you. And I still have fun writing thank you’s today.

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Elizabeth says · 12.08.15

While I understand the reasoning of not opening gifts, I do prefer to open them at the party, even during those crazy elementary school years when kids are clamoring “mine first!” People take the love, time and money to buy a gift, and I believe in general they like to see it opened. And, as others have said, children need to learn how to be gracious, even if they don’t love a gift. Always follow with thank you notes:)

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Brittany says · 12.08.15

My daughter is 8 (almost 9), and for the last several years we have done a charity project instead of gifts. We, too, have SO many toys, and this has turned out to be such a fun thing that she looks forward to. Each year she gets to pick the charity/organization. One year people brought art supplies that we sent to World Vision. Last year we collected items for Birthday Wishes which hosts birthday parties for homeless children; all our guests brought an item to go in the box (cake mix, balloons, etc.). This year, she wanted to collect items for a women/children’s shelter in a nearby town. It has been so great to see my daughter’s heart for service and charity grow. Plus, it’s SO much better than more toys, and people still feel like they brought a gift.

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Amanda says · 12.08.15

Our daughter had her first birthday in July, and we waited until after the party to open gifts (I have a chance to sort through them and make notes about who gave what, and if there are any duplicates, the giver is saved a few moments of awkwardness – we actually got three of one item…). Then I wrote out thank you notes in my daughter’s “voice” for the specific gifts, so the giver would know they were appreciated (even if it ended up being returned b/c duplicates/different taste/etc.).

On a different note, my SIL requested that we bring donations for their local animal shelter, since her son had so many things already, and his best friend is their dog. It was super cute and worded really well.

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Amanda says · 12.08.15

We’re “during” people for lots of reasons (practice for all the kids on giving/receiving, showing appreciation to gift-givers, spontaneous opportunity for thanks, tradition, etc), but since you suggested presents should maybe be avoided, I’d do after in this case.

Homemade thank-you cards are always nice, and we always do that. However, especially with the smallest kids and when they open after the party, I’ve received a text with a picture of the kid opening our present and looking all excited about it, and honestly I’ve enjoyed those the most. Happy Birthday to your little guy 🙂

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Jessica says · 12.08.15

I had no idea how controversial this topic could be until we had my son’s 3rd birthday party. We opted not to open presents during his party with his friends of all the reason mentioned above- short attention spans, confusion, possible upset children/hurt feelings etc.
Most of the parents in attendance thought this was fantastic, however, a few were very upset. I think it boiled down to the fact they wanted to see the look on my son’s face when he opened the gift/the recognition.
We did send very sweet thank you notes and acknowledged the gift givers personally. But I was still surprised that a few were still upset.

And: Happy Birthday Sweet David! You are such a joy!

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Alison says · 12.08.15

If your invitation indicated no gifts, I would not have gifts opened during the party. That would make those who followed your direction feel uncomfortable.

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Jaime says · 12.08.15

Yes, this. Since you requested no gifts, I personally don’t think you should open gifts that you do receive at the party; that has the potential to make guests who followed the invitation feed bad.

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Laura says · 12.08.15

For a little kid’s party, I say open later. The kids won’t sit still long enough, they’ll want to play with the toys, and your son probably won’t get through all the gifts because he’ll lose interest. Starting around 7 is when we started opening the gifts in front of the friends.

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Gerley says · 12.08.15

I think during the party but make a game of it. If a lot of kids are around I think it’s good to involve everyone with something simple like throwing a dice and assigning all the numbers like 1) Everybody shouts HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2) You get to choose which present will be opened next
etc or you can make it like a raffle by giving numbers to all the gifts and then numbers are drawn from a hat. I think that way no one gets bored AND it takes away from people feeling like it’s obvious if they didn’t bring anything.

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Amanda says · 12.08.15

Save family gifts for after the party (because most likely they will stay past the party ending and will get to see the present opened anyway) and friends gifts can be opened during the party. When my son turned one in March we opened all.the.gifts.It took forever! And it isn’t enjoyable to sit and watch presents being opened for an hour.

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Melanie says · 12.08.15

If there are just a few gifts then you could try what we are doing for Christmas this year. At some point the gift giver & receiver get together to open the gift, without the larger group as an audience. That way people that don’t bring gifts don’t have to sit through the event they aren’t participating in, also if you have a child (like I was) who doesn’t react well to that much sustained attention from a group, then it’s in smaller doses.

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Anne says · 12.08.15

I vote for during the party–I think friends and family find joy in buying gifts for kiddos, and it may be more of a treat than we realize for people who don’t have littles at home since we are so used to kids on a daily basis. The look on David’s face will be a way he can thank gift givers until he can issue more formal thank yous.

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Anna says · 12.08.15

My son is just a few days younger than David, so I have always enjoyed following your posts about your kids! We had a big birthday party at our house for my son’s first birthday, and we did NOT open the gifts while the guests were there. We put them on the dining table, which is near the entrance, and didn’t really see them again because the party was primarily in the play room upstairs. I honestly forgot all about the presents during the party, but I had already decided that it would probably just create too much stress to try to open them with everyone there. This year we opted to do a “no gifts” party at his daycare, because like you mentioned, we don’t need any more toys!! We’ll have a small ‘family-only’ party at home, and will open his presents in front of everyone there.

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Sara L says · 12.08.15

While I completely agree with you on the idea of your suggestion not to bring a gift (my daughter has a December birthday, too) the majority of people will bring one because they don’t want to be the only ones who don’t, does that make sense? I love the idea of “in lieu of gifts, please consider donating XX to the local animal shelter” or something along those lines. That way, your guests feel they are bringing something specific you are requesting.
Happy birthday to David!

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Sydney says · 12.08.15

We’ve done the opening during the party but usually we’ve played ALOT beforehand and opening them is a nice time to wind down *a little*. Plus, majority of my people are ones that are gift givers and would probably be hurt if we didn’t open presents with them there.

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Morgan says · 12.08.15

My daughter just had her 3rd birthday November 20th. We did it at one of those jumpy house places so the kids could play. I asked those that were coming to bring a non perishable item for our Church’s food pantry since we are over run with toys plus we had gotten her an outdoor wooden playset which was quite a big gift. We still had a few presents from family but we also collected TONS of items to donate and the kids had a blast playing. And for the ones who did bring a gift we opened at the party.

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Gina says · 12.08.15

after. I like to spend time with people and also if my son was to ever have a not so great reaction to a gift I rather correct the behavior without that person present. I also love not having to waste 30 min teasing the other kids who have nothing to open. If someone wants to see our boys reaction then we take them aside and open it 😉 let us know what you choose.

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sallie says · 12.08.15

We have been to dozens of kiddo birthday parties. I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old. Seems like we have a birthday party every weekend. Anywho, of all the parties we have been to, presents have never been opened. I actually love this because it gives the kids more time to play and party.

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Cait says · 12.08.15

My friends with a toddler and 5-year old did something cute for this–after the party was over, they took little phone videos of the girls opening and playing with the gifts and texted/emailed them to the gift givers. We still got to see the girls opening the presents, without taking up valuable party time to do it.

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CHristine says · 12.08.15

I would say during that’s what we have always done, I think a lot of people especially grandparents want to see the joy on the kids face when they open the gift. If you chose not to I would definitely do up a cute little thank you card to send out, I was at a party over the summer and the gifts were not opened at the party, but nothing was ever said to me about it, not a thank you in person or a card ( and I see said person all the time). I thought that was rude. I’m sure you will decide tho what works best for your family at the party

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Aline says · 12.08.15

We open them after. I`ve always had a small table or box at the entrance (with a pen visible) so people can just leave the gifts. If they don`t bring a gift it`s fine and doesn`t put them on the spot. For kids birthdays I personally don`t like opening during parties because 1. if my kids already have that toy (or book, or whatever) and it`s opened at the party there is no chance kids will just look at the box, so there goes the chance to exchange it. 2. my boy loves opening his gifts after the party, having fun in the living room and going slowly through his new treasures. I feel it`s really rushed at the party.

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Amanda says · 12.08.15

Hi Kate, I’m not a mother but I can tell you from my own experience when I was a kid and birthday parties of other toddlers whom belong to my friends that it is a big deal to open the gifts during the party. In fact, any party where there is gifts being given from most of the attendee’s I would say you open the presents. This is because people want to see your kids reaction when he opens the gift. If he likes it and they want to be reassured they got the right gift (even if they didn’t). When he is a bit older other kids will want to see what he gets so they can play with it with him. I can’t think of one party I attended as a little kid or for little kids where the presents were not a big event in the party. Hope that helps. In the case where you only receive one or two gifts maybe from bestfriends or your best friends those gifts should be opened privately. Goodluck with the party!

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Carissa Gaughan says · 12.08.15

I have done both depending on the age of the child. When my kiddos were small i didnt open, it was too much for then to open, then get it taken away for another thing, repeat. If you are looking them to have their moment with him you could have them persobally open the gifta with him when they arrive or jist casually during the party. That way its a special moment between David and the gift giver. I have not personally done this with my kiddos but a friend of ours does it and its a great experience.

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Hildy says · 12.08.15

I’ve been at parties where they saved the gift opening until after, and it just felt awkward. I think the gift exchange is a great opportunity to practice manners, showing gratitude (we even practice ahead of time what to say if you don’t like the gift, in order to be grateful for the thought behind the gift), and seeing the joy it brings to someone when you give them something. For kids, those are important lessons that shouldn’t be missed.

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Lindsey Bouchard says · 12.08.15

Hi Kate,

My girls are 10, 7 ,& 4. I could write you a thesis on birthdays in general and how I have transformed this entire event in our lives, but I won’t. 😉 When I threw parties and gifts came my girls always opened them at the party. The receiver is excited to see, but I have experienced that the giver is more excited, especially children. The older they get they tend to be more involved in picking the gift out and want to see it opened. My girls recently attended my nephew’s second birthday party (a first for us as we are military and don’t live close by). I did not know that they did not open gifts at the party, and have never heard of that. My four year was not having it. She persisted until they opened hers, although all of the friends had left. I totally get her feelings on this. I suppose I would put it to you like this…. if you put your time, money, and heart into a purchase do you want to see the person/child enjoy receiving it? It also provides a solid lesson for all involved. The receiver learns to be gracious and the “rules” of receiving a gift, and the givers learn probably more….selflessness, generosity, happiness for others…the list goes on and on. As parents we are to teach and train them up. In this, practice most certainly makes progress. Being gracious and thankful as a child takes practice. They are certainly not bent that way. This is a life skill, they will not go their entire lives and never open gifts in front of someone. I guess, for me, it falls into this saying, “Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.”

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JessicaMF says · 12.08.15

AMEN.

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Jan says · 12.09.15

I agree with Lindsey. Thought, time, effort and money went into choosing and purchasing a gift for your child, and I don’t think it’s nice to deprive the giver of seeing your child open that special gift they chose.

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Sarai says · 12.08.15

If you save the gifts for later, maybe you could take a photo with him playing with/enjoying a gift, then include that photo in a thank you note.

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Kate S. says · 12.08.15

Normally, I see kids open their gifts at birthday parties. However, I have always thought avoiding that practice (for ALL types of gift-giving events) would be so much preferable. And in your special case, since you’ve told you guests gifts were unnecessary and there may be guests who did not bring gifts, it would be much more polite to thank any gift-bringers profusely, but save the unwrapping for after the party. But when you don’t open gifts at a party, be extra certain to send thank you notes after!

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Carrie says · 12.08.15

I am a strong supporter of opening gifts at party. I believe kids needs to open a gift, look at who gave them and say thank you. Otherwise they don’t connect gift with person who gave it. It’s just another present put in front of them. Pluse a present giver I have taught my children how good it feels to give. When people wait my children lose out on the experience if watching the reaction of the receiver and the good feelings that it gives them.

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Amy says · 12.08.15

We just did a similar thing for my daughter’s 1st birthday party and we did it for my son’s 3rd. I write, “your presence is present enough” because I know many of our friends don’t have gifts in the budget and these kids have TONS of toys and my daughter has more clothes than the rest of us combined. We do open gifts at the party because all the kiddos enjoy it but I serve dessert immediately before and then just tell people that we’ll open presents if they want to watch and then we blast through them. Those that want to keep socializing can, and those that enjoy watching do.

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Debi says · 12.08.15

If you’ve indicated that guests don’t need to bring a gift, I would not open at the party. I think those who obliged your “no gifts” request could be insulted.

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Jennifer Gauthier says · 12.08.15

We open after the party. This gives my son more time to play with his guests. It also allows him time to enjoy opening each toy in his own time. Opening presents can take hours, but it also eliminates telling a small child they can’t play with a new toy. Our guests seem to expect this as it is the norm in our circle of friends. My son makes thank you cards following the party (often paintings that are turned into cards.)

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Julie says · 12.08.15

We haven’t opened presents at my daughter’s birthday parties mostly because it takes too much time away from the fun (I’ve had both her birthday parties at the beach). We open them at home and record it. We record it mostly for memory, so we can never forget who gave her what. We write it down too. We also like to record her reaction even though it’s not much at 2. I suppose if any of your family/friends would like to see the reaction when your little ones open their gift, you could share the video. I actually get a little embarrassed when she barely reacts to a gift and the person gets a little disappointed. Right now I have the excuse that she is little but when she is older I won’t. LOL So privately for us is a better way to go.

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JessicaMF says · 12.08.15

I am definitely in the ‘open at the party’ camp. We spend a lot of time and effort to put together a thoughtful gift, with a handmade card (that can take my 4 yo all afternoon to make) and then to get no response other than a form letter weeks later? It feels disappointing.

Regardless, I will still encourage my daughter to go the extra mile with gifts because it feels good to her to create and to give thoughtful gifts.

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Brittany Tillma says · 12.08.15

We also do the no gift thin on our invites, with 3 girls in a 3 1/2 year age range we do not need a million toys at each of their birthday parties, however family and our extremely close friends always want to buy. So what we do it usually have a full meal usually either a brunch or lunch before the party that family members and closet friends are invited to. We open all gifts then. At the actual party we do not do a present opening time. If other people bring gifts to the party we either let them open them as the people arrive and give them, this makes it less of a spectacle and our kids are able to express their thanks immediately or if there is not time for some we open after and send a note. We just do a little bit of everything!

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Cristin says · 12.08.15

When I include “no gifts please” on the invitation, we never open the gifts at the party. This is so that those who didn’t or couldn’t bring a gift do not feel awkward.
However, when gifts are welcome, I allow my girls to open them at their party. I remember when my daughter was a toddler and we went to her first “friend” birthday where they didn’t allow the child to open her gifts there. I was bummed we didn’t get to see her excitement and reaction.

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Ashley says · 12.08.15

I have this conversation all the time with my mom! I feel like it’s very old school vs new school. Any party I go to, baby showers, wedding showers, kids bday parties I enjoy the socializing with everyone so much more than watching someone open gifts. I also know so many people who feel uncomfortable opening presents in front of others. I love giving gifts, it’s actually my love language, but I do not in any way need to see someone open the gift. Just knowing they are going to smile when they open it, is all I need. My mom is completely different! She hates open house parties because she doesn’t see all the gifts being opened. She always says “I spent so much time and thought picking out the perfect gift, the least they can do is open it in front of me.” I feel like most women from her generation seem to feel the same way. So because of that we end up opening presents at my daughters parties, because I would never want a guest to feel bad. (But I do offer lots of help and we open very, very quickly!)

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Stephanie says · 12.08.15

If the guests are primarily adults, I would let him open at the party. If there are a lot of small kids, I would open after. I know that when my kids were small, it was a struggle for them to understand why they couldn’t open & play with the birthday child’s gifts. It would have been more fun for them to play with the birthday child than watch them open gifts. Enjoy his day!

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Lydia says · 12.08.15

Until recently, I assumed opening gifts was the proper way. However, my son was recently invited to a friend’s birthday party, and they did not open gifts during the party. I actually really liked it! I’ve decided I too will wait until after the party.

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Nicole says · 12.08.15

Hey Kate,
As a mom of 3 kids that have birthdays around the holidays, I feel your pain on the no toy issue. I am lucky to have 2 birthdays in January and my kids do a joint party. I get invites made for each specific child that way my guests are not bringing 2 gifts. We open up gifts when we get back home. I typically take a picture of my child opening the gift and send it to the gift giver with a thank you text. I find that this way my kids can play with their things as they open them. For the parties where we did everything with the guests, all the children seamed to jointly open gifts and I could not tell our friends and family how they like to toy/clothes. I am all for no fuss or chaos. Small parties with limited things coming through our house, especially when Santa just passed. Hope this helps.

Nicole

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Tricia says · 12.08.15

We too have a little one who will turn two around the holidays, just 5 days after Christmas! We are having a small gathering (about 10-12 people) and didn’t even send invitations. We sent out an e-mail inviting them for pizza and cake. My husband and I have decided that we are going to save opening gifts until after the party, for the first couple years at least.

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Monique says · 12.08.15

We have always opened gifts after the guests have gone home. We then take lots of photos to capture our children’s beautiful reactions to opening their presents and then photos of them playing/using the new gift. We then print these photos and send 1 or 2 pics with a thank you note so the friend or relative will get to see the enjoyment on our children’s faces even though they weren’t there.

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Caroline says · 12.08.15

We opened the majority after the party for our daughter’s first birthday. A few people wanted to have her open the present when they were there (mostly close family) so we did a few at the party itself. I went to a birthday where the 1 year old opened all the presents during the party and it ended up a complete mess! Presents and gift wrap everywhere and neither of the parents knew who had given what so it was hard to thank people as they didn’t know where the gifts came from. We took photos of our daughter opening each present and sent it with a thank you note to the people who gave them.

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BeeBelle says · 12.08.15

I would try not to open them “during.” Toddlers tend to lose interest and that gets disheartening. They open something and want to spend time with it, not open the next one! What I liked to do with my kids when they were little is open after and take pictures of the birthday child with the item. You can even print them on thank you cards or print them and enclose in a thank you card – there are card frames that work great, too! Have a fun time and don’t worry too much about whether there’s a “right” or “wrong” choice.

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J-bomb says · 12.08.15

My son’s birthday is Dec 31, so we have similar issues. We are in Canada, so you’d have to adapt it, but I love our solution. What we do instead of gifts is ask the guests to bring 2 two dollar coins. After the party, we take him shopping to pick a gift with one half of the money, and then we purchase the identical gift with the remaining money and have him donate it to charity. Then we send a card (or message)to everyone telling what we got, with a big thank you.

Our friends have started adopting the same idea for their kids, and we all love it!

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Kathy says · 12.08.15

We’ve seen it all!
First, if you don’t want to deal with the gift thing, then just have people over! You can not tell them how to spend their money. It all comes with the kid territory. If it bothers you that bad, quietly regift to a charity of choice.
We started college funds for a Niece who has tons of toys….leaving that as an option for family to donate their toy money.

Gifts should be opened in front of everyone, even more so if children are there. Never understood the whole waiting till we were gone thing.
Good luck! It is your house, your children. Heck what anyone says!

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Liz says · 12.08.15

We have gift opening at my children’s parties but it’s not a focal point activity. They are still of the age where parties are mostly family and I know grandparents appreciate seeing the kids reactions, even if it isn’t much of one. After food, cake and visiting we bring out the gifts towards the end and guests can watch if they choose. Older cousins typically are playing other things and the adults mingle between the presents and other shenanigans. Luckily my family is good about asking and only getting what my kids need/like. I usually donate a couple of toys that don’t get played with or are outgrown before birthdays to make room for gifts. We also have inherited a lot of toys since my kids are the youngest and birthday’s and christmas are usually the one time they get brand new stuff. They can’t tell the difference, but the new toys will last longer over other toys that have already been through 5 kids.

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Giselle says · 12.08.15

My $0.02: I am saying this with no level of expertise (no kids, never been to a kids birthday party), but I wanted to share a thought. From what you have said in your post, my thinking is that your purpose in this party is to spend time with people. I don’t think opening gifts would allow you to do so as well as just spending time and opening them after. Therefore, I would recommend waiting until afterwards.

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Kristen says · 12.08.15

I debated about this very topic for my daughter’s 1st birthday! We ended up opening gifts at the party and it went great. I totally get the logic behind both ideas, but I’ve attended one toddler birthday party where gifts were not opened and it felt super awkward, as if the host was just collecting gifts without really showing appreciation. After that experience, I would definitely lean towards opening gifts at the party to let kiddos practice showing appreciation and gratitude.

I definitely also love the idea of asking for donations for foster children, homeless shelters, etc… in lieu of gifts if your house was already overflowing with toys. 🙂

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Tiffany says · 12.09.15

My son also has a December birthday and it’s a great learning opportunity to have him adopt an angel from a tree and add the items needed to your invite and then he can unwrap the gift for the Angel so they still get the fun and excitement of presents but they learn to get excited for giving to the less fortunate. We’ve also done this for dogs and it works equally well. Then they get to go deliver the toys to the donation site and they get a ton of praise from that staff.

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frizzy says · 12.09.15

My grandpa’s bday was Dec 13, and his family changed it so that his half birthday was what was celebrated due to the proximity of xmas. My birthday is at the end of november, and often falls on txgiving, and I really wanted to do that when I was a kid as well – but my parents wouldn’t go for it.

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Erin G says · 12.09.15

We open gifts during the party for the benefit of the gift giver. Kids reactions are really wonderful! However, I advocate spreading gifts over the whole time. When my Daughter turned two she opened her gifts all at one time and just threw them aside to get to the next one. The next time we spread them out and she had an opportunity to enjoy each gift. And if everyone sees the gifts they know what not to get him for Christmas 😉

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erin @ thh says · 12.09.15

If you’ve specifically asked for no presents, I think it’s wiser to save opening any gifts that do come for after the party.

If you’ve not made any requests about gifts, then open them during the party.

That’s our M.O around here, anyway. I personally hate it when people ask for no gifts and then there is a special time during the party for gift opening. We’re on a tight budget and I take the “no gift” thing very seriously. 😉 And it’s embarrassing to just stand there while gifts are opened anyways and you’ve brought nothing. >< The last thing I'd want to do is induce anxiety in my guests.

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Christy says · 12.09.15

Yep, agree 100%.

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Claire says · 12.09.15

I have 3 little kids and definitely understand how you feel about not wanting more toys. However, whenever we go to a birthday party and the invitation says not to bring gifts, I always bring something anyway. It feels too strange to go to a party empty handed! We try to keep gifts along practical lines though, like art supplies or bubbles and chalk or play dough. Something that will be used up and not create more clutter in someone’s house.

About opening gifts, we do it the traditional way, during the party. I’m sure everyone will have a great time at your son’s party though, even if you skip it.

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evelyn k says · 12.09.15

At my older son’s first birthday, we requested no presents as we had a huge party, but some people still brought some (mostly the little girls at church, who loved him, which was so very sweet). In that situation, we opened the gifts as they came in, so that the gift-giver could see the present opened but it wasn’t something that everyone had to watch. Since then we have learned that people, especially children, often feel uncomfortable going to a birthday party without bringing a present, so we have given up on requesting no presents, but I really like the idea mentioned above of asking for donations to a non-profit!

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Kate says · 12.09.15

Hi Kate
My little lady just turned two last month and we decided to wait till after the party. I actually found she got a little overwhelmed by all the gifts so we staged opening over a few days. It also doesn’t cause embarassment if two people bought the same gift or if some preferred not to give. I also found opening them privately allowed me more control for writing down who gave what for thank you notes, which can be hard to do when your the hostess. Plus parties are for play. But I am a Brit and we are so terrible formal ?. Happy Birthday young man.
Kx

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Naomi says · 12.09.15

I can’t comment on kids opening presents as I don’t have any yet 🙂 Some of my friends wait to open presents and some, including, me always dives straight into the presents! I like to see the person’s reaction…. I know that at Christmas we try, even as adults, to do a round of presents from the same person so they can enjoy the reactions rather than a melee of unwrapping!
In terms of having a birthday in the holiday season I feel ya! Christmas Eve for me! As a child my parents threw a big party on June 24th as my half and then we had a very small celebration on Christmas Eve. I liked it that way! Even today I’ll hold my birthday party with my friends at a random time – I feel like it’s just a good excuse to spend time with them all 🙂
And always, always thank you notes that should be sent within a week, 2 at the very most. I usually send a short text to say thanks the day after and I know my friends know I then post them a proper letter within the week.

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Joy Krupka says · 12.09.15

This comment is a little off subject…and I’m not sure if this has been said, as I didn’t read through all the comments, but my sister is almost 30 and her birthday is December 14. All growing up she celebrated her birthday on her “half” birthday in June. We celebrated as a family on her actual birthday, but when she had parties with friends…they were always in June. She loved being able to have pool parties and such, even with a December birthday. I know you didn’t ask…but just thought I would give you an idea for David’s birthday parties as he grows up.

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Dona says · 12.09.15

We recently adopted 2 cats from the SPCA so we asked for donations instead of gifts for my sons 7th birthday. He still got a present from us, his grandparents and cousins so that was more than enough. He was so tickled and proud of himself when we took the money and food to the shelter.

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Angela says · 12.09.15

What perfect timing. My son’s 2nd birthday party is this Saturday as well. We are expecting mainly family and a few of my friends. Honestly, if the party is only a few hours I would hate to waste it opening gifts. We are not opening gifts during his party. We will open gifts with his Grandparents and Aunts after everyone leaves. I hope this takes the stress out of the gift giving experience and also limits the mess in my home. You know how all the kids want to open and play with every gift immediately, not happening over here. : )

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Kayla says · 12.09.15

I’m in the after the party camp. My little man is usually too excited running around visiting to be bothered to sit still and give each gift the appropriate amount of points ooo’s and aaah’s. We have opened in the past and then people were upset when he pushed their adorable outfit to the side in favor of a truck. So sorry he is THREE and more into trucks than his fashion. So we open afterwards and send detailed thank you’s. That’s another bonus- time to really keep track of who gave what. I’d love to say no toys too but also have family that feels THAT is insulting. I can’t win here haha. It amazes me
How strongly opinionated people feel about children’s birthdays.

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Amy says · 12.09.15

We grew up opening our presents at our parties so we could thank people in person and they could see our excitement. BUT, I feel pretty strongly that if you told people “no gifts” that you should wait until after to open any gifts, since as you said, people who followed your instruction and didn’t bring one will feel guilty and awkward!!

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Christy says · 12.09.15

It sends a confusing message if you say, “no gifts please”, but then spend time at the party opening gifts. I would feel like the worst mom ever if I didn’t bring something because I was trying to follow your request and then watched as the birthday boy opened presents from other people! Hope that helps!

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Melody says · 12.09.15

Yes, exactly!

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Ramona says · 12.09.15

My son is two years old. At his first birthday, we did the “open all the gifts at one time” thing. It felt so awkward and Harrison had no idea of what was going on. So, for his second birthday, as guests were arriving, we had Harrison spend a few moments with each guest, open the present with the giver and say thank you. This left the rest of the time to party and mingle. Everyone seemed to love getting that special one on one time with the birthday boy, and getting to give the present directly to him.

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Windi says · 12.09.15

I love seeing kids’ reactions when opening gifts! However, I agree that if the invitation to a party indicates “no gifts, please” or similar language, it does not make sense to make opening gifts an ‘event’ during the party. If I took a gift, I would not expect to see it opened and would not be disappointed. Again, that is only if the host specified that gifts were not wanted.

An idea to share David’s reaction is to take video of him opening the gifts and then share the video with the gift-givers. 🙂

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Melody says · 12.09.15

We had this same dilemma in September when our only son turned one. My husband and I are pastors of a small church and we sent out invitations to about 130 people (we had 70 people come) and on the bottom of the invitation, we had “your presence is the only present Judah needs :)” We already have too many toys and clothes as is because he’s the first grandkid on my side. I debated up until the last minute what to do (whether to open gifts there or later) because I knew people were bringing some. The party was only about two hours and we decided to wait until we got home to open gifts. I decided that I wanted to honor the people who honored our request of not bringing gifts (of course, we loved all the gifts we received). It was the right thing to do for us. A lady who brought a few gifts asked if we were going to open them there at the party and I told her no but I would open hers if she wanted. She declined. She didn’t care at all. I did make it a point to text her when we opened it and gushed over it. I also sent thank you cards to everyone that attended as well as brought gifts.

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Melody says · 12.09.15

Hi Kate,

Mom of 3 here. For family birthday parties we will open the gifts; however when we do parties with groups of friends we will wait and either open it as the person is leaving or wait until we get home.
For friends who have said “no gifts” we instead take the money we would spend on the gift and donate it to a charity in their honor, and then just write the note or print the email, etc in a card to give the birthday person.

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Alli says · 12.09.15

I too, am in the camp of opening so the guests can see them open it. Yes, he is still so young that he may not be THAT excited about a new pair of pajamas, but it never fails that when we have chosen NOT to open gifts- people ask us to open it and linger after the party so they can see their gift being opened. Although I do not think it is WRONG to wait, we choose to open with guests.

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Salley says · 12.09.15

My son turned one this past August & a good sized family party with extended family. We asked for donations to the local animal shelter in lieu of gifts; however, several of our relatives brought a small gift anyway. There were about 5 other children their ranging from 4-6. They desperately wanted the presents to be opened so we went ahead and opened the gifts after cake. It was CHAOS! Each one of them decided to open a gift at once & I could hardly keep track of who gave what. It made writing thank-you notes difficult. I think I’ll avoid that from now on.

Before reading through the comments, I had no idea how controversial opening presents before or after a party would be. I think that some of it may come down to how people express love. Gift-giving and receiving can be a huge factor in how much a person feels love & I think that may be a big factor in how a person views opening gifts in front of the giver. While I always appreciate a thoughtful gift, I don’t like for that to be a focus. I also have never cared about seeing how a person reacts to any gifts I’ve given. It just comes down to whatever you want to do. There really isn’t a right or wrong way to do it in my opinion.

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Debi says · 12.09.15

I can see from the replies that not opening gifts at a party seems to be the new normal.

I find it incredibly rude. If I have taken the time to shop for the gift, wrap it, write a card – then that gift is put into a pile to be opened later? Seems so rude to me. I feel like I was invited just to drop off a gift.

I’m now a grandmother, and I can’t imagine having a party for one of my children a few years back and ignoring the generosity of the gift givers until it was “convenient” for me, or when I could get things “under control”.

I can assure you if I give a gift – and it’s shoved into the corner for later – thank you note or not, I won’t be repeating that mistake.

When did it become about the person (or in the case of a child – the parents) receiving the gift instead of the generosity of the gift giver and good manners?

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Angela says · 12.09.15

When did it become the norm for birthdays to be about receiving gifts?

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Sue says · 12.09.15

I went to a party for a little girl recently, and while they did open gifts at the party, it was not like a “OK, everyone, Layla’s going to open gifts now!” thing. Those that wanted to watch did so, but there was other stuff going on, too, so it wasn’t a spotlight sort of situation. I don’t even know how they managed to finesse it that way, or if it was even intentional, but it was kind of nice. It was a backyard party, and she opened the gifts on the screened porch, so it was kind of removed, but not.

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Michaela says · 12.09.15

I like to have my kids open it with the child who gave the gift. What I’ve noticed from my own kids, when they are the gift giver, they want to see their friend open the gift. When your love language is Gift Giving you take away their joy of picking out and giving a present. It’s easier to open one on one instead of all at once because of the time it takes and the attention spans of little ones.

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Kate says · 12.09.15

We always ask people not to bring gifts, but of course some people always do. We open after the party so that people who didn’t bring gifts don’t feel bad. And because we don’t want gifts to be the focus of the party for our kids, but want them to enjoy their friends and family.

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Sarah says · 12.09.15

Does everyone remember being a child? We all loved the presents! There were simple years and more elaborate years– but the gifts were so much fun! My mom and dad never sat me down and asked if I’d rather not have surprises, or sabotaged me by telling my friends and family I had no need for gifts. That would have felt like a downer to me! How often (weekly for most of us) do we buy ourselves a prize just because…the children like new items too. Our children get a thrill when a day and a cake and meal and the memories being shared are about them:)

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Hollie says · 12.09.15

I’m expecting our first child so haven’t been on your side yet but can give my take from the Giver side. My best friend’s daughter turned one and I was so excited to give her a little giraffe on wheels that she can ride. I was so bummed that they didn’t open gifts at the party because I was really looking forward to seeing her reaction or at least my friend’s. A few days later, I received a text with a pic of her daughter riding the toy which did melt my heart. This was also my first one year old party to attend so I was looking forward to seeing what cute toys and clothes she received but didn’t get to. Who knows, maybe I’m in the minority! Lol!

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Elizabeth says · 12.09.15

We held my son’s second birthday at an indoor bounce house type of facility. There was a seperate “party” room with glass windows that looked into the bounce houses. We had some family that really wanted to see him open their gifts, so we kept it casual. We let the kids be free to play while those who wanted to watched him open gifts could. I was worried about this exact thing too, but it worked out well for us :).

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Courtney Mills says · 12.09.15

When my kiddos were little I would open them after all our guests were gone. Most of the time I found that they would lose interest super fast. And actually, for their one year and two year birthday parties I would open them when they were sleeping. This way I got to prescreen what the gifts were and decide whether or not I wanted to even keep them.

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Rachel says · 12.10.15

I am really loving your site! I was just introduced to it last week.

We have four littles, aged 7-1. I noticed at an early birthday party for my son that my darling’s grandparents may have been feeling a little embarrassed by the amount/quality gifted by a family friend. They were short on work that year. The friend herself ended up feeling a bit bad, wondering in the future if she should “sneak” gifts.

Enter: the open house party. The little cowboy or princess opens gifts from guests as they arrive, giving everyone time to enjoy each other and the gift reception, without a serious audience. You are there as well, welcoming guests, and prompting responses from your sweetheart, less obtrusively.

This has been a perfect solution for us!

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Rachele says · 12.10.15

This was exactly the comment I was going to post! I suggested this to a friend that wanted to spend her time with her friends and family at her shower instead of sitting front and center opening gifts. She had also requested no or minimal wrapping, since she is quite environmentally conscious. She greeted each person as they came in and was able to express her surprise and excitement over each individual gift. since the only gift a guest really gets excited aout being opened is the one they gave, it gave some one on one time for my friend to do exactly that. The gifts were then tagged and displayed, and my friend spent her shower with everyone instead of in front of everyone. As a bonus, she said that it also downplayed duplicate gifts she received, and she could hug everyone instead of waving at them from a stage.

I think for a little guy, if he maybe opened gifts one by one throughout the party, or as the gift givers arrived or left, it would help him be freshly excited for each one instead if getting overwhelmed by a pile.

I totally hear you on too many toys as well. I don’t have children, but I am getting my friends that have kids “do” gifts for the family this year so that they can spend time together and support some of our local museums, etc.

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Savana says · 12.10.15

We just celebrated my son’s first birthday last weekend and I struggled with this exact same situation! I didn’t want people to think I was being rude by not opening their gifts at the party, but I also didn’t want people to be bored out of their
minds watching a 1 year old open gifts! Lol we ended up opening the gifts during the party and it was fine! People just chatted while I practically opened the presents for my son. If I could do it over again though, I probably would of just opened them after the party!

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Kali says · 12.11.15

I am the ONLY one of my friends that does gift opening during a party. This is simply because I want the givers to feel acknowledged by my child for buying them a gift as well as my child really grasping this person got you this. I believe having this interaction (and usually a hug) gives more a sense of gratitude. This is obviously for a little bit older kids (I started at 3).
With that being said, since you did mention the no gifts on the invite, doing them after is acceptable IF great thank yous are done soon after. I like taking pictures or videos of my child with the gift, not just general thank you cards. 😀

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kathleen says · 12.11.15

I have mine open during the party- its what the birthday kid will be WAITING for all day, the kids in attendance love watching and helping and making the bday boy feel special, its a nice time for adults to just look on and chat amongst themselves with no pressure, but most importantly, people spend money on these gifts- they deserve to watch their little loved one open the gift and get to see the smile and delight on their face. and then the kiddo can get up and say thank you and give hugs after to everyone and learn how to be polite and social and say thank you properly. i personally think its rude when i go to a party and they say they are opening the gifts later. the kid never even knows what we got them, and we never hear another word back if they liked it or a thank you. i think kids need to know how to be social and get up and say thank you to someones face instead of oh just write a little something in a card later and the kid never really knows who gave them what and its just a formality. Just my two cents 🙂

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Casey says · 12.11.15

I think it really depends on how much time you have after the party to write thank you notes. If you open the gifts at the party and can personally thank each guest, then I think that negates the need to send a thank you note after. We chose to open gifts at my sons 1st birthday party because I’m TERRIBLE about writing and sending thank you notes. They’ll sit on my desk half filled out, some with stamps, for weeks before I ultimately end up trashing them. I’ll be interested to see what worked for yall! Happy birthday david!

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sarah says · 12.11.15

I have 3 Littles and we open gifts during their party. I do this so our boys can show their appreciation, in person, for being given a gift. Thank you cards are wonderful (we also send thank you cards after the party) but saying thank you in person is just a bit more meaningful to me.

When we open gifts, anyone who wants to watch is welcome to, it usually ends up just being the kids and a few adults huddled around the gifts though! Most people get something to eat or sneak off to have a conversation while the kids are busy. I try to do cake before gifts so that our guests have something to enjoy while gifts are being opened (sort of like popcorn for a movie kind of thing!). In the past when we have done gifts before cake, most people leave after their gift is open without getting any cake, or I completely forget about the cake in general because I’m too busy saying goodbye!

If you say no gifts on your invite, I’d wait until after the party to open them if someone does bring a gift… Just so the ones who don’t bring anything don’t feel embarrassed when someone else does (like grandparents, I’m pretty sure they’d bring their grand babies a present even if you begged them not to!) Or maybe if someone brings a gift, let them know you wont be opening them until after the party and offer them the opportunity to stay after if they wanted to see their gift opened. But other than a situation where you specifically say not to worry about gifts, I think it’s kind of rude to NOT open someone’s gift while they’re there.

I went to a birthday party recently where gifts were not opened. We never received a thank you or a thank you card and I can assure you we would not attend another party of theirs again. I ended up feeling like the money I spent on someone else’s child was not appreciated, and have no idea if they even liked their gift. It has nothing to do with wanting to be recognized or feeling great for spending a lot of money on a child. I spent $15 dollars total for a toy, gift bag and card… I wouldn’t put that in the category of being expensive, but I could have spent that 15 dollars somewhere where it would have been appreciated. Instead I feel as if I wasted money on someone who wasn’t grateful for their gift.

I’ve also sent a gift to a party we couldn’t attend, so we never got to see them open it, but we did receive a nice thank you card in return and I was okay with that. I’m not sure if it was okay because we were never there to begin with or because we received a thank you card.

I love the suggestion/idea a few comments above about opening gifts as guests arrive. Kids are so excited for presents and i think that could help calm the excitement down a bit if it’s too overwhelming for your or your child to open everything at one time. I could see this being especially helpful if there are a lot of guests/presents.

But for me, I just don’t think we could ever wait to open gifts because I expect my Littles to say thank you in person. I expect them to be appreciative and grateful that someone spent their time and money on them, no matter how small or big! Maybe it’s because I have boys and am doing my best to make sure they grow up to be gentlemen, so I have high expectations as far as their manners go, or maybe it’s because as nice as thank you notes are it’s a lot less personal when you give a 2 year old something and their mom ends up being the one to say thank you for them in the form of a card a week later.

Regardless of what you decide, I hope your family has a wonderful time celebrating!! ♡

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Amy says · 12.11.15

We always let our children open their gifts at the party. It’s fun for the gift giver and good opportunity for the gift receiver to learn etiquette as they get older (looking the person in the eye and expressing thanks). That said, since you put something on the invitation that you’ve got plenty of toys and no gifts are necessary, I’d open them later and maybe take a picture of David opening the present. I’ve received invitations that said, “no gifts, please” only to show up without a gift and feel so silly because everyone else brought gifts. So embarrassing!

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Heather says · 12.14.15

We have always opened presents during the party, but I do small treat bags for the other kids and give those out while the birthday child is opening. That way, it’s a little less chaotic and everyone gets a “gift” to open. I love the ideas shared here for swimming lessons, etc. as gifts. For our girls, we borrowed the idea from a friend to purchase 4 real pearls for every birthday. Then, by their 16th birthday, they should have a full strand. The jeweler would string them up every year, though, so they could wear the ones they had so far.

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Tara says · 12.31.15

I’ve added a “please no gifts” tag to our girls birthday invitations for years now and as a result do not open any presents during the party.

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Responder says · 04.26.16

As a gift giver, I find it to be rude when they don’t open the gifts in front of you. I completely understand that the little ones get antsy but when it’s a baby sleeping while the parents open the fits, it shouldn’t be a big deal. The reason behind this is…some buyers such as myself, put a lot of thought in the gifts I buy so I’d like to see their true reaction when they open the gift(s); after all, I want to get something they will really like/enjoy vs. them maybe not liking it but sending you a generic thank you card for the “gift(s) and how much they loved it, etc, etc.

Also, whatever you do, send thank you cards if you do decide to open them after the party. Nothing worse than spending time AND money on gifts that you never hear back on.

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angela says · 06.23.16

Not really…every time my kids open their present, they get distracted by that present and want to play with it instead of enjoying the party or open other presents..and I have to hunt to scissors and batteries….and asking my kid to “share” because every kids want to play with it . it is just too much of a hassle. I just want kids to have fun, but I do make sure make they get some kind of thank you note later.

I had a party to a party center with fun activities to do and I was on time limit…I did not think it was fair to force all the kids to sit down and watch my child to open presents and before they know it, it is all over. But they did sit down to sing happy birthday.

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Jennifer says · 06.26.16

I have a 5 year old daughter & I never gave this issue much thought until today. I brought her to a birthday party for a 6 year old girl who attended the same preschool for 2 years. The girls had a few play dates together as well. They had minor squabbles in the past but nothing horrible. The birthday girl opened her gifts at the end of the party at a local pool. My daughter was so excited to watch her friend open the gift she brought. Her parents were busy cleaning up and did not witness what happened but myself & another parent did. When the girl opened my daughter’s gift she said “I can’t believe you got me this. I hate it. ” Then she dropped it on the floor with a look of disgust. This occurred in front of several other children. My child left the party quietly sobbing. I told the parents as nicely as I could what happened. The mother seemed mortified and confused. She said my child’s gift was the type of toy her kid likes to play with, and another parent confirmed. They made the girl apologize to my daughter but I’m afraid the damage has been done. This is not a child I will trust to be around my daughter again. So I think it’s important that the age & maturity of the child be considered when the parents decide whether to have them open gifts at the party. If your child needs practice learning how to accept gifts graciously then please have them practice at home first with family members instead of their preschool peers. And please be attentive if you do decide to have your child open gifts at the party. I don’t think that little girl would have treated my daughter so rudely if her mother was watching her.

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K Erickson says · 06.06.18

Whenever my son goes to a birthday party, he always feels so excited to see his friend open the gift he got and feels really disappointed if they don’t open them until he’s gone.

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