the one that is hard to write

Usually the end of the calendar year doesn’t mean that much to me. It’s more of a revolving door than the closing of one chapter and beginning of a new one.

But 2012 ending felt different than other years past. It’s been one of the hardest, darkest years as well as one of the most beautiful and exciting years. My emotions have been to all kinds of extremes, and while I continue to ride this roller coaster of feelings, I’ve arrived at stable and peaceful place. 

Don’t be confused, this place of peace isn’t equal to a place of perfection, completely joy and happiness. It’s simply peace. Peace in the circumstances. Peace in my heart. Peace in knowing, really knowing, that God, and God alone, knows what the rest of my life looks like. 

Justin and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year. And it hasn’t happened. 

And I never thought I would be the girl struggling to get pregnant. I just assumed it would happen right away–because why would you assume otherwise unless you knew something was working against you?

It started in February, when we first began trying. The negative test didn’t wreck me in those first few months. I thought, and read–extensively, that sometimes it takes a few months. So, we continued. We moved, he graduated, we had things going on. Once things settled down, surely it will happen.

June.
July.
August.

The dark months. The months of the realization that this may not go how I planned it. The months of weeping, the days of anger and jealousy. These were ugly days. I didn’t prepare for these. I anticipated sadness and disappointment. Even worry. But I didn’t anticipate anger to show up.

I had never felt both scared and furious at the same time. I was angry. And then I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself for being angry. 

Why on earth am I mad about this? 

There was a day this summer, a day that the hope died once again as my ‘time of the month’ arrived, that I broke down. I couldn’t handle it anymore. My husband, who has been amazingly calm, supportive, and perfect example of what it means to trust the Lord, didn’t know what to do for me. He would listen as I vent about my frustrations, and remind me, lovingly, to trust God, but he didn’t know what do to about my anger in the situation. 

Ultimately, I needed to deal with my anger with God. Not anger at God, but anger at the fact that I wasn’t pregnant yet and I didn’t like that.

So I went on a walk, tears streaming down my face. I walked through our neighborhood to a new subdivision so no one would know me. I listened to Kris Allen’s “Let It Be” on repeat for about 45 minutes. I was going to repeat that song until I was able to let.it.be. I switched to Selah ,”It is well with my soul” before I walked back in my house. I remember standing on a bridge about 60 feet from our front door, waiting until I knew that this–this anger and lack of satisfaction with God’s plan–was over. It was one of the most emotional & spiritual times with the Lord I’ve ever had.

I chose to let it go. It wasn’t erased, I still felt sorrow, but I chose to trust the Lord with it. No matter what happens. 

As we entered the Fall, we continued to try but I felt different about it. I knew then that I really, really trusted God with my future. My friend Allyson had recommended that I read Oswald Chambers’ Gracious Uncertainty. So I did. And the words came to life on the page as I read it. 


So all this time that I spent worrying and planning my future should have instead been filled with the hope and anticipation for the uncertainty that is meant to be in my future.

I can’t go back and change how I started my walk down this road, and I wouldn’t. I have learned so much about what it means to wait. And to really give your worries and fears over to the Lord. And to let go of control and plans in your life. I’m thankful that I learned these things.

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if we’ll get pregnant. I don’t know if it will happen naturally, or if we will need medical assistance. I don’t know if we’ll have to bury the dream of getting pregnant. I don’t know if we’ll adopt. I don’t know if we’ll not have children at all.

But I’m not supposed to know. And that, that fact that I am not supposed to know, is what I can hang on to in this. 

So I’m glad 2012 has come to a close. It was a tough year. But I’m also grateful to be moving on with peace in my heart that God knows, and it’s all going to be okay–whatever it is.

I’m nervously hopeful for 2013, because God may give us some answers. They might be tough. Or they may be wonderful. 

It’s both rewarding and stimulating to finally let out the breath you’ve been holding in so long. I feel tired, but refreshed. 

I’m so immensely thankful to know a gracious and loving God. To be able to read His Word, that is applicable and relative and valuable. And to be in relationships with friends and mentors that are to perfectly ordained by Him.

And I’m so very thankful for what a blessing my husband has been to me. I’ve never loved him more. 

So, let me finish with saying this: if you are waiting for something. . . anxiously anticipating the next chapter of your life. . .You are prayed for. I pray for you women trying to get pregnant. I pray that you handle it better than I did! 

And beyond that, know that the Lord, who loves you, is not surprised by what is happening in your life. He knows what will happen, and you have to try to rest in that.

*I do know that it can take well over a year for healthy couples to get pregnant. I’m also aware of everything that Justin and I can do in order to better our chances. My hope is that this post doesn’t read as a “cry for help/advice” but instead just a piece of my story that I wanted to share with you about something I learned. We are praying and hopeful that God provides answers for us this year as we continue trying! 

Comments

  1. says

    Bless you for sharing, Kate. We went through something similar, had one precious boy, and then secondary infertility. Now we know he will be our only. It’s a difficult road, and you are brave and gracious to open yourself up about it. Prayers for both you and Justin!

  2. says

    Oh sister, how I hurt with you over this pain that is all too familiar to my own heart! It is a hard thing to understand how God would let it be so easy for some, hard for others, and impossible for some of His own. I love that you have chosen to pursue Christ through this, and that you have experienced the love that covers all circumstances. God is nothing but good to us! Praying that 2013 is the year of God’s favor for you (Isaiah 61)!

  3. says

    It’s so hard to cast your cares on The Lord, but such a wonderful feeling when you do. I am so thankful God revealed His peace to you in this situation. And I’ll pray for you both! This is the best post you’ve ever done. I hope it brings others closer to God. You are an inspiration!!

  4. says

    Oh Kate, I have been in your shoes. I have felt the same feelings. Our struggle went on for five years. Those were the darkest five years of my life. God knew what he was doing though, and His timing was perfect. I’m here if you’d like to talk. I’d love to share my journey. Take care!

  5. says

    I know the feeling to the “t”. My husband and I struggled to start a family for 2 years. Many feelings of frustration and anger towards God. Good thing you broke down at home and had time to come to peace with it all, mine was a day in Church when all hit home with me and it was a very confusing and heartfelt day. Just know God has a plan for you and your husband, it may not be the plan you had in mind, but his plan is PERFECT!

    • says

      Isn’t it nice to remember those exact moments when the break through happens? And I agree, His plan is perfect–whatever it may be.

  6. says

    Sounds like you and I had a similar 2012!!! I wrote a post similar to this about my infertility diagnosis with an eerily similar title. Thank you for your words of encouragement. :) At least we have peace that God has this under control even though we don’t. This journey has taught me more about faith and hope than I ever thought possible.

  7. says

    From an experienced momma to a hopeful one . . . BIG HUGS!! It takes a lot of guts to get that open and honest out there on the big ‘ol Internets.
    No advice, just hugs. Thankfully God knows just what we need, Amen?

  8. says

    I, too, have struggled with this very same thing. Over a year to get preggo with our first, over a year later to get preggo with our second only to loose our baby at 12 weeks. Same with the third and fourth babe. My heart aches for you. But you are right. God has the ultimate plan. Right now in my living room, watching Sponge Bob and playing together are my 5 year old ‘home-grown’ son and my 21 month old son from Uganda. And we are currently in the process of bringing a sweet 7 month old home from Eastern Europe. This was not my plan. Not what I thought would be my family. But I’m thankful His plans are not mine. His are way better! {as are His for you!} Sending love, peace, and prayers from Indiana…

  9. says

    thank you for sharing your heart. when I started my blog I had no intention of sharing our struggle with infertility but am glad I did as I found so many other woman dealing with the same thing. It became such a blessing. My husband and I tried for two years and spent the last year going through so many different treatments and are finally pregnant! It amazes me how much I learned and how my husband and I grew, not to say that it also was a day by day struggle – one day feeling like I can wait for God’s perfect timing and the next feeling so frustrated that my timing should be his timing. Will be praying for you to continue to surrender to God’s plan, and praying for your sweet baby when he or she comes!!

    • says

      There are SO.MANY.WOMEN struggling with this, but it’s hard to talk about. Good for you for sharing your heart–it will bless so many others.

  10. says

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
    I could’ve written this myself. We started in Feb., only I found myslef pregnant in June, and miscarried. I became pregnant again in July. I was super cautious, waited 12 weeks and 3 ultrasounds before spreading the news. A week later I miscarried again. Talk about coming to terms with God. Man have I let Him have my anger! I’ve listened to the same songs as well, read some great books. And in the end, my relationship with God is the strongest it’s ever been! I completely understand your peace. I’ve found it too. I’ll be praying for you. Wo knows, maybe we’ll end up due date buddies? Sending you big hugs!!

  11. says

    Hi Kate. Just wanted to thank you for your post. I can’t relate personally to your struggle with not getting pregnant, but your Oswald Chambers quote spoke to a different struggle of mine so I thank you for posting it along with your story. I subscribe to your blog because of your awesome hair tutorials, but I want to let you know that it is really meaningful when you post something personal. That makes you a real person to me, not just someone with a really hip sense of style. And that is hard to come by these days. So thanks again, and keep trusting!

  12. says

    Thanks so much for sharing. I lost my very first baby to miscarriage very early on and was terrified that we would never be able to have children. I know too well that feeling of hurt and anger. God has since graciously blessed us with a little girl, followed by a boy a year later, and now we’re getting ready for number 3′s arrival this summer. Keep having faith and trust that His plan, while it’s not always our plan, is a perfect one. So much love and hugs to you and Justin. Praying that God blesses you in so many ways!

  13. says

    I just want to say Thank you….I needed to hear this! I’m not in the same boat as you, but still worrying and going through the motions with my mom who has brain cancer. She’s gone through treatments and had a decent report in October and then had some issues that I thought for sure was another tumor, but Glory to God it’s not. My biggest struggle is not knowing what’s to come and because I live 1,000 miles from her that makes my anxiety even worse. When should I go to visit, should I take a leave of absence to be with her?….so many unknowns, but reading your blog has given me hope of peace. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will be praying for you and your journey. You are a blessing to many!

    • says

      Hi Nichole,

      I love Kate’s blog and read it everyday – but I found your comment incredibly touching since I lived through the exact same situation with my mom about 6 years ago. She was diagnosed with Glioblastoma and was only given 6 weeks to live. She ended up staying with us for just over two years and of all my regrets, the one that sticks out is that I continued to try to have a normal life while being her care taker 24 hours a day. I SO wish I would have stopped working and spent every waking second with her. You can never get that time back, and it really is the most precious. Although it is difficult EVERYDAY, it is meaningful and you will NEVER regret the time spent. I am always here if you need a shoulder to lean on (especially since I know almost to the T what you are feeling). xoxo, Heather

    • says

      Hi Nichole,

      I love Kate’s blog and read it everyday – but I found your comment incredibly touching since I lived through the exact same situation with my mom about 6 years ago. She was diagnosed with Glioblastoma and was only given 6 weeks to live. She ended up staying with us for just over two years and of all my regrets, the one that sticks out is that I continued to try to have a normal life while being her care taker 24 hours a day. I SO wish I would have stopped working and spent every waking second with her. You can never get that time back, and it really is the most precious. Although it is difficult EVERYDAY, it is meaningful and you will NEVER regret the time spent. I am always here if you need a shoulder to lean on (especially since I know almost to the T what you are feeling). xoxo, Heather

  14. says

    Know that I will be praying for you! I’m sure it is not easy to share something like this with others, but you put it into words beautifully. Thank you for the encouragement!

  15. says

    My husband and I went through the same thing. I had a miscarriage right after we started trying to get pregnant. It was the mist difficult thing I have had to deal with… losing a baby. And we tried for months and months after that. Finally five days before he deployed to Afghanistan, it was on Easter Sunday, we got pregnant! I didn’t find out till after he left, but I was tracking my ovulation and taking oculation predictor tests, so I know that is the day of conception. It was the most wonderful gift God gave me to get through that Deployment. My advice to you is to stop trying. I had come to the realization that it was going to happen when it happened and I was going to stop stressing over it. And when I did, I got my baby. So just stop trying, relax, and have fun with your husband. It will happen for you! Just keep praying and have faith. Easier said than done, but it worked for me.

    • says

      With all due respect, I hope that anyone who wants to offer advice to someone who is facing this struggle as Kate is should understand that “just relax” and “stop trying” are not helpful phrases to hear. I know it’s hard to think that those words might be hurtful before saying them, but in all truth, it’s quite painful.

      Kate, I am happy for you that you’ve been able to find peace in your faith. Thank you for sharing your story with us and for your honesty. It is a silent struggle for many and I understand how you felt each month prior to dealing with your anger. I pray that you are soon blessed with what you’ve been hoping for for so long, and that I am too.

    • says

      With all due respect, I hope that anyone who wants to offer advice to someone who is facing this struggle as Kate is should understand that “just relax” and “stop trying” are not helpful phrases to hear. I know it’s hard to think that those words might be hurtful before saying them, but in all truth, it’s quite painful.

      Kate, I am happy for you that you’ve been able to find peace in your faith. Thank you for sharing your story with us and for your honesty. It is a silent struggle for many and I understand how you felt each month prior to dealing with your anger. I pray that you are soon blessed with what you’ve been hoping for for so long, and that I am too.

  16. says

    Thank you for sharing this, Kate! It was so beautifully written. You never know the struggles that others are going through when they look like the “have it all together.” How cool is it to look back on this year and see how you’ve grown in the Lord! I’ll be praying for you in the next year as you wait on the Lord’s timing for your life. Again, thank you for sharing! You have touched me and I know you’ll touch others!

  17. says

    I understand that pain and disappointment every month. It wasn’t until I finally resolved myself to let God handle it, and not take another test, that I finally found some peace. It finally worked out for us and I hope it does for you too. Know there are millions of women in your situation and we’re all praying for you.

  18. says

    Praying for you, Kate. I’m so happy for you for being honest and writing such a deep post. Wow. I know you’re going to get a gazillion comments on this post, I feel like a lot of people can relate… myself as well. 2012 was a dark year as I suffered going through 4 miscarriages. It wasn’t an easy path… and I feel for you. It was a difficult and dark road, but my husband and God kept me strong. I know you will be too, and I admire your strength!! I had to let go of “trying” and just let go. I lived my life…. and eventually got so mad I stopped thinking about it. I’m now 8 months pregnant and due next month. I know you’re not looking for advice but just know my heart goes out to you and I look forward to you making a huge announcement <3

  19. says

    Oh Kate. This post makes me want to reach through my screen and hug you. Many of my friends have dealt with infertility and it is heartbreaking. Last year, three of them finally got pregnant, within months of each other. So there is hope.

    Although I’m not religious, I’m glad that you’ve found peace with the situation in a way that makes sense to you. Stay strong <3

  20. says

    Wow… What a powerful story. And it’s not even finished yet! I’m so grateful that you’ve found that peace that truly passes all understanding. Praying for you and Justin- and remember when you’re trusting and “delighting yourself” in The Lord, He loves to give you the desires of your heart!

  21. says

    I’m with you… it’s been two years for us, and nothing so far. Thank you for pointing to Christ and His Word as the only hope. That is what we are trusting. His plan is always perfect and His will is always good!

  22. says

    oh Kate, What a great post. I haven’t struggled with infertility, but I understand life not going the way you thought & waiting on the Lord. I mean, not that I handle is great either, but I understand a bit. Thanks for sharing & you are prayed for as well!

  23. says

    Thank you for sharing your life with all of us.Your story touched my heart and I wil be praying that God answers your prayers and opens that new door for you and your husband!
    HUGS!!

    ♥Sanwanya

  24. says

    Oh Kate, you are such a dear! I am 45 now, but in my twenties I struggled with the same thing as you did. It took me 18 months to get pregnant…I wish I could have had the insight and peace of mind that you have. I could have never written it like you did, you have a wonderful way with words. I do not think anyone will feel sorry for you, they will know that it truly came from your heart. I am praying for you and your future family. :) Thanks for being a blessing to all!

  25. says

    We had “secondary” infertility. Tried for a year, lots of blood work and frustration and two very painful early loses. Nothing major enough to see a specialist but it was enough of an issue to potentially make it so we couldn’t carry a baby to term. Thyroid check after check, abnormal results but not enough to warrant any medication. My ovulation was screwy, I had extremely short cycles and ovulated too late in the cycle to give a baby a good strong start. But over a year later, after the second miscarriage we conceived. Your hormones go nuts after a miscarriage and although the loss was a devastating blow it was followed by an unexpected surprise (due to us this Feb). When it felt like hopes dashed and all was falling apart, God was putting pieces back into place. I know the feeling of falling to your knees, weeping, praying to God for an answer. Not even the outcome you had been hoping for, just an answer, an end to the worry, stress, frustration… I understand your heartache and I will be praying for your perfect answer, you’re not alone on this journey. Bless you!

  26. says

    You are such as amazing role model! I’m so thankful God has opened the door of this blog for you. You, and your sister’s blog have helped guide me to increasing my relationship with Jesus. So know that you are here for a reason!! :)

    John 14:27
    Ellen

  27. says

    I am so sorry you are having to go down this path I’ve been down before too. I knew the minute I saw your post what it was about. I lost faith so many times over the 3 year period we were trying and lost 2 babies, even after the Lord blessed us with a third pregnancy I did not have much faith but the Lord had plans for our third baby, plans for her to be with us here. I will be praying for you.

  28. says

    My cousin tried for years and came to the fact that they were meant to adopt. Years later and in her 40′s she found out that she was pregnant and now has 3 if her own! Don’t give up and trust in God’s timing. Things will happen when you least expect it!

  29. says

    It is always powerful writing when we share our stories. The desire to be pregnant, to have a baby, is so consuming. It is the most powerful urge and desire I have ever felt, with the least amount of guarantee. There will be women who read this who feel like you are writing this just for them, that they could have written this same post. I hope your sense of peace and acceptance with life, with living life in the meantime, extends to a whole world of women who are in that same dark place. Well done!

  30. says

    Since I started blogging in September, I cannot believe the beautiful hearts I’ve found. I didn’t know I was opening up so many doors of blessing to my life – reading about other people’s pain and joy, and the way they have become stronger people. God bless you and thank you for sharing your heart! I’m so sorry you are going through this!

  31. says

    God is so good and His timing is so perfect. After 7 years of battling infertility issues and failed IVF attempts, God’s perfect timing blessed our home with a beautiful, healthy,little boy through adoption. As I read your blog it took me back to those seven years of crying, praying, being told..”it will happen if you just relax!” (I wanted to respond if I haven’t relaxed 7 years, infertility is NOT my issue! :)

    I’ve shared my testimony of how I became a Mama before and always thanked God for 12 months of “no’s” for seven years. The journey taught me so much about His love for me, as you stated with you and your husband, it brought my husband and I closer to one another as well. Looking back at how I felt so alone, I see God’s hand and love for me all over those seven years. I wouldn’t change a thing and, I think if it had been as I planned… I would have missed out being a Mama to the child God meant for me to raise. I pray for God’s perfect timing for you and your husband… what a testimony He is giving you.

    • says

      Congrats on your baby boy! And hindsight is a gift, isn’t it? To look back and see where God has directed us? I’m thankful for that too.

  32. says

    I’m so sorry you are going through this journey too. It’s no fun, we have been trying for three and a half years, have tried 6 IUIs, have had two miscarriages and are now saving for InVitro in the fall. One book that helped me was “Hannah’s Hope”. It is written by a lady who battled infertility as well. It’s an amazing book of comfort and hope. Praying 2013 will be a great year for you, going public with such a private battle is hard but I know what a relief it was to finally tell everyone. Prayers and hugs!

  33. says

    Praying for you and your hubby to continue to walk in His peace. As a 30-something single woman, I know that waiting you speak of and the peace that I continue to try to walk in – some days are easier than others – and I pray you continue to seek Him as well.

  34. says

    Kate,i want to tell u that i had the same feelings of depression, jealousy and hopelessness for about year and a half after my marriage.every single month i used to do pregnancy and every time, when it came negative i had a fit of depression.to make the matter worse,our consultant gyneacologist said that u have very very slim chance of getting pregnant normally, so he put us on ivf list and the wait for was 3 years.i prayed and prayed from God and can u imagine our gyneacologist gave us sad news and the next month i got pregnant.
    i just want to say that dont lose hope and faith on God and u will be there in the end and it will be soon.
    lots of love for u
    maria

  35. says

    Kate, thank you for sharing your heart in this post. It is the ultimate testimony of being a Christian woman and truly having faith in God’s plan for you. It’s easy to talk to God and be at peace with His plan when things are going well, but relying on Him and trusting in difficult times, that’s HUGE. Prayers to you!

  36. says

    Oh Kate, I will be sure to lift you and your husband up in my prayers. Although I have not yet struggled with infertility (my husband and I plan to begin “trying” this spring) I HAVE struggled often with “casting my cares upon Him” and fully trusting in his perfect sovereignty. I have by no means found all the answers, but I do know in my deepest heart that God, and God alone, knows all the pieces of the puzzle and truly knows the best and most perfect design for our lives – if we will only let Him lead. I am so happy that you have found peace within your soul to trust in the Lord for everything. May God bless you and your husband!

  37. says

    It is encouraging and refreshing to hear from a woman of God who not only exudes beauty on the outside, but can speak from a place of beauty on the inside. God’s timing is perfect (Eph. 2:10), and His plans for you are good (Jer. 29:11). Hold fast to your faith.

  38. says

    I am hoping and praying that you two become blessed with children. Infertility sucks and it is nice to hear you found peace. Something that I need to do.

  39. says

    Thank you for sharing this, all of this. Everything certainly does happen for a reason, even if we don’t agree with, understand, or want it to happen at the time.
    I have faith that whatever is in store for you, will be great!
    *hugs*

  40. says

    Thank you for your beautifully written words. I am hooked! I can’t wait to see how God plays this out in your life. He wraps us in His arms and allows us to show the world, through our brokenness, what it looks like to be truly loved by Him. Thanks Kate for your transparency.

  41. says

    I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. My husband and I were very surprised to hear I was pregnant in May. In June I suffered an ectopic pregnancy. I have been trying ever since and it just isn’t happening. I feel your pain. Its hard to come to the conclusion that things may not happen the way they plan.

  42. says

    It’s amazing how things happen! Keep a positive spirit. We battled infertility as well…trying for 7 years!! We were blessed with our first daughter through adoption 5 years ago. & then, went on to have a successful IVF treatment & have beautiful, healthy twin daughter. Keep your spirit up! :) Think positive! :) I know it’s SO tough to do but there is an entire community of women going through the same thing & there to support you.

  43. says

    Thank you for your honesty. After going through a very painful divorce a few years ago, my immediate thought after reading your first few sentences, was that your marriage was falling apart. Because that was my experience. And then after getting further into your post, I thought – thank goodness. You still have that. You still have your marriage, and your love, and the person who means most to you is still standing there with his hand firmly in yours. With that alone, you are blessed.
    I have this taped to my computer: “When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.”
    xo

    • says

      Thanks for this quote- Melissa! I am struggling with a broken engagement and wondering why God has done this and what it means for me later. LOVE the quote!

      Kate- beautifully written..God is such a wonderful counselor!

  44. says

    Kate, I too have been waiting for something. A help mate. I’ve had to remind myself many times that God is not mean, that He loves His children. And that whatever is happening (or not happening) to me is because Jesus loves me. Take care, friend.

  45. says

    God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, right? It’s amazing how some people look at children as their inconvenience and how others would give anything to have a child.
    I have a friend who was pregnant for 6 months and lost her child and grieves everyday, that was 4 years ago and they have been trying ever since then to get pregnant again. They want it so badly. I pray for them and I will pray for you. God Bless!

  46. says

    Kate! Thank you for your testimony and faith! My sweet hubby and I have tried to get pregnant for three Years this year and haven’t had any luck. I have had the same emotional roller coaster as you! A quote I hang on to dearly is ” faith in the Lord includes faith in his timing ” its by Neil A. Maxwell. We look to 2013 with a perfect brightness of faith and hope! Prayers and hugs!

  47. says

    Thank you so much for sharing such a personal part of your life with us. Your honesty is refreshing. We never truly know what is going on in other’s lives. I will pray for you. Let go and let God.
    xo

  48. says

    Kate, I read your blog daily and have never commented until today. First, I want you to know that I look forward to your entries every morning. I have enjoyed learning about you and trying new things thanks to your blog. Your highs and lows from 2012 are all too familiar for me as my husband and I tried for almost 2 years to get pregnant. We finally did last July (with the help of our wonderful fertility doctors) only to miscarry Labor Day weekend. We’ve been trying since then unsuccessfully and just yesterday I learned of another roadblock in our infertility journey. I know we will get past it and I am hopeful and faithful for a happy 2013. As we reach 2 1/2 years of trying, I can honestly say through everything it has brought my husband and I closer than I could have imagined and I am working on my faith. Please know that you are very brave and not alone. I wish you continued peace and love in 2013 and please keep blogging!

  49. says

    We have been trying for 2 years. Went to get simple semen analysis. Very low count. Repeated it and same thing. We have a low chance of conceiving. There’s no reason for it just the way it is. I don’t know that I want to do IVF & neither does he. He thinks it can still happen. It could. But if it doesn’t then we will find other things to do. All my friends are starting to have kids so I understand. If you don’t go on facebook so much it helps to not think about it. On FB I am bombarded by baby pictures it’s just overload. It’s also different because I still want to know how THEY are doing… Not their kid. Their status is always about the kid… I’m like but how are YOU doing? I worry I won’t keep my friends if they have kids and we are a childless couple. I don’t want to lose them. But in all this I have no doubt my husband is THE ONE for me!

    • says

      Sometimes there isn’t a reason. And comparison is the thief of joy. but TRUST ME. I know about the difficulties of seeing everyone else around you pregnant.

      Hope it happens for you two.

    • says

      Kate, you wrote: “if you are waiting for something. . . anxiously anticipating the next chapter of your life. . .You are prayed for.” I just wanted to tell you that I am also waiting for something. I am waiting to meet someone, to be in love, to get married. I am also dealing with anger; I see so many of my friends with husbands and babies. I can’t help but be envious. It seems as though I’m constantly being left out of couple’s activities. I get tired of answering questions about “why I’m still single” and I’m starting to feel like I’m losing friends because our lives are so different. I am trying so hard to give this to God…but it is still a daily struggle.

      Kristin, I just happened to stumble upon your comment when I was scrolling to the bottom. I wanted to tell you about a friend of mine who has been trying to get pregnant for 7 (seven!!) years. She tried IVF and it didn’t work. They gave up and eventually let go of their dream to be parents. Well about 4 months ago they found out that she is pregnant! It happened naturally and they weren’t even trying. Of course, she was SHOCKED! So…please don’t lose faith in God. Trust him! I know that he has a plan for both of you! I will pray for you both and ask that God blesses you with happiness and contentment while you are waiting!
      -Brittney

    • says

      Kate, you wrote: “if you are waiting for something. . . anxiously anticipating the next chapter of your life. . .You are prayed for.” I just wanted to tell you that I am also waiting for something. I am waiting to meet someone, to be in love, to get married. I am also dealing with anger; I see so many of my friends with husbands and babies. I can’t help but be envious. It seems as though I’m constantly being left out of couple’s activities. I get tired of answering questions about “why I’m still single” and I’m starting to feel like I’m losing friends because our lives are so different. I am trying so hard to give this to God…but it is still a daily struggle.

      Kristin, I just happened to stumble upon your comment when I was scrolling to the bottom. I wanted to tell you about a friend of mine who has been trying to get pregnant for 7 (seven!!) years. She tried IVF and it didn’t work. They gave up and eventually let go of their dream to be parents. Well about 4 months ago they found out that she is pregnant! It happened naturally and they weren’t even trying. Of course, she was SHOCKED! So…please don’t lose faith in God. Trust him! I know that he has a plan for both of you! I will pray for you both and ask that God blesses you with happiness and contentment while you are waiting!
      -Brittney

  50. says

    You are an incredibly brave and honest woman to be so open about your struggles, not just with trying to get pregnant, but with “letting it be” and putting things in God’s hands. You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself as I know, coming from a woman of faith as well, that many (probably most!) of us struggle with allowing the Lord to take the wheel. This is probably even harder when we are feeling desperate and wanting and hoping for something with all of our being. Thank you for sharing.

  51. says

    I woke up just 20 minutes ago with totally different worries, and saw your post on FB, which led me here. Bless you for sharing and being so honest. Your story has changed the course of my day! I am letting.it.be. and more importantly trusting our Lord!! No perfection here either, but I know only He can give me peace in the midst of any storm. Thank you, Kate, for your wonderful heartfelt post!

  52. says

    I am a newcomer to your fantastic, lovely blog. Thank you for being so honest and candid as you pour out your heart. I’m not in this season of my life, but one of my dearest friends had been. She and her husband tried for 3 years to get pregnant. Nothing seemed to be wrong, but it was a very long season of life for her, and she had to deal with the same things. Finally, just about a year ago, she had her son. And he’s one of the biggest blessings to all of us and one of the sweetest babies I’ve ever met. And to just think, that if they had gotten pregnant any other time then that, we wouldn’t have him. It might not help, but I know God has some little person that is going to be such a blessing in your life!

  53. says

    What a beautiful story of encouragement and how to “let it go” in a way that truly sets you free! Not an easy road to walk, I struggled to fall pregnant with my first husband for 7 years, and through some pretty challenging circumstances I have re-married and had the thought of “what if I can’t fall pregnant this time?”…we started trying from the get-go and are expecting our honeymoon baby in March this year! It’s been an incredible journey of healing and seeing just how faithful God is!

    Will trust that the journey is smooth and that His face will be your focus no matter what!

    x

  54. says

    When I saw your facebook post, I was afraid that this is what it was about. While I am so very sorry for what you are going through, sharing your story is the best thing you could have possibly done because now you know you are not alone. Infertility is the most isolating thing I have ever been through. From the time we started trying until our son was born was 5 years. That includes trying on our own, (only 6 months before I went to a specialist because we were both 3o)getting a plethora of tests, a new ob/gyn, (thankful for that because I ADORE him) 1 successful IVF, 1 miscarriage, 2 negative IVF’s, cconsultations with 6 new RE’s, a year off for mental health, (because I had indeed hit rock bottom) 2 therapists, acupuncture, yoga, massage therapy, choosing a new RE, wishing, hoping, and praying, praying, praying. And all the while everyone around me was getting pregnant with ease. It seemed that there was an trend of unwed pregnancies in those years. I lost friends, who I know believe were never really friends. On the flip side, I gained friends. And the ones are gained are ridiculously amazing. My most valuable friends, in fact. The ones I can turn to about anything without fear of being judged. The ones I can always count on, no matter what. It’s hard on your marriage. You get closer, you get torn apart. And the media portrays this all pretty harshly, so it’s hard to come forward. Hopefully now you can find a little peace from carrying this all on your own because now you have “friends” who have been there. If you need anything — questions answered, an ear to bend, whatever — do not hesitate to ask. Thinking of you, with love and prayers.

  55. says

    The Lord gave me these words when I was going through a very dark period in my life a few years ago:

    His Will
    His Time
    His Plan
    Not mine

    I woke up with those words in my heart and from that day on, I could raise my hands and praise the God who gives and the God who takes away. And I KNEW in my soul that He is the Great I AM.

    Sweet sister, it will happen in the way that it’s meant to at the EXACT moment it’s meant to. And when that day does come, the darkness will melt away and it won’t ever be remembered. But the closeness and love that you develop during the dark time will stay with you forever and ever.

  56. says

    Wow! This really hit home to me this morning! What a blessing to read this and to read where you are at today. A year and a half ago, my husband took a job 2 1/2 hours from our home. We put our home on the market and planned to move where he was. However, we are still sitting here with the same home under us and no real moves made on it. I think I have reached the same place as you now, knowing that I’m not supposed to know all the ins and outs, understand it all, or know when and if things are going to change. I’m thankful for the reminders that He sends to me from even strangers like you who just encourage me to keep plugging! Thank you so much for your honesty! I’ll be praying for you!

  57. says

    Gods timing is perfect timing!!! I was you 7 years ago. After trying for a year and a half I finally told my doctor its time to find out what is wrong. Had my husband tested and myself. I found out I was not ovulating! No ovulation means no preggo! I was diagnosed with PCOS and Endometriosis. I had a couple of IUIs along with taking Clomid to force ovulations. The Clomid turned me into a monster. I ended up on depression medication because I had hit rock bottom. I was mad at God! How could these women be granted the ability to have babies when they are not married when I was doing EVERYTHING right!! I finally decided that I had enough. I stopped the meds and gave it to God! That exact month I got a BFP!! Today, 3 babies later I realize that Gods timing IS PERFECT! Yes, I did need the medical intervention but even after that God knew the time was not right! HE wanted me to put my trust in HIM! Once I did, HE took over AND decided to show off! Please post along your journey as you will be in our prayers!

  58. says

    Thoughts and prayers for you! It took us 5 months to get our sweet girl and I thought that was hard. We experienced secondary IF andi it took 18 months and medical intvention to g my beautiful boy. Those 18 months were so isolating, especially more after we met with the doctor to only hear “unexplained secondary if”. Glad there wasnt a problem, but even more frustraing trying to fix it. I hope you ar given your miracle and see those two pink lines sooner than later!

  59. says

    I don’t comment often, but just had to today upon reading this post. So many women I know are struggling with infertility and it’s just heartbreaking – and much more common than a lot of people believe. My husband and I, despite getting pregnant quickly after deciding to try, lost our first pregnancy in a miscarriage last summer. It was the hardest thing we have dealt with so far and I had some SERIOUS anger. I found myself questioning God and just not understanding the ‘why’ part of it. We are pregnant again now, and I am just trying to leave my trust in the Lord. It’s a daily struggle for me, as I tend to be a worrier of the worst variety. Your message from Oswald Chambers today really spoke to me – on several different levels, with many different things that we are facing in our lives right now (including the pregnancy, which I still find myself scared about sometimes after losing the first one). Thank you for your honesty and bravery is deciding to share this with us. I know it can be hard to open your heart up on topics like this, but please know that you are not alone! Sending prayers and love your way:)

  60. says

    Kate, kudos for sharing your experience. I had a similar situation in trying to get pregnant and experienced all of these same emotions. I know first hand the anger, feelings of defeat, of failure, and of feeling like you are in it alone. Please know that you aren’t. For us, the road to pregnancy did require some light medical interventions, but we had it easy in comparison to some couples. I’ll be thinking about you and your husband; sending good thoughts you way.

  61. says

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your heart today, I needed this! My story is different, but the message God has in it is the same. I am also in a season of waiting and uncertainty, and I keep telling myself that I am totally trusting in God. However, I struggle through that. I’m grabbing that book as soon as I can get my hands on it! God Bless you and your hubs for being so transparent – that’s what God has called us all to do! Your obedience to Him is an inspiration to us all! Praying for you!

  62. says

    Before a had one miscarriage before my first son. Then my husband and I decided to wait about two to three years to try again but it wasn’t easy the way I thought it would be. I was in the same path as yours, waiting, crying and praying every month hoping that the home pregnancy test will come out positve. I was very neglectful of what God’s plan for our family all I wanted is to have a second baby, I had 4 early miscarriages and it wasn’t pleasant feeling at all. I’ve been a believer and lover of God for so long but somehow, somewhere during this “conceiving” journey I lost track of entrusting everything to HIM. Until one of my quiet time came and God revealed to me “Be still and Know that I’m God” Psalm 46:10, from then on I found “Peace” in my heart and in my mind that no matter what “to conceive or not to conceive” God is still in control. Then that night in my dream, I know God spoke to me and told me “My Child one more, I’ll give you one more”. Searching for answer praying that I’ll understand what it means. Then a few weeks after my oldest son’s 5th Birthday I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. Now I have a 7 yr. old and 2 yr. old two healthy and active boys.
    I pray that by grace you’ll find God’s peace in your heart to face every struggling moment in your life.
    I give you God’s blessings tha He will grant your heart’s desire.

  63. says

    Kate, I have been down this same road. I understand the feelings of anger and despair and I am so happy to hear that your are finding your way through those feelings.

    My husband and I spent five long years hoping and praying for a baby. When we finally gave up and accepted that it wasn’t going to happen only then did God decide the time was right for us. My son will be 14 in a couple weeks. I realize now that this was the best plan for us and HE knew it all along. I will pray that His plan for you brings your dream of starting a family to reality.

  64. says

    I went through the same thing with my husband for over 4 years. Treatments and 2 miscarriages. It was the hardest 4 years of my life. Eventually in God’s time, not mine, which was the hardest part of the struggle to accept I was blessed with a little girl. Infertility changes you, not just during the time trying, but even after. Thank you for sharing. And I know you have touched many readers by sharing your story. It seems as if no one ever wants to talk about infertility. I remember how important it was for me to learn about someone else struggling, so i didn’t feel so alone. Bless you on this road that you are on right now. You are not alone.

  65. says

    We tried for 8 long years, and even though I know what my God can do, I was to the point of giving up and accepting that it was not His plan for us and when I began to try to work through and accept that, 2 lines appeared on the stick. We have a beautiful 3 month old, but my heart still hurts for those waiting. I never ever want to forget the pain of not having her, of being where you are, for it will make me appreciate her that much more. If it is to be, your time will come, in His time. Prayers and hugs.

  66. says

    Kate, back in the day (30 years ago!) I also tried for about a year. My cycles were whacky (every 45-60 days). We had some very preliminary tests done and then starting temping and lo and behold I finally got pregnant. I did go on to have 3 children. Now my daughter has been trying for a year as well and I know how disappointing and heartbreaking it is. She has an appointment with a fertility doctor in March and not sure the route that will be taken as yet. She is 24 and her husband is 19 years older so they really wanted this to happen sooner rather than later. My prayers are with you and my daughter as you go through this and maybe it will work for both of you at the same time and I can be doubly (is that a word?) excited!

  67. says

    You are the picture of each of us who are waiting on God’s timing, the anger when it doesn’t go our way, the questions of why and what he wants in our lives. I too have always watched your hair videos and known in my heart you must be an amazing person because of the care show to us in your videos. God sees that amazing person as well Kate and when we finally bend like the willow tree and trust in God’s plan and WILL, not our own, we begin to see results. I am so thankful you have a man of faith to walk with you on this journey. The WILL of God will never lead you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Praying for you as well.

  68. says

    Being patient is a struggle I deal with daily. Whether it be spiritual, physical, emotional, I stress about what the future holds. You have been, and will continue to be, in my prayers. Your blog is something I look forward to everyday and I am so excited to see what the future holds for you and your husband!

  69. says

    Kate,

    Thank you for sharing your story. Having gone through it myself, I know how hard it is to put yourself out there. My husband and I struggled for 2.5 years before finally getting pregnant last summer (I’m due in April). We went through surgeries, procedures, medicines, just about everything. It’s hard and it’s discouraging, so know that you’re not alone in your feelings of frustration and anger. I’m praying for you and your husband. That you find peace and that you get your baby when it’s time. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

  70. says

    Oh Kate, when I read your post this morning I went right back to 2011, I was in your shoes. I totally understand, TTC was one of the hardest times in my life. For years I thought it was so easy to get pregnant, yeah right! The truth is it’s a journey you don’t know about until you start it. My husband and I started TTC We kept trying and I got a BFN every month. Then in August 2011 I finally got my BFP (that’s big fat positive). We were thrilled. Then a few weeks later I had a miscarriage. It was awful. The emotions that you go through are like a roller coaster. Then every month after that TTC again was harder and harder. I was angry, why did I lose my baby and of course it seems everyone around you is pregnant Finally at the start of 2012 we were able to start testing to see what was going on. Turns out I have a low thyroid. My doctor said let’s try some medication for that and if it doesn’t work we will start fertility drugs. Two weeks later I got a BFP and now I am a mom to a beautiful little girl who is almost 4 months old. Talking about my situation through chat rooms, family and friends was awesome, I realized what I was feeling was the same as many other couples. Never give up, I pray this will be the year you get that beautiful baby 

  71. says

    Kate, I unfortunately know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I tried for 2 1/2 years to conceive, and even saw a fertility specialist regularly who said that everything looked fine. Now, we are blessed with a healthy amazing 3-year-old. I don’t know if you have ever read this poem, but a friend of mine who went through the same thing shared it with me when I was struggling. I kept it posted on our refrigerator. God bless you and best wishes!

    http://www.dtm.org/Poems/Wait.html

  72. says

    Kate, your strength is inspiring, as is your faith in your God. I admire it. :-) Infertility is not easy. You and Justin will come out stronger in the end and when you’ve received your complete family in whatever way HE plans to give it to you, it will all have been worth it. Promise.

  73. says

    Kate, thank you for sharing your story. Although I can’t relate directly, I am definitely keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs!

  74. says

    A quote that brought me great peace through my struggles with infertility “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”-Joseph Campbell

  75. says

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I am on a similar journey and reading your post helps to give me peace :) I will keep you and your family in my prayers. May His Grace be with you!!!!

  76. says

    I remember you were training for a tri this past year. I know that training puts a lot of stress on the body, perhaps that could have been the problem? And if you were already stressed about getting pregnant, then that may have not have helped matters? I’ve read too that people trying to conceive need to up their healthy fats and go easier on the exercise. :) Hope this helps, sending positive vibes your way. :)

  77. says

    I am SO sorry you’re experiencing this, though I appreciate your honesty and candor. I/we are having similar experiences but I have not turned to God the way I should have, not at all. I think God knew I needed to read this post this morning…because it brought tears to my eyes and gave me some things to think about. I hope this will be your year. And mine too :)

  78. says

    I completely identify with your post as well. It took us 6 years and finally a year of fertility treatments to get pregnant with twins that sadly were born into the arms of God when I was 5 months pregnant. We went back to the fertility dr’s 3 months later and our first try got pregnant with my son who is now 4 and a half. Through all the struggle I never doubted it would happen for us, our road was not easy, I wasn’t always calm, but my son is the biggest blessing and sweetest love and I know without a shadow of a doubt our journey was to bring us him.

  79. says

    This was exactly what I needed to read this morning, thank you so much for posting it. We had been trying for months, finally got pregnant and last week we had a miscarriage. Somedays I wonder what would be harder – life after miscarriage, or having not been pregnant after all this time at all. Your trust in the Lord and His plan for your life is inspiring :) And I am totally getting my hands on that book today. I am in the middle of reading Angie Smith’s “What Women Fear” and would totally recommend it :) Praying for you both.

  80. says

    This has always been a huge fear of mine – I was diagnosed at 16 with Endometriosis and ever since then I’ve wondered if we will have trouble having a baby. We arn’t to a point in our lives where we are ready for children yet, but when we get there I know that this will be a daily struggle for me as we try to conceive.

    I will be praying for you! I know how much I struggle with what could be for us, so I can only imagine how much harder it is for you. I wish you better luck in 2013! I’m sure God has a plan in mind for you – I hope that everything works out for you!

  81. says

    We struggled for 2 1/2 years. It is so hard. But, our marriage is definitely stronger because of it, and we are stronger people. It sounds like your husband is amazing and you are growing on this difficult journey. We did multiple treatments and got pregnant with IVF. Our little boy is 6 months. The entire process was so difficult, but he is here and healthy and we count our blessings every day. It will happen for you and your husband. I find that nothing ever happens when we plan it… it happens when HE plans it… and its always perfect timing. :)

  82. says

    I to am so sorry you’re experiencing this! Sometimes God’s timing can be so…..frustrating. :) I had quite a year also, not nearly as stressful as yours but I did learn that we are to walk along side of God, not rush ahead into the future and certainly not straggling behind, focused on the past. It’s all part of that “child-like” faith idea….when they were little my kids didn’t care where I was taking them as long as they could walk right beside me holding my hand. They trusted that I knew what I was doing, that I loved them, and wanted only the best for them. That’s all God wants from us–for us to take his hand and ask “where to, Papa?”.

    I’ll be praying for y’all!!

  83. says

    Awww, the Lord is truly GRACIOUS, isn’t he? He holds our past, our present and our future. He has great plans for us, yet we have to trust HIM to know what they are. I know you know that JOY comes from the Lord and nothing else. Keep looking to HIM and not what’s expected. You’ll find your relationship grow and a testimony to share. Praying for Gods abundant peace for you and your husband.

  84. says

    Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this post. I know it wasn’t easy to open up like this! Your post about grace is such a challenge to me and I too need to let go of ‘my plans’ of wanting to get pregnant on my time table and allow God to write my life story. Thank you again for this post. Praying for you and your husband and that God will give you the grace in the days ahead!

  85. says

    Kate, first thank you for sharing your story. I wanted to tell you about my sister. Her and her husband tried and tried, no success so they went for fertility testing. They were told their chances for getting pregnant we low. They gave up trying. But here they are pregnant and almost through the first trimester.
    God has a plan for each of us! He wouldn’t put you through the struggle if he didn’t know you could handle it and you did just that, you let the anger and frustration go!
    I hope it happens for you soon XoXo

  86. says

    My husband and I walked this path as well. For four years. And anger was every bit a part of my journey. You better believe it. I hardly recognized myself at times. And that was OK. I have no idea what this journey holds for you. But I know my realtionship with God was strengthened after my journey with this and my husband and I have never been closer. I pray the same for you.

  87. says

    Kate, Kate, Kate…oh how this was once me less than a decade ago. Darkest days…that is exactly how I would describe it to this day. It took us over a year to have my daughter (via fertility meds) and then when we jumped right back into trying when she was just 6 months old, tests revealed that it was almost impossible any method would ever work and how quite frankly, having my daughter was incomprehensible to the doctors given the greatness of my infertility. My daughter napped in her crib as I sat in my office chair and heard the words, “I’m very sorry, but we believe you are not going to have any more children…at least definitely not with your own eggs”. I cried for a death that I felt within me. I do NOT know how my husband got me through it because I was irrational, irate, sad, broken, torn, helpless. He was there and supported me in every step, though at the time I felt I had ruined his life too – as we had planned to have a large family. Our doctors got aggressive with us – we had one shot literally (we had no medical coverage for IVF). The whole entire process was exhausting, painful, emotionally up and down all for the unknown. Long story short, on April 24, 2006 at exactly 10:25 a.m. the fertility office called to let me know that all of that had paid off and I was finally pregnant. A few weeks later we found out it was twins and the gratefulness I felt in my heart then has only grown one million times since. I never ever take a day for granted with my children. They don’t yet understand the way they all came into our lives, but blessings is an understatement. I encourage you to keep that strength and pray and believe. The jealousy and the hateful feelings that you experienced are something we all have felt so don’t forget we are human.It will change you as a woman, a wife, and a mom in glorious ways. I have faith in our wonderful world of medicine and I have faith in God that he will bless you too. You will find in your journey that so many of us go through this and you are not alone. I will keep you in my thoughts. xoxo

  88. says

    This is just such a beautiful post. I don’t have anything clever to say about pregnancies, but I love how you eventually handled things with God.
    I was at a prayer meeting at my church yesterday, and I felt God taking control of this year. It was just such a relief to be able to give this year to Him – to dedicate it to Him, so that He can work through me and others this year. It brings such peace. I sense that’s the same peace He has given to you.
    /Lea Binta

  89. says

    I’ve dealt with secondary infertility. We had no problem getting pregnant with our first child, but this one took us over a year to conceive. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. I’m so sorry you’ve had to walk this year with disappointments. I felt like I lost a baby with every negative pregnancy test.

    I hope your baby comes. And I hope it doesn’t take too long. One wonderful thing is that a year marks the time when medical assistance is available to you. And that can be miraculous.

  90. says

    Thank you Kate for sharing your story. It is an emotional journey, trying to have kids, and everyone handles it differently. I think you will find now that you have put your story out there, how many people are in the same boat, have been struggling, and have been struggling to express it in a way others will understand. We too struggled, including miscarriages, surgery and endometriosis. At the end of the journey, when I just let go…..I happened to get pregnant on vacation. We were only able to have the one, but I thank God everyday for the chance to be her mom. However it is meant to be, it will be, and know that you can handle whatever life gives you.

  91. says

    That was so beautifully written. I love reading about the way one’s hard times just cement their relationship with God even more. Sending prayers your way, for both this continuation of peace and whatever other amazing things God has to reveal to you!

  92. says

    Kate…Thank you for being so honestly transparent. I have needed to hear (read) these words for a while. My situation is very different, but it’s so amazing that all things come back to leaving our lives in His hands. It’s hard, but we have to learn to trust His hold on us better that our hold on ourselves. I pray that He continues to reveal His self to you, and that you find that the wait was truly worth it. Thank you for sharing your life and talents with us, I look forward to your blog everyday!

  93. says

    Praying for you and sending lots of hugs your way. Starting a family can be so challenging. I have a lot of friends who tried for well over a year before it happened. Most had it happen once they came to terms with it being in gods hands and out of theirs. I hope the same for you!

  94. says

    I know sharing this is hard. I’ve lurked on your blog for about a year now and reading this really hit home. It took 18 months for my ex husband (who was an ex at the time, lol) to get pregnant with our son. It’s a confusing, frustrating time and you are definitely in my prayers.

  95. says

    Kate, I just have to share a few things that helped me in my journey to getting pregnant! We tried for almost two years (I was diagnosed with PCOS at a young age…and thought I would never have my own children) and recently found out that we are expecting sometime during the summer 2013! To God be the glory…even when we were struggling.

    But I didn’t always feel that He should be praised. I had my moments. A fellow blogger recommended Psalm 103:1-5. It was a beautiful verse to cling to. And as of late, right before I found out we were expecting, Casting Crows “Voice of Truth” would play over and over in my head. Specifically the chorus:

    But the voice of truth tells me a DIFFERENT story
    And the voice of truth says “Do not be afraid!”
    And the voice of truth says “THIS IS FOR MY GLORY”
    Out of all the voices calling out to me
    I WILL CHOOSE TO LISTEN AND BELIEVE THE VOICE OF TRUTH.

    I wrote out the chorus and bolded the capital words, then I hung it next to my bathroom mirror. Every time I saw it, I was reminded that God was claiming my life and my story for His glory. It was so comforting to me.

    I will be praying for you. I know this struggle and I know the light that comes when you are able to gain solid ground with Christ. It is a beautiful and freeing thing. May you be able to cling to His truths and continue having peace in His plan.

    • says

      Thank you for sharing this! How encouraging each of our stories can be for each other. Love it. Praying for you and yours and your growing family. :)

  96. says

    Praying for you during this time of waiting. I can certainly relate to those feelings as we await the next chapter in our lives as well. Thank you for sharing this piece of your story. It helps to have a reminder that God is completely in control and we can rest in Him.

  97. says

    Kate, I have been reading your wonderful blog for quite awhile now.

    I just wanted to tell you that i have been in your exact shoes. After struggling for 2 years to conceive, we will be welcoming our first in about 3 months. There are so many things that doctors are able to do these days. There is an immense amount of hope left for you.

    I know how difficult it is to deal with all the feelings that come along with infertility. It’s hard! Day to day it is definitely a struggle. You sound so strong to be adopting a “what will be, will be” attitude and i really admire you for that. It is no easy task. I really hope, with all my being, that things will work out for you.

  98. says

    I think sometimes you need those break down, crying, angry moments so that you can reevaluate and then when it does happen or you are pointed in a different direction, you will appreciate more than you may have before. You’re in my thoughts.

  99. says

    Kate, thank you for taking the emotional risk of writing this. It reveals a deep love for and ultimate trust in God and His plan, but without being kitschy or “pat-Christian-answer-y”. If that makes any sense.

    Anyway, please know that I’ll be praying for and with you on this journey.

  100. says

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is very brave of you to put it out there. My husband and I have also been going through the same thing for a year. It is crazy how similar our timeline has been. I have been using this time to strength my faith as it was something I had prayed for for many years to strengthen my relationship with the lord, to become immersed in his word, and he has answered that prayer. I have also used this year to work on getting fit. My mantra has been faith and fitness work on things you can control. I say that to myself many times a day. So I am in the best shape both physically and spiritually I have ever been in my life praising him for his answered prayer and perfect will. Thank you again for sharing your story you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  101. says

    Hi Kate i am sorry that you have had such a hard time over the past year and i think you are very brave to share this story with us all.

    I struggled for about 10 months to get pregnant then a good friend of mine recommended i try a program called Ovusoft and a book called Taking charge of your fertility by Tony Weschler and by following the instructions to the letter i was pregnant by the next month, now i am not saying that this method will def work for you but it is worth a shot and you have nothing to lose apart form a few bucks. here is the link http://www.tcoyf.com/ i think its worth trying before you go to see a specialist. Good luck and god bless

    • says

      I know you weren’t crying out for help/advice, but I must second sazza’s suggestion of the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility! I think it’s a must-read for ALL women whether your trying to get pregnant, trying to avoid getting pregnant, or you just want to understand your body. It’s a big book but don’t be scared, it’s written very well in a way that a typical layman can understand. The library usually has a copy if you don’t want to buy.

      I read it when I went off the pill and wanted a more natural way of avoiding pregnancy. I was 27 years old before I actually understood the menstrual cycle and it was eye opening. And more importantly I started to understand *my* menstrual cycle. Not all women fit the textbook 28 day cycle, we’re all different and understanding *your* cycle is key. I’m all for being an infomred consumer in the products I purchase and that has flowed over into being informed about my body as well.

      We still aren’t trying to get pregnant yet but I have a friend who has been struggling and I’ve been sharing that info with her. She’s currently on Clomid to help her ovulate but her doctor hasn’t mentioned anything about progesterone treatments to up her low levels after ovulation. If you ovulate it doesn’t matter a darn bit if your progesterone levels after that aren’t high enough to build and sustain the uterine lining the egg needs in order to implant and stay implanted. Ugh, sorry, didn’t mean to write a novel, you probably know all of that by now, it’s just a topic I find totally fascinating and I wish more women knew all about it. Before I read that book I didn’t even know that I didn’t know. You know? LOL!

      Again, sorry for the novel, I just wanted to second sazza’s suggestion and maybe it could be a helpful resource to another reader :)

  102. says

    I’m sorry to hear of your struggles- I know how this is s it was 4 years and many tears before we were blessed finally. My pregnancy was far from easy and I was constantly feeling out of control and determined for answers to the madness that occurred during the nine months I carried my girls. All I could cling to was to know and have faith that God is in control, and He has His perfect reason for it all. Trusting and believing in His plan for me and these babies really hard. But, He didn’t develop the human mind to figure out the future, and trusting in His way is all we can do and is simply what he asks of us as believers.

    *Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”
    *Psalm 25: 4-5 “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”
    *Philippians 4:4-6 “Rejoice in the Lord always. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to the Lord.”

    Praying for you, sister

  103. says

    I cried when I read your post. That was me a few years ago. It took two years to get pregnant. There were times when I thought every one was rubbing their kids and pregnancies in my face. I didn’t know why it wasn’t happening. I wanted it more thank anything else in the world. Then right before we were scheduled to start fertility treatments we got pregnant. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy and he was born 10 weeks early. We spent 3 months in the NICU. He turned 3 the week before Christmas. He’s the best Christmas present I’ve ever. I know its hard and nothing anyone says can make it easier. But I’ll be praying for you. someday it’ll , maybe not the way you hoped or thought it would, but it’ll happen. Just continue praying and keep your options open. Big hugs!

  104. says

    Thank you for sharing. I just found out yesterday that we have suffered our second miscarriage in the past 7 months. The road we are traveling is dark and we too are relying on God to lead us through.

  105. says

    An emotional and inspiring post, Kate. Thank you for sharing your struggles and reinforcing the faith in God’s will and plan for my life.
    In the last year, my husband and I got pregnant three times and lost all three of our little unborn souls. I, too, am glad that 2012 is over. We were devastated, angry, hurt, sad beyond comparison and everything in between. But in all of this, we found that we have so much to be thankful for – each other, our healthy five year old and hope … Hope and faith.

  106. says

    Thank you so much for writing this. My husband and I have been trying since May, and it hasn’t happened like I thought it would! You know, in high school, they tell you if you even look at a boy, you will get pregnant! It’s not as easy as that!!!! I’ve had some down days. But right now, as we are still trying, I am focusing on making myself healthy. I’ve started exercising, and telling myself that it will happen when God wants it to happen, not when I do. As I pray for us, I will also pray for you guys! We all need it!

  107. says

    Kate,
    You are a very brave woman for sharing your struggles. And I know just how you feel. We tried for a year and it didn’t happen. So we decided to do Foster care. Fast forward 4 years; We found out we were goingto be able to adopt our 2 oldest sons. A few months later we found out we were pregnant. We weren’t even trying at that point, we didn’t think it was going to happen for us. Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. I firmly believe that he was waiting for us to get the boys first. We’ve been trying for almost 2 years again and nothing so far. What has helped me the most is a website I found. http://Www.fertilityties.com There are so many other woman on there sharing their stories. It’s comforting to have virtual friends going through the same horrible situation. I will keep you in my prayers! Try out the website for support too. It really helped me.

    Lindsay

  108. says

    That IS so hard to write/talk about! It is difficult to accept that it is out of our control, but I am so very glad to you know that God is gracious and loving and good! My husband and I tried (have been trying) for almost 2 years. Last month, we became Foster parents for the first time. I was nervous that it would make me more angry that I couldn’t get pregnant, but above all else, it showed me that God knows and chooses what sweet babies will be a part of our family, no matter how long they stay with us. Praying for you, and hoping God provides peace and understanding in all things.

  109. says

    The advice you give is good for all types of struggles…. Coming from someone likewise stepping into the unknown on a different topic… Having faith one day at a time…. God has his own TimeTable and it may not be our own…. I recommend the book Your Beautiful Purpose by Susie Larson….

  110. says

    Kate, I will say extra prayers for you all in this. I did not have my daughter until I was 32, so I understand where you’re coming from.

    Just know there are lots of people praying for you, and for the little one that will be part of your family one day.

  111. says

    Do you have Chris Tomlin’s new CD? Burning Lights. #9 is called Sovereign and I thought of it as I read your post. I think you’ll like it.
    Just prayed for you & your hubby. Blessings to you!

  112. says

    Thank you for sharing this, my brother is in the Marine Corps and he will be deploying soon. I am his older sister…I worry a lot about him. I really needed to sit back and “let it be”. You are a very strong woman to sit there and write this, God is amazing and sends amazing people in our lives to help us along the journey we don’t know we are going to be walking through. Bless you and your family. My prayers are with you and your family. Sing a song of Praise throughout the days!

  113. says

    Having struggled with infertility for 4 years (with each of my daughters :), I’m hesitant to give advice. I’ll only say that you’re in a healthy place when putting it in God’s hands. He sees you and KNOWS.

  114. says

    thank you for being such an open conduit of God’s grace, mercy, and love. I am so sorry that you have to go through this – it’s amazing how so many women struggle with this, but no one talks about it. You are so wonderful and strong for sharing. Kate, I will be praying for you ALL the time – I know He will bless you immensely in 2013.

  115. says

    Kate,
    Thank you for sharing your past year and your heart with us your readers. I appreciate your vulnerability with us, I am sure it wasn’t an easy thing to do. I have added you and Justin to my prayer list. God is faithful and works all things together for good to those who love him. Believing that the peace he has given you at the beginning of this year will carry you through whatever comes along the way in 2013.
    Amy

  116. says

    I love your blog, and I am currently wearing one of you hairdos :) When I read today’s blog, I read the first line about your struggle and started to cry. This too is my story. I have a sweet 4 year old and want more children. For some reason, #2 has been way harder than the first. We tried for a year and a half – nothing. We did it all too. I watched everyone around me announce babies on facebook, blogs, etc. and would get SO upset. I was completely surprised by this emotion as were you. The anger was crazy. So, I prayed. And prayed. And found peace. It took a while.

    And what do you know? By the grace of God, I am pregnant with precious #2. So trust me, it will happen. I know it. I feel it.

    Thank you for sharing. God bless.

  117. says

    Kate, I am so sorry that you are going through that emotional struggle! I’m going to share my story with you, not because it’s the same but because it’s the opposite. I get pregnant, let’s just say, easily. I have 2 little boys that are 18 months apart. In November, I found out I was pregnant again. I was in total shock, not knowing if I could handle 3 little children. I was scared out of my mind. As the weeks passed, I became more used to the idea that I was going to have a 3rd baby. That is until December 27th, when I started bleeding. I was shaking, and so scared. I knew something was wrong. The next day it was immensely worse, and I went to the ER. It was there that I found out I was miscarrying my baby. I was alone, and the ER staff wasn’t very compassionate. My heart is very broken in a way that I didn’t know it could break. I mean, I never met this baby and it was only 8 weeks gestation so it shouldn’t be hard, right? Wrong. I’ve been avoiding people who knew I was pregnant, so I don’t have to say “Actually, I had a miscarriage.”, because it brings up all the feelings I’ve been hiding. Yesterday was the first time I had to do that, and I was on the verge of a breakdown right that second. I know this isn’t just like your story, but I want you to know that you are not alone when it comes to heartbreak. It’s hard, very hard, but because we believe in God and His plan, we can get through this. My best advice for you is to relax, take a breath, and try not to stress over it. I am praying for you, and hoping that God gives you a little bundle of joy. It WILL happen, and it WILL be the best gift EVER! *Sending you love from IN*

  118. says

    Kate, while I didn’t struggle with fertility, other reasons led to years of delay in having children when I wanted. I finally gave birth to my son in August. Looking into his eyes, knowing that I wouldn’t have him in my life had all of those other situations not taken place, gives me incredible peace knowing that there truly was a reason that I had to wait. I know that you will be a wonderful mom some day. I pray that you will be able to look into your child’s eyes and have that same peace VERY soon. **hugs!** Thanks for sharing. You are an amazing woman!

  119. says

    THANK YOU!!!

    I myself have been struggling through for 2.5 years with no explanation. Some days are better than others. I never we would have to struggle to start a family. Every atom in my body has been tested, but I have not broken yet.

    Continue to share your story because those of us who don’t need a voice. We may be on different paths but we are are all on the same journey.

  120. says

    Kate,
    Thank you so much for your raw honesty and vulnerability in this post today. It couldn’t have been easy to put your journey out here like this, but the Father knew these were words that I needed to read today. While my walk is different and my frustration has not been with pregnancy, I do understand hope deferred. Not understanding the where and why’s of God’s plan can be so frustrating for us sometimes, but knowing that others have faced this same thing is a gentle reminder that I’m human and it’s not my job to understand His ways. Thanks for the encouragement to lean in a little closer to His heart and trust Him today!

  121. says

    My dear sweet Kate. You are so special. I’m envious that you have found a place of peace. I struggled for 4 years to have a baby. I wish I would have found the words of God then. It’s not that I didn’t know him but I was so angry & bitter that I didn’t find the place of peace you have found. I went through 2 miscarriages, fertility treatments & eventually when I told my husband I wanted to stop it all & heal myself, that’s when my pregnancy became a sustainable embryo that we now call “the angry teenager”. You are a child of God & wonderfully made. Don’t forget that.

  122. says

    Although I have no way of completely understanding what you have been going through, I have had friends who have experienced this situation and it just breaks my heart to know of the pain and frustration that they have been dealing with while attempting to get pregnant.

    I have a feeling deep down that when my day comes to start a family, I know that it won’t be easy. I am sure I’ll face the same challenges and thoughts as what you have been dealing with. However, I can come back to your post and feel reassured that prayer and faith can do wonders – and let it happen when the time is right.

    I know that your time will come, I have faith! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.

  123. says

    Thank you so much for allowing God to use you to inspire, touch and reach the hearts of others. What a blessing you and your blog are in this world. Will be praying for you and whatever God has in the future for your family! God bless you!

  124. says

    My dear sweet Kate. You are so special. I’m envious that you have found a place of peace. I struggled for 4 years to have a baby. I wish I would have found the words of God then. It’s not that I didn’t know him but I was so angry & bitter that I didn’t find the place of peace you have found. I went through 2 miscarriages, fertility treatments & eventually when I told my husband I wanted to stop it all & heal myself, that’s when my pregnancy became a sustainable embryo that we now call “the angry teenager”. You are a child of God & wonderfully made. Don’t forget that.

  125. says

    This post brought tears to my eyes. My prayers go out to you and your husband. I am so glad that you found your peace in the Lord and I pray that you continue to dwell there as you walk this path. Praying for answers and may God bless you guys with a bundle of joy in 2013.

  126. says

    You are so strong for coming out about your struggles! As I’m sure you know, you’re not alone. I’ve had very severe and agressive endometriosis for years, and the doctors tell me I may never get pregnant or be able to carry full-term. I sometimes sink into sadness and anger when I see people having unplanned or teen pregnancies. Why is it so easy for them and not for me, someone who is dying to have a baby? My husband is always quick to remind me that my life is in God’s hands, and if we are meant to be birth parents, it will happen. Otherwise, we’ll be the best adopted parents a baby has ever known. Hang in there! You’ve got my prayers coming your way!

    • says

      You hang in there too Wendy! I too struggled with endometriosis and all of the complications that are part of endo. It’s a difficult journey regardless of how it ends. So thankful that we’re not alone and that God has our backs. :)

  127. says

    Kate, thanks so much for sharing. I have a couple of friends that have or are currently struggling with this, and I know first hand how raw and painful their waiting is. Just remember it’s okay to be frustrated and disappointed — just keep drawing near to God and He will be faithful to meet you where you are. Thanks again for your story, it was such an encouragement to me today. :)

  128. says

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Kate. I know that posting something so personal is not easy. Like you and so many other women, I have faced similar situations this past year. Your post was such an encouragement to me this morning. I heard a Jim Elliot quote this past week that really spoke to me – “God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.” I will be praying for you and your Hubby.
    ~ Alaina

  129. says

    Sweet Kate… I know you don’t know me, but through your AMAZING writing, I feel like I know just a small, small part of you. I’m so glad to hear that you have come to a better place. But know that whatever you are feeling (angry, scared, frustrated, etc.) – those are YOUR feelings. Whatever you feel, that is what God allows you to feel. Once you turn to him, he can help you with those feelings and turn them into something amazing, which is sounds like he has already done!

    I know great things are in store for you and your husband, and I will pray for you both. I will pray for patience, peace, guidance, and something to complete your heart. Know that there are many of us – that you don’t know – that wish you and your family all the best, and are happy to support you in any way that we can.

    Thank you – SO MUCH – for sharing your very personal story. It’s nice to know that we are not alone.

    Blessings – Jenn

  130. says

    I just want to thank you so much for sharing your heart and what you’re going through! My husband and I have been trying for almost two and a half years and are actually moving forward with medical treatment right now. It’s still a scary/exciting/nerve wracking time, but we have decided to fully put our trust and hope in the Lord, and that is what has gotten us through every step of this journey.

    This might sound strange, but I’m proud of you for sharing this! I remember how I felt at one year, and I had not yet made peace with our situation; I was still angry and a little bit in denial. You are stepping out in faith and God honors that. The one thing that I’ve learned through all this is that it can either be all for God’s glory, or not. We’ve chosen to give God glory with our infertility by first of all, trusting Him with it and letting him guide us. God has also used our situation to give me opportunities to speak to and minister to other women who are either in the same situation or something like it. After all, how many of us want something that we can’t seem to attain whether it be a baby, a husband, the perfect job, a house, etc.? Satan would love for us to feel alone in our struggle but the truth is that infertility is just another chance for us to surrender our lives and desires to God, and like your beautiful quote said, wait for Him to surprise us. I’ll be praying for you and your husband and please know that you’re not alone!

  131. says

    I had a friend who tried for years. She had almost given up. Today she has four, the youngest of which is in high school (and was a surprise). Ironic, no? I pray God grants you the desire of your heart, and that you can continue to trust him with the “how.”

  132. says

    I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog over the past few weeks (I’m late to the game, I know), and I know how difficult it can be to get your deepest, and sometimes darkest, secrets out on paper – let alone on the internet for the world to see. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! When I’m struggling with my faith and understanding the things that happen (or don’t happen) in my life, I cling to this:
    “Faith in God includes faith in His timing”

    I hope your 2013 is filled with blessings and happiness and answered prayers!

  133. says

    Kate, thank you so much for posting this. Infertility is the absolute worst. We are on year 5 of trying for our 2nd. I can’t tell you how many tears I’ve cried due to infertility. It kills me that I can’t give my son a sibling. But, I continue to have hope and pray everyday. I hope you don’t have to go through too much before you get your miracle. St Gerard is the patron saint for mothers. God bless you.

  134. says

    Kate,

    My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wonderful husband. he is such a blessing to have during a time like this. My husband and I have been married for almost 1.5 years, so we have not yet started trying. We may soon, so your words are encouragement for my future and the journey we plan to take. Thank you so much for sharing. Love, hugs, support, prayers, thoughts and good wishes are sent to you from Roanoke, VA!

  135. says

    Thank you for sharing Kate. I am sitting at my desk reading and tearing up…that was beautiful. We had our son very easily and then when I became pregnant again a couple of years later (with twins!)we lost the first baby at 8 weeks and the second at 14…right after we announced the pregnancy. A few months passed and I miscarried again at 6 weeks. I used to ask God “why me?” and then it hit me like a ton of bricks: why NOT me? He has a plan… I didn’t know what His plan for me was, but I decided to just trust in Him and see what he had in store for us. I went on to have two more healthy pregnancies that resulted in beautiful baby girls. When I look at those little lovebugs I know that He knew that these babies were meant for me – and that I look forward to my angel babies showing me all around heaven someday. You are in my prayers. Take care!

  136. says

    Thank you for sharing your personal struggles. As a fan of your blog and a follower of your fashion I admire you. I will pray for your continued patience and that answers are given so that you and your husband may grow your family- however God has planned. Stay strong!

  137. says

    Kate – Thank you for sharing this part of your journey, I know it isn’t easy to talk about. From reading your blog every single day I feel like I know you and want to give you a huge hug! I am praying for you and your husband.

  138. says

    This is such a hard thing, and the pain and sorrow of seeing that negative test month after month is such a uniquely female experience that you put so well in to words. We struggled with infertility and miscarriages for years before conceiving our daughter and knowing that the problem lied entirely in my hormonal imbalances made it all too ready to blame my self.
    I can say that the month I made peace that maybe I would never be a mother, that maybe there was a different path my life was supposed to take, was the month I pregnant with my precious daughter :)
    I would also highly recommend looking in to a vitamin/ herb called vitex. It does wonders for hormone/ovulation regulation.
    Sending love and baby wishes your way!

  139. says

    You are a brave and courageous woman. Thank you for sharing. I hope that one day I can follow in your footsteps and share my struggle with infertility. You and Justin are in my thoughts and prayers.

  140. says

    What a beautifully written post. I can only imagine what you have been going through. You are an amazing person to have found the strength you needed in God and to place your trust in him. I will pray for you and your husband. The adventure to motherhood and motherhood itself is an emotional rollercoater. Cry at times, be angry and find peace. Remember it may not always be easy to find peace and to trust God’s plan and that’s okay. Continue to remember that God has a plan for you. I am sure as amazing as you are the plan is amazing also.

  141. says

    Just wanted to say sorry 2012 didn’t go as planned, and hoping for 2013 to be better for you! My husband and I tried for quite some time to get pregnant, it took two years but we were blessed with a beautiful little girl and two years later two handsome boys!

  142. says

    Gosh, it’s so true. We grow up dreaming what our life will look like when we grow up – complete with our husband and however many kids we think we want. No one ever talks about the fact that it might not happen just as we’d planned. No one ever talks about the struggles and trials and tribulations of getting pregnant, being a mother, and even being a wife. You’re wise beyond your years to have realized that God has a plan for you and it’s up to you to discover that path. I will pray for you that you’re able to find the path and for your subsequent journey. Kudos to you for sharing your story so that others may benefit from your experiences.

  143. says

    Kate,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Infertility seems to be a stigma in our culture that isn’t talked about very much and I commend you for sharing your story. My husband and I also have struggled with infertility for years. I am actually pregnant now and due in August 2013, but it took a long time to get here and we still have hurdles to get over. It took us 2.5 years and medical intervention to get pregnant. Don’t feel ashamed or defeated because you have to turn to medicine. It’s there for a reason; to help those of us who struggle to have children. My husband and I tried for 2.5 years without a single positive test! We went to a fertility Dr and got a battery of tests done and we were unexplained infertility which is even more frustrating! So, we turned to IUIs (Intrauterine Insemination). The first one didn’t work. The 2nd one worked but sadly it ended in a miscarriage. The 3rd one worked and I am almost 11 weeks pregnant now! We are having an invasive CVS genetic test done on our baby next week because my husband carries a chromosomal translocation, so we’re not out of the water yet until we get the results back on our little miracle. Sorry to ramble on but please don’t give up. I’ve been where you are at and it is hard, but you will pull through. God has a plan. I highley recommend you see a fertility Dr so you can start getting some answers so you can get closer to your dream of having a baby! My hearts goes out to you and your husband and wish you the best of luck because you deserve it. Please keep your chin up and know that you will get your little miracle when you least expect it. ((HUGS))

  144. says

    OHHHHHH KATE! this is beautiful. the longest word in the Bible…in the dictionary for that matter is wait.
    “I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD!” Let those words in Jeremiah sink in. Although you don’t know, it’s pure comfort, sheer joy and blessed excitement to rest in the promise that HE knows! I just wish we could sit down with delicious coffee and I could tell you all I know about waiting in the Lord–ha!
    Congratulations on your breakthrough. Don’t give up and ENJOY the journey!
    xoxo

  145. says

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I know what it’s like to be in your shoes. I wanted a baby so bad and for 10 months nothing happened. I was jealous of all my friends who were getting pregnant, but my mom told me to stop worrying and thinking about it so much. So I did. I put it in God’s hands and I stopped trying to have control. We went on vacation to Maui and I came back with a souvinier ;) that was 7 years ago, and I have an almost 6 year old daughter. In 2009 I had surgery on my cervix and they told me I would have a difficult time getting pregnant. And that I would have to wait up to a year to start trying. I wrote a blog about how I felt, about God’s perfect timing. Little did I know I was pregnant for the 2nd time when I wrote that blog. I had complications with my pregnancy, went on bed rest at 20 weeks. But I had another beautiful daughter who is now 2. I am thankful my body can bear life. Begin to thank God for your wanted child, he knows your hearts desire Kate ;)

  146. says

    You described how 2012 was for me perfectly. My mom was diagnosed, treated, and now in remission for Hodgkins Lymphoma and we struggled with being unable to conceive as well. I am very familiar with the anger with God, yourself, and the world and it is a dark place to be in. I chose to have an HSG done (a radiology procedure to make sure my ovaries and tubes were clear). After the test, I also chose to give up my anger and frustrations and accept that what’s going to happen will happen. Doing something different really helped me as did letting go of the anger.

    Whatever the future holds for you and your husband, you are lucky to have each other and to be on the same page. Good luck and I’m sending prayers your way!

  147. says

    Wow! Thank for sharing this. You are a inspiration you give hope, and faith a chance, when most women would just lay down and cur-come to the thought of not getting pregnant. I’m also am a true believer that the Lord will take care of you, and that he will never take you to, what he can’t take you through. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  148. says

    Kate,
    I loved this post! I have felt the same way so many times in the past few years. My husband and I have a little girl. We have been trying since she was two to get pregnant- she will be five in July. I was too was angry. God spoke so clearly to me one day during my prayer time. Wasn’t what He had already given me sufficient? Yikes! Friend, I am praying for you! Thank you for putting my thoughts to words! Love you!

  149. says

    What a gift that you were willing to share this part of your story with this community. I am reminded yet again that behind the helpful videos, scrumptious recipes, beautiful pictures, and stylish outfits, there is pain. And raw emotion. And struggle. And transformation. Sometimes the complexity and difficulties of life can get lost in the blogging world, but your courage to be human and to lean on the strength of the Lord is a deeper inspiration than any other lesson you’ve taught us. May the peace of Christ continue to guard and guide you.

  150. says

    Wow, I think you and I had identical years. I was so glad to see 2012 go because it was a hard and dark year for us too. December marked 1.5 years of trying to get pregnant for us (in our mid-20′s, healthy adults), but like you, I recently had a “breakthrough” and finally put it all in God’s hands. I can finally smile and be happy for a sister-in-law that got pregnant after 3 months of “kinda trying, but not really”. :) Thank you for being braver than I am by putting yourself out there and sharing with all of us. Please keep us updated on your journey!

  151. says

    My husband and i have been together for 16 years. We have a son who is , got pregnant 3 months after we got married. Easy, so why would i think it wouldn’t be the same the next time? I wanted my kids 4 years apart……this was “the plan”. We tried and tried, nothing. I finally went to a fertility specialist, he did a lap on me, results were fine. I started taking some infertility meds that would hopefully help, nothing. He did another lap and this time i was full of endometriosis. My tubes were 100 percent blocked. That was it, no chance now….well some how i ended up getting pregnant. We were over joyed! Then we lost the baby. A very dark time, for a very long time. Then i just decided to be thankful for my son and just enjoy! Years later we thought about fostering to adopt. We got or baby girl when she was a day old! We finally ended up getting her adopted 3 days after sheturned 2 :-) i believe now that everything happens for a reason. God knew that someday this beautiful little girl would need us…..as much as we needed her. Thinking of you :-)

  152. says

    You have no idea how perfect the timing is for this post! My husband and I are walking the same path as you and Justin. We too started trying last February. We tried for several months, but it became too stressful so we stopped for a few months and then have now picked back up again.In the back of my head I have always had a fear of not being able to conceive naturally or having a problem. It never fails that when I’m having the hardest day with the stress of trying to get pregnant the song “While I’m Waiting” comes on and I can’t help but break down. I have the hardest time giving it all to Him and just wait. I know he has a plan, waiting is just the hard part. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers for I know what you are going thru. Thank you for being so open and honest with what’s going on. God has great plans for you and I’m sure being an awesome mother is in that plan!

  153. says

    My heart breaks when a woman is trying to get pregnant and just can’t. My prayers go out to you and your husband, my sis in law and her husband were going through the same thing..they have been married about 6 yrs now and after trying, trying, trying..boom! She is expecting and due in June. You’re in a good place, understanding that God is good and gracious regardless of circumstances. I’m encouraged by that and I’m sure many others will be as well. Thank you for sharing your story. Psalm 46 1-3 :)

  154. says

    Thank you for your post. Although I’m not struggling with infertility, my year has been similar to yours. I’m having some hormore imbalance problems. I’ve been very uncomfortable and in pain for over a year. The only thing keeping me from depression is God. I’ve grown so much over the past year. My faith has grown. My husband and I are closer than ever. I’m still not feeling 100%, but I can look back on the past year and be glad that God has gotten me through it. These are the songs that I listen to everyday: Everything (Colton Dixon version), How He Loves (David Crowder Band) and Only a Man (Jonny Lang). I’ll be praying for you and your husband that God blesses you with a baby soon. He knows your heart and your desires.

  155. says

    I can’t imagine how difficult that was to write… and post! Thank you for sharing. Stay strong! Praying for you and Justin and all the women out there trying to get pregnant!

  156. says

    My heart breaks when a woman is trying to get pregnant and just can’t. My prayers go out to you and your husband, my sis in law and her husband were going through the same thing..they have been married about 6 yrs now and after trying, trying, trying..boom! She is expecting and due in June. You’re in a good place, understanding that God is good and gracious regardless of circumstances. I’m encouraged by that and I’m sure many others will be as well. Thank you for sharing your story. Psalm 46 1-3 :)

  157. says

    Thank you for your candid honesty and sharing what you are learning. I needed to hear this so much! My husband and I will start our “journey to a family” this year after being married for 2 1/2 years. I’ve had baby fever for a long time now but waiting until the right time has been both hard and worth it. God is so good! I hope you don’t mind me sharing the picture you posted. That particular part of the devotion hit right at my heart as well. May the Lord bless you and your husband in this journey and reward you for your devotion to him. God bless, Katie, and thank you for all your posts. You truly have many gifts and share them in such a loving way. It’s so obvious to me the Christ shines through you in all that you do. ❤

  158. says

    This was a beautiful post, thank you so much for sharing with us and reminding us who our Rock is. “When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the Rock that is higher than me.”

  159. says

    Thank you for this post. I only wish I had read it while I was going through what you are dealing with now. My husband and I tried for 2 years before we finally got pregnant. We have a precious baby boy now, but I remember being angry and jealous of others having babies. I would really get upset to read stories of people not wanting their babies, having abortions, etc. Meanwhile, every time my sister and her husband decided they were ready to have a baby, it happened immediately. Everyone is different, and it is definitely hard to understand. I think God knew when I would be ready to be a mom and now I wouldn’t change it. I pray for you and all the other women going through this. Thank you for being so open on a subject that is usually kept under wraps. May God bless you and your husband :)

  160. says

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I think this post applies to anyone who is struggling through something right now. Whether it’s trying to get pregnant, a new job, financial hardship, illness….this applies. Trusting God should be the easiest thing ever, but for me personally it has been a serious struggle. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in that struggle (I’m not married/trying to get pregnant, but this year has had some devastating losses and challenges for me). Thank you for being open and honest and real.

  161. says

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey and being open with your feelings. I know it’s a difficult process and journey and all the mixed emotions that come along with it. Be encouraged that you are not alone in all of those difficult thoughts and emotions.

    Infertility is VERY painful. In the midst of 2 very difficult years with life happenings and losses, my husband and I now know that with medical certainty that we will not have children biologically. Knowing that certainty has not made the pain any less difficult. However what helps to keep my hope is knowing that God really wants and has plans for us for a fulfilling, and happy life, even if we do not yet know what that will look like. I’m thankful that on those hard days I have that to cling to.

    I will be praying that even on your best and worse days to come that you will continue to feel comforted while walking through your thoughts and feelings on this journey.

    Thank you again for being beautifully transparent.

    Shannon :)

  162. says

    Kate, I came to your blog via a link from a friend. I am always encouraged by reading a believer’s “waiting” testimony. God had my husband and I wait 9 years and 3 months for our first child (not that I counted or anything…) and He taught me so much about Himself and about MY wretched heart during that time. I had friends and children of friends (who came along and grew up while we were trying!) praying for me. One sweet friend pointed me to Hab 3:17-19. So many people know v 18-19 “Yet, I will trust in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation and He has made my feet like hinds feet and makes me walk on my high places” what they aren’t as familiar with is how v17 goes…”Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vine, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls,…” everything in v17 is *barren* — *empty*…just. like. I. was. and then v18 comes crashing in with that great first word: YET I will exult in the LORD (my emphasis on “yet”). YET…despite ALL that is true in V17, I will CHOOSE TO TRUST in the Lord. I will CHOOSE to exult in the Lord. “Yet…” it’s a choice! Radically changed my thinking about the entire infertility situation. It was the first of many things that God used to reveal sins I was harboring in my heart!

    Man, was that ever convicting. And encouraging. God is so kind to give us truth from His Word when we need it and how we need it! Praying that you will learn the lessons God is wanting to teach you through this trial.

  163. says

    Kate – thank you so much for your post today. I know that wasn’t an easy thing to open up about, but it touched me today! I think we all deal with things that are hurtful and hard, and it is so hard to walk away and know that God knows what’s going to happen and he will take care of us. It’s so hard to not know the next thing – I’ve been praying about this myself a lot lately, and your post helped me think more on the power of prayer and how important it is to have faith. Thank you! God Bless!

  164. says

    Kate, you are simply wonderful. As I read your post tears were streaming down my face. My heart ached for you and your struggle. I’m in awe of your bravery, it takes a strong person to put it all out there. So many women share your struggle and it helps so much to have other people to relate to. I pray that you have continued peace and that you may one day be blessed with a perfect gift from God. God’s Blessings be with you!

  165. says

    I so understand your heart. The desire to have children is fierce. I have a complicated and really non existent relationship with God after my journey, but I am glad you have something to hope in.

    We struggled with infertility for 10 years. After praying and trying natural things for the first 7, we started the medical route. Since 2010, I have had four surgeries. I have spent over $50,000 in medical bills. I have had three miscarriages. And in the last two years I have delivered 2 stillborn babies (one at 16 weeks/4 months, a girl named Eve and one at 24/6 months weeks, a boy named Caleb). It turns out getting pregnant wasn’t my only problem. Life can be cruel. This year, I welcomed a sweet baby boy named Seth, whose name in Hebrew means “chosen” and “appointed”. He is in his crib right now squealing and squeaking. He wasn’t born alive, but was resuscitated at delivery and is now thriving. I also dealt with a heart condition called “Broken Heart Syndrome”, an illness that recreates a heart attack over and over and is brought on by trama, throughout my pregnancy and after it.

    I so wish our journey was different. Easier.

    I hope yours is too.

    from, an Infertile Sister

    • says

      Kim, thank you for sharing this. My husband and I have been trying for years, with medical help, and not even one pregnancy to show for it. I also have an almost non existent relationship with God. I started out so faithful, and then God/life just kept knocking me down (and kicking me when I got there). At this point, I consider myself more of a deist – I still believe in God, I just don’t think he’s involved in our little lives. It is the only way I can make sense of all this. A good and loving Father would NOT let his beloved children go through what we go through here on earth. He would not give multiple babies to women who abuse and kill them, and withhold babies from women who would do nothing but love them.

  166. says

    Kate, Thank you for sharing your personal story with the world. You are a brave woman for sharing your story, and I hope that it helps other women as they struggle with their own frustrations and confusions to know that they are not alone. Your recent posts about living a healthier lifestyle shows that you are committed to taking care of yourself, not only spiritually, but also physically. I believe those two things together will help you overcome anything. Good luck to you and your husband. Best wishes.

  167. says

    Kate, thank you for sharing this incredibly personal, difficult part of your life with us. My husband and I tried for a couple of years and after no success we gave up thinking that when the time was right it would just happen. We wanted to try again a couple of years ago and I had severe complications that landed me in the hospital having to have an emergency D&C and two blood transfusions. I had prayed for a child of our own for so long that it was hard to change my prayers to asking that His will be done. I know it’s cliche, but I have to tell myself that there is a reason for everything, however I know the anger and heartache you felt. I hurt that I can’t give my parents a grandchild. I work with addicts and I currently have a client who is pregnant with her third child, her older two aren’t in her custody, I get angry. Why her and not me? Then I remind myself this is God’s plan for us, whether it’s just for now or forever, I’m trying so hard to trust it, and in the meantime, I’m being the best Auntie I can be! I’m praying for you and Justin. I pray God answers your prayers and blesses you with children.

  168. says

    I just read your post with tears streaming down my face. You have a lot of courage in sharing your story – I went through infertility as well for 2 years and had to come to overcome my sense of shame that I couldn’t just do what a woman was just “supposed” to be able to do. When I finally reached out it became overwhelmingly obvious that this issue is HUGELY common and there was no need to feel ashamed. There is hope – with medical help, our first son was born on our 3rd wedding anniversary; our second arriving 2 years later. Praying for you, Kate!!

  169. says

    I am praying for you too! I love what you said on how He knows. Yes, our Father knows. And He can’t wait to share His plans for us because He’s even more excited about them than we our. I, too, have gone through a lot this year – lots to be happy and excited about but also a year of transition. The wait is hard. And learning to wait is harder. I’m praying for you my sister, and am so thankful and blessed that you shared your heart with us. Thank you! May God bless you even more abundantly!

  170. says

    of all things I needed to read this morning, this is what I needed. I have been struggling with wanting so badly to know my path in life… reading this reminded me that I just need to let.it.go. Thank you.

  171. says

    Precious story. Thank you for being so real. I battled anger with God when my Mom died at an early age, it’s an awful place to be. It took me two years to get to that point where I could give it up and allow peace & acceptance back into my life. As difficult as that time was, I learned so.much.from.it. Grace has a new meaning to me. Faith has a new meaning to me. I tolerate the unknown and times where there are just no answers so much more for having gone through it. Here’s to a sweeter story when you close out 2013!

  172. says

    First I’m so sorry you are going through and second I thank you for having the courage to write about it. My husband and I have been in the same situation since August 2011. It’s such a hard, dark time and like you I can’t believe how wonderful and supportive my husband has been. I’ve also struggled with letting go and letting God’s plan take the lead, I am a planner to a fault I’ve learned :) But I agree with you when you said you will not miss 2012. We had a few minor procedures done and decided that we won’t move on to IUI or IVF and that whatever God’s plan is for us, we will gladly follow. We’re now starting to look into adoption and I’m still working on coming to terms with the fact that we may always just be a family of two. But if that is the case, we are still a ‘family’ no less. I’ll be praying for you and Justin and all the other couples out there. It’s hard too at this age where it feels like there is another friend every day getting pregnant. But I know, as for us, God has big things in store for you and great blessings! Each day will get better. Thanks for being so open.

  173. says

    Kate,

    I also struggled w/infertility. It’s not an easy thing to deal with and it was hard for me to listen to all the advice people had for us. I was lucky enough to have two amazing pregnancies and now am Mom to three boys…with lots of help from an incredible infertility specialist.
    I wish you the very best. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
    Thank you for sharing your struggle with this. I know it has helped many other women out there going through the same thing right now.
    Colleen

  174. says

    Kate,

    I also struggled w/infertility. It’s not an easy thing to deal with and it was hard for me to listen to all the advice people had for us. I was lucky enough to have two amazing pregnancies and now am Mom to three boys…with lots of help from an incredible infertility specialist.
    I wish you the very best. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
    Thank you for sharing your struggle with this. I know it has helped many other women out there going through the same thing right now.
    Colleen

  175. says

    Thank you Kate for writing this! I know you may not be able to read or even respond to my message but either way I wanted to say thank you. Even though I am not going through exactly what you are going through I am extremely grateful for your transparency of youremotions and how you overcame them. It is a testiment to me in the current season I am in my life and gives me hope that I can also overcome my emotions. But most importantly knowing that you put your trust in God and what example that is! Again thank you for being honest and awesome :)

  176. says

    Thank you for sharing! We had a five year season of hurting, losing pregnancy after pregnancy… but it was during that season I learned the true meaning of JOY. I learned it wasn’t about me, but about glorifying God through the hurt, and holding out hope because His plans are far more important than my own. It was also during that season when I realized just how common this type of situation is… I don’t say that to downplay anything, even the slightest bit. I say it because it’s something that women tend to keep secret until someone else is brave enough to speak out. It’s only then that people feel the courage to say “Hey, that happened to me too!” You reach such a broad audience, and are so loved by your readers. So thanks for sharing your story so that someone else may feel the courage to share theirs.

  177. says

    This is absolutely, exactly what I needed to hear (read) this morning. As a single 30-something, the idea that I am not yet married has never really bothered me…until this year. Apparently there is such a thing as the baby “itch” and it kicked in for me in a big way recently as well. So not being married, not being a mom…yeah, emotions ran high this year. But it is so sweet to have fresh reminders all around me through friends, family, church and even blogs, that God is near, He is all knowing and He is good and my job is simply to walk in His presence and let Him love me. Thanks for your transparency this morning…its just what this Texas girl needed.

  178. says

    Thank you for being so courageous in sharing your story with all of us. God is using you in more ways than you know, Kate. While in prayer sometime last summer it was put on my heart to pray for you concerning pregnancy. I felt a little strange about it because you don’t know me and I had no clue if my prayers were needed at all. I guess it just goes to show that God was at work at all times, in strange ways that we may never even realize. I will continue to pray for all of these women who have poured their hearts out. Lots of love!

  179. says

    Kate,
    What a truly revealing post. I have to say that you are speaking to my soul as your words were read.

    My mom was told she would never have children after 13 years of marriage and was scheduled to have a hysterectomy. After she felt what she described as her intuition- she canceled the appointment and one month later ended up pregnant with me (34 years ago). Because of my moms struggles- I have been keenly aware that becoming pregnant can be a lot more difficult then anticipated and I’ve always had in the back of my mind that I should never expect it to be easy for myself because of my moms difficulties.

    My husband and I have just seriously started to “try” this past month and I feel my relationship with the Lord is deeply connected in this because I have to know that HE knows what is right for us. I won’t lie, I am aware that there might be times when I have anger and frustration that we aren’t pregnant. I am also aware of the complete miracle that it is to actually become pregnant. Either way, I have chosen that I need to except his path for me and our family. (Which, it’s hard to release all of that control for someone like me). Maybe becoming a mother won’t involve pregnancy for me, or maybe it will.

    I feel as if we have had similar questions and inner dialog- even though I’m just “starting” and you have been “actively trying” and I want you to know that you are not alone. You have the Lord- which you are well aware of AND you have people like me having similar emotions and feelings. I pray every day that HE with bless me with the opportunity to become a mother. I pray for EVERYONE, you included, for ALL the women who are trying to become mothers.

    Thank you for opening up and sharing, I truly appreciate your transparency.
    xoxo
    Charlie

  180. says

    Beautifully, beautifully said. I love that last line you wrote. Blessed assurance from our Lord is the greatest gift! (even though we always look for answers!)

    I hope and pray you and your husband find and are at peace with whatever answer God has for your life.

  181. says

    Kate, That is very brave of you to share your struggle with us. Please keep the faith and stay positive. I know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I tried for a little over 2 years to get pregnant. There was no medical reason that it wasn’t happening, it just wasn’t happening. In February 2010, we got the most amazing news that we had waiting so long for, and our beautiful Teague was born on October 26 of that year. Just so you know that there are so many of us that have gone through what you are going through. I’ll be thinking of you and praying for “positive” news for you and your husband very soon.

  182. says

    Kate, thank you for your honest view into this very difficult experience. I know there are many women that may read your blog that look up to you in many areas – style, fashion, design, encouragement etc… While I’m sure you don’t know the reasons for the difficulty you and Justin may have during this season of your life I am CONFIDENT that your honesty and openness about this struggle will be used to his glory and will bless and encourage others who are going through this same experience. While I don’t know you personally, please know that there are women around the country that are lifting you up in prayer (myself included). May God bless your devotion to him during this difficult time!

  183. says

    Long time reader, never commented. Your words moved me to comment, though! I am praying diligently for you right not. Your post left me bobbing my head in feverish agreement and sobbing quietly at my desk. I am struggling with secondary fertility currently. My husband and I have been trying for 8 months now. We have a daughter, so I feel guilty and gluttonous for being upset at wanting more. But a hole remains in my heart for another child, nonetheless. You wrote my pain and struggles perfectly and beautifully. I added you to my list of daily prayers. Thank you for the reminder that I’m not alone and that we have to strive to accept God’s will and timing. Sometimes a very tall order to fill, but our calling!

  184. says

    Your honesty is something to be admired. I will be praying for you and Justin as you continue to try to conceive. It’s a hard road, I’m certain, I dealt with miscarriage on my first pregnancy and I remember those same feelings…but His timing is ALWAYS perfect! It’s very big of you to sit back and realize that. Love that quote from Oswald Chambers.

  185. says

    Kate–I don’t know if you read all of these comments, but I want you to know that you have personally touched my life. For the better. So much for the better. I was content in my frumpy ways, I didn’t pay close attention to looking at myself, because I wasn’t happy with myself. After starting to take a closer look, I realize I am happier and more self-confident, and SO MUCH of that has to do with your advice and tips on this emotional outpouring that you call The Small Things Blog. I no longer feel frumpy on the inside, and it is shining through on the outside. Part of this, like I said, is due entirely to you! I got my first few compliments in what seemed like years because of a few hairstyles I tried from your tutorials. I wear makeup more confidently now, because I have actually learned a little bit about it.
    You’ve also made a life time follower out of me–my husband and I have been trying for over 6 years to become pregnant. I know that may sound crazy of a 27 year old to say, but I was orphaned at a young age and have been over-eager to start my own family. I can recognize with the anger, the jealousy, the complete sorrow. Even tonight I have ANOTHER baby shower I’m going to. My husband doesn’t understand why I put myself through the “torture”. I’m not sure sometimes, either. I wish I had your astounding faith. You seem more at peace. I was, however, raised by an atheist father, and have had trouble with the faith part my whole life.
    I want you to know I’m cheering for you, sending good, positive thoughts your way. You are constantly an inspiration to me.
    Please know that.
    And thank you. Thank you so SO much!

  186. says

    Kate,

    I am so terribly sorry for your struggle. My husband and I wanted to add to our family 3 years ago, and suffered from secondary infertility and as of yet, still have not had that baby! It is so frustrating and the anger and jealousy and sorrow are part of that struggle. I know a lot of women can relate and we are all thinking about you ♥♥

  187. says

    It’s comforting to know that others have felt what my husband and I have felt. You put this into words beautifully. Thank you for being brave enough to share. Fortunately, our prayers were finally answered. In July we’ll get to hold our beautiful gift from God.
    Thank you for writing such a wonderful blog every single day.

  188. says

    Kate, you need the book Taking Charge Of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It is amazing and full of valuable information that my Dr. didn’t tell me. It has worked for me and two friends I have shared it with.

    Best of luck, it will work out!!!

  189. says

    Kate, I like many others, who have commented, found inspiration in your words. My story may be different then yours, but ultimately the outcome was the same. I often found myself in prayer as I drove to and from work. Most times pleading with my Heavenly Father for understanding, asking why, and most importantly asking for peace and comfort. I have on many occasions instantly felt at peace, with a knowledge that everything will work out okay. This experience has been a gentle reminder that my life is in the Lords hands. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Thank you again for your words.

  190. says

    Kate,
    It is extremely difficult to put that trust in God and just “let it be”. And it’s not a one time process…it’s over an over, sometimes multiple times a day. I was married for 8 years (and together 5 before that). My marriage ended with his infidelity. We both agreed that problems had been awhile coming, but I wasn’t prepared for that. I had been beating my head against a wall trying everything I could to fix it. He had already checked out. I was in my late 20s; I wanted children and to take that next step in my life. That didn’t happen. A few months after the divorce I found out he had gotten his mistress pregnant…before we were even divorced. They now have a boy. I cannot tell you how many angst filled times i’ve had asking “why me?”…how many tears i’ve shed…how many hours i’ve spent talking to a friend asking the same questions over and over. I just didn’t get (and still struggle sometimes with) why. Why did he get to do all those awful things (and there were more i’m not sharing) and then get rewarded with life–why was I alone and having to start over at 30–would I ever even have a family now.
    It’s taken a long long long time and lots of praying for me to get where I am; I’m happy and in a serious relationship with an A-mazing man who I couldn’t even dream existed. I still want children, and I still pray that I’ll be blessed with them. I still have days where I struggle. Hearing pregnancy announcements pop up all around sucks sometimes!!
    With all that said, I’ve been shown over and over that God has a plan. It may not be obvious to us while he’s getting us there…sometimes it feels like torture…but things happen for a reason. Keep putting your trust in him. The outcome may not be what you think you want…it may be even better. God Bless.

  191. says

    I am not a religious person but I do believe things happen for a reason, and that they happen when they are meant to happen. My mom had a difficult time getting pregnant, went through treatments and thought it wouldn’t happen. After 5 years they adopted a baby boy and 2 years later, a girl. Then 2 years later when they thought their family was complete my mom found out she was pregnant with me. At 33 I know what a miracle that was (or as my dad jokingly called – his drunken little accident). Things don’t always (or rarely) go as we planned but that is ok. It’s how we learn, to adapt, to accept change and appreciate everything.

    “They say the journey of life is like a trek up a mountain. We spend most of our time putting one foot in front of the other. We get lost, we fall, we circle back and sometimes every step is a struggle, until the moment comes when we find our footing, when we are able to stop, take a breath and look up and see how far we’ve come and understand how beautiful that is. Then suddenly there are sparkles all around us like a jewel, and the world cracks open in all its loveliness and we’re filled with deep and abiding gratitude for all that we have and all that we are.”

  192. says

    Kate,
    I am also one of your readers who feels as if I could have written this post. My husband and I have been trying for over a year. I have had the complete joy of seeing that darn stick turn positive three times since February. Unfortunately for me, that joy has been closely followed by extreme sadness at the loss of those babies. I have had two surgeries since June, the first to remove an ectopic pregnancy and the second to remove the fallopian tube completely. At times my heart has felt so heavy with grief, that I can’t leave the house. This new year has given me hope. I am finally putting my attention on God and leaving it all to Him. I want to thank you for sharing your story. I have been where you stand. It is a dark place filled with things I never could have imagined. Thank you for giving me this reminder today. I am heading into yet another month of uncertainty, but I know that God is letting my story unfold, the way He wants it to. I am sure that there is light at the end of this long horrible road. I will continue to pray for all of the women stuggling today. WE WILL GET OUR HAPPY ENDING.

  193. says

    Hi Kate,
    Long time follower, first time commenter. We too, are going through some infertility issues. January marks 25 months of only one blue line. I went through all of the same emotions you described and finally found peace with it a couple months ago. I think it is all totally normal! I think that the idea of becoming a mother someday is a concept that effects a lot of the flow of a woman’s life. When you first get a period your body is ready. When you start dating, we are “practicing” chosing a father for our unborn children. When you chose a career its in the back of your mind. When you fall in love, its always a part of the conversation. Etc…. So for me, when my husband and I decided it was time, I felt like I was a failure that it didn’t happen like I’d imagined. And brave faces and congrats aside, it really sucks when a friend or cousin makes the big announcement. So anyway, just know that you’re not alone! Good luck to you on what every your journey may be, and at the very least…you have super cute hair. Love your tutorials ;)

  194. says

    Kate, thank you for sharing your story. You are so brave to open up like this to complete strangers, but we are all praying for you and for God to bless you with a little one soon! I don’t know you personally but I from what I read on your blog everyday you would be the best Mom!! Praying for you and your sweet husband!

  195. says

    Thank you for sharing this!!! My husband and I have been trying for 6 months now and each month we struggle to understand Gods plan. Praying for you and hoping its your time, very soon!!!

  196. says

    Kate, my husband and I have a similar story to yours on a road to get pregnant. It took us almost two years. After the first year I was very angry and my sweet hubby told me to open up to our family and friends and let them know we were trying so they could pray. I did not what to. I wanted to “surprise” everyone that I was pregnant. I wanted to be the one in control of when and where we would tell everyone and I wanted to be the “proud” mama to be! I did pray, took my hubby’s advice, called the doctor and took some other steps to come down from my place of pride. Your willingness to let your blog friends know about your struggle is a very big step in this journey of your life. Wow. I am so proud of you. I will be praying! I do have three little ones now. What a blessing. When God let us get pregnant, they all came close together. Whew. His timing was perfect. My heart breaks for you and also has hope and joy! God is in control. I LOVE reading your blog, it is a bright spot in my day!!! Thank you!

  197. says

    Kate,
    This past year was very difficult for me too medically, with an illness that is chronic and can be life threatening. Needless to say I was tested physically and spiritually. I too, turn to and get a lot from music. My new favorite song is “Blessings” by Laura Story. The words and metaphors are so true. I think you would like it and it would relate to all of us.
    Love your blog and your heart! Praying for you.
    Nana T

  198. says

    I’ve been following your blog for almost a year now and want to thank you for teaching me so many things — not just how to make myself presentable but about relationships and God. It’s amazing to see how many people you’ve impacted through your blog!
    Like all these posts have pointed out that this is a problem for so many. My husband and I didn’t think we’d be able to have children – an issue on his end (irreparable) – so i had come to terms with adoption or lots of cats. We were surprised with a miracle boy that shocked both us and his doctors! Now we’ve been trying for a while and are realizing that God blessed us with one beautiful boy (that we weren’t planning on) and that may be all we will have. Our life is not our own but His! He guides every step we take, even if we think we know better, He steers down a road that will teach us that He is the ultimate!
    I’ll be praying for you and your husband through this gut wrenching journey! And when the time does come for Baby, imagine how amazingly good looking it will be!!! xoxo, Lauren Smith

  199. says

    Oh, Kate! This was such a beautiful post; I wish I could give you a hug. I have seen so many times when people let go, it happens. My friends were married for 10 years and finally gave up – a few years later, surprise! Now they have 2 gorgeous sons. What is meant to happen, will. Hugs from another Kate. :)

  200. says

    Kate,
    I got pregnant right away the first time. I lost the baby right after we told everyone at around 8-9 weeks. We tried again lost the 2nd baby. Finally on the third try my doctor decided to put me on hormones for the first trimester. It worked!! Two years after my amazing son was born we decided to try again. I couldn’t get pregnant. We never had trouble before but no one could explain why we couldn’t this time. We tried for almost 2 years on our own. Finally, I went to a new Ob/Gyn and he suggested a fertility doctor. We did some more hormone therapy and began the IUI process. In the office procedure. Pregnant the first time! It couldn’t be explained. I have two beautiful boys now with all the struggles and ups and downs they are totally worth it. I would check into seeing a doctor or specialist. It doesn’t do anything to wait. Unfortunately, for us women time is not on our side. I never knew how many people struggled with the same issues as me. I wish you the best and I know it will happen for you.

  201. says

    Wow your post stirred up memories for me. I have 2 daughters both adopted at birth in open arrangements. My husband and i tried for 15 years. Proceedures drugs surgeries tears. Bottom line: our girls (24 and 20) are our children, which was our goal…to have children. They arent biological but thats ok. Its the way it is. Do i still wish i had been able to “have my own?” Sure, but ….i wish you patience and happiness along your journey. I would be more than happy to share my knowledge and experience with you if youd like.

    • says

      also, remember that how you feel is always right for you. Theres no right or wrong. Even though we don’t know you, you feel like a sister to all of us. We are here to listen and support…..Hugs..

  202. says

    Dear Kate, I send you hugs and encouragement to not give up! I too have struggled with infertility, except in little different way. I can get pregnant, it’s holding the pregnancy that my body struggles with. I’ve had three miscarriages, two only months apart, but I have two beautiful miracle babies to help brighten my day. Each loss was a devastating blow, but the first one has left the biggest scar. It was my first pregnancy, I was having an ultrasound for the first time. I saw my baby and was so excited and madly in love! Then the technician told me there was no heartbeat. I can still remember every detail and I still cry. Anyway. I was prescribed progesterone while pregnant with my second child (5th pregnancy) in hopes of it helping, pretty much as soon as the test was positive, and thankfully she was born healthy and perfect. After she was born we decided we were done and my husband got snipped. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make, but with everything that happened, it was our only option. Looking back over the years, it became apparent that I had had many miscarriages but I didn’t know that was what was happening. After realizing this, I was told my chances of recurring miscarriages is pretty much expected. Add that onto the fact that after each loss, I became severely depressed, and well it’s not safe or healthy, for me to get pregnant again. Even though I’ve come to accept what has happened, this is still very painful. But I have three beautiful angels watching over me, who will never ever be forgotten and who will forever be loved, that I will see one day. As well as the two amazing beings here with me, that I can’t thank God enough for. And, we may add on to our family by adoption someday, who knows?

    Just remember that you aren’t alone. Miscarriages and infertility isn’t as uncommon as we think, it’s just not talked about. We are everywhere and we all understand.

    You have many options out there, so this isn’t an end to you building your family. Have faith! Don’t give up!

  203. says

    What a lovely and heartbreaking post.

    I’m praying for you and your husband, not just that God will bless you with a child, but also that He’ll give you an even deeper understanding of His love for you and His plan for your family.

  204. says

    Hi Kate! Thanks so much for sharing your heart! It took my husband and me 5 months to get pregnant and it felt like an eternity. I struggled with the same things you did at the end before I finally did get pregnant. But I wanted to share with you my friend’s blog…she was infertile for 7 years…and now has 2 sweet girls and another on the way!! She has an amazing story, lots of references, encouragement, honesty, among other things on this blog! If you check out the labels section, I think that might help you maneuver around her page easier!

    Psalm 113
    God bless!

  205. says

    Hi Kate,
    Wow. You really put your heart out there for us to see. Vulnerability and all. Tears fill my eyes reading this…in a good way. The Lord is bringing you to the place He wants you to be, in all his faithfulness. Whatever God’s plans are for you and Justin, they will be his best for you. Nothing less! <3 You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love ya!

  206. says

    I have been praying that God would place someone in my path who needs my prayers for this particular struggle. It seems funny that I daily read your blog for fashion and beauty advice, as well as for your devotions and grace. I know now that God placed you in my path because you need this particular prayer (and because I need fashion advice). I struggled with secondary infertility for 10 years. My husband and I have a beautiful daughter who will be 12 tomorrow. She is a gift that could only have been created by the King. I am a labor nurse and my husband is a physician. We also tried everything from IVF, to IUI, to a failed adoption, to every homeopathic idea we could think of. Many days, many months, the pain brought me to my knees. I questioned God, got angry with God, begged God, and finally accepted His plan for me. But I never felt the need to hide my struggle. I actually have always had the desire to share my journey. Although the chances of a pregnancy for me now – I turn 41 next month – are highly unlikely – I will now pray for your journey with the hope that someday you get to experience the joy of being a mother. The only advice I have for you is that it is ok to feel however you want to feel. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel about this journey. It is your journey that God has chosen for you and your husband. I found that I could not attend baby showers. Too painful. I accept that and now send a gift and my love. Cry when you want. Laugh when you want. Pray continuously and buy a new purse every now and then (that really helps!). I know that this journey will be one that ends in whatever it is God has planned for you. Grace and peace my friend. God is with you because He has been asked to walk with you. Susan

  207. says

    Kate – I don’t comment here much but, I really felt compelled to today. I can’t imagine how difficult this year has been for you. However, your realization of the Lord being there & being in total control is what I can relate to. After my fiance being laid off this past Monday & my daily Bible verse for that day being “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” Proverbs 23:1 I knew that was no coincidence – that was God talking for sure! He was letting me know that He is there with us & will take care of us. I know that these are his plans for us & our life & He will provide for us. So, if nothing else, cling to the Lord because He will provide as He sees fit. My heart & prayers go out for you & your husband!

    XOXO,
    Shayna

  208. says

    Thank you for being so honest with us. I’m not in the same position as you in my life, but there are other things. Things that feel out of control and cause similar emotions and feelings. Thanks for sharing this. It helps, maybe more people than you expected.

    Prayers for you on your journey through 2013. It will be exciting to see what God has in store for you.

    ~FringeGirl

  209. says

    Kate, my heart goes out to you and I will be praying for you and your husband. Waiting is tough. Especially waiting when God knows the answers and we don’t. My husband and I tried for 10 years to have biological children. If that had happened, we would not have our handsome 8 yr old son and beautiful 5 yr old daughter from South Korea. Adoption was always on my mind and if you choose it, it is such a blessing!! (Adoption has also opened up a whole new community of friends to me literally all over the world.) So I was a little late to the mommy thing (our son arrived when I was 33), but they both definitely keep me young! : ) Best wishes and blessings to you!!

  210. says

    Hi Kate,
    Someone once told me that God answers prayers in one of three ways:
    1. “Yes”
    2. “Not Yet”
    3. “I have something better in mind”
    I felt the same way you do now when I was single and longing to be with the man God intended for me. They were dark years, but now that I’m on the other side of them I know that the time I spent on my own makes me appreciate and value the wonderful man I married even more. We’re in the midst of trying as well and we’re having trouble. Every time I pray for our situation, I will include you in that prayer. God bless you both. Thanks for sharing your journey.

  211. says

    Kate,

    Like many other women have shared my husband and I tried for 2 years before getting pregnant. The last year was extremely difficult as I could almost not bear taking another pregnancy test and it coming out negative. The most difficult part was attending kids birthday parties of close friends and seeing everyone there with a family or pregnant. I felt like I was “outside the circle”. It felt terrible. My turning point was when I stopped praying for a baby and started prayer for Gods Will to be done in my life. We began to look into fertility treatment and I was pregnant the very next month. Our little love bug arrived in June this year and every time I look at him I appreciate the journey and test of faith that my husband and I went on. Thank you for sharing. Reading some of the responses on here it seems to have helped a lot of women to talk about their struggles with fertility.

  212. says

    Kate- my thoughts go out to you and your husband at this time. I had an aunt and uncle who tried for a couple of years to get pregnant, then adopted. A year after they had adopted their first son, she got pregnant! Now, they have two boys!! God bless you, be patient and know that God has a plan…a greater plan than any of us may ever know.

  213. says

    Kate I’m so sorry to hear of your struggle this past year. In 2011 I had a miscarriage and it was the hardest thingto understand. Keep trusting in the One who knows all. Easier said than done, but it is the only way to learn. My husband and I now have a beautiful 7 month girl who we cherish dearly. Sending many prayers your way Kate!

  214. says

    Kate,
    After a year similar to what you described, I gave birth to the most beautiful daughter! Just a month ago (my baby is now 26) I watched that beautuful girl marry her best friend, her soulmate, the man God made for her, while my other two children served as Best Man and Maid of Honor. I’ve so enjoyed your videos and getting to know you through your blog. I admire your sweet spirit. Keep praying and He will continue to hold you and your dreams. Coni xoxo

  215. says

    Kate,

    Your open and honest writing style nearly brought me to tears. I’m touched by your willingness to share the ups and downs of your life in such a public manner. It’s a joy to follow your journey. Hoping 2013 will bring you happiness and health.

  216. says

    Kate -
    I will pray with you and Justin that God’s plan is fulfilled. You are such an inspiration and I appreciate your honesty and candidness during this time. Good luck to you both!!!

  217. says

    My husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant. We then turned to infertility treatement after a miscarriage. All I needed was progesterone. It was too low to hold a pregnancy. Literally the minute after I stopped “trying” to get pregnant and stopped thinking about it all the time, it happened!I am now 19 weeks pregnant :) Trust in God and trust in the fact that he is waiting for the perfect moment. I know exactly why it took us this long to get pregnant and I am so thankful that it happened when it did. I pray that you and your husband find faith through these hard times and finally get that little miracle. It could be the most simple fix ever, just do what you think is neccesary as far as medical assistance goes. I only did 1 month of infertility treatment and conceived naturally. I wish you all the luck in the world

  218. says

    Thank you for sharing your story. I can completely relate. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for over 2 years now. These last two years have been tough ones. We seeked medical help and it at least helped us realize what we are up against. After many blood tests, surgeries, appts., etc., we’ve decided IVF is the route that’s best for us. Many thoughts and prayers to you and your husband. Know that you are not alone.

  219. says

    Kate, I normally do not comment on posts, however I feel compelled to. Let me start by saying how very sorry I am for your heartache. And please know how much of an inspiration you are to many. While I do not struggle to get pregnant I do struggle to hold onto the pregnancy. 2010 was my “dark” year. In May my mother (age 54) died after a lengthy battle w/ cancer. I went for my first ultrasound (10 wks) and had miscarried, I had surgery the next week. My sisters apt was broken into and her car stolen. Did I mention this was all in the same MONTH?! I have never been mad (I’m using that term lightly) with God but I was beyond mad at him for taking so many people from me. I finally turned EVERYTHING over to God and was soon pregnant again. I believe God gives us the resources to help ourselves. For me, it was simply to take my temp daily and have a doctor who stayed “on top of things.” We now know I have to take medicine into my 2nd trimester in order for the pregnancy not to terminate. I know that when the day comes, you & your husband will be wonderful parents. Just as I know my mom’s in heaven taking care of my lil peanut. God Bless!

  220. says

    What an amazingly transparent post. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. Although we all face different struggles, I think deep down we all struggle with the uncertainty of God’s plan. And that link from Oswald Chambers is exactly what I needed today. Can’t thank you enough for redminding me of His amazing plans for us even when we are bling to them. On a lighter note, I used your tutorial and wore my hair in the loop updo this past weekend and got TONS of compliments and even passed your blog name on to a friend :) Many prayers being sent your way!

  221. says

    Kate, I was so moved by your post this morning! I know like many of your other readers that I struggled to get pregnant for 4 years before losing a pregnancy to a miscarriage. Believe it or not I found your blog when I spent many dark days grieving. I loved reading and trying new things to make the outside feel better than the inside did. After another 6 months of trying we were scheduled for a fertility surgery when I found I was pregnant at the pre-admission blood work! During those years of trying and loss my favorite verse was Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” My sweet baby girl was born 8 weeks ago and I can tell you that I don’t take her forgranted even for a minute. And I can certainly tell you that God’s timing IS perfect. I don’t know if you’ll read all this, but it is okay to question and shake your fist at God. There is no deeper sadness then wanting to be a mama and not knowing what is to be. Thank you for writing this post where your voice can be a comfort to so many other women. I am praying for you and I still keep my Isaiah 26:3 verse taped on my desk where when I read it, I’ll pray that His peace fills you. Thanks for the encouragement to continue to remember to trust Him!

  222. says

    My husband and I have been trying for 20 months. I know exactly what you’ve been going through. My faith in God and His plan for us has been about the only thing keeping me sane throughout it all. I finally got up the courage to make an appointment with an OB/GYN to get some answers. My appointment is this afternoon. Hopefully we will have some answers in the next couple months. And I pray that God grants you peace. Thank you for posting this. Blessings on your day.

  223. says

    I am not in your situation, but this post touched me so much this morning. I’m a huge fan of Mandisa and her last album focused on being real – real before God and real before others, letting others see our scars and fears and bad days and, yes, anger. You’ve done that so beautifully here, and God is using that to touch others who needed to hear this today, myself included. For a girl whose biggest, baddest, ugliest fear is the unknown, for a girl who has spent her life trying to know everything so to never be surprised or caught off guard, uncertainty is absolutely the most difficult spiritual struggle I have. Wish I could say I’ve conquered it or found a way to be okay with uncertainty but I cannot. Work in progress. Maybe one day.

  224. says

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, though I did not have issue with fertility per say, I did have trouble getting pregnant with my second child and then had miscarriage and for a long time I wondered why, did I do something wrong?…but god does have a plan and I realized it just was not the right time for that in my life. I went on to have 2 beautiful children after that. I am very blessed to have my 3 children and because I went through that it made me realize that even more. Whatever god brings down you path it is the right thing for you and your husband. I know it is hard sometimes but try to stay positive! It is really will help. ~Lisa

  225. says

    I am not in your situation, but this post touched me so much this morning. I’m a huge fan of Mandisa and her last album focused on being real – real before God and real before others, letting others see our scars and fears and bad days and, yes, anger. You’ve done that so beautifully here, and God is using that to touch others who needed to hear this today, myself included. For a girl whose biggest, baddest, ugliest fear is the unknown, for a girl who has spent her life trying to know everything so to never be surprised or caught off guard, uncertainty is absolutely the most difficult spiritual struggle I have. Wish I could say I’ve conquered it or found a way to be okay with uncertainty but I cannot. Work in progress. Maybe one day.

  226. says

    Thank you, Kate. This is beautiful and heartbreaking and uplifting and exactly what I needed to see this morning. I know it takes a lot of courage to share something like this. Seeing your faith and trust in the Lord’s timing helps my own faith to grow. Prayers for you and your husband!

  227. says

    I applaud you for telling your story. Bringing in to light is the first step in healing. You should not keep it to yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I too went through a long struggle trying to get pregnant. I am not sure what your issue may be, or even if it’s just timing is the issue, but I had PCOS. It took us two years and a miscarriage to get our sweet little boy. I could not listen to one more ” just relax, it will happen…..” When you have a medical issue that prevents you from getting pregnant, relaxing will not change that.

    Anyway, know that you are NOT alone in your sruggle. This too shall pass. Easier said than done, I know.

    One thing that really helped me get through it and face each dissapointing month after month was Michael Bubles song, I just havent met you yet. The words are perfect. You just haven’t met your little one yet. Much love to you and Justin.

  228. says

    Kate -

    I admire you for being so vulnerable and sharing so much with us. I know first hand the anger, sorrow, disappointment and array of other feelings you are dealing with. My husband and I struggled for 3 years to get pregnant. The last year was my darkest, however, I grew so much in my faith from that year. We finally started seeing a Reproductive Endo in January 2010 after 3 years of negative after negative. First we tried drug therapy (clomid) which I responded well to but still wasn’t ovulating. Then we moved on to clomid + ovulation trigger shots to ovulate + IUI. After round 1 of that, still nothing. I remember falling to the floor weeping, but praying for strength and calmness, when they called me with the negative results of my blood test. Then, after round two… positive. I was pregnant. God had given me a miracle. My sweet Hailey Jo will be 2 tomorrow, I am here to tell you she was completely worth the wait. She is perfect. No matter what happens, wether it happens for you next month, or a while down the road I promise you the time only makes your heart grow fonder and you will forget about all of the heartache and passed time when you look into your sweet baby’s little face… it WILL happen for you, somehow, someway… God will deliver. I will pray for you and Justin daily, for strength, for calmness, for happiness, for a sweet little baby to hold. If you ever have any questions feel free to contact me. I wish the best for you and I am so happy you have found a peace in this and that you have given it all up to God! Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

  229. says

    One of my best friends in the entire world has a two-month-old miracle, after 4-1/2 years of trying. Keep your faith. And another miracle just happened. One of our other best friends, from the same block and elementary school in fact, had her daughter last Thursday, and due to delivery complications, had no heartbeat for 17 minutes; but due to an amazing medical treatment, and our zillion prayers, she does not have brain damage from the lack of oxygen. She is a miracle. That momma and daddy also struggled getting pregnant. Of the five of us best friends from forever, we all have had at least one miscarriage too. I only say these things to tell you that there are many of us out there who have struggled, and we all believed that we were meant to be parents and had faith that it would happen for us. We prayed a whole lot. As of last Thursday, we are all moms now. It brings tears to my eyes.

  230. says

    Not being able to get pregnant has been my greatest fear (yes, even more than snakes — and I am terrified of snakes) for well over ten years. Somewhere in that decade, and the more I experienced the complex ways of life and relationships, somewhere in my heart I prepared myself for circumstances like this. We have yet to try getting pregnant, so I have no idea what my circumstances will be. But if that time ever comes, I will be referring back to the comforting nature of this post. Thank you for taking the time to carefully craft your words and share a very personal piece of your life with your readers. I know that the comments will provide you with even more hope and peace. Be well, Kate.

  231. says

    Kate,

    Thank you so much for sharing your hard journey with us. I know first hand how difficult it can be to share your most inner feelings and vulnerability with others. I suffered a miscarriage at approximately 7 weeks in march 2011 after “trying” for 5 monthes and since then we have not been able to conceive. It’s been a hard journey and a rollercoster of emotions. Your story and words of hope and faith helped me really put things into perpective. We really must trust God and know that He does have a plan for all of us! Thank you again for sharing your story, it means alot to not feel alone as I do not have anyone in my close circle that can relate. I will keep you in my prayers xoxo May this be our year!

  232. says

    So beautifully written! My husband and I struggled through getting pregnant, too. Finally I had to say “This isn’t a set back, this is our life. And this is the way it was planned.” I don’t know why…but finally saying that to myself actually lifted so much pressure and pain from my heart. I wish you and your husband the best of luck. If you wish to read about our journey through what eventually became our infertility, please feel free to visit my blog. Best of luck for a peaceful 2013!

  233. says

    Kate- your story is touching… not just about the complications and disappointment in not getting pregnant, but that the walk with the Lord has been harder than usual. I’m feeling the way you describe to us… now.. in life. About other situations, but the same feelings. I appreciate you sharing your story because you gave me strength to get through this day. Every day is a struggle for me lately, and today I feel like fighting because of messages like yours.

    Prayers are with you and your hubs, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this. I know that today, I am not alone.

  234. says

    Thank you for sharing! That must have been hard to write for you. I am not a religious person but I always find your posts like this inspiring. All the best to you!

  235. says

    Dear Kate,

    Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability in this post. 2012 was a difficult year for our family too, and at times connecting with God felt so hard. A book that really helped me when I just couldn’t even muster the words to pray was “Prayers of Hope for the Broken Hearted” by Jill Kelly. So many prayers in that book put into words the hurt I was feeling but couldn’t express, and they end with truths from God’s Word. I will pray that God’s peace continues to envelop you as you wait to see what His plans are for you.

    Sincerely,
    Jessica

  236. says

    Great post. I can relate for a different reason in my life right now. I constantly struggle to remind myself that God is in control and all of my impatience and unrest is there for a reason. I’m starting to see some of that now and it’s so refreshing!

  237. says

    Prayers for you and your husband, Kate. It’s so awesome to see that your faith in God is only growing. Although it’s so hard to see sometimes, He has a PERFECT plan for our lives! What an AWESOME God we serve! Thank you for sharing.

  238. says

    Kate, thanks so much for sharing your deepest feelings here. I pray that many people will be blessed by your faith in the Lord through this difficult time! Have you ever read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility? I haven’t read it yet, but a lot of the reviews say that people who had struggled with IF got pregnant after reading it.

  239. says

    Sweet, sweet Kate- first of all I have to say that I’ve been reading your archives for a few months now and I feel like we are BFFs. Strange but true. I love your style, example, and kindness. Thank you for your vulnerability and COURAGE in writing this post! Your willingness to be used by the Lord is so admirable and your outlook on this whole situation is such a witness. You are using this platform that God has given you in such a great way and as your peer I want to applaud you! Second, I know you aren’t looking for advice but I’ll just say that I went through the same thing not too long ago- and now I look at my 3 young kids and am overwhelmed with the assurance that the wait was worth it. I know you know this, but I do know that God has amazing things in store for you and your family and surely you will look back and truly know the same thing that I have come to realize. It’s amazing that you have already had the maturity to come to the conclusions that you have, because I definitely did NOT come to those conclusions as I was going through it. You are so encouraging and beautiful and I will be praying for you in this time of waiting! This little community is so blessed by you!

  240. says

    I had a similar experience but mine had a twist! My husband (Justin) and I were married in 2008. We had talked about wanting several children before we were married and I had assumed that we would wait a year or so before trying. Well, that year came around and he was not ready. Another year came and went then another. I was angry. Angry with God for putting me in a marriage with a man that didn’t want kids (that’s what I was assuming since he kept stalling) angry at myself for feeling this way (because that’s not how a Christian would act) and angry because I was holding it all inside. I didn’t understand why my husband (a Christian) was acting this way. I prayed for peace. I prayed for a child. I prayed for healing (myself and my marriage). January 2012- I got pregnant…and instead of the happiness that comes with telling your husband, I was scared. After the first doctor’s appointment and ultrasound he was ecstatic. I gave birth on October 2, 2012 and he has been the most loving father and husband a woman could ask for. It was all in God’s timing. I now understand that I WILL NOT understand a lot of God’s providence for my life and that is how it is supposed to be. My favorite Bible verse is 1 Samuel 1:27. I am glad you found peace. I know how hard the struggle can be.

  241. says

    Kate, although I have not yet struggled with infertility (my husband and I are waiting several more years before we try for kids), I irrationally worry that someday I will. I pray for you and your husband to continue to grow closer to each other & to the Lord during this difficult time. I truly enjoy your blog- I feel like we’re quite similar: My sister is my best friend and both my sister and I are both cat lovers with a best friend named Carrie :) Blessings to you in the New Year!

  242. says

    Thank you for sharing such a raw, personal story in your life. It brought tears to my eyes…and peace to my heart to hear how you trust the Lord. You have quite a ministry on your blog. I love love love your blog. i don’t subscribe to any others. I am temporarily far from home and you give me a daily reading “from the Carolinas”. So thankful for your posts. I will be praying for you and your husband and this journey. Thank you for sharing.
    katie evans

  243. says

    Kate – I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Please know that I am praying for you and your husband. I saw the words below today and thought I’d share with you.

    God has perfect timing; never early, never late. It takes a little patience and a whole lot of faith… but it’s worth the wait.

  244. says

    7 years ago I went through this. Sad, mad, depressed. It didn’t help that all of my close friends were getting pregnant at the same time so I was throwing baby showers constantly. It was a struggle. Happy for them, sad for me, mad that the unwed 14 yr old got pregnant by accident. Thank you for your honesty. I wonder if you knew when you wrote this post how many people you’d touch? While it makes me so sad other people are going through this too, it’s also nice to know others share my feelings. I just want you to know that I pray every day for everyone struggling to have a baby.

  245. says

    Wow it really is amazing that you decided to share this with your blog followers. I’m sure everyone will be praying that god leads you down the correct path to start your family! Thanks so much for sharing!

  246. says

    Thank you for sharing! I really needed this this morning. I am struggling with my own battle, and to be honest it has been about 4yrs now. It seems so silly compared to what you are going through!! I have been praying for a new home, we have outgrown ours and I wish and pray my husband would make the jump and sale it. Somedays I an grateful for what we have and then other days I am bitter that my prayer hasn’t been answered. I started a new ladies Bible study last night, and between that last night and my devotion this morning and now you I am in tears of how angry I have been and jealous of others!!! It is all in HIS time, not ours. And if it wasn’t and I know I would not be as grateful for all HIS blessings! Praying for you and your husband during this journey!! Thank you for sharing!!!

  247. says

    Kate, thank you for this story. I love your blog and I appreciate your honesty, I am sure it wasn’t an easy post to write. I know you aren’t looking for advice, but I thought I would recommend a book that helped me a ton, its called Taking Charge of your Fertility by: Toni Weschler. Good luck in the days to come and know that God is with you through the journey. :)

  248. says

    (((Hugs))) sweet Kate. I will be praying for you. I’m so sorry you are going through this but I am so happy that you are finding peace in God’s will for you life. You are an amazing woman of God and I am truly blessed by you. :-)

  249. says

    If you haven’t read A Blog About Love (www.ablogaboutlove.com), I highly recommend it, she has struggled with infertility for YEARS and talks about seeing things in a different perspective. One of my must reads, for many reasons!

  250. says

    Kate,

    My husband and I are just in the beginning stages of talking about when we would like to start our family. I’ve already had concerns of whether it will be an easy road or a tough one (I’m a worrier). A very good friend, who had infertility issues for years and now has a beautiful set of twins, sent me this verse earlier this week and it’s now my favorite. Hopefully it can be a comfort to you guys!

    “For I know the plan I have for you, declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

  251. says

    Kate –
    I am so glad to see there are already so many responses to this post. That said, I hope you get 300 more comments.

    I went through the same situation for almost 20 months, and although I now can say I have a little miracle, I will never forget how isolating and miserable that struggle is, month after month, day after day. In some ways I still feel it…

    I know how easy it is to feel like you’re the only one going through this, especially when it seems everyone you can possibly know is having babies. But you are NOT alone! I hope that sharing it with the world, as brave (SO BRAVE ) and so well written and hard as it was, has helped you see that. Please know that I – and as you can see, many others! – have experienced what you are going through and are happy to share their support and be a shoulder to cry on.

    I know I will I pray every day that you will have your dreams come true, in whatever form God may surprise you with. http://www.casadelhansen.com/2012/05/we-will-not-forget.html

    God bless – you’r ein my prayers!!

  252. says

    Kate,
    I know this was hard for you to write as I am going through the same thing. It is amazing to see how many people are actually going through it once you open up about it. It is extremely heartbreaking but you have a good outlook on it. We have started treating ours medically and I have never felt more optimistic! Keep your chin up and know that there are many people standing with you on this.

  253. says

    I think it’s awesome you’ve shared this. My husband and I have been trying for 2 1/2 years and I can definately say, reaching that point of peace and accepting that fate is beyond my control was so freeing. I’m happier everyday than I’ve been in years and that is amazing. Best wishes on your journey, wherever it takes you

  254. says

    2012 brought uncertainty to my world as well, with the very sudden Homegoing of my dad in August. To say it rocked my world is an understatement. I thought I had 10-20 years before I would bury a parent. But God knew all along. And He also knew what He would teach me thru it all. And boy did He ever. I began the Beth Moore James study in the fall and the Divine timing of this study in my life couldn’t have been more perfect. I cried so many times in awe at what God was cleraly showing me on the pages of the study book and the Good Book. Just as He showed you trust on the bridge. The way He works never ceases to astound me!

    “I’m so immensely thankful to know a gracious and loving God. To be able to read His Word, that is applicable and relative and valuable.” – LOVE this statement.

    James 4:13-15

  255. says

    Kate-

    Thank you for sharing a very personal and intimate part of your life. I am sorry you’re going through this and I am sure you have heard similar stories from your fans but you are not alone in the struggle to conceive. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby with no luck. The struggle is difficult in itself but my job makes it that much more sensitive for me. I am an ultrasound tech in an obstetrics office. I see all sorts or women with all different stories and walks of life; cute couples newly pregnant excited and nervous or those adding a new addition to their growing family. I see the young 15 year olds who are scared, naïve and shouldn’t even be in that situation to begin with. I also see the women like you and I who are healthy, married, successful and trying to conceive. Month after month they come in for follicle checks or to evaluate their hormone level holding on to hope that they will receive good news. I see the pain, the frustration and the hurt. One woman in particular had been trying for over a year. She came into the office so many times, defeated and upset. She came in again about 6 months ago and that visit was different. She was pregnant. Emotion and relief ran over her and I even found myself tearing up too. My point of this story is, the struggle is hard and sometimes it takes a lot longer than we have planned for but it will happen. I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis as I am dealing with the same struggle. My time will come. Your time will come, too.

    Thank you again for sharing and I wish you the best of luck.

    -Megan Price

  256. says

    Thank you for sharing this, because like you a lot of us don’t realize it won’t happen easily until it doesn’t. Sharing it makes us all feel less alone, my husband and I had a bumpy road to having our son (now 18 months) and after a health scare for me we learned he’ll be our one and only. What I hope you can take from that story is that it will happen, in God’s perfect time. I offer no advice, just understanding because I’ve stood where you are and it’s hard but it won’t last forever. I’ll be praying for God’s perfect time in blessing you with the baby you hearts desire so much.

  257. says

    I know how hard it is to give everything up to God and trust him with your fate. Certain terrible things have happened in my family life that have made me question why God would allow those things to happen. But I have found that those moments when I throw up my hands and say, “It’s in God’s hands now; what else can I do?” are the times when things seem to work out for the best. Good luck in the future. I’ll be thinking of you.

  258. says

    When I saw that you had almost 400 comments on this post already, I hesitated to comment because I am sure that you have read more than you even want to. I remember the day that I first blogged about our infertility and the relief that I felt but also the raw emotion coming to the surface that would cry with every new comment. It had been such a lonely journey, and to have people beside us was incredibly touching to my heart. My husband and I tried for a year and then sought medical advice for another after that. Without pretty invasive procedures that we did not feel comfortable with, we realized that pregnancy was not likely. Having always been open to adoption (we thought it would be in addition to bio kids) we began that path, and will be traveling within the next few months to get our son. Wow, what a journey. You are right–it has been difficult, but the spiritual growth we have experienced and the deeper understanding of our sovereign God has been priceless. Believing in God’s sovereignty can be messy for us; knowing that God is able to change a situation but, for whatever unknown reason to us, does not, can be a pretty rough truth to deal with. But I see beauty in this journey. And the doors God has opened to minister to others in the same situations has been mind-blowing. If you want, you can follow our adoption along on our blog. And even catch a glimpse into my spiritual walk through infertility here: http://stephenandjenny.blogspot.com/2012/03/snapshot-of-my-spiritual-journey.html

  259. says

    Kate, thank you so much for sharing your heart. It’s such a blessing to be able to read this post, not having ever met you, and still be able to pray for you. Weird how the internet blesses us, isn’t it? I’ll pray that God continues to heal your heart. I know personally that working through unforeseen anger and jealousy can bleed into all aspects of your life and quickly spiral out of control, and I also know much it can affect relationships, especially with husbands. How TRULY blessed you are to have such a supportive spouse! Thank you, again, for sharing. I love reading you and your sister’s blogs every day because it’s so refreshing to see faith, true faith, spoken of freely. Know that you are blessing others, Kate!

  260. says

    I LOVE that you shared this! I am so sorry for what you are going through and will pray for you. Keep being a bright light for Jesus, you will reach many!

  261. says

    I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this but your outlook is so raw, honest, and beautiful, as you are beautiful inside and out. Such bravery it took to pour your heart out here and I am praying that you are one day blessed with a baby and I pray that so many good things come into your life. xoxo

  262. says

    I applaud you for your courage to share this! I think more women (and men) need to speak up about life challenges so that when others have similar experiences, they know that they aren’t alone.

  263. says

    Kate,
    Thank you for sharing this post; I know how hard it must have been for you to share your story. The past couple of months have been tough for me. My fiance and I have been together for 4 years, but have never lived in the same city. As our distance has ranged anywhere from only a 3-6 hour drive, the distance always takes a toll on our relationship a couple times each year. The past couple years have been a roller-coaster ride of emotions… graduations, job searching, moving, etc… and our family & friends constant reminders of, “It will get better soon… someday you will live closer together and it will all work out the way it is meant to.” This week, after receiving some negative news about my fiance’s potential job offer in the city I live in, I couldn’t help but get so angry and upset about our situation. I kept trying to answer questions that I knew I couldn’t answer — “When will we be together? We will surely live in the same city before our wedding in May… or will we? Will this job fall through for him?” Your post was exactly what I needed to remind me that I am not in charge of what happens in my life — and that is the way it should be. God know what is best for me and for my fiance. He brought us to where we are now and He will bring us through it.

    Also, my fiance and I have obviously discussed our feelings about starting a family when we get married. My 2 older siblings and I were all adopted South Korea — all from different families. We were each 3 months old when we were adopted. My entire life, I have always had a strong desire to have my own biological children. Although my fiance and I are far from the point of being “ready” to have children, I often find myself worrying about my ability to have children of my own. I tell myself, “Why are you worrying about that now? One thing at a time.” But… I am a worrier. But yet again, your post was such a great reminder for me that I am not supposed to know my future. What God holds for my family is far greater than I can try and predict. If I am unable to have my own children, it is God’s way of telling me I should adopt, just as my parents adopted me. And let me tell you, my parents adopting me was God’s greatest gift for me. I could not imagine my life any differently. I think back to my favorite picture of my extended family… my siblings and me with our blonde-hared, blue-eyed Norwegian cousins. We are quite the bunch and I am so blessed to be a part of it.

    Again, thank you for the post! Here is to a wonderful 2013! :)

  264. says

    Kate-

    Thank you for sharing a very personal and intimate part of your life. I am sorry you’re going through this. I am sure you have heard similar stories from your fans but you are not alone in the struggle to conceive. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby with no luck. The struggle is difficult in itself but my job makes it that much more sensitive for me. I am an ultrasound tech in an obstetrics office. I see all sorts or women with all different stories and walks of life; cute couples newly pregnant excited and nervous or those adding a new addition to their growing family. I see the young 15 year olds who are scared, naïve and shouldn’t even be in that situation to begin with. I also see the women like you and I who are healthy, married, successful and trying to conceive. Month after month they come in for follicle checks or to evaluate their hormone level holding on to hope that they will receive good news. I see the pain, the frustration and the hurt. One woman in particular had been trying for over a year. She came into the office so many times, defeated and upset. She came in again about 6 months ago and that visit was different. She was pregnant. Emotion and relief ran over her and I even found myself tearing up too. My point of this story is, the struggle is hard and sometimes it takes a lot longer than we have planned for but it will happen. I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis as I am dealing with the same struggle. My time will come. Your time will come, too.

    Thank you again for sharing and I wish you and your husband the best of luck.

    -Megan Price

  265. says

    Please now you are NOT alone!!! The depression that comes with “infertility” is the darkest I have ever experience and like you thought I would never have to deal with because why would a healthy couple be dealt these cards! The emotions that go with infertlity are something I had never had to face. Our journey was almost 3 years in which I was in a deep hole that I never thought I would get out of and never thought I would become a mom. After seeking the much needed support from my amazing husabdn, family members, finding women who have been where I was, an amazing therapist and an RE, my husband and I are excited to be expecting TWINS this May. When I was in the deep hole, I came across this poem. It is a long one but I hope you are able to find comfort in it like I did! God bless you and your husband in your journey!!

    A Letter to Family & Friends
    - by Jody Earle

    I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even I don’t understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand.

    You may describe me this way: obsessed,moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren’t very admirable traits; no wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me this way: confused, rushed and impatient,afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, andunsettled.

    My infertility makes me feel confused. I always assumed I was fertile. I’ve spent years avoiding pregnancy and now it seems ironic that I can’t conceive. I hope this will be a brief difficulty with a simple solution such as poor timing. I feel confused about whether I want to be pregnant or whether I want to be a parent. Surely if I try harder, try longer, try better and smarter, I will have a baby.

  266. says

    CONTINUE POEM_

    My infertility makes me feel rushed and impatient. I learned of my infertility only after I’d been trying to become pregnant for some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind schedule. I waited to become a parent and now I must wait again. I wait for medical appointments, wait for tests, wait for treatments, wait for other treatments, wait for my period not to come, wait for my partner not to be out of town and wait for pregnancy. At best, I have only twelve opportunities each year. How old will I be when I finish having my family?

    My infertility makes me feel afraid. Infertility is full of unknowns, and I’m frightened because I need some definite answers. How long will this last? What if I’m never a parent? What humiliation must I endure? What pain must I suffer? Why do drugs I take to help me, make me feel worse? Why can’t my body do the things that my mind wants it to do? Why do I hurt so much? I’m afraid of my feelings, afraid of my undependable body and afraid of my future.

    My infertility makes me feel isolated and alone. Reminders of babies are everywhere. I must be the only one enduring this invisible curse. I stay away from others, because everything makes me hurt. No one knows how horrible is my pain. Even though I’m usually a clear thinker, I find myself being lured by superstitions and promises. I think I’m losing perspective. I feel so alone and I wonder if I’ll survive this.

    My infertility makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Frequently I forget that infertility is a medical problem and should be treated as one. Infertility destroys my self esteem and I feel like a failure. Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a baby? Am I not a good sexual partner? Will my partner want to remain with me? Is this the end of my family lineage? Will my family be ashamed of me? It is easy to lose self-confidence and to feel ashamed.

  267. says

    POEM_
    My infertility makes me feel angry. Everything makes me angry, and I know much of my anger is misdirected. I’m angry at my body because it has betrayed me even though I’ve always taken care of it. I’m angry at my partner because we can’t seem to feel the same about infertility at the same time. I want and need an advocate to help me. I’m angry at my family because they’ve always sheltered and protected me from terrible pain. My younger sibling is pregnant; my mother wants a family reunion to show off her grandchildren and my grandparents want to pass down family heirlooms. I’m angry at my medical caregivers, because it seems that they control my future. They humiliate me, inflict pain on me, pry into my privacy, patronize me, and sometimes forget who I am. How can I impress on them how important parenting is to me? I’m angry at my expenses; infertility treatment is extremely expensive. My financial resources may determine my family size. My insurance company isn’t cooperative, and I must make so many sacrifices to pay the medical bills. I can’t miss any more work, or I’ll lose my job. I can’t go to a specialist, because it means more travel time, more missed work, and greater expenses. Finally, I’m angry at everyone else. Everyone has opinions about my inability to become a parent. Everyone has easy solutions. Everyone seems to know too little and say too much.

    My infertility makes me feel sad and hopeless. Infertility feels like I’ve lost my future, and no one knows of my sadness. I feel hopeless; infertility robs me of my energy. I’ve never cried so much nor so easily. I’m sad that my infertility places my marriage under so much strain. I’m sad that my infertility requires me to be so self-centered. I’m sad that I’ve ignored many friendships because this struggle hurts so much and demands so much energy. Friends with children prefer the company of other families with children. I’m surrounded by babies, pregnant women, playgrounds, baby showers, birth stories, kids’ movies, birthday parties and much more. I feel so sad and hopeless.

    My infertility makes me feel unsettled. My life is on hold. Making decisions about my immediate and my long-term future seems impossible. I can’t decide about education, career, purchasing a home, pursuing a hobby, getting a pet, vacations, business trips and houseguests. The more I struggle with my infertility, the less control I have. This struggle has no timetable; the treatments have no guarantees. The only sure things are that I need to be near my partner at fertile times and near my doctor at treatment times. Should I pursue adoption? Should I take expensive drugs? Should I pursue more specialized and costly medical intervention? It feels unsettling to have no clear, easy answers or guarantees.

  268. says

    Occasionally I feel my panic subside. I’m learning some helpful ways to cope; I’m now convinced I’m not crazy, and I believe I’ll survive. I’m learning to listen to my body and to be assertive, not aggressive, about my needs. I’m realizing that good medical care and good emotional care are not necessarily found in the same place. I’m trying to be more than an infertile person gaining enthusiasm, joyfulness, and zest for life.

    You can help me. I know you care about me and I know my infertility affects our relationship. My sadness causes you sadness; what hurts me, hurts you, too. I believe we can help each other through this sadness. Individually we both seem quite powerless, but together we can be stronger. Maybe some of these hints will help us to better understand infertility.

    I need you to be a listener. Talking about my struggle helps me to make decisions. Let me know you are available for me. It’s difficult for me to expose my private thoughts if you are rushed or have a deadline for the end of our conversation. Please don’t tell me of all the worse things that have happened to others or how easily someone else’s infertility was solved. Every case is individual. Please don’t just give advice; instead, guide me with your questions. Assure me that you respect my confidences, and then be certain that you deserve my trust. While listening try to maintain an open mind.

    I need you to be supportive. Understand that my decisions aren’t made casually,I’ve agonized over them. Remind me that you respect these decisions even if you disagree with them, because you know they are made carefully. Don’t ask me, “Are you sure?” Repeatedly remind me that you love me no matter what. I need to hear it so badly. Let me know you understand that this is very hard work. Help me realize that I may need additional support from professional caregivers and appropriate organizations. Perhaps you can suggest resources. You might also need support for yourself, and I fear I’m unable to provide it for you; please don’t expect me to do so. Help me to keep sight of my goal.

    I need you to be comfortable with me, and then I also will feel more comfortable. Talking about infertility sometimes feels awkward. Are you worried you might say the wrong thing? Share those feelings with me. Ask me if I want to talk. Sometimes I will want to, and sometimes I won’t, but it will remind me that you care.

  269. says

    I need you to be sensitive. Although I may joke about infertility to help myself cope, it doesn’t seem as funny when others joke about it. Please don’t tease me with remarks like, “You don’t seem to know how to do it.” Don’t trivialize my struggle by saying, “I’d be glad to give you one of my kids.” It’s no comfort to hear empty reassurances like, “You’ll be a parent by this time next year.” Don’t minimize my feelings with, “You shouldn’t be so unhappy.” For now, don’t push me into uncomfortable situations like baby showers or family reunions. I already feel sad and guilty; please don’t also make me feel guilty for disappointing you.

    I need you to be honest with me. Let me know that you may need time to adjust to some of my decisions. I also needed adjustment time. If there are things you don’t understand, say so. Please be gentle when you guide me to be realistic about things I can’t change such as my age, some medical conditions, financial resources, and employment obligations. Don’t hide information about others’ pregnancies from me. Although such news makes me feel very sad, it feels worse when you leave me out.

    I need you to be informed. Your advice and suggestions are only frustrating to me me if they aren’t based on fact. Be well informed so you can educate others when they make remarks based on myths. Don’t let anyone tell you that my infertility will be cured if I relax and adopt. Don’t tell me this is God’s will. Don’t ask me to justify my need to parent. Don’t criticize my course of action or my choice of physician even though I may do that myself. Reassure yourself that I am also searching for plenty of information which helps me make more knowledgeable decisions about my options.

    I need you to be patient. Remember that working through infertility is a process. It takes time. There are no guarantees, no package deals, no complete kits, no one right answer, and no “quickie” choices. My needs change; my choices change. Yesterday I demanded privacy, but today I need you for strength. You have many feelings about infertility, and I do too. Please allow me to have anger, joy, sadness, and hope. Don’t minimize or evaluate my feelings. Just allow me to have them, and give me time.

    I need you to be strengthening by boosting my self esteem. My sense of worthlessness hampers my ability to take charge. My personal privacy has repeatedly been invaded. I’ve been subjected to postcoital exams, semen collection in waiting room bathrooms, and tests in rooms next to labor rooms. Enjoyable experiences with you such as a lunch date, a shopping trip, or a visit to a museum help me feel normal.

    Encourage me to maintain my sense of humor; guide me to find joys. Celebrate with me my successes, even ones as small as making it through a medical appointment without crying (which is hard). Remind me that I am more than an infertile person. Help me by sharing your strength.

    Eventually I will be beyond the struggle of infertility. I know my infertility will never completely go away because it will change my life. I won’t be able to return to the person I was before infertility, but I also will no longer be controlled by this struggle. I will leave the struggle behind me, and from that I will have improved my skills for empathy, patience, resilience, forgiveness, decision-making and self-assessment. I feel grateful that you are trying to ease my journey through this infertility struggle by giving me your understanding.

  270. says

    I’m a newlywed, and I’m actually in the opposite boat of you: I’m trying hard NOT to get pregnant, since I’m only 21 and have only been married for four months.

    It’s tough, letting that area of your life go completely to God. Whether you’re trying to get pregnant or trying hard NOT to get pregnant. I was talking about it with a friend the other day, and she reminded me that whether I got pregnant now or when the time came to try it didn’t happen as soon as I wanted, she told me that God wants the RIGHT child to come forth from my husband and I. You know what I mean? Everytime you and your husband come together, an opportunity to create a specific human being arises… a human being with specific traits and specific goals and desires. So though I may be telling God “I don’t want a kid right now!”, God may need the child my husband and I would produce right now to accomplish His will in the earth. And maybe for you, God needs the little human you & your husband will create next month, or in three months. Does that make sense? I hope none of this offends you! It’s just given me peace that when the time comes that I do get pregnant, expectedly or unexpectedly, I will rest in the fact that it was the child God purposed for me to have. <3

  271. says

    I follow your blog and this post took me back to 2009, 2010 and some of 2011. I understand the anger and sadness that you feel. I think only someone who has been there can truly know what it feels like. I wish you the best of luck and hope that it happens for you! It sounds like you are in a better place about it now. Whatever happens just know that you will be happy. It didn’t happen for my husband and me but I can honestly say that we are happier now than I ever thought possible.

  272. says

    Hi Kate! Thank you so much for sharing this very personal aspect of your life as I know your situation is something many women can relate to one way or another. I’m currently reading Jesus Calling and just yesterday the passage seemed to speak so strongly to your journey:

    “I AM WITH YOU AND FOR YOU. When you decide on a course of action that is in line with my will, nothing in Heaven or on earth can stop you. You may encounter many obstacles as you move toward your goal, but don’t be discouraged-never give up. With my help, you can overcome any obstacle. Do not expect an easy path as you journey hand in hand with me. But do remember that I, your very-present Helper, am omnipotent.

    Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come. One of the main ways I assert my sovereignty is in the timing of events. If you want to stay close to Me and do things My way. ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment. Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, let Me set the pace. Slow down, and enjoy the journey in My Presence.”

    Wishing you nothing but blessings and peace as you continue on this journey.

  273. says

    Thank you for being open and honest about your struggles. I felt the same way and remember also feeling anger and jealously over friends who tried for one month and were pregnant immediately. I feel it’s an unsung story of many women because it is something only women can experience. Best wishes to you and many prayers for this coming year!
    Denise

  274. says

    Kate,
    We spent over a year trying to get pregnant. We knew our road would be difficult as I have PCOS. Along the way we also found out that my tubes were almost completely blocked and that I had low progesterone. Our only path was IVF and we know of two amazing little boys. We plan to have one more and then donate our remaining embryos to a research facility studying Frontal Lobe Dementia, early onset ahlzheimers as it runs in my husbands family and he has a 50% chance of getting it. If he has it our unused embryos may end up giving their siblings a chance for a full life.

  275. says

    Kate, you have such a way with words. Though I don’t know what you are going through personally, I have been affected by infertility. After my parents had me, they were never able to get pregnant again. It was the most difficult time we went through as a family but it made us stronger. Though I wish I had brothers and sisters, my family is at peace with it. I read your blog daily and you are such an inspiration to all! I am glad you have found peace with it. What is meant to be, will be! Keep your head up, you are an amazing woman!!

  276. says

    Kate,
    What beauty you have shown in this post. It is beautiful to see someone come so such a deep place of communion, even in the midst of heartache and YET unanswered prayers. I pray this will be a year that God gives you and your husband the desire of your hearts. On a personal note, I struggled with unexplained infertility for 11/2 years. We did eventually seek medical help…and….had amazing, perfect, wonderful triplets in 2007. The biggest surprise…18 months later we had another baby:) A complete miracle for God as we obviously didn’t plan on 4 kids in 18 months, especially after the struggle to conceive. Oh how good God is in his timing. With hope and love, Megan

  277. says

    I know exactly what you are going through! It took us 18 months to get pregnant. I went through the whole mad with God faze because of it. I couldn’t understand why 16 year olds who didn’t want to get pregnant got pregnant on an “oops” night. I couldn’t understand why my sisters who just think about getting pregnant and then they are could get prego and not me. I just didn’t understand why God was doing this to me.

    God is always trying to teach me patience….in EVERY aspect of my life. This wasn’t an easy time to learn it. I fought with my husband a lot. In fact I even thought that maybe I wasn’t supposed to marry him because we weren’t getting pregnant.

    Now we have a healthy bouncing baby boy. Little did I know the reason why I needed to wait. Little did I know how awesome my baby was going to be. God knows us better than we do. Just stay positive and you will be amazed what you will be blessed with.

    **Just a little unsolicited advice…I got a hysterosalpingogram. They go in with dye to see if your fallopian tubes are open. This test also opens your tubes a little bit more than normal. My nurse said “We should do a study to see how many women get pregnant in the next 2 months after this test because everyone I know does.” Sure enough, I got pregnant two months later. Just a thought! GOOD LUCK!

  278. says

    kate,

    i read your blog everyday and i have grown leaps and bounds with my hairstyles because of you. i must say you hid your emotions very well during those dark times. i know exactly what it is like to be in your shoes. it took my husband and i 3 years to conceive. i remember the breakdowns 5 min after a pregnancy test and 5 min before people were to arrive at our house for dinner…thank goodness for good friends who understand. we ended up needing medical assistance for our first son (now 12) but guess who came 22 months later (no trying)…son #2. you will get thru this and you will be blessed with children. don’t miss out on the here and now.

  279. says

    I’m sorry to hear of your struggles. I got my IUD 2011, and am still waiting for a big fat positive. I got pregnant this past march, and found out I had miscarried the Friday before Mother’s Day, and had a d and c the day before my birthday. 2012 has definately been filled with struggles. I do have two boys already, but feel as though we have another one waiting to come, last Christmas my youngest, 2 1/2 at the time asked for a baby sister. They are adamant that there is a sister waiting to come to our family. It breaks my heart that I can’t grant them the wish of their hearts ( and me and my husbands). If I had not m/c I would have a beautiful baby to welcome in the new year, as well as a husband out of work. I have found peace with Gods timeline, I can see now how having a baby right now would be a struggle as well. Good luck in 2013! May The Lord bless you when the time is right.

  280. says

    I, too, have been in your shoes. My husband and I have been married almost 8 years, and have no children. We tried for just over 2 years with no luck. We came out on the other side of it a new couple because of God’s promise, His healing, and His peace. My marriage has never been stronger and I thank God for it. As hard as it was (and still sometimes is), I’ve come to a new place where I’m completely content with it just being my husband and I. I have plenty of “nieces” and “nephews” to love on, and for me, that is enough. It’s different for everyone, of course, and I don’t know where God is going to take you, but your words and perspective are such an encouragement. Thank you for sharing you heart with us.

  281. says

    Oh Kate,
    This post brought me to tears. Tears of happiness that you have found peace, and tears of remembering a time in my life when I had to find peace and put my trust in the Lord. My story is a little different, as I was able to get pregnant right away, but our beautiful girl was diagnosed with a birth defect and wouldn’t survive. I have a hard time putting into a small comment my story, but if you would like, I wrote about it on my blog. This link is the first post. http://brettandmarisha.blogspot.com/2011/02/our-little-angel.html Thank you for sharing this post, you are a strong woman, and you and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers. :) hugs
    Marisha

  282. says

    Oh, Kate. I am so, so sorry. As one who has been in your shoes, I know the ups and downs that go along with this struggle. I know how hard it is to share and how hard it is to wait. Thankful for a God that knows what the plan is even when we don’t.

    And of course everyone’s journey is different – the diagnosis, the treatments pursued, the outcomes… For us, after almost 8 years of marriage (almost 7 years of trying/medical intervention), we were blessed to adopt the most perfect little girl in the world.

    I know adoption isn’t for everyone. It’s no easier than subjecting your body to constant poking, prodding, tests and medications. And it comes with its own set of issues. But I am so glad this is what God had in mind for my future. It was nothing like I could have imagined. It sure isn’t easy, but it is better than anything I could have planned.

    Keep on worshiping while you’re waiting, sister. God will make your path clear in time, even if it’s not a comfortable amount of time, and I have no doubt you will be a fabulous mother when the time comes.

    Blessings.

  283. says

    Hard to write doesn’t begin to describe it. Thank you for your courage and strength. This post reminded me of where I’ve been and what I’ve overcome. I’ve been there – I’ve cried those tears – I’ve screamed at nothing and everything and with no explanation. I’ve been defeated and picked myself back up. And then I handed it all over – for my New Years resolution (a few years ago) I quit reading and I quit trying (not trying, but obsessing). Life is so much better now. I found peace and happiness in life. I thank God every day for the incredible blessings he’s given me – it brings me to grateful tears regularly. Your faith is profound. Keep hope alive but don’t forget to live right now. If nothing else I learned how much time I wasted waiting for something else – forgetting to enjoy the present. Thank you for refreshing my memory of the dark times so I can better appreciate my brighter days. God bless and I pray you live happily every day.

  284. says

    Hard to write doesn’t begin to describe it. Thank you for your courage and strength. This post reminded me of where I’ve been and what I’ve overcome. I’ve been there – I’ve cried those tears – I’ve screamed at nothing and everything and with no explanation. I’ve been defeated and picked myself back up. And then I handed it all over – for my New Years resolution (a few years ago) I quit reading and I quit trying (not trying, but obsessing). Life is so much better now. I found peace and happiness in life. I thank God every day for the incredible blessings he’s given me – it brings me to grateful tears regularly. Your faith is profound. Keep hope alive but don’t forget to live right now. If nothing else I learned how much time I wasted waiting for something else – forgetting to enjoy the present. Thank you for refreshing my memory of the dark times so I can better appreciate my brighter days. God bless and I pray you live happily every day.

  285. says

    Hard to write doesn’t begin to describe it. Thank you for your courage and strength. This post reminded me of where I’ve been and what I’ve overcome. I’ve been there – I’ve cried those tears – I’ve screamed at nothing and everything and with no explanation. I’ve been defeated and picked myself back up. And then I handed it all over – for my New Years resolution (a few years ago) I quit reading and I quit trying (not trying, but obsessing). Life is so much better now. I found peace and happiness in life. I thank God every day for the incredible blessings he’s given me – it brings me to grateful tears regularly. Your faith is profound. Keep hope alive but don’t forget to live right now. If nothing else I learned how much time I wasted waiting for something else – forgetting to enjoy the present. Thank you for refreshing my memory of the dark times so I can better appreciate my brighter days. God bless and I pray you live happily every day.

  286. says

    First, thank you for sharing. Very vulnerable, and not always easy, but a good way for your readers to get to know you. I got pregnant with my first son the FIRST time we tried. But between my daughter and our number 3 right now, it took 2 YEARS. You sound like you have a wonderfully healthy grasp on this, and we all handle things so differently. And every tear shed allowed you one step closer to God and the place you are at right now. How strong! Thanks for sharing.

  287. says

    Thank you for sharing. I’ve personally struggled with infertility issues for many years and it is incredibly hard to deal with.

    We tried for 7 1/2 years with many unanswered questions before God sent our daughter (finally after a few months assistance from a wonderful OB/gyn specializing in infertility in the Pinehurst, NC area). There were complications – but the Lord was with us every step of the way. In the months after her birth, I saw how God’s timing brought Grace to us at just the right time.

    When we decided to try for another child, I thought it would be much easier this time around. Surely God wouldn’t allow us to face this heartache all over again. I already had my testimony nailed down. My perspective was wrong.

    This time, a year of trying with help, medication, expensive medical procedures – all failed. I was consumed with this. After much prayer, we had to “go on a break”.

    I share all this with you to reaffirm what it sounds like you already know – God is in control and he has a plan.

    My family may be in it’s final number or it may be that God will open another window for adoption or even natural pregnancy. I will not know until God chooses to reveal His plan, and that has to be okay with me.

    I still have to pray for God’s peace about this – sometimes it hits me very hard, such as when a friend tells me their own good news.

    I applaud you for your courage in sharing your story.

  288. says

    I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I happened upon your blog about 6 months ago. I of course found it because of your awesome hair tutorials. I usually don’t continue to follow blogs once I’ve found the information I’m looking for. But yours was different. I felt a feeling that I should continue to follow yours. And even though this is the first time you’ve talked about this, and there’s been no particular evidence to suggest that you’ve been going through this struggle, for some reason I just had a feeling. And so I’ve kept reading, and have thoroughly ENJOYED reading and checking out the awesome things you share! But today, you’ve revealed the true reason why I needed to follow your blog. I recognized it in you long before you wrote this post…because I could see in your eyes a reflection of my own. I have ridden this very same roller coaster for a long time…and I am still on it. There are moments when it’s smooth sailing and peaceful, or that I even enjoy and LAUGH over the bumps…and other times that are very dark and scary. Unfortunately, I’ve just recently been through some of the extra dark stuff and am searching for the peaceful ground again. I just got brave enough to share it on my blog too, if you care to take a read: spencerandamy.blogspot.com
    I’m so thankful that you shared this with us! It’s easier to walk down this difficult path when you know there are others out there that have a similar journey too.

  289. says

    Thank you for sharing this very personal journey. I was told a couple months ago that my husband and I should start thinking more seriously about getting pregnant if we wanted children. I just broke down telling him what my OB said. No one ever tells you that you might struggle with getting pregnant some day. I am so thankful for my wonderful and supportive husband!

  290. says

    Kate- I’m a dedicated reader, and have never posted. But I just wanted to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so raw, so honest and so willing to share your story.

    I’ve struggled with pregnancy for the past 2.5 years as well… and have come to realize that I needed all the support I could get while struggling. The grief, the anxiety and the pain were so much greater than I could have ever imagined. The ignorance, the judgments and the misunderstandings of society happened to just increase the pain.

    I felt so relieved to be able to share my story (starting first on my blog… ;)). Not only to reach out to those who could and really wanted to support me in whatever way they could, but also to normalize the difficulties, struggles and heartbreak that lay within pregnancy.

    It can be so hard. Know that you are not alone, ever.. and thank you for reaching out to the world to save someone else’s day. So many people will read this and feel comforted because they were feeling so alone.

    I pray that you will soon and one day be blessed with a beautiful belly, and then a beautiful baby. There is no reason for this heartbreak, but I hope you can find peace and strength to continue to try for your dreams to come true. Be gentle with yourself though. Let the pain have a small place, and try not to fight against it… it only makes the anger worse, I found.

    To you. And your strength. <3

  291. says

    This is such a beautiful post. Thank you for the reminder to trust in Him in ALL things. I love it when I log on to read some blogs and unexpectedly find truth and light. What a great boost to my day. Thank you!

  292. says

    Oh Kate…I know EXACTLY how you feel. Oh I could write a book of all my thoughts, similar struggles, absolute meltdowns, quotes and comments from friends and fellow believers. We tried for a year and a half before starting tests in early 2012. By the summer we started the IVF journey. We are still working toward and praying for success, and I agree with so many comments above. My husband and I were just discussing the other day how we feel closer than ever to each other and to God. Thank you for sharing your story – you truly have blessed my day as well as many others. Thank you for your prayers too. Sending you hugs and many prayers from Colorado!

  293. says

    I understand this totally. We tried for 18 months, and my heart broke every single month. I assumed it would be easy too, and everyone else got pregnant so easily… I got sad every time I opened facebook, as someone else was was announcing their pregnancy.

    Then we went to a specialist, and they couldn’t find a single thing wrong, which was so bittersweet, because of course I was happy we were ok, but I just couldn’t understand WHY it wasn’t happening.

    Against everything the specialist said (I still don’t understand why he was so against it) I did ovulation testing, and found out that I didn’t ovulate until almost the end of my cycle – which is very rare… first month trying on this new schedule and we were preggo – I’m now just over 8 months pregnant!!! It’s so crazy! I don’t know if this story will help you at all, but I know that everyone was telling me be patient, and it will happen, and it ended up being a medical thing, and bad timing – even after ALL those months.

    Wish you luck and baby dust! :)

  294. says

    Wow this totally hits home. Ive have wanted to have another a baby for awhile now, we have a four year old daughter, but my spouse has not wanted another child. For so long I thought we would never have another baby then a couple months ago, He said that he would like to have another. I was so excited and over joyed. We are not necessarily “trying” but we are not preventing it. He is still wanting to take everything slow and if it happens it happens. Me on the other hand is getting so upset and frustrated that it is not happeneing now and he is not wanting to really put forth the effort to try. Last night I went to bed so angry and upset. I sat there thinking about how I want that baby so bad and how much a baby is a blessing to a family. Your post has truely hit home for me even though our situations are different. Like you said just trust in the lord and he will lead you on the path that he knows is right for you. I pray for you that you and your husband get pregnant this year and that you find peace and happiness in the process getting there. God Bless.

  295. says

    Thank you so much for sharing! This has to have been the hardest post to write, to feel so vulnerable and scared. Thank you for opening your heart to us. We are all rooting for you :)
    One of my best friends has been going through the exact same struggle through 2012. She was in so much emotional pain, that even getting on Facebook was too hard, because all of our other friends were talking about and posting pictures of their pregnancies. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and hardship, but you are right where God wants you. And, you’re not alone. Thank you for sharing with us, and we are all praying for you!

  296. says

    Kate, what a thoughtful post which undoubtedly was difficult to write. Your story is so similar to my own son and daughter in law’s story. They tried to conceive for about two years before seeking medical advice. It was determined that their chances to have a baby on their own were slim. They considered IVF, adoption, and simply waiting & continuing to try. Finally after much prayer, they decided upon embryo adoption. They went through a Christian adoption agency “Snowflakes Embryo Adoption” and were matched with a family who had embryos left from IVF that they did not want to destroy. To make a long journey short, two embryos were transferred into my daughter in law and now I’m the Grammie to two of the most precious, most loved babies ever! This may or may not be a road you end up taking, but I wanted to let you know about it, as one of your many options. Praying for you and your hubby. Big hugs to you!!

  297. says

    Sorry to hear about your experience! I’ll be praying for you guys as well! :) God is certainly an on time God and goes against all odds so keep your faith! :)

  298. says

    I wish I could give you a hug. As a wife, as a woman, this is such a tough thing to go through. I had secondary, unexplained infertility. My husband and I tried for 2 years and 11 months then decided to give up. I literally gave up, stopped all of the stressing, worrying, anger and focused on our little family. 3 weeks later I was pregnant with twins.
    I applaud you for your journey with God, your faith can take you places some people cannot imagine.
    You are in my prayers lovely!

  299. says

    Thanks for sharing your story…

    I was in your position from May of 2008 until November 2012. We tried on our own, saw a fertility specialist, had 2 failed IUI’s, was told that I may not have very many eggs left but am otherwise healthy (ie: unexplained infertility), took a break from seeing the RE in 2011, completely gave up 100% on ever having a child at the beginning of 2012 and had a BIG surprise in November 2012.

    After all this time I realized that back then when we were trying so hard and thought it was the right time, it just wasn’t. Apparently God had other plans for me, and until Nov 2012 I thought maybe those plans involved NOT ever becoming a mom. Right now I’m 14 weeks pregnant. I know it’s so frustrating and I will never forget the pain and loneliness during those years of infertility. I still want to punch people in the face when they say it happened because I finally relaxed. That is one of the most ridiculous things anyone can say to someone who is struggling with infertility or who finally becomes pregnant after years of trying. I truly believe that November 2012 was the perfect time that God had planned for me to become pregnant, even though I desperately wanted it to happen on MY timeline!

    Praying for you & your husband right now and I hope your dreams come true, in whatever way God has planned for you!

  300. says

    Kate,
    You are so brave and I am such an admirer of your outlook on the situation. I want children so badly with my husband but we’re just not in the right place to begin a family and I really struggle with not having patience. This post may just be exactly what I needed to read. We had some bad news today and I immediately began to think about how “our plan” will now be pushed back even further. But I know in the back of my mind that I need to let. it. go. because God is in control. He knows what is best for us. I’m working on grasping this so I can have some peace. Thank you for sharing your story. You are loved and I’m sending prayers your way.

  301. says

    I can see that you have received several comments on this authentic post. Thank you for being so genuine with your readers, sharing this part of your life. I’m sure others have said it way better than I, but we too have been trying for a little over a 2 years to conceive and after an initial miscarriage we still do not have a baby. It is so hard to stay hopeful and trust in the Lord’s plan, especially when blog land seems to be filled with women announcing new pregnancies everyday (it seems). Psalm 18:1 has been the verse that has carried me day to day for these 2 years, and as I keep you in my prayers, my prayer for you is Numbers 6:24-26. Thank you for sharing your journey and faith!

  302. says

    Kate. Ok. So I’m trying to NOT cry embarrassingly at work, where I read you every day. I’m so thankful for your grace and honesty. My husband and I have fought so hard to get the ball rolling on this thing, too. We’ve been trying to start trying for a year, meaning that at every turn, we’ve run into something that forces us to wait. I’m right now facing two endocrine disorders that keep surprising us and pushing us back. I have had my share of ugly days filled with anger, jealousy, depression, and self-loathing. Last night, while I was praying about the outcome of today’s blood work, it hit me: God already knows the outcome of my labs, my decisions, my life. What can I worry about? God has a plan for me and His will is perfect. I will keep you and Justin in my prayers.

  303. says

    Thank you for being so open and honest with your feelings. I wish I could just reach through the computer and give you a big hug. My husband and I experienced the same thing over a 9 year period, but the difference was we had one little boy already. I became ok with God only wanting us to have one and then out of the blue I ended up pregnant. It’s so true we just have to place our trust in a higher power since we don’t have all the answers down here. I learned so many things through that 9 year period of time and I’m sure I still don’t know all the answers. Thank you for this wonderful blog, I’ve learned so many things from you :)

  304. says

    Kate,

    Thank you so much for sharing such a personal and difficult struggle. I too struggle with infertility. We deal with male and female factor infertility. It is one of the most soul crushing things to go through. And also one of the hardest things to understand as a Christian.

    2012 was difficult for us as well as we did our last treatments and they were unsuccessful. We have now moved on to the path of adoption and know it’s where God wants us. But getting to that knowledge and peace is HARD.

    As I was thinking about how much 2012 sucked, I found this Billy Graham devotional about starting fresh in 2013. I hope it blesses you the way it has blessed me. http://billygraham.org/articlepage.asp?articleid=502

    Thank you most of all for putting a very real and personal face to the struggle with infertility. May God richly bless you as you continue in your journey to build your family. <3

  305. says

    Kate, thank you for sharing so open and honestly. I have no doubt that your discovery will be a comfort to many. Sending hopeful prayers to you and your husband!

  306. says

    Kate,

    Thank you so much for posting this. I always look at your blog, but something told me to specifically look today. Your words in the last part of your post struck me and I had tears in my eyes. I am not experiencing the same issues that you are, but am going through an unexplained illness going on two years now. I know that everything happens in God’s time, but there are times where we always question it. Your post brought me back home, and thank you for that. Your raw honesty is what I think a lot of us needed today for some reason. Sometimes we always look at other people’s lives and thing “Things are just so perfect for them”, but in actuality, they are struggling with something that we don’t even begin to know or understand. Prayers to you and your husband for strength!

  307. says

    prayers for you today. my husband and i struggled to get pregnant for over a year, until I found out I had PCOS. We used fertility drugs to get pregnant w/ our daughter. and now the second time around God blessed us naturally with our son. You’re right no matter how God has your family designed it’s in HIS plan. This can be such a tough road to walk down, and know that all your feelings are so normal and understandable. Just keep believing and being faithful as you are. God is in it, he’s faithful to us when we’re faithful to him. Blessings for you today kate!

  308. says

    Although I have children of my own, this made me cry. I love women who can share their struggles as well as their triumphs. It shows you are strong and trust in the Lord with everything you have.
    Giving EVERYTHING to him is something we all struggle with daily.

    Praying for you sister.

    Vera

  309. says

    Oh Kate, I am so very sorry to hear this. My heart just aches for you and everyone else that struggles with this. I can relate to trusting in His timing–I’m still single and waiting on the Lord to send me a husband :-) I long to be a mother one day as well–all in His timing! It can be very frustrating at times, but like you–I just want His will.

    I will pray for you, sweet girl. Praying the Lord holds you tight and gives you guidance and direction during this time.

  310. says

    Hugs to you and remember that what you are or will feel is right for you. No right or wrong…For us, after trying for 10 years to get pg, many procedures, drugs, surgeries, we decided to adopt. Thru open adoption, we now have 2 daughters, 24 and 20 years old. Have kept in touch with both birth families. Weird at first but ended up being wonderful relationships and extended families. Our want and need was to raise children, have a family. Do I wish I couldve had bio kids? Sure. But, it wasn’t meant to be (so cliche). But our “goal” was to have children. Definately met that goal!! And I am thankful every day for what was put on our “plate”. If you ever need advice, info or personal experience about adopting, Id love to “talk”. Also, Im a really good listener! And for me talking to everyone about what we were going thru helped. (they probably got pretty tired of it but…)So keep on talking, we are listening. We don’t know you but you feel like a sister to us, and we are here to listen and support you. More hugs….

  311. says

    Hi, Kate! I enjoy your blog! :) Many of your words and feelings resonate with me. I have a beautiful almost-2-year-old son, Ezra, but I had a miscarriage a year before having him and I had another this past November. I’ve been angry, confused, frustrated, hurt, scared, sad, hopeful, joyful, excited, nervous and many more emotions over the last 3+ years of my struggles. Like you, I’ve learned so much about myself and about God and come to rest in a peace that truly passes all understanding. I could write a book here, but I’ll just say that you are not alone in your feelings and experiences and I will be praying for you and Justin. May God bless you in 2013! Lindsay

  312. says

    Thank you so much for exposing your heart in this post. It truly touched me. My husband and I have been trying so hard to get pregnant for about four years now. It has taken that long for me to accept that I can love God just the same with or without a child. The peace that came with giving over the struggle is amazing. We are exploring adoption via foster care and not giving up the dream of having our own child naturally, but yet we know that God is enough any way it goes. Thank you again for sharing. I’ll add you to my prayers!

  313. says

    Kate, thank you for sharing – it has been such an encouragement! My husband & I had to make the heart wrenching decision to not have children 2 years ago. I have a heart condition which means pregnancy would put my life, and that of the baby, at great risk. It was the simplest and most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make. At the time I went through the same anger and jealousy you describe. But recently I have know a great peace from God – I know it is not by any strength of my own – but I just know this is right for me. A part of God’s great plan for myself & my husband. Even though it is really tough at times to see others with their children and know what I will be missing out on. Sometimes the sadness creeps up on me when I least expect it and overwhelms me. But I know God loves me and is closest to me in these times of need. He has given me a great many other things to praise Him for…my joy and contentment must be in Him, not in my circumstances.
    So, amongst the amazing stories of women who have struggled and then been blessed with what they desire, let me assure you, there can be as much joy and blessing when God says ‘No, that is not my plan for you’ because He has something greater in mind.
    I will be praying for you and the wonderfully uncertain future :-)

  314. says

    Oh my heart! Let me just preface this and say I have been ‘there.’ By God’s grace I’m 23 weeks pregnant now, but I’ve been to this very place and it’s hard to get back from. Even when you think you’re on the other side of hurting, it’s always something. Your heart is in the right place and I think in time you’ll be so glad you didn’t let this wreck the person you are. I did in some ways and like I said, it’s hard to come back from even after God answers our cries. Praying for you!

  315. says

    Kate I’ve been there. It took me 4 years exactly to get pregnant. It’s probably the hardest thing Ive ever been through. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  316. says

    Kate,
    I’ve visited your blog in the past for wonderful hair advice ;) … but I never imagined I’d read about infertility here. Like some previous commenters, my husband and I have experienced secondary infertility. A lot of people think, “Well, at least you have one child…” I’ll admit, I would have thought the same thing myself. But, it’s an awfully painful journey; whenever our plans don’t go the way we imagined, it hurts. Terribly. We started trying for a second baby almost 3 years ago. Our journey has also been complicated by my husband’s battle with brain cancer. Despite my faith in the Lord’s perfect timing, my 2012 was a lot like yours. I just want to share a quick little “nugget” of hope with you that dropped in my lap just this week. My husband and I finally broke down and had an initial consultation at a fertility center. After we met with the specialist, he introduced us to his nurse. As the nurse and I shook hands, we said to each other, “How do I know you?” Would you believe: She was the delivery nurse who held my hand as my son was born nearly 5 years ago! I will not pretend to know the end of my journey, but our serendipitous meeting felt almost like God was reaching down and saying, “I’m going to hold your hand through this, too.”
    He’s holding yours even now.
    I pray that you’d continue to feel His peace – it truly passes understanding.
    Blessings,
    Trish
    P.S. A few blogs I’ve written on the subject if you have time to read. You’re not alone. xo
    http://cherrysocks.wordpress.com/2012/12/21/diagnosis-the-i-word/
    http://cherrysocks.wordpress.com/2012/10/15/what-not-to-say-vs-what-to-say/
    http://cherrysocks.wordpress.com/2012/09/17/desire/
    http://cherrysocks.wordpress.com/2012/06/20/when-it-doesnt-come-easy/

  317. says

    Thank you for sharing your heart and your faith. I needed to read this not because I am struggling w/ infertility (although I have been there and know how difficult if is) but because I am filled w/ so many questions that seem to go unanswered. My husband’s current job has him traveling at least 3 weeks a month. This leaves me at home raising 3 children by myself. I am not sure when this valley will pass but I know my Lord loves me and that he works ALL things together for good to those who love the Lord. Praying for you Kate!

  318. says

    This brought me to tears! Thank you for the reminder to trust in God. My husband and i are not tryung to get pregnant but we know couples that have gone through hardships trying. As a women i can only imagine the sadness i would have and am so thankful women like you share your stories. It helps as women of faith to have a others who are open to show we all go through trials…and we all have times when we let our emotions cover Gods hand. Thank you.

  319. says

    Dear Kate – I can so relate. My husband and I gave up trying after 5 years, admiting that it just wasn’t in God’s plan. Many years later, after my mother passed away when I was 43, we came to realize that we did not want to go through life without a child. So at the ripe old age of 45 we adopted a newborn, who is now 7 and the light of our lives. Although we felt abandoned by God back in the dark days we tried desparately to hold on to our belief in him, but it was a fine line to walk. Silly us, we were not walking alone, but couldn’t see that in our anguish. Just know that God is with you – - he will show you his plan in his own time. I love the saying, “Make God laugh by telling him your plans”. Hold fast – and make the most of this time that it’s just the two of you!!

  320. says

    Kate, Thank you for sharing your story. I have been following your blog since earlier this year, you are such an inspiration to me. We’ve never met, but you were the one who gave ME the strength to start my own blog about infertility! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost two years now, so I can relate to all the emotions you have felt. It can be a very lonely road some days. I will pray for you and your husband, I am hopeful that 2013 will be a fresh start and wonderful year for all ladies TTC.

  321. says

    Girl, I know how you feel. We’ve been trying for 18 months and every month I get so bummed when my period arrives. I’ll definitely be praying for you guys as we walk this journey!

  322. says

    Thank you for writing this. I know exactly how you feel/felt. When trying to get pregnant with my 1st (after a miscarriage), it seemed to take forever. Every month I was disappointed that it didn’t happen. It seemed like everyone around me was having a baby or getting pregnant. It did happen eventally, I just had to learn to wait (which is not easy for me). I think this was God’s lesson for me. . . Wait and you will recieve.
    I am sure you will have children when the time is right. Hang in there, and thank you for your blog!

  323. says

    Thank you for writing this, and for being so honest. I’m so sorry you and your husband are dealing with this anxious feeling but I’m happy you’ve found peace in the struggle and remain hopeful and positive regardless of the outcome, or next direction for your goal.

    I’m not yet ready for children, but I know my time is limited. I think reading stuff like this is important for all of us as women, to know we aren’t alone, and that it doesn’t always happen right way.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know all will be right, when the time is right.

  324. says

    Thank you for your honesty. You are such a special person to thousands of women who feel like they know you! I am currently struggling to deal with the loneliness of being single. I’m in my thirties and have never been in a serious relationship. I’ve tried and tried to trust Him in this but the sorrow is overwhelming.

  325. says

    Micah 7:7

    “But as for me, I watch in HOPE for the Lord, I WAIT for God my Savior; MY GOD WILL HEAR ME.”

    what a blessed peace it is to know that our God hears our cry.

    Habakkuk 1:5

    “Look among the Nations. Observe! Be astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in YOUR days-you would not believe if you were told.”

  326. says

    Kate,
    Thanks for this post. It was an answer to my own prayers. We are struggling to know whether my husband should re-enlist with the Air Force and face multiple deployments that will take him away from our little family, or if we should separate from the Air Force and be civilian again and face possible employment fears in this economy. Lots of uncertainty and annoyance that we don’t know yet. But thanks for your reminder. Heavenly Father has a plan for us all.
    Life is about the journey, right? xoxo

  327. says

    Hi Kate.

    I know exactly how you feel. For Christmas 2011, my present to my husband was to start trying for a baby. Every month would go by, and that stick was always negative. I would feel like such a failure every time it was negative. Time went by, and friends of mine began getting pregnant. (eventually 9 of us in one hospital department were pregnant at the same time). I would be so happy for them, but I would go home and cry. I got so stressed out about it, that I am sure it didn’t help my cause. I finally stopped thinking about it, and just “went with it”. I am a super laid back person, so I didn’t let the negative tests overcome me anymore. I also tried a new type of lubricant called PreSeed, and after using that for a month, I finally got pregnant a year later. I know that you are probably tired of seeing comments that have a happy ending, but I believe that you will get your happy ending sooon enough. Try not to stress about it, and maybe try that lube… It worked for me, and I was not supposed to get pregnant due to scar tissue that has built up in my uterus.

    I hope 2013 turns out to be the best year for you, and that you get your happy ending.

  328. says

    I’m sure you know by now that you are not alone in your fight. I was introduced to the blogosphere over 4 years ago by way of infertility. I have now expanded my blog reading, but there is a whole infertility community! Thankfully I was diagnosed with my infertility pre-marriage due to some symptoms with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and never went through the year of trying naturally. However, I did go through 8 months of treatment to conceive my oldest, now 3. And additional treatment for my second.

    I have a handful of friends who have since gone through infertility treatment; some have kids yet, others don’t, but I can tell you a few things: You may not see it now, but you will end up cherishing your journey. The experiences you have, the people you meet, and ultimately overcoming your battle with infertility-however that may be, will change you. It changed me for the better, it has made me a better parent then I ever could have imagined. And that is of course, not to say that only people who experience infertility are good/better parents, it just means that you have a special appreciation that only those who go through a similar experience can appreciate. And that experience will reach into every day, every situation, of your life. Not a day goes by that I don’t stop and think about my journey, my doctor, and the children I do have-I thank G-d every day for the journey I went on, because it made me who I am.

    I hope you come up with a plan, and find peace in that plan. I, of course, recommend skipping an OB/GYN and heading straight to a reproductive endocrinologist, but do what you feel is best.

    This can be a beautiful journey…

    please visit me at myroseamongthorns.blogspot.com

    Just like I mentioned above, the rose is the beauty within the infertility journey, the thorns are the obvious hardships- the scary, the painful…but one rose, among many thorns is beautiful! I hope you’ll stop by, and I sincerely hope you’ll share your journey with us.

  329. says

    I’ve walked on that same path and know the rollercoaster ride you’ve described very well… that journey and others has shaped who I am and has caused me to be more sensitive to others, and to VERY MUCH appreciate every moment that I have with my now 12 and 10 year old kids! (Praise God!) We suffered secondary infertility as well, which was also hard because I was convinced if I had two I should be able to have more (sounds greedy when I type it that way, but I really just felt I still have more love to give!) But I know and trust that God still has a plan for me that just might include loving someone elses children, or maybe some day my grandchildren. At this stage of my life, your blog struck me in a whole different way. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 12 years, and today I’m starting a new journey and actively looking for a job. It’s scary, and uncertain… but your words reminded me that what I do not know, GOD DOES! Thank you so much for sharing! I’ll be praying for you!

  330. says

    I am 27 and myy husband and i have been going through the same struggle. We started trying in feb with no luck. We r starting the journey to figure out why and it looks like i have pcos :(. We meet with the doc at the end of the month to discuss options. Im discouraged but hopeful. I will send good thoughts your way!

  331. says

    Kate,
    Though my husband and I are not yet trying to start a family, it has been on my mind more this past year as 2 of my sisters have been/are pregnant and the worries when we do start and the jealousy I have faced and struggled with this year. The assurance that God is in control of all of our paths and how we respond to Him in those times that are difficult is when we draw closer to Him. And He uses those things to create a better relationship with us. Its easy to be in God when life is easy but its those times of struggle that we are truly in His presence and read to be used for His Glory.
    Your post is a great testimony to your faith in God and how you are resting in that faith.
    Thank you for sharing and being transparent,
    Cathryn

  332. says

    Kate: I’m moved to tears. You deserve the same happiness and joy that you bring to all of us through your blog. I’m totally rooting for you and will keep you and your husband in my prayers. I hope it brightens your day to know that in humid south Louisiana, there is a girl having an awesome hair day because of you, and just for that, she wishes you nothing but the best.

  333. says

    Thank you so much for your courage Kate. Remembering that not ours, but His will be done is something that I struggle with daily, but your words have reminded and refreshed that in me.
    I am praying for you friend.

  334. says

    Kate,
    Thanks for your honesty. I will be praying for you and your husband. It’s a hard thing to wait with open heart and arms for a baby. My husband and I have been through years of infertility treatments to have our two little blessings. We have two girls that are truly gifts from God. Each and every baby is a miracle, but when you’ve waited and trusted God for His timing it made finally holding my baby girl a truly humbling experience. I’m praying many blessings for you and your husband.

  335. says

    This is such a beautiful reminder that the Lord is in charge and does have a plan for our lives, even though it may not yet be apparent! I’ve struggled with many of the same emotions that you have but for a different reason. Thank you for sharing this message, I needed to hear this today. I pray that God will bless you!!

  336. says

    Kate, it is so ironic that you posted this on your blog today! I just so happened to read it while I was sitting at the doctor’s office this morning waiting to get test results back to determine whether or not I have PCOS. It turns out I do, and I will be starting Clomid next month in hopes that it will help us conceive. My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant since July with no luck. I know exactly what you are going through right now. Thank-you so much for sharing your story. I wish I was brave enough to share my story on my own blog! I have a feeling that 2013 will be a good year for both of us! Sending baby dust your way!

  337. says

    I have been there, too, and after about 10 years did conceive a daughter (when I had completely let go and wasn’t expecting it…and it wasn’t even the best time for it). I always believed God had a plan, but it took YEARS for the feelings you’ve described here to melt away. You’re doing the right thing in trusting God. Not sure what you’ve done or plan to do for treatment, but I can share my experience and what I learned with you if you’d like. Thanks for the great post!

  338. says

    Kate,
    You and your blog are my favorite and I want you to know how many lives you touch daily! Thank you, and best wishes on your sweet future, what is meant to be will be!

  339. says

    Kate- I read your blog every day and as weird as it sounds, I feel like I know you…and this post brought me to tears. You are so brave in your ability to share this story with others but it is such a beautiful testament to what it means to have faith and tristin God’s plan. I too have been struggling to get pregnant for about a year and to be honest, wasn’t in a good place with my faith when we started. I have never been super challenged when trying to get something I want, so why would this have been different. WRONG….I have two friends who are both due in May and both got pregnant on the first try- I can’t help but be jealous. But this process has helped me renew my faith and I have started going to church again. My mantra, like yours, is to Let go and let God. I have learned his plan is special and designed just for me, and I am thankful for that. I will be praying for you and your future family. Bless you!

  340. says

    There are a couple blogs I check daily and yours is one of them – I sync with your style and humor but now I feel connected in your struggle. While mine is secondary infertility – all fertility struggles are so hard. But miracles happen, babies happen. Some just take longer to get here. Not sure if you’ve seen this blog, but I love this post and thought I’d pass it along: http://www.natthefatrat.com/2012/04/on-letting-it-happen.html

  341. says

    I feel your pain and sorrow. My husband and I have been trying since December 2011. We’ve finally decided that maybe it isn’t our time, or maybe we aren’t ever supposed to have children of our own. We’re now looking into other options. It’s hard when you can’t get pregnant but it feels like everyone around you is.

  342. says

    I think it is very admirable that you are willing to share something so personal on the blog, and I’m sure there are readers that this post will inspire and help, knowing that someone else is going through the same thing. I don’t know personally what you are going through, but I have family members that are experiencing something similar. Breakdowns are normal. We have a wonderful God!
    thehartungs.blogspot.ca

  343. says

    I haven’t been following your blog for very long, but I wanted to let you know I will pray for you! I can’t even imagine what you are going through, but God knows exactly what you’re going through and he will always be there.
    If you haven’t read it yet, I would recommend ‘Taking Charge of Your Fertility’. It was a life changing book for me. I had no idea there was so much going on with my body! And I was amazed at how in tune with my body I felt after learning to read the signs my own body was giving me regarding different stages of my cycles.

  344. says

    Kate – I always enjoy your posts and blogs, but today hit a particularly deep area for a lot of us. My struggle was not with infertility but with miscarriage. After having 1 son a month before I turned 29, I knew I wanted more children – 3 years apart in age. I had it all planned out (I’m a planner!). When Andrew was 2½ my husband and I began trying again; I ended up pregnant twice but both ended in miscarriage. With the 1st miscarriage people are sympathetic. With the 2nd, they don’t know what to say. My husband wanted to quit trying (he was worried about me). A well-meaning elderly lady at church said “Well I guess God only intended for you to have 1 child.” I replied “No, I believe God will bless us with more!” After seeing a specialist at Duke (GO BLUE DEVILS!) I had surgery on my uterus. The doctor told me that it was near impossible that I was able to go to full term with my 1st baby, as the condition of my uterus was congenital! If I had not gone through this, I would have not realized my 1st son was a real miracle!!! Needless to say, my 2nd baby boy is now 10 years old (my oldest is 15) and my 2 boys are sweet, funny, God-serving, Christian young men! Except they like UNC!;) And to think if I had not gone through that experience, I would have not known the extent of God’s love, mercy, and perfect timing! My theme for 2013 is TRUST! My life verse since I was 20 is Psalm 27:14 “Wait on the Lord; be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord.” You’re in my prayers, Kate!