The word “shocked” doesn’t even come close to how I was feeling when I saw two little lines on the pregnancy test.
(*I use the word infertility here only because that is what the appointment was called. Even before finding out that I’m pregnant, I would not classify Justin and I as “infertile”. It just took 14 months to conceive.)
I heard a lot of negative things about Clomid, but I also heard that it worked for a lot of people. Based on an awful experience with a hormonal birth control, I was very nervous about taking something that would alter my hormones again. I had two horrible migraines the month I was trying birth control, many years ago, and I wasn’t sure if that would happen again on Clomid.
I returned home, ran upstairs to grab the card, and as I walked down the stairs my heart started pounding.
I paused for a distinct moment to thank the Lord for this moment.
I handed him the card, and sat there almost in tears. He opens it slowly, suspecting nothing, and starts to read it.
The front of it said, “For your birthday I’d like to give you the world. . .”
And the inside read, “But my heart will have to do.” I crossed out “my heart” and wrote “our baby” beneath it and followed that with “I’m pregnant! Oh my gosh! I love you! Happy Birthday!”
He looks up at me quickly with his face full of shock and emotion.
I said, “I’m pregnant!”
We hugged, I cried, and he got up from the couch to go sit on the stairs (because that makes sense. . . right?).
He looks up at me and says, “We have so much to do!”
“We’ve got 9 months. We have plenty of time!”
The rest of the evening we just smiled, looked at each other, and sat in silence as both of our minds raced. We’d chat a little bit about how crazy it is to find out this news. How we are the only two people in the world who know. Such a strange, but special, feeling.
The next day we told both sets of parents and our families. Everyone was thrilled for us, and it was such a gift to hear their reactions.
And now, already into the second trimester, I can still remember that night like it was yesterday. I feel immeasurably blessed by God that we were able to conceive naturally. Through the year of trying, I heard from more women than I could imagine who were unable to conceive without outside help, and knowing that has truly magnified what a gift this really is.
*I’m aware that many people have differing opinions on using outside help to conceive. This can be a tough subject to talk about, so all I’d ask of you is to be sensitive and considerate in the comments.
Edit Update: Just to clear up any possible confusion, we did not stop trying in March. I was traveling a lot, so we just were not able to try as often as we did other months. I don’t believe in the “just relax and you’ll get pregnant right away” theory. I believe in God’s timing.